Extended Author's Notes for "My Sister, A Modern Rapunzel"

[8letters]

The story behind the story
On 2/25/2020, TM wrote me:

I feel like "My Sister & The Bikini Contest" would make for a great story.

Now, what's the hook? A college student goes to a bikini contest at a local town bar and discovers that his 18-year-old sister unexpectedly shows up to compete in the bar's bikini contest....she ends up having a couple too many drinks and he has to take her home, barely conscious, still wearing her bikini, get her cleaned up and ready for sleep.

Shortly thereafter, he added:

I mean, this particular concept would require a sister with a very hefty set of ta-tas.

I think appropriate research would be in order, don't you? It would be a real tragedy if due diligence was not fully enforced on this matter.

The next day, I replied:

Maybe start the story with the sister catching the brother watching a bikini try on video on youtube in the living room? He's all embarrassed and flees to his bedroom. The next day when they are alone together, the sister insists that they watch a bikini try on video together. She's watched a few bikini try on videos herself to help her buy the right bikini for her, and she wants to get a guy's opinion on some bikinis. And then she does a bikini try on for her brother. The reason she does so is she's planning on entering the bikini contest at the local town bar. So our hero goes to the local town bar to check out the hot babes in bikinis and is shocked to see his sister there. She wins, people buy her drinks, and he's feeling protective and stays in the background out of sight. When some guy tries to force the wasted sister to leave with him, the brother gets between them and tells the guy to get lost. He takes his barely conscious sister home still wearing her bikini. When they get to her bedroom, she wants help getting cleaned up and ready for sleep.

TM replied:

I LOVE your story kernel. This is a story that I definitely want to read--Yes!!

I'll propose Tessa Fowler as a model for the younger sister:
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[pictures of Tessa Fowler]
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and it will be pretty obvious why she'd win her very first bikini contest.

Maybe the parents are conservative and strictly religious, and haven't let their daughter go on any dates.....and she's itching to rebel.

I _love_ the idea of the sister trying a multitude of outfits at home for her older brother to judge. Bikinis, lingerie, crop tops, short shorts, the Victoria's Secret catalog, etc.

Shortly thereafter, TM added:

For--you know--necessary due diligence and completeness of research, let's include a few more bikini shots of Miss Tessa Fowler:
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[more pictures of Tessa Fowler]
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Maybe the sister is near-sighted and wears nerdy librarian-style horn-rimmed glasses? And the brother has always found this unattractive until she starts up on the sexy librarian look?

TM added again:

Also, YouTube has a few clips of Miss Fowler running her web site out of her bedroom:
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[Three YouTube videos now removed]
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So here's my idea for Step 2: after waking up with a splitting hangover from the bikini contest, the sister decides to start a web channel posing in bikini and lingerie outfits (she's under some pressure from their parents to get a job and pay for her college expenses). Our sister decides to do a PG version of Tessa Fowler (and others), but she needs a camera man who can also help edit her clips. Enter our brother. Then she needs help with building her web site. She and the brother argue over what's appropriate to post, and just how much trouble she could into with their parents if they discover what she's doing. So the brother suggests that they build a prototype web site first with sufficient content, but not open it up to the public just yet, so that once they do open it up they have enough content to keep any new customers happy for the near future.

The brother spends a couple of months helping her build the prototype web site. Whenever the sister thinks they're close to completion, the brother adds more content and pushes the opening date out.

Eventually the brother confesses that he's fallen in love with her and can't possibly bear to open the web site to the public: he wants her all to himself and doesn't want to to share her with a webcam-watching public. The sister has, by this time, figured out her brother's jealousy and is charmed by his interest. She starts dropping hints that if he actually cares that much about her, that maybe they should get engaged....and then she'd have to make an honest woman of herself (again, the web site isn't actually public yet and no one but the brother has seen her in all of the various bikinis). Step 3: The brother buys a ring and proposes.

I replied:

Her parents are very conservative. They don't let her have any money and they buy everything for her - but only things they approve of. The clothes she has are unsexy and the glasses she wears are unflattering. She doesn't have a car and they only let her use their car when they know where she's going. A female friend bought her two bikinis to try, and the sister entered the contest to earn the money to pay the friend back.

