Humiliation, degradation and all that hurts

[BadAmy]

Howdy! It's me, again. with a thought provoking thread. I don't know if it has been explored here, but perhaps it would be a nice addition.

What makes this such a yummy thing for you?
Humiliation &
Degradation


Fara and I were discussing it previously, and she feels this is definitely a BDSM thing, but could it exist outside that dynamic?
Is it more than just a fetish? is it even a fetish?

I love both, personally. Being made to endure things. How far can it be taken with me, would I crack? I like the challenge of seeing just how mean and cruel he can be with me. (he's a sweety, tho)
of course it must be consensual. That's a given.


what say you?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think degradation and humiliation can both absolutely be part of a BDSM dynamic, but also not. Some could see it a kinky fetish and others as an element of their power exchange. It’s all good.

I personally get really turned on with degradation, although it’s not my favorite thing. (I’m a pleaser and service sub, primarily.) It is different than humiliation…which is definitely not my thing. I think I’d even say humiliation may be a soft limit for me.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I can answer this as a male submissive: It is knowing that SHE is more powerful and superior to me, and that I am lucky to have her as Her submissive. It is a part of the power dynamic, I guess. I love the fact that she is stronger, I guess. Small penis humiliation and cuckolding fantasies turn me on, to the point where I oddly get more satisfaction in simply being allowed to be naked in her presence than I would having vanilla sex with her, and being allowed the pleasure of orgasm in front of her is ten times more powerful this way.
I guess in a way, it is what gets me into that sub space which is what I crave. It does have to be done in the right way, in the right setting though.
There are certain limits as to pain tolerance, though enduring spankings and floggings for her, to please her, is part of the turn on, even though my pain tolerance is low.

There is kink-related humiliation and degradation, and there is abuse. Understanding the difference is the key.

Someone who spends all of your money faster than you can earn it, who isloates you from your family, hobbies, friends and job, does not respect your limits or your safe words, and basically destroys your life... that is abuse. Engaging in a scene where she mocks your small dick, ties you up and flogs you but you both have an understanding and a safe word, calls you degrading names within the context of the scene, or even if you engage in more extreme play (toilet games, forced bisex scenes, etc) with consent, that can work as a powerful erotic D/s humiliation kink and not be abuse.

 

[SmokeInMyEyes]

A certain level of humiliation and degradation is always implied in my submissive relationship with my wife. It's all part of the game we play in our private life, and I'm fine with that because it turns me on.

My wife knows I also have a huge phobia when it comes to public humiliation. Although she herself would never directly submit me to something like that, she is also aware that I find the fear of public humiliation far more exhilarating than what I get from the simple bedroom games we play in a controlled environment. As a result, she works the boundaries of our mutual trust, often placing me in situations where one false step on my part will result in me - not her - becoming the agent of my own undoing.

I compare it to walking a tight rope without a net for the first time. It's a feeling of immense awareness each time I take that first step. It can be something simple like worrying about a visible panty line or being told to put on tight jeans after I've been locked in chastity. I can't begin to imagine the humiliation of being acknowledged publicly in times like that, but a crazy piece of me exists which would really like to experience it!

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I've never experienced any of this, but a member told me about a time when her wrists were tied to a hook in the ceilng. She was naked, and spanked in front of her husband's friend. She said she came so hard she dripped all over the floor.

At first I was a bit shocked, but over time it's actually become a fantasy for me. I cant even figure out why, but it's and interesting topic for sure.

 

[Wonderer67]

I dunno why I like being submissive overall, but I do like both humiliation and degradation.

There is something about being on my knees in front of if my dominant wife and sucking her strap-on, taking it in the ass, being pissed on by her that turns me on so much. I like it when she feminizes me and makes me where panties, garters and lingerie and takes me forcefully. I like it when she cages my cock and controls my orgasms. I like it when she masturbates in my face with her gspot vibrator and squirts all over my face.

There’s just something I love about submitting - which to me includes humiliation. A lot of these acts I’ve described were something that I never in a million years thought I would have enjoyed (especially being pissed on), but it’s been a fun journey of walking down the road of humiliation.

