Do you live a Femdom (FLR, WLM) life?

[NancyPan]

I have numerous stories on Literotica, but I am new to the forum Do a search under my name if you are interested in the type of stories I have written about Femdom. I live in a Wife-led marriage, have not been allowed PIV sex for many years, and worship my beautiful wife. I am curious how many others are fortunate enough to actually live some versions of this lifestyle (I know there are many variations and levels of intensity.)

 

[Goldenfinger]

I have numerous stories on Literotica, but I am new to the forum Do a search under my name if you are interested in the type of stories I have written about Femdom. I live in a Wife-led marriage, have not been allowed PIV sex for many years, and worship my beautiful wife. I am curious how many others are fortunate enough to actually live some versions of this lifestyle (I know there are many variations and levels of intensity.)

I too am in a wife led marriage. There are many variations and I think some don’t even know they are in one.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I myself am not currently in one. But, to speak to his point above, I did have a friend who was....

...But let's just say it was NOT what you would first think of when you think of a "Femdom Relationship." No kink, no strap-ons, no ropes, no whips, floggers, or paddles, no fun. None of that stuff. Just a normal vanilla guy with a harsh, manipulative, domaneering, nagging wife...who, domaneering or not, was still as vanilla (Sexually speaking) as he was. He became miserable, and eventually left her. As in, HE left HER, not the other way around.

Sometimes what you expect from a relationship is not the relationship you end up with. However, this guy never indicated he was into any kind of female led relationship- kinky or otherwise- before he and his wife were married. I actually felt bad for him, and even though I would love to be in the type of relationship you two guys above me currently enjoy, I would still not have wanted to trade places with my buddy.

 

[Lady2020]

Interesting. Can't imagine no PIV, but obviously everyone has different needs.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I myself am not currently in one. But, to speak to his point above, I did have a friend who was....

...But let's just say it was NOT what you would first think of when you think of a "Femdom Relationship." No kink, no strap-ons, no ropes, no whips, floggers, or paddles, no fun. None of that stuff. Just a normal vanilla guy with a harsh, manipulative, domaneering, nagging wife...who, domaneering or not, was still as vanilla (Sexually speaking) as he was. He became miserable, and eventually left her. As in, HE left HER, not the other way around.

Sometimes what you expect from a relationship is not the relationship you end up with. However, this guy never indicated he was into any kind of female led relationship- kinky or otherwise- before he and his wife were married. I actually felt bad for him, and even though I would love to be in the type of relationship you two guys above me currently enjoy, I would still not have wanted to trade places with my buddy.

Those are very typical FLRs I see day to day. I also see where the lady leads from the bottom. One of my favorite lines in a move was from my big fat Greek wedding. The mother said

The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.​

Im in a loving FLR that has many components to it. It is almost nothing like the memes and video clips you see here. Most of that is unrealistic and just for fantasy.

 

[NancyPan]

Let me be clear that in a mutually agreed-upon FLR, there is benefit to both partners. My wife is in no way mean-spirited, and in fact her Domination of me is an act of kindness. We both believe in “loving female authority,” a term coined by Elise Sutton.

Through a series of discussions over several months, I confessed my desire to submit to her. She was reluctant, but agreed to try it after a particularly difficult conversation (for me) during which she tole me that she no longer wanted penetrative sex because of my tendency towards PE, my small size, and that she achieved more frequent and more intense orgasms with oral and her vibrator.

This was extremely difficult for me to hear and accept, but I very much wanted (needed) her control. I agreed to accept no PIV, gave her control of my orgasms, promised not to ejaculate without her permission (she asks and she knows if I am truthful), and we agreed that she is in charge of the house.

That was several years ago. We are both so much happier, and so much closer. All of my sexual energy is focused on HER!

 

[NancyPan]

Interesting. Can't imagine no PIV, but obviously everyone has different needs.

This was initially extremely hard for me, and a huge “wake-up call.” It was one of the conditions she imposed when she agreed to the FLR. We had a difficult heart to heart about sex and she told me that she experienced more and more intense orgasms with oral and with her vibrator. She “admitted” frustration with my small size and frequent PE. She said that she didn’t want to have to worry about me getting “off,” and if I wanted to treat her like a Queen, it would not be about my cock.

I was shocked, embarrassed, humiliated in a non-erotic way to hear the truth, but glad she told me. After considering it for a couple days, I agreed and I have never been happier. I have been allowed penetration a very few times as very special rewards. The withholding of the privilege very much enhances the excitement associated with my pussy worship and very, very much enhances her Dominance.

The fact that I am not allowed furthers my submission to HER, and makes me want HER even more. She lets me cum about once every 3-4 weeks. I am forbidden from masturbating.

