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Help! I need the female perspective on...

lovecraft68 said:
I'm not a female, but I hear this is a great haven for mansplaining, so let me tell the women what they think on this topic.
Every man knows-cuz on the interwebz they have porn sites and porn stars only speak truths-that if youse eats a lot of pineapple youse jizz will be so sweet the broads can't get enough of it!

So's being super smarts-I got to the seventh grade on my mid school app-I goes on a date and orduhs pizza for me and the kind of ugly chick with the lazy eye that I been tellin is super hawt so she'll go out with me-and cuz no one else asked-and, ready for this? I orders the pie(we's meathedz call pizza Pie, cuz we dope as fuck) wit the pineapples!

I's watching her thinkin she's already eating a jizz pie cuz dat's what mine's gonna taste like cuz I'm eating lots of it too!

Wait, what did you say, LC? I'm eating a jizz pie too? No.. I...but....fuck you LC, you're a goddamn white knight tryin to get AH chicks to read your shitty stories.

Anyways when we gets back to her place, cuz my mom won't let me have company after she found me with my real doll in the bathtub, I whips it out and say "Taste this, ba-yitch! And she says the ramen noodles I bought her for dinner last night wuz stiffer and I need to get it up for her. I know she's just playin me cuz she's not sure she can fit all dis man in her mouth-probably cause of that big cold sore she got- so's I stroke it all sexy like, and you should have seen that thot's face when within minutes I went from only needin two fingers to jerk it to like four of dem!

I'm wiggling it around-cuz when you're hard, its still floppy cuz...um, its so big it can't get that hard or I'd like pass out. She's like laughin, but I its nervous laugh cuz she knoz I gonna hit like I di that bottle of Mad dog 20/20 I found on the street that still had a couple of sips in it....but then, well I was so excited thinkin bout my own dick I's shot a few dribbles and some of it went down my hand, and she's like, 'I know you're lying those little drips ain't gonna taste like pineapple.

What do you know, bitch?

That you're lying.

No!

Prove it!

Okay! I'll shows you, and I lick it and...it didn't taste like pineapple it tasted like Rollin' Rock beer. axe body spray and desperation, then she asked, "hey, how do those nuts taste, and I'm like you mean deez nuts? Dumb broad, thought she'd get me again and...

Oh, wait, I was trying to say something....yeah, dems ba-yitches love pineapple! Watchu all think of dat?
Click to expand...
Mister T wants his twitter post back ;)
 
lovecraft68 said:
Lot....salt....you making a a clever S&G reference?
Click to expand...
no, just a truly awful jape that can't even class as a pun...

saltire.jpg
 
Djmac1031 said:
... pineapple on pizza.

I realize it's a deeply personal question, but it's research for a story, I swear.

First of all, yay or nay?

If nay, why not? Is it the taste? The texture? Do you find it absolutely disgusting and offensive? Or does it just not do anything for you personally?

Would you ever be willing to try it if it was something your partner really craved? Just to make them happy?

If you do enjoy pineapple on pizza, why?

Is it something exciting? Exotic? Different?

Do you enjoy it regularly, or just once in awhile to, you know, spice things up a little?

Do you enjoy larger chunks of pineapple? Or is smaller okay?

How much pineapple is too much? I'd guess too much could become problematic, making it difficult to swallow and it just winds up running down your chin or all over your shirt.

What about the smell? Does it get your taste buds flowing?

How do you feel after a good slice of pineapple pizza? Satisfied? Lethargic? Ready for a nap, or excited for more?

What happens when you're in the mood for pineapple pizza but your partner isn't?

I'd think communication would be important, maybe compromising and willing to try something they enjoy as well? Split it half and half?

Do you share your pineapple pizza with more than one person? How many people is too many to share with?

I'd think a smaller, more intimate group would be better, that way everyone can get enough to be fully satisfied. No one gets left out.

Finally, do you tell anyone about your indulging in pineapple pizza, or is it something personal you keep to yourself for fear of judgment?

Obviously it's not for everyone.

Serious responses only, please.

Oh, why am I asking ONLY the women?

Because I'm a guy, so I know what pineapple pizza is like for men, of course.

I'm seeking the unique point of view only women have on this sensitive and delicate topic.

Don't be shy, ladies. No one will food shame you here, I promise.
Click to expand...
Pineapple Piza, no go for me, just NOOO! Jo loves it, and she loves me too, so she isn't always wrong. I tried it once, and that was enough. It's just too yucky for me to express in words. It's the texture, the clash of the different flavors. It's the disgusting way it makes love to the cheese and sauce. Interspecies food fucking is just too much for me. It is just so Cali that I want to gouge my eyes out. I give her all the pineapple pizza and eat the pepperoni and mushroom and refuse to share if she's eating that shit. Then I relent because she can't help that her tastebuds were destroyed by her father's love of the truly grotesque and disgustingness of Pineapple Piza. Even Cat won't touch it, and she'll eat anything, even her own pussy. I so envy Cat for that ability. We have decided to let Donnie make up his own mind on the subject when he's four or five. Until then, we don't feed him any pineapple and pizza or pasta combination. I'm hoping he takes after me in the good sense department.