Even when I was a kid, I got turned on when on a tv show or movie someone got kidnapped and tied up or someone was bound in an impossible situation. Now I am able to get that same level and feel with my wife. Not as often as I’d like but it’s fun exploring those fantasies.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I’m glad this is here. Will get less traffic than the PG, but more thoughtful answers. Following.

Pretty sure , to almost positive it was in the fetish and sexuality threads , the original OP knew better then to put it in the PG , that wouldn’t have make a lick of sense to put it there.

 

[BadAmy]

I’m glad this is here. Will get less traffic than the PG, but more thoughtful answers. Following.

it wasn't in the PG.
it was in the Fetish & Sexuality section.


Hi Fara

 

[cookiecat]

I asked this before but I can't remember: what is the difference between degradation and humiliation?

Just searched it: humiliation is meant to injure a person's dignity and self respect, to embarrass someone.

Degradation is about lowering value or social position. Degradation wears someone down, the intent is to break someone down.

Is humiliation about the feeling and degradation about the act?

ToPleaseHim - you mention humiliation is a soft limit but degradation is not. What is the difference between the two, for you??

I love/hate to be put in to situations where I feel ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated. Facing a fear or pushed out of comfort zone. Like SmokeInMyEyes describes. But I'm not sure I want to be made fun of. Laughed at. Smoke mentions his undoing would be at his own hands, not hers. I relate to this. It's not overt.

It doesn't even have to be sexual. I talk a good game about being organized and put together to the outside world. Being asked to open my purse or my closet or glove compartment can send me in to a panic. My husband would randomly use this knowledge to his advantage. And, I guess, to mine -- it would generally result in a spanking, begging forgiveness, great sex.

The thing is, within a trusted D/s relationship, I do appreciate being "put in my place." Is that degrading?? I want to feel smaller or lower than him. In a good way, though. It gets confusing. In the way I want him to. Am I topping from the bottom here?

He can cum on the floor and push my face in to it as he tells me he's allowing me to taste it, lick it up and I should be grateful for this. I hate it! But man, this gets me wet. And it puts me in this headspace where I feel like the good girl has been pushed out of me. I've been given permission to be a dirty whore.

Thoughtful topic.

 

[BadAmy]

OOOOOH All these beautiful people contributing
thank you so much!
I am unpacking your thoughts, I love your descriptions, and engagement!
reading...digesting, be back asap keep on going!

I think degradation and humiliation can both absolutely be part of a BDSM dynamic, but also not. Some could see it a kinky fetish and others as an element of their power exchange. It’s all good.

I personally get really turned on with degradation, although it’s not my favorite thing. (I’m a pleaser and service sub, primarily.) It is different than humiliation…which is definitely not my thing. I think I’d even say humiliation may be a soft limit for me.

I can answer this as a male submissive: It is knowing that SHE is more powerful and superior to me, and that I am lucky to have her as Her submissive. It is a part of the power dynamic, I guess. I love the fact that she is stronger, I guess. Small penis humiliation and cuckolding fantasies turn me on, to the point where I oddly get more satisfaction in simply being allowed to be naked in her presence than I would having vanilla sex with her, and being allowed the pleasure of orgasm in front of her is ten times more powerful this way.
I guess in a way, it is what gets me into that sub space which is what I crave. It does have to be done in the right way, in the right setting though.
There are certain limits as to pain tolerance, though enduring spankings and floggings for her, to please her, is part of the turn on, even though my pain tolerance is low.

There is kink-related humiliation and degradation, and there is abuse. Understanding the difference is the key.

Someone who spends all of your money faster than you can earn it, who isloates you from your family, hobbies, friends and job, does not respect your limits or your safe words, and basically destroys your life... that is abuse. Engaging in a scene where she mocks your small dick, ties you up and flogs you but you both have an understanding and a safe word, calls you degrading names within the context of the scene, or even if you engage in more extreme play (toilet games, forced bisex scenes, etc) with consent, that can work as a powerful erotic D/s humiliation kink and not be abuse.

