Feedback on my first try at CD Erotica

[NawtyNikkiCD]

Hello! This is my first foray into writing CD Erotica!
While some of it is embellished with fantasy a bit here and there along the way … for the most part it is at least semi-autobiographical. As a closeted crossdresser I seem to always be somewhere in between letting the racier sides of my female persona “Nikki” take over, or my male persona Nick trying to maintain a controlled balance that cautiously protects his carefully constructed dual life.

I sort of take an “e.e. cummings approach” to my writing style and grammar that sort of mimics my online chat persona that has really helped “Nikki” develop into who she is today. I sometimes switch between first, second and third person, and the plural ”you” - depending on the story line and context.

Please note, the sample below is just the start of what I have written so far.

PLEASE provide any feedback – positive or negative, constructive or otherwise.

Thanks very much in advance.
Nawty Nikki CD
________________________

Seducing the Cable Guy: Part 1 “The Beginning”
by Nawty Nikki CD

as i write this i am waiting 4 the cable guy 2 cum fix my internet service … i am already caught up in that almost out-of-body momentum that sometimes happens 2 me when “Nikki” wins out over nick …

for all of my life since a young adolescent I have been a secret crossdresser … it has always been sexxual 4 me … sometimes the longing 2 be sexxy and appealing and desired sexxually by other men just takes control of me 4 a while … i don’t know how many of u gurls reading this have gone through the roller-coaster ride of building up an amazing collection of sexxy beautiful things … clothes, jewelry, makeup, wigs, lingerie, footwear and shapewear … only 2 try for the last time 2 stop what we do and purge all of it - including deleting secret email addresses and on-line profiles … knowing full well we will eventually find urselfs back in the very same place sooner or later …

being hot, sexxy & slutty, and sexxually pleasing 4 men has always been what drives my crossdressing even from the beginning … since my older brother caught me playing in my mom’s things and letting me (not “making me”) dress up 4 him & blow him … starting a secret, erotic, forbidden relationship that has gone on (at least off & on) since that day … through school, girlfriends, college, work life, his marriage & divorce and my marriage 2 …

being a married crossdresser who luvs pleazing men … who needs 2 pleaze men … inevitably means i have 2 cheat … however, since my femme side “Nikki” so enjoys being a hot little slut … 4 her that is more of a benefit then a curse … but 4 nick it eventually brings on the guilt that causes the next purge … especially when “Nikki” starts taking dangerous risks 2 get the cocks and sexual thrills she needs … putting nick’s secret life and carefully built walls in jeopardy …

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REQUEST MY EMAIL
THANK YOU!

 

[_Lynn_]

You might want to learn proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation to start with.

Yours: as i write this i am waiting 4 the cable guy 2 cum fix my internet service ...

As I write this I am waiting for the cable guy to come fix my internet service.

I'm thinking anyone who edits here will want a cleaner copy to start with. As the author, it's your job to do that. Lit has rules and guidelines on what they accept for publishing. Learn them.

 

[_Lynn_]

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[ElectricBlue]

The "textifying" approach makes this very hard to read. I'd be gone after the first paragraph.

I think it's a mistake to directly use text idioms and phone conventions in stories. It might work in real life, but irl there are gaps in transmission where both parties will in fact be doing something else. But when reading a narrative, those pauses don't exist. You've got a continuous time sequence going on, and the reader needs a steady narrative flow - this is so disjointed. And for me, the incorrect spelling is a big irritation, it throws me out of the story line in a second.

This might work for some, but I'm not sure you're doing yourself any favours, writing like this. I guess you'll find out.

 

[yukonnights]

The formatting using the text style has already been mentioned. I agree it's horrible and I'd bail out of the story in the first sentence.

However, the following is also a violation of Literotica content rules — in regard to underage sexual content;

You write: being hot, sexxy & slutty, and sexxually pleasing 4 men has always been what drives my crossdressing even from the beginning … since my older brother caught me playing in my mom’s things and letting me (not “making me”) dress up 4 him & blow him … starting a secret, erotic, forbidden relationship that has gone on (at least off & on) since that day … through school, girlfriends, college, work life, his marriage & divorce and my marriage 2 …

1. older brother caught me playing in mom's things and letting me dress up 4 (for) him & (and) blow him … starting a secret, erotic, forbidden relationship that has gone on since that day …
2. through school, followed by college implies that the sexual activities were done while "you" were underage (under 18 years).

***
That said, I'd never ever suggest that you give up on your desire to write stories that reflect your experiences or fantasies. I do suggest that you perhaps read some already published Literotica stories that have a high rating. Take note of how that author crafted the story — note the way spoken dialogue is formatted/written. If this is a story based on things that are true to life, I'd suggest that you fudge the hard truth and write some version of your story where everything sexual happened after the age of 18.

Please take this all as it is intended, not as a way to shoot you down — but a way to give you a bit of advice and encouragement to hone you writing skills and put out stories that you can be proud of. In general, the Trans / Cross-dresser category for stories has a lot of people just like you who need positive non-binary stories. I've found that the inclusion of true love and happy ebdings in such stories is well received and appreciated. Best wishes for your success!