 

[jakie69]

We didn’t enter into an FLR until my wife turned forty. She had always been dominant both sexually and in our relationship but once she turned forty we kind of settled into dominant and submissive roles, I’ve always been submissive and it wasn’t such a leap for us to live a lifestyle based on our natural roles or our natures.

Being dominant for her isn’t about humiliation or punishment (although there is some of that) it’s about being In control. We both have very high sex drives and always have had but now she’s in total control of what we do and when we do it and also with who we do it. Again it’s not just sexual but in our relationship. Our marriage has never been stronger or happier

 

[NancyPan]

Are there really so few of us on this forum living this lifestyle? Amazing, given the high number of submissions men there seem to be. Look at the personal ads: married men are falling all over themselves to submit to an anonymous Domme (who may actually be a guy or a scammer). Have those guys admitted their true nature and their needs to their wives?

 

[Goldenfinger]

Are there really so few of us on this forum living this lifestyle? Amazing, given the high number of submissions men there seem to be. Look at the personal ads: married men are falling all over themselves to submit to an anonymous Domme (who may actually be a guy or a scammer). Have those guys admitted their true nature and their needs to their wives?

Sorry for the rant

I think there are many in a FLR (some know some don’t) it’s just not the fantasy we read about here. I’d say in my almost 30 years of marriage that was always in a wife led marriage, but nothing like domme/sub. The sexual component was different, I mean she’d tell me when we were having sex. I’d get home from deployment hug my kids play with them we would eat then I’d put them to bed. Then my wife would say Ok we’re having sex now. She would always say romance was for the second night. But that changed into a more Domme/sub after time.

a lot of it is 100% fantasy for most. They go to the chats to to get dominated on line. They don’t want to talk about it here. Because they don’t know and when they really start to talk about it they can’t fake it to make it.

I get PM’s all the time and people want to talk about stuff. Most of it makes no sense. Sometimes the message wanting to talk about chastity cages. They tell me they have been locked for years without ever taking it off And yet the somehow manage to shave their pubes? And they knew nothing about hotspots or the issues with urinating.

So it’s kinda slow here and it’s usually the same posters.

 

[NancyPan]

No need to apologize for the rant. I have no patience for pretenders who say they are in chastity, etc., but really are not. And I know that a lot of women do “wear the pants” and literally run the show in marriages. But what I/we have, and I believe is possible to attain is a more formal arrangement where She is in charge.

I asked for it, we talked about it, we negotiated, I gave up what many men never would — but, I am a submissive, and She has come to understand that it is what I need to be happy and feel secure. It can REALLY happen if guys take the risk to ask for it and be realistic.

 

[htobeme5]

Sorry for the rant

I think there are many in a FLR (some know some don’t) it’s just not the fantasy we read about here. I’d say in my almost 30 years of marriage that was always in a wife led marriage, but nothing like domme/sub. The sexual component was different, I mean she’d tell me when we were having sex. I’d get home from deployment hug my kids play with them we would eat then I’d put them to bed. Then my wife would say Ok we’re having sex now. She would always say romance was for the second night. But that changed into a more Domme/sub after time.

a lot of it is 100% fantasy for most. They go to the chats to to get dominated on line. They don’t want to talk about it here. Because they don’t know and when they really start to talk about it they can’t fake it to make it.

I get PM’s all the time and people want to talk about stuff. Most of it makes no sense. Sometimes the message wanting to talk about chastity cages. They tell me they have been locked for years without ever taking it off And yet the somehow manage to shave their pubes? And they knew nothing about hotspots or the issues with urinating.

So it’s kinda slow here and it’s usually the same posters. tell me about hot spots, and urine. I love fingering my partner when she is sitting on the toilet and peeing.

 

[Wonderer67]

I guess we have a femdom/flr whatever relationship.

I’ve been in partial chastity for the last several years. Tried many cages but none of them fit my balls really well. Holy Trainer 3 has worked pretty well. A little better but after a few days it hurts.

We do engage in orgasm control in a big way. My wife lets me cum about once a month. She’s an excellent teaser and really knows how to keep me just at the brink of orgasm (we also have to communicate sometimes but she knows when I’m really close). Sometimes (this morning) she teased me and has no intention of getting me anywhere near orgasm.

We also have sex a few times weekly. I just don’t cum and I try to give her as much sexual pleasure as possible. I can last a long time. Her pleasure is my pleasure.

Every once in a while I feel the need to get pegged or spanked. She has the final say.

But in return for this, I also do a lot for her. I cook all of the meals, do all of the gardening and weeding.

We have a great relationship. We’re both very communicative. We have a farm and few businesses together and I have a good day job.

My wife is not naturally very dominant so it was tough getting started. She’s a loving domme. Some of the things we do may be considered “topping from the bottom”, but I could give a fuck what anyone else thinks. It works for us.