When the brother takes her home after the bikini contest and gets her to her bedroom, she asks him to help her change into a nightshirt. He puts the nightshirt over her, and then removes the bikini through the nightshirt. While he's doing that, she becomes super affection with him. She kisses him constantly, starting on the cheeks and then giving him pecks on the lips. She calls him "Her knight in shining armor". She lightly rubs her body against him. She talks about how much fun she had flirting with all the guys at the bar, and how much she enjoyed having them check out her body. She mixes in "I'm so drunk" and "I'm so wasted". As he's pulling her panties up, she tells him, "I'm so horny. I would have liked to have gotten fucked tonight. But not by that asshole. Thanks so much for saving me from him." She follows that up with lots of kisses and firmly rubbing her body against her brother. When the brother tucks her into bed and starts to leave, she insists that he sleep with her in case she throws up. The brother is enormously tempted to feel her up once she's asleep, but he resists.

After the bikini contest, she suddenly sees her big brother as the solution to a lot of her problems. She wants to use what's left of the prize money to buy contacts. She pressures the big brother to take her to the Walmart Vision Center, and he does. She wears glasses when her parents are home, but when they're gone she wears contacts and she's a lot more attractive with them on. She continues to call him "her knight in shining armor" and to give him kisses on the cheek while hugging him. He loves it, though he hates that he loves it.

She wants to buy sexy clothes. She pressures the big brother to buy them for her, and in return she models them for him. She dreams about starting a youtube try on channel once she goes off to college, and she has her brother help her do practice videos. She convinces her brother to take her to Planned Parenthood, and to pay for her birth control pills.

Things keep ramping up between them. Once she's taken the birth control pills long enough to be safe, she gives her big brother a special lingerie try on session.

 

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TM replied:

Their parents have been incredibly over-protective of the sister Beth her entire life--maybe she developed her big boobs in 8th grade, and they've been constantly worried ever since that some creep is going to knock her up. Their strict religious values won't allow her to go on birth control or to have an abortion if she gets pregnant. They've always put a lot of pressure on the brother Aaron to watch out for her and look out for her best interests--to the point that he resents how much more protective they are of her than himself.

Eventually, and once Aaron realizes that he likes Beth and wants to keep her all to himself, he goes to their parents and confesses that he's fallen in love with his younger sister. He tells them that he's thought about running away with her, but knows that it's going to break their hearts. He's madly in love with Beth, however, and he knows that she's the one for him, and he can't imagine life without her. So......is there any chance they could support the two of them getting married?

The parents freak out.....but start to come around on the idea. Beth would be marrying someone they know and trust and would take care of her. They'd have access to their grandchildren and could help out with daycare and watch the kids grow up. Eventually, the parents come around, and the father gives Aaron his blessing to marry his sister Beth. They have a nice wedding with a beautiful reception.

TM added:

When I was a 7th grader, there was an 8th grade girl who developed DD breasts at 13/14 years old. She had a pretty face, long brown hair, and a narrow waist. Those breasts looked absolutely enormous on her. And she had nice, shapely legs to match. She dressed well and wore traditional 1980's clothes and didn't exactly go to great lengths to flaunt her assets--not that she needed to, though. Those boobs flaunted themselves!

And all of the authority figures at our school totally freaked out about it. She didn't wear anything too scandalous, but she made all of the male teachers very, very nervous.....and all of the female teachers very, very jealous. I mean, I freaked out about it as a 7th grade boy, and so did all of the other boys at my school. But at the time I didn't understand why my male teachers (and the male school principal) were also freaking out.

For six months, I did nothing with the story idea, primarily as I didn’t have anything beyond the first few scenes. On 8/11/2020, I wrote the first scene. Over the next few days, I wrote the next three scenes, up to when Luke leaves the house after powerwashing. And then I got the idea for “A Flirting Workshop with My Sister”, so I parked this story while I worked on it.

I didn’t work on the story for a year and a half. I had the bikini contest scene worked out in my head, but nothing after that. On 2/16/2022, I finally wrote the bikini contest scene. This Lyna Perez video was the inspiration for Susanna during the bikini contest. I just had the bikini be red.

I made a lot of progress in the next few days, getting through the first dry run which Luke watches. And then I stopped for a while. I had a big problem - I had the “suck on my nipples to get them hard” scene in my head, but I felt like there needed to be a first step before the that, something where Luke gets to touch Susanna’s tits, and I had no idea how to do that.