A certain level of humiliation and degradation is always implied in my submissive relationship with my wife. It's all part of the game we play in our private life, and I'm fine with that because it turns me on.

My wife knows I also have a huge phobia when it comes to public humiliation. Although she herself would never directly submit me to something like that, she is also aware that I find the fear of public humiliation far more exhilarating than what I get from the simple bedroom games we play in a controlled environment. As a result, she works the boundaries of our mutual trust, often placing me in situations where one false step on my part will result in me - not her - becoming the agent of my own undoing.

I compare it to walking a tight rope without a net for the first time. It's a feeling of immense awareness each time I take that first step. It can be something simple like worrying about a visible panty line or being told to put on tight jeans after I've been locked in chastity. I can't begin to imagine the humiliation of being acknowledged publicly in times like that, but a crazy piece of me exists which would really like to experience it!

I've never experienced any of this, but a member told me about a time when her wrists were tied to a hook in the ceilng. She was naked, and spanked in front of her husband's friend. She said she came so hard she dripped all over the floor.

At first I was a bit shocked, but over time it's actually become a fantasy for me. I cant even figure out why, but it's and interesting topic for sure.

I dunno why I like being submissive overall, but I do like both humiliation and degradation.

There is something about being on my knees in front of if my dominant wife and sucking her strap-on, taking it in the ass, being pissed on by her that turns me on so much. I like it when she feminizes me and makes me where panties, garters and lingerie and takes me forcefully. I like it when she cages my cock and controls my orgasms. I like it when she masturbates in my face with her gspot vibrator and squirts all over my face.

There’s just something I love about submitting - which to me includes humiliation. A lot of these acts I’ve described were something that I never in a million years thought I would have enjoyed (especially being pissed on), but it’s been a fun journey of walking down the road of humiliation.

Even when I was a kid, I got turned on when on a tv show or movie someone got kidnapped and tied up or someone was bound in an impossible situation. Now I am able to get that same level and feel with my wife. Not as often as I’d like but it’s fun exploring those fantasies.

I asked this before but I can't remember: what is the difference between degradation and humiliation?

Just searched it: humiliation is meant to injure a person's dignity and self respect, to embarrass someone.

Degradation is about lowering value or social position. Degradation wears someone down, the intent is to break someone down.

Is humiliation about the feeling and degradation about the act?

ToPleaseHim - you mention humiliation is a soft limit but degradation is not. What is the difference between the two, for you??

I love/hate to be put in to situations where I feel ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated. Facing a fear or pushed out of comfort zone. Like SmokeInMyEyes describes. But I'm not sure I want to be made fun of. Laughed at. Smoke mentions his undoing would be at his own hands, not hers. I relate to this. It's not overt.

It doesn't even have to be sexual. I talk a good game about being organized and put together to the outside world. Being asked to open my purse or my closet or glove compartment can send me in to a panic. My husband would randomly use this knowledge to his advantage. And, I guess, to mine -- it would generally result in a spanking, begging forgiveness, great sex.

The thing is, within a trusted D/s relationship, I do appreciate being "put in my place." Is that degrading?? I want to feel smaller or lower than him. In a good way, though. It gets confusing. In the way I want him to. Am I topping from the bottom here?

He can cum on the floor and push my face in to it as he tells me he's allowing me to taste it, lick it up and I should be grateful for this. I hate it! But man, this gets me wet. And it puts me in this headspace where I feel like the good girl has been pushed out of me. I've been given permission to be a dirty whore.

Thoughtful topic.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Hot and very not hot are awfully close in this area.
If you go in on the deep end with this, I think you need to understand each other well and still be prepared to have it blow up in your face with the need to put in some work in getting the relationship/yourself back in shape.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I asked this before but I can't remember: what is the difference between degradation and humiliation?

Just searched it: humiliation is meant to injure a person's dignity and self respect, to embarrass someone.

Degradation is about lowering value or social position. Degradation wears someone down, the intent is to break someone down.

Is humiliation about the feeling and degradation about the act?

ToPleaseHim - you mention humiliation is a soft limit but degradation is not. What is the difference between the two, for you??