 

[PaxNurgle]

Whatever works in your relationship, works, and it sounds like it works wonderfully for both of you.

There is no "Right" way to femdom, so to speak, as long as both partners get what they want.

People talk a lot about "Topping from the bottom" but sometimes all that means is, communicating between partners to make sure both the top and the bottom are getting what they want and expect from each other. Both in the bedroom, and in the relationship dynamic in general.

And communication is the key to any successful relationship.

 

[swflabimale]

I had a borderline type femdom lifestyle for a long while. The things I really wasn't into became mandatory for her pleasure. There was a time where she instituted the sex and sexual situations and I pretty much had no say-so in it. I knew this when I came home one day and wasn't in the mood for fooling around. She would have none of it and from the look on her face, she was getting what she wanted then and there. In minutes, I was naked, strapped spread eagle to the table and my face was buried in her shaved soaking wet pussy. She told me I better not get hard or she would slap it into limp submission. Giving the balls a squeeze was also a deterrant. These sessions were all about her pleasure and nothing else. I learned to recognize "the look" right away and submit immediately to her sexual whims.

 

[RainyDayPen]

In a strange form of this. You know that sort of "head of household" thing running around in certain religious circles? I sort of have to take on that role as the wife, as my husband is just sooo absent-minded. I schedule everything, I make our plans, I have to tell him what chores need to get done (and I do my own without reminder from him.) I check our finances, I invest, I remind him about bills on his own credit cards and all that.

He wants it that way. I rememeber when it just wasn't working out and so much wouldn't get done or would get missed, and I just sat him down and said, Okay, I'm going to be in control of running this house from now on. You'll listen to me and I'll put what you need to do in your Reminders app. He was SO relieved. Like it was like a weight was lifted. He's been so much happier since then and everything is back on track. I remember him admitting to me, "This is exactly what I've wanted since we got together."

The thing is though it's entirely not-sexual. It's just how it's going here. He's submissive by nature, but can be a switch in the bedroom. I'm a switch myself. So for sex, it's all about roleplays in the moment. He'll be a bad boy who needs to be spanked or put into panties or all kinds of humiliation-centric punishments. Or I'm a naughty girl etc. But I think in our marriage aside from sex you might almost say it's wife-led. Curious what you think on that Nancy.

 

[emme8]

In a strange form of this. You know that sort of "head of household" thing running around in certain religious circles? I sort of have to take on that role as the wife, as my husband is just sooo absent-minded. I schedule everything, I make our plans, I have to tell him what chores need to get done (and I do my own without reminder from him.) I check our finances, I invest, I remind him about bills on his own credit cards and all that.

He wants it that way. I rememeber when it just wasn't working out and so much wouldn't get done or would get missed, and I just sat him down and said, Okay, I'm going to be in control of running this house from now on. You'll listen to me and I'll put what you need to do in your Reminders app. He was SO relieved. Like it was like a weight was lifted. He's been so much happier since then and everything is back on track. I remember him admitting to me, "This is exactly what I've wanted since we got together."

The thing is though it's entirely not-sexual. It's just how it's going here. He's submissive by nature, but can be a switch in the bedroom. I'm a switch myself. So for sex, it's all about roleplays in the moment. He'll be a bad boy who needs to be spanked or put into panties or all kinds of humiliation-centric punishments. Or I'm a naughty girl etc. But I think in our marriage aside from sex you might almost say it's wife-led. Curious what you think on that Nancy.

If it works for you that is great.


In my house Hubby runs the house. He was the stay at home Dad. He made sure food was in the fridge, the kids got to school, the bills got paid, the investments were good. I don't even have the banking app on my phone. Oh we need to buy a new car, he make all the decisions. (I requested the interior carpet colors for the car and had to settle because the car manufacturers didn't make dried football pitch turf colored carpet for car). We need to choose colors to paint the house? We will go to the paint store together but I won't veto his choice. I went to work, earned a paycheck, and truthfully wasn't even sure how much was deposited each week.

But we DO NOT have a "maledom" marriage. Sure. He made all the decisions. Because I LET him. I ASKED him to take care of the details.

Sexually. I like to be very submissive, and so does he. He isn't very dominant enough for me, but I can be dominant enough for him.
So I have my Dom, to meet my needs, and I control my cuck to give him what I know he needs.

Life is good here. Because it works for us. I don't try to fit anyone else's vision of what is ok.

I gave that up the first time his mother said something to me like "I never raised my kids in a house like this" referring to the lack of housekeeping skills which was very apparent that day. I replied with a smile. "Your son doesn't seem to have problems raising his kids in a house like this.". We had 3 still surviving toddlers at that point, I didn't sweat the details.