On 3/11, TM wrote me:

Maybe the mom is ranting over how sinful Susanna's classmates are and the terrible things she observed about her "slutty and disgraceful" school classmates during her high school graduation the previous month. And then Luke brings up that they didn't get Susanna a graduation gift: the family's not poor, and Susanna should get something nice now that she's achieved graduation from high school. Eventually the guilt gets to the mom, and the dad suggests that maybe they could buy her a piece of jewelry, like a watch or a bracelet. Luke points out that today's youth don't wear watches. The dad suggests that Susanna go to a jewelry store at the mall and look at bracelets or other jewelry, Susanna gets all excited at the prospect, and the mom objects that Susanna is NOT going to the mall by herself, so Luke volunteers to take her the next day while he's off from his job and the parents are at work. Susanna will pick out something she likes, and then the dad can go and buy it later as her graduation present.

So they go to the mall together, and Susanna looks at bracelets and necklaces and spends a lot of time choosing because it's her first time allowed in a jewelry store without her mom hovering over her. Eventually Luke gets bored, but he's been ordered not to leave her by herself at any time at the mall. She finally picks out something she likes, writes it down, and then Luke sarcastically asks, "While we're here, is there anything else you need to look at?" And Susanna says Yes, she's always wanted to look at engagement rings, and seeing a picture on a web page is not the same as seeing one in person. So she has the clerk drag out multiple styles, multiple settings, and gets her ring finger sized in the store while Luke is watching. And then the clerk thinks they're together, and smirks, and asks Luke how long they've been a couple, and Susanna jumps in before he can answer and says, "Not very long. But I have really strict parents and this is my first time in a jewelry store". And Luke shuts his mouth and lets her enjoy herself, and she's really happy. Then they leave. And Susanna is very grateful to Luke that he let her indulge herself in the store.

I didn’t like the idea. I replied:

The Mom is not the type to forgot a graduation present, and certainly not for a month. And a jewelry store is not the place I'd think of for buying a graduation gift.

I can see going Susanna going to a jewelry store to buy a "True Love Waits" purity ring

So Susanna is sent to Zales by her mom with Luke as her taxi/escort. When they arrive at Zales, instead of asking to see purity rings, Susanna asks to see engagement rings. The clerk then assumes that Susanna is looking for an engagement ring for Luke to buy her later. Luke freaks out at what Susanna is doing, but doesn't want to say anything in front of the clerk. Susanna loves asking Luke his opinion on the various engagement rings and acting like they are about to get engaged.

TM loved that idea. I still didn’t like it. But then, I realized that I could use the whole go-to-jewelry-store-and-look-at-engagement-rings thing as a very round about way of bringing up petting parties. I had already written that Susanna wanted to have a party with Luke after her recording sessions. Making the party into a two-person petting party was the perfect first step for them into having a sexual relationship. And it also sets up the purity ring eventually becoming their promise ring.

In the beginning of April, I did a major overhaul to the story, adding in the dates and moving some things around to have them better fit the time line. After that, I made fairly steady progress. On 4/11, I sent TM a tongue-in-cheek email:

This weekend, I realized I'm doing the "Rapunzel" story all wrong
After Luke gets Susanna up to her bedroom after she wins at Big Walters, he takes off her bikini and then fucks her senseless with his 9" cock. The mom searches Susanna's bedroom. The next day, Luke consoles Susanna by filling all three of her holes. He and Susanna continue to fuck every week day. Caroline comes over, and they have a threesome. Susanna discovers she loves eating pussy, particularly while Luke is fucking her doggie-style. The day after their mom demands that Luke take Susanna to Zales to buy her a purity ring, Luke goes to her office and fucks his mom on top of her desk. He has her call in sick the next day, and she has a threesome with Susanna and Luke, during which Luke takes her anal virginity. At the end of the summer, Luke hosts a breeding party, and he knocks up Susanna, Caroline and his mom. And they all live happily ever after.

What do you think?

There are lots of stories like that on Literotica, but it’s not the romantic story I like to write. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll write an alternative version of this story like that some day.

 

[8letters]

On 5/4, I finished the story. Luke and Susanna finally fucked in their new apartment. I sent the last bit to TM for his feedback, and he wrote:

I love this story.