Short answer, don't like it. Long answer see above!
 
onehitwanda said:
no, just a truly awful jape that can't even class as a pun...

saltire.jpg
Click to expand...
Puns? You know, back in 2016 a couple of posters started a pun thread. I dropped this gem. Theme-Candy bar names

he following is a true story

I stopped at the skybar located on 5th avenue in Charleston to have a chew. I sat down at the bar, and two young ladies said "Oh, henry!" I said that's not my name, one then asked, "Reggie?" Again I said "No. and I'm no Mr Goodbar and have no interest in sugar babies, so run along."

I turned away and that's when I saw her. There she was, as peaceful as a dove, but stuck among some nerds. I asked the bartender "Who's that bit o honey over there?" he told me she was a tourist from Egypt and her name was Ahmand Joy.

I made my way over to her, ignoring the snickers from the people watching. When I got to her I told the three musketeers hanging around her to take off. At first they looked at me like I was from mars, but I told them I'd knock them into the Milky way if they didn't leave the lady alone.

They wandered off and I asked if I could sit and she said, yes. As I did I checked her out. I wouldn't say she was chunky, but she did have some curves. her mounds were perfect, much bigger than duds, but not exactly whoppers.

I said "Hey I'm Heath' and struck up a conversation and found that not only as she hot, but had some money, said she made a hundred grand a year, and that's a pretty good pay day. We had a few drinks and I asked if she wanted to come back to my room, after all it was just down the same rocky road the bar was on.

She agreed and man did I skor!Her only rule was she didn't like to talk dirty, but that didn't stop the fun! She was gobbling my watchamacallit and I was eating her kitkat, and then? Let's just say my peanut butter got in her chocolate. We went for hours, it was a damned marathon.

When we were ready to go another around I decided to go all in and ask if I could take a ride up her Hershey highway. She said she wasn't sure, she'd had nothing butterfinger up there before.

Okay...I'm done now.
 
Djmac1031 said:
Oh come on, let's face it: if we could eat, lick, kiss or suck our own genitals, none of us would ever leave the house again.
Click to expand...
A friend of my fathers used to work for a photoengraving company. They had this contact girl (A person that makes contact copies of negatives on a one-to-one ratio), who would lean into the machine while it vacuumed the air out of the frame. She'd stay there, her pussy pressed against the handle on each copy. The vibration from the vacuum pump made her a very happy, happy girl. Often she was so horny by the end of the shift, she and dads friend would fuck in the parking lot before they went home.
 
lovecraft68 said:
Puns? You know, back in 2016 a couple of posters started a pun thread. I dropped this gem. Theme-Candy bar names

he following is a true story

I stopped at the skybar located on 5th avenue in Charleston to have a chew. I sat down at the bar, and two young ladies said "Oh, henry!" I said that's not my name, one then asked, "Reggie?" Again I said "No. and I'm no Mr Goodbar and have no interest in sugar babies, so run along."

I turned away and that's when I saw her. There she was, as peaceful as a dove, but stuck among some nerds. I asked the bartender "Who's that bit o honey over there?" he told me she was a tourist from Egypt and her name was Ahmand Joy.

I made my way over to her, ignoring the snickers from the people watching. When I got to her I told the three musketeers hanging around her to take off. At first they looked at me like I was from mars, but I told them I'd knock them into the Milky way if they didn't leave the lady alone.

They wandered off and I asked if I could sit and she said, yes. As I did I checked her out. I wouldn't say she was chunky, but she did have some curves. her mounds were perfect, much bigger than duds, but not exactly whoppers.

I said "Hey I'm Heath' and struck up a conversation and found that not only as she hot, but had some money, said she made a hundred grand a year, and that's a pretty good pay day. We had a few drinks and I asked if she wanted to come back to my room, after all it was just down the same rocky road the bar was on.

She agreed and man did I skor!Her only rule was she didn't like to talk dirty, but that didn't stop the fun! She was gobbling my watchamacallit and I was eating her kitkat, and then? Let's just say my peanut butter got in her chocolate. We went for hours, it was a damned marathon.

When we were ready to go another around I decided to go all in and ask if I could take a ride up her Hershey highway. She said she wasn't sure, she'd had nothing butterfinger up there before.

Okay...I'm done now.
Click to expand...


Lemme guess: after, you went to the M&M concert.

And you stay in touch on Tic Tac?
 
Sigh.

These are both true but likely unoriginal.

A close friend of mine wanted to open a cheese shop at the Vatican. He planned to call it Cheeses of Nazareth.

This is the same guy who wanted to open a 24h Korean restaurant named... Wok around the Clock.
 
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