 

[RainyDayPen]

But we DO NOT have a "maledom" marriage. Sure. He made all the decisions. Because I LET him. I ASKED him to take care of the details.

It sounds like consent is important either way. It's okay that you don't define it as a maledom marriage, but Nancy for example said his wife controls everything but he consented to this treatment and enjoys it. Like you consented to your treatment as far as being kept out of major household decisions and finances.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I wonder what is the key difference - because I don't think it's consent. I think maybe it's more about an underlying 24/7 sexual type of thing. For example, the right to spank a naughty husband or wife that you can use that "card" at any time (in private). Or using chastity devices on your partner that they actually wear round the clock. Maybe at least one sexual BDSM component is necessary - but I don't know if it's lack of consent though I think consent is actually key to these.

 

[emme8]

There has to be consent and mutual enjoyment

I think at least at least 1 kink would be there for it to be "femdom" or "maledom". Just by definition it is dominance and submission.
And I don't think it is 24/7 control. We all have lives outside of sex. (I hope at least we all do)

but I'm sure there are lots vanilla marriages with similar decisions making dynamics work perfectly with out any kink. Except maybe hubby is masturbating off while waiting on wifey to initiate sex. (Or vice versa). I would say the introduction of orgasm control makes it a kinky lifestyle instead of vanilla.

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

My GF is definitely leading the relationship. She was so gentle and insistent that I hadn't noticed it happening. I don't even think she knows she is doing it. I'm a natural submissive, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I was just happy that she let me eat her out whenever I wanted. She even caresses my head and calls me a Good Boy when she cums particularly hard. And with recent developments, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before she calls me a Good Gurl as well.

So if Gentle Femdom is a thing, then yes.

 

[emme8]

My GF is definitely leading the relationship. She was so gentle and insistent that I hadn't noticed it happening. I don't even think she knows she is doing it. I'm a natural submissive, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I was just happy that she let me eat her out whenever I wanted. She even caresses my head and calls me a Good Boy when she cums particularly hard. And with recent developments, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before she calls me a Good Gurl as well.

So if Gentle Femdom is a thing, then yes.

Do you want to be good gurl?
What are the other recent developments.

There is a lot of distance between good boy and good girl? And that isn't a distance that is accidentally cross or just assume will happen. If that's something you might want to cross into you need to tell her gently.

Cause I don't want you to be disappointed if she never wants to go there, or worse if she thinks less of you for wanting that.

 

[NancyPan]

My GF is definitely leading the relationship. She was so gentle and insistent that I hadn't noticed it happening. I don't even think she knows she is doing it. I'm a natural submissive, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I was just happy that she let me eat her out whenever I wanted. She even caresses my head and calls me a Good Boy when she cums particularly hard. And with recent developments, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before she calls me a Good Gurl as well.

So if Gentle Femdom is a thing, then yes.

I agree with @emme8, if you want her to think of you as a girl (woman) when you worship her pussy, that is a discussion you might want to have. In my case, my Wife will also refer to me as a “good boy,” or her “pantyboy” when I please Her. I sometimes fantasize that I am a woman making love to Her (especially when my penis is tucked and I know my own ejaculation is not allowed), but She would never refer to me as a girl/girl/woman. That is not in her comfort zone. To Her, I am Her husband who She allows to wear panties and sometimes other feminine clothing, not because She likes it, but because She knows it arouses me.

As to whether there is gentle FemDom, OMG, Yes, yes, yes! She does not own any whips or paddles, or even a leather skirt, but She owns my little thing.

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

Do you want to be good gurl?
What are the other recent developments.

There is a lot of distance between good boy and good girl? And that isn't a distance that is accidentally cross or just assume will happen. If that's something you might want to cross into you need to tell her gently.

Cause I don't want you to be disappointed if she never wants to go there, or worse if she thinks less of you for wanting that.

We're both in unexplored country. When we started seeing each other, I laid bare everything; my bisexuality, extremely high libido, crossdressing, and my willingness and desire to keep experimenting.

Once we started living together, it took me a little bit to get comfortable with being myself again. She knew I was dressing at home during my days off and just recently had dressed up in front of her for the first time. I don't dress because she asked, or expect anything of her because I crossdress. I do it because it's a part of me, has been part of me for a long time and in finally in a relationship where she understands and accepts and I can do it openly without it being attached to sexy time.

I won't be disappointed because we've already passed that point. Anything else that comes up that we feel we need to talk about, we'll talk about it. We spoke on the issue of me wearing chastity and denial. How much she enjoys being my key holder and how I enjoy being at her mercies.

For us, this is how progress is made.

 

[emme8]

Sounds like you are in a good place.
Enjoy it

 

[Iris_66]

Great communication is a wonderful thing, and it seems like you have it in spades! Great you can be you, I know how much that meant to me, great she can be herself too