I think for me this does boil down to the difference between the feeling and the act. My submission is very specific - I am a service sub, a pleaser, a punishment avoider, a very good girl if you will. My interpretation of humiliation is that it is about who I am as a person and I'm not sure how easily I could recover from anything negative in that respect. Being ordered to do degrading acts is not the same to me. I do like reading everyone's interpretation of these terms. This is a great topic.

 

[Rodh]

Humiliate and Degrade

My wife doesn’t want me to say anything to her during sex, but other guys are encouraged by her.

 

[BadAmy]

I am a masochist to my core and love physical pain, but find mental pain such a turn on.
Agreed. There has to be absolute consent and pre-play conversation so the limits are clear...with the safeword. But I honestly don't know how I would react to being degraded to the level I want. I've gone pretty far. Being unworthy, worthless, etc. It's a need at times to be brought low. I feel it's hard to articulate that sometimes, for fear I may ask for something and not get it because He doesn't feel it's ok to be so mean...or...I do get it and can't handle it. It's situational, for certain.
But the God's honest truth... Fuck me and tell me how much tighter your ex girlfriend is.

That kind of thing.

Then there is the name calling.
Cunt...meh.
Pig...unless cum sleeve? Yes please. The crueler the better.
I hear that and I explode.
Wtf is wrong with me?

 

[Fingerfuxs]

My wife doesn’t want me to say anything to her during sex, but other guys are encouraged by her.

You should talk back to:her , call her a cum dumpster

 

[bicuriohub]

Just recently I’ve become more enamored by humiliation,specifically for my penis size. It started after chatting with a woman on lit chat that wanted a picture,I sent one thinking she’d be enticed but instead she basically laughed at my size. I’ve known for awhile that it isn’t big especially being a very large guy it’s especially tiny.
Hearing dominant women mostly tease and taunt me gets me so arroused. I’m confident in the knowledge I’m so small and love that aspect of being told that. I’m submissive in nature and it goes along with it. My wife is,what I describe as,too nice to tell me I’m so small and inferior but I love the notion that I’m inadequate. It makes me work harder in bed too.
Waiting for dominant women or a man who’d cuck me to humiliate me is such an amazing feeling.

 

[BadAmy]

Why does anything have to be wrong with you?
Do you not like it, or do you feel ashamed liking it?

Lol perhaps I meant that differently. I do like it, just curious is all.
I'd like to have a thoughtful conversation about it.

 

[BadAmy]

Just searched it: humiliation is meant to injure a person's dignity and self respect, to embarrass someone.

Degradation is about lowering value or social position. Degradation wears someone down, the intent is to break someone down.

Is humiliation about the feeling and degradation about the act?

Cookie, I was thinking the same thing.
It's a humbling sort of feeling, but deeper into the psyche. And the feeling of having someone else in charge of that, and the direction it can go, is equally exciting, to me anyway. But I feel both of these things, hum. And deg. Are more a headspace for me. Yes, make me crawl, but it's the words that send me. If I crawl across the floor to him, it's because he likes it, and gets off on it. That actually doesn't excite me. But him telling me to do it, does.

 

[Mei5ter]

I am a masochist to my core and love physical pain, but find mental pain such a turn on.
Agreed. There has to be absolute consent and pre-play conversation so the limits are clear...with the safeword. But I honestly don't know how I would react to being degraded to the level I want. I've gone pretty far. Being unworthy, worthless, etc. It's a need at times to be brought low. I feel it's hard to articulate that sometimes, for fear I may ask for something and not get it because He doesn't feel it's ok to be so mean...or...I do get it and can't handle it. It's situational, for certain.
But the God's honest truth... Fuck me and tell me how much tighter your ex girlfriend is.

That kind of thing.

Then there is the name calling.
Cunt...meh.
Pig...unless cum sleeve? Yes please. The crueler the better.
I hear that and I explode.
Wtf is wrong with me?

Interesting thread.

What I keep hoping is that someone will say something about why they love degrading or humiliating their partner. It takes a degree of considered, lucid, careful cruelty to do that, and the dichotomy between hurting someone and constantly checking they're okay fascinates me.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Interesting thread.

