First time Author - Constructive critiscm appreciated!

[Litfan2016]

Hi All,

I recently dipped my toe in the writing pool here, and have great feedback from some but am always looking for input.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=3361218&page=submissions


Thanks, and hopefully enjoy!

 

[ElectricBlue]

Normally I would say, "Longer chapters," but you seem to be doing just fine in terms of reader response. Not my fetish, but your writing seems to barrel along, making it an easy read.

 

[RainyDayPen]

You have a lot of good comments for the quiet category of Fetish and a lot of favourites. I think your readers like your stuff a lot. So don't change your formula too much I'd say. They like you as you are.

Opening the first chapter with exposition instead of some kind of movement or action (even if not sex) was tough for me but I get it - you're writing smut not trying to win a Pulitzer. And people really like it.

I thought it was going to be a diaper fic from the title and description. If that wasn't your intention just a warning it came off that way.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I read the first chapter, and apart from a few grammar issues, I thought it was cute enough. Very short, but I'm sure you are considering that a feature, rather than a bug. For your grammar errors, I suggest using the free version of ProWritingAid. It's very helpful.

I have one small gripe, (and I know I'm gonna come off as a bitch saying this). The story description says:

"Older Woman tranforms younger man into her BabyBoi" (as I copied and pasted this, I realized that you misspelled "transforms" lol oops. It happens to the best of us)

Anyway, you explain that he's 18, and there's a 15 year gap. That... That means she's 33.

33? Thirty-three?!

Is 33 considered an "Older Woman"?

Please don't call me an "Older Woman." Please.
I understand that 33>18, but boy, that terminology makes me feel old as fuck.

Haha. I just thought that the story was going to be "Mature" based on the description.

 

[Litfan2016]

I read the first chapter, and apart from a few grammar issues, I thought it was cute enough. Very short, but I'm sure you are considering that a feature, rather than a bug. For your grammar errors, I suggest using the free version of ProWritingAid. It's very helpful.

I have one small gripe, (and I know I'm gonna come off as a bitch saying this). The story description says:

"Older Woman tranforms younger man into her BabyBoi" (as I copied and pasted this, I realized that you misspelled "transforms" lol oops. It happens to the best of us)

Anyway, you explain that he's 18, and there's a 15 year gap. That... That means she's 33.

33? Thirty-three?!

Is 33 considered an "Older Woman"?

Please don't call me an "Older Woman." Please.
I understand that 33>18, but boy, that terminology makes me feel old as fuck.

Haha. I just thought that the story was going to be "Mature" based on the description.

Ha, thanks for the advice! I should have clarified the age thing. What I was going for was 'older from his point of view", but point taken (I can't even see 33 in the rear view mirror). Plus, the only basis in reality the story has is when I was 20 I had a brief fling with a woman in her 30s, so to me she's always be "the older woman".

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Ha, thanks for the advice! I should have clarified the age thing. What I was going for was 'older from his point of view", but point taken (I can't even see 33 in the rear view mirror). Plus, the only basis in reality the story has is when I was 20 I had a brief fling with a woman in her 30s, so to me she's always be "the older woman".

That's perfectly acceptable. I was mostly teasing. I am in my early thirties, so I guess it just hit too close to home

I pointed this out to another author, (she's like a year younger than me) and she said that it wasn't really an error, considering it's a femdom fetish piece. So maybe I'm just being whiny.

Btw, if you like stories about aggressive women using younger men, you might enjoy my Women's World series. The age difference is not nearly as wide (only a few years) but she definitely has the control in the relationship. It's a popular story, even if I think it isn't one of my best.

 

[Litfan2016]

You have a lot of good comments for the quiet category of Fetish and a lot of favourites. I think your readers like your stuff a lot. So don't change your formula too much I'd say. They like you as you are.

Opening the first chapter with exposition instead of some kind of movement or action (even if not sex) was tough for me but I get it - you're writing smut not trying to win a Pulitzer. And people really like it.

I thought it was going to be a diaper fic from the title and description. If that wasn't your intention just a warning it came off that way.

Diapers are looming on the horizen, never fear. Looming!

 

[Litfan2016]

That's perfectly acceptable. I was mostly teasing. I am in my early thirties, so I guess it just hit too close to home

I pointed this out to another author, (she's like a year younger than me) and she said that it wasn't really an error, considering it's a femdom fetish piece. So maybe I'm just being whiny.

Btw, if you like stories about aggressive women using younger men, you might enjoy my Women's World series. The age difference is not nearly as wide (only a few years) but she definitely has the control in the relationship. It's a popular story, even if I think it isn't one of my best.

I will check it out, I'm always looking for a good read.

 

[RainyDayPen]

Diapers are looming on the horizen, never fear. Looming!

Oh well then that settles it - keep the description haha. I was wondering if you were going to get all the diaper fans pent up and frustrated.

 

[Gamblnluck]

You wrote a decent story but each chapter is terribly short. Make them longer and do not get in a hurry to post. As you do and read over what you already wrote and are working on, you will likely see changes you want to introduce at the beginning. Sometimes a line or two at the beginning is better than a whole explanation later.
I personally enjoy stories where the submissive finds himself falling down the rabbit hole and finding himself/herself in a situation they never imagined.