Having said that, my feedback--and I expect your other beta readers feeedback--is that it needs a little more sex. The hand jobs, blow jobs, and tit jobs are great! But I think you need a longer sex scene here, and frankly, you need more than one between Luke and Susanna. My guess is that you've got a bit of writers block here on the sex scene and you don't want to write the same thing you've written before. My suggestion would be to have Luke fuck the snot out of Susanna in the kitchen when she's over the sink with her boobs dangling in the dish water, in the shower of their bathroom with her huge tits squished against the shower wall, over the couch in their living room, and just pound her senseless because he can't keep his hands off his gorgeous and oh-so-desirable sister. And Luke should definitely be telling her how much he loves her tits, how they belong to him now, how she belongs to him, and that he's going to claim every part of her--and Susanna loves it. Maybe we revisit them in a month and Susanna is waiting for him in the room dressed in her sexiest outfit, and he pounds her into the kitchen table. Luke has spent a lot of time doing nice things and being a nice guy, and now it's time for him to claim what belongs to him.

I was not thrilled to get this feedback. I ignored it initially and worked on editing the story. I then worked on a couple of other stories. Eventually, I added the November epilogue and expanded Luke and Susanna’s first fuck.

On 6/28, I sent the story out for beta-reading. It took me a while to start incorporating the feedback from the beta-readers as (1) I was burnt out from working with the story (the size of the story causing more burn out than usual) and (2) for a week, I poured all of my writing energies into “Investigating My Dad For My Aunt”, and it took me a while to recover. The consensus was that it’s a good story, but not one of my best. It has a good beginning and ending, but is slow in the middle. Several beta-readers suggested I do major cuts to the story. Most of the beta-readers said they loathed the mom and were disappointed she didn’t get more of a comeuppance. There were some other “rough spots” that I addressed.

On 8/3, I sent the story out for final edit. On 8/4, I got the final edits back, entered them into the story, and submitted it

 

[8letters]

An anonymous commenter raised the following issue:

As always, your digressions into social issues and other topics are interesting and enjoyable. However, one correction: According to some very quick research (Wikipedia and other sources), the anecdote about engagement rings appears to be almost total bullshit. Engagement rings were a long-established tradition in Europe – they probably pre-date wedding rings – but they fell out of fashion in the US after WWI. The popularity didn't start to soar again until WWII, and is usually attributed to a major marketing campaign by De Beers to sell diamonds. One scholar HAS suggested a rationale around providing security against broken engagements, but not because condoms made premarital sex more popular, but because of the repeal of "breach of promise" laws that allowed women and their families to sue suitors over broken engagements. (If you've read any P.G. Wodehouse stories, they often feature threats of such lawsuits.)

The points the commenter raised were discussed in a 2007 Slate article:

But behind every Madison Avenue victory lurks a deeper social reality. And as it happens there was another factor in the surge of engagement ring sales—one that makes the ring’s role as collateral in the premarital economy more evident. Until the 1930s, a woman jilted by her fiance could sue for financial compensation for “damage” to her reputation under what was known as the “Breach of Promise to Marry” action. As courts began to abolish such actions, diamond ring sales rose in response to a need for a symbol of financial commitment from the groom, argues the legal scholar Margaret Brinig—noting, crucially, that ring sales began to rise a few years before the De Beers campaign. To be marriageable at the time you needed to be a virgin, but, Brinig points out, a large percentage of women lost their virginity while engaged. So some structure of commitment was necessary to assure betrothed women that men weren’t just trying to get them into bed. The “Breach of Promise” action had helped prevent what society feared would be rampant seduce-and-abandon scenarios; in its lieu, the pricey engagement ring would do the same. (Implicitly, it would seem, a woman’s virginity was worth the price of a ring, and varied according to the status of her groom-to-be.)

I don't find the abolishment of "Breach of Promise to Marry" suits a very compelling reason for why people would suddenly start buying engagement rings. A "Breach of Promise to Marry" suit would be a very public announcement that a woman had sex before she was married and then was jilted by her lover. Not something I'd think many women would want made public. Also, filing a lawsuit would require a lot of money. My take is that a women could do that, but was unlikely to do that unless the man was quite wealthy (which were the people P. G. Wodehouse wrote about).

I find latex condoms becoming widely available in the 1930's a much more compelling reason for why people would suddenly start buying engagement rings.