What I keep hoping is that someone will say something about why they love degrading or humiliating their partner. It takes a degree of considered, lucid, careful cruelty to do that, and the dichotomy between hurting someone and constantly checking they're okay fascinates me.

This is such an interesting juxtaposition. I think that is what is fascinating to me as well but I have never considered it that way.

 

[seela]

This is a topic I've rambled so much about on Lit that I don't think I have much new to add here. Nice to see this discussed!

Interesting thread.

What I keep hoping is that someone will say something about why they love degrading or humiliating their partner. It takes a degree of considered, lucid, careful cruelty to do that, and the dichotomy between hurting someone and constantly checking they're okay fascinates me.

This is a good point.

In a way I think it's a lot easier to go too far and have things explode in your face in a very bad way with someone you don't know that well, but at the same time it hasn't been my experience. When I've played with these themes with someone with whom my bond hasn't been quite as strong, the humiliation and degradation has felt a lot more superficial and a lot more...lacking. The juxtaposition of knowing the other person actually cares and yet is this really mean person that hurts me emotionally makes it more satisfying for me, as well.

Doing degradation/humiliation with a bit more casual partner opens some other possibilities and it feels edgier than in a more established dynamic, though. It can be really good, but it's good in a way that a fancy cupcake you buy at a bakery is good. Doing it with an established partner with the underlying caring and deep bond is good in the way that a tasty, lovingly home cooked meal is good, it feeds your soul.

 

[yukonnights]

I asked this before but I can't remember: what is the difference between degradation and humiliation?

Just searched it: humiliation is meant to injure a person's dignity and self respect, to embarrass someone.

Degradation is about lowering value or social position. Degradation wears someone down, the intent is to break someone down.

Is humiliation about the feeling and degradation about the act?

ToPleaseHim - you mention humiliation is a soft limit but degradation is not. What is the difference between the two, for you??

I love/hate to be put in to situations where I feel ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated. Facing a fear or pushed out of comfort zone. Like SmokeInMyEyes describes. But I'm not sure I want to be made fun of. Laughed at. Smoke mentions his undoing would be at his own hands, not hers. I relate to this. It's not overt.

It doesn't even have to be sexual. I talk a good game about being organized and put together to the outside world. Being asked to open my purse or my closet or glove compartment can send me in to a panic. My husband would randomly use this knowledge to his advantage. And, I guess, to mine -- it would generally result in a spanking, begging forgiveness, great sex.

The thing is, within a trusted D/s relationship, I do appreciate being "put in my place." Is that degrading?? I want to feel smaller or lower than him. In a good way, though. It gets confusing. In the way I want him to. Am I topping from the bottom here?

He can cum on the floor and push my face in to it as he tells me he's allowing me to taste it, lick it up and I should be grateful for this. I hate it! But man, this gets me wet. And it puts me in this headspace where I feel like the good girl has been pushed out of me. I've been given permission to be a dirty whore.

Thoughtful topic.

As I recall this topic was originally discussed right here on the BDSM forum. I recall saying something to the effect; "sweet humiliation" back there someplace. To me, there seems that there must be a differentiation between the emotional responses of men vs women because, in general, most females merge into a less dominant role in everyday life with their spouse. (Of course there are many exceptions — lesbian couples for example.) With that in mind, it is interesting to note the feelings of some of the males who have shared already about "humiliation" compared with those of "females".

If this is true, then the things that bring on that "sweet humiliation" for a male may not have a very big impact on the female — the male is generally more insecure about loosing control and is more likely to feel humiliated, etc.

Cookie asks; Is it "degradation" that brings on the "humiliation"? IMO, degradation is too strong of a term for the intended purpose of instigating sexual arousal from "humiliation". My dictionary has this; degradation: humiliation, shame, loss of self-respect, abasement, indignity, ignominy. I don't think BDSM has the harshest of this list as an intended goal and to include the harsher ones seems out of bounds to me. — Perhaps it is more along the lines of "pushing me out of my normal role and/or routine"?

The key ingredient is to discover those things that bring on the "sweet humiliation" without harshly degrading the loved one in the process. The D/s power exchange is powerful in the Female led scene. I think I best leave it to the females here to best identify what triggers the "sweet humiliation" for them and their man. (And again; everyone is so different it is impossible to make an all inclusive list or cookbook.)

 

[Mei5ter]

This is a topic I've rambled so much about on Lit that I don't think I have much new to add here. Nice to see this discussed!



This is a good point.

In a way I think it's a lot easier to go too far and have things explode in your face in a very bad way with someone you don't know that well, but at the same time it hasn't been my experience. When I've played with these themes with someone with whom my bond hasn't been quite as strong, the humiliation and degradation has felt a lot more superficial and a lot more...lacking. The juxtaposition of knowing the other person actually cares and yet is this really mean person that hurts me emotionally makes it more satisfying for me, as well.

Doing degradation/humiliation with a bit more casual partner opens some other possibilities and it feels edgier than in a more established dynamic, though. It can be really good, but it's good in a way that a fancy cupcake you buy at a bakery is good. Doing it with an established partner with the underlying caring and deep bond is good in the way that a tasty, lovingly home cooked meal is good, it feeds your soul.

Personally, I don't think I could do this with someone I didn't know well and really care for. A lot.

It feels cathartic rather than destructive. It's taking control of someone's demons, and not just acknowledging that it's okay to have those demons, but being trusted to bend them to your will so they give your partner pleasure rather than fear or pain. Which is, actually, a rather wonderful and positive thing to do.

But it's also all too possible to reinforce those demons if you get it wrong. Maybe others have found safer ways of doing this with relative strangers. I wouldn't make that claim.

 

[SmokeInMyEyes]

I asked this before but I can't remember: what is the difference between degradation and humiliation?

Just searched it: humiliation is meant to injure a person's dignity and self respect, to embarrass someone.

Degradation is about lowering value or social position. Degradation wears someone down, the intent is to break someone down.

Is humiliation about the feeling and degradation about the act?

ToPleaseHim - you mention humiliation is a soft limit but degradation is not. What is the difference between the two, for you??

I love/hate to be put in to situations where I feel ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated. Facing a fear or pushed out of comfort zone. Like SmokeInMyEyes describes. But I'm not sure I want to be made fun of. Laughed at. Smoke mentions his undoing would be at his own hands, not hers. I relate to this. It's not overt.

It doesn't even have to be sexual. I talk a good game about being organized and put together to the outside world. Being asked to open my purse or my closet or glove compartment can send me in to a panic. My husband would randomly use this knowledge to his advantage. And, I guess, to mine -- it would generally result in a spanking, begging forgiveness, great sex.

The thing is, within a trusted D/s relationship, I do appreciate being "put in my place." Is that degrading?? I want to feel smaller or lower than him. In a good way, though. It gets confusing. In the way I want him to. Am I topping from the bottom here?

He can cum on the floor and push my face in to it as he tells me he's allowing me to taste it, lick it up and I should be grateful for this. I hate it! But man, this gets me wet. And it puts me in this headspace where I feel like the good girl has been pushed out of me. I've been given permission to be a dirty whore.

Thoughtful topic.

First, I'm thankful to BadAmy for bringing this to the fore, and I'm glad to see it developed some legs while I was away this weekend. It touches on a subject I've found greatly concerning of late, and many thoughtful points have been made - just not the one I need.

Second, I find it interesting that cookiecat and I share similar reactions to this subject even though we're subs of different genders. I wasn't expecting that. Like her, I too worry that perhaps I love being submissive all too much for it to be genuine. I feel that I often go to extremes to court opportunities which firmly position me beneath my wife's thumb. I want to be put in my place, but I'm endlessly manipulative, pulling strings to insure I receive the punishment I want so badly. My greatest fear is the wife I feel I don't deserve will eventually discover I'm some sort of sick fraud who tops from the bottom.

We were in an out-of-town bar Saturday evening, and I was already under the spell of this thread when I felt my wife's eyes intently watching me as I exited the restroom. At our hotel earlier in the evening, she'd freshly shaved my cock and balls and locked me in my Holy Trainer Nub. The Nub is usually my tip-off she plans to peg me, and the red lace panties she gave me to wear under my jeans only reinforced my role as her designated whore for the evening.

I watched her eyes shift from me to scan the room. My face flushed and I lowered my eyes when it seemed as though that enigmatic smile was inviting others in the bar to inspect me as her little sissy fucktoy. It was all in my head, of course, but at that moment fantasy blurred with reality, and I only recognized how totally degraded I must appear to her eyes. More disturbing, however, was how incredibly alive it made me feel to acknowledge the lowly worm I've become.

I imagined her bending me over the pool table, pulling my pants down sharply to put my red panties on display, when I heard her voice asking me if I felt okay. In a daze I nodded, but once again I found myself asking how submissive I could be when all my assorted dreaming and scheming seemed hell bent on satisfying only myself. I must have stewed over that for the rest of the evening to the point I could sense how irritating this latest mood swing was becoming. She joked about the inadequacies of male sexual organs with her new best friend, the barmaid. What's strange is I joined in their conversation. My contribution to their ribaldry wasn't outstandingly witty, but par for the course isn't bad when your imagination is otherwise racing away with you while you consider the likelihood of a severe tongue lashing when you're finally alone, followed by a session of corporal punishment You suddenly crave.

I remember less of our conversation while she closed out the evening with a more-than-generous pour of Laphroiag, courtesy of a barmaid now clearly infatuated by my wife's no-nonsense manner. My wife has long insisted she has no interest in female lovers, but my paranoia was grateful Saturday evening that we were 200 miles from home. My wife was uncharacteristically tipsy as we walked to our car, exchanging inanities concerning Saturday night's moon. Settling into her seat, she announced that she'd really needed a night like that and asked if I could get us back to the hotel without her help. I could, I said.

"Good, then you take care of me," she ordered. "I get so damn tired of always being the one in charge . . ." She promptly fell asleep.

My wife has a lot on her plate. We fell into the life we live one step at a time over a long period after it became apparent we'd never have kids. She's in charge of almost everything she does, so I guess it was inevitable that I was also destined to become another of her chattels. There's a strong chance she wasn't even talking about our relationship per se when the moon got in our way, but if she wasn't, I knew the brat in me would be jealous that he wasn't the center of attention. I felt like such a total shit for feeling like that and bit hard on my lip to keep from openly crying.

As I did, I felt my personal dignity and what self respect I had remaining going right down the toilet, and I experienced that "worn-down" feeling cookiecat lists among the meanings for "degradation." I was totally without value at that point, but at the same time I despised myself, I never felt any more complete as a human. As I type it, that just sounds nuts!

Am I missing something here? Is it above my pay grade as a submissive to endlessly worry about how a superior creature finds happiness? I've never experienced a sexual relationship as a dominant; do they find satisfaction at some other other level? Do I deserve to take only primal things from our relationship because primal is the only part I can truly understand - the humiliation that comes from a mouthful of cum or a slap on the ass; the degradation that comes from begging to suck a strap-on only to spread my cheeks wide to welcome it into my ass?

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Amy, I'm glad you brought this back. I have lots of thoughts that will probably come in fits and starts but we did an episode on this very topic on Audiophiles! I was asked to remove it but it was really good and thorough. It definitely broadened my thoughts on the matter.

Firstly, these both fall under thr emotional sadism/masochism umbrella which we've all dipped our tow into whether we know it or not. Things as simple as sweetly teasing someone or telling an embarrassing story can be the most vanilla forms of this play.

Secondly, this kind of play is possible with a stranger but not nearly as effective (speaking from the receiving end). Having someone crawl around in your brain and find those dark, secret places and then gently (or not so gently) poke and pry and bring those into the light ... it's powerful. But it takes work.

Lastly, I think this is my oldest form of kink. For the longest time, calling myself the dirtiest most degrading things in my head was the only way young PLP knew how to get off and it must have carved a neuro pathway in my brain.

I'd like to know how everyone's play manifests. What does it look like for you?