Do you ever feel shame, regret or guilt from your fantasies? I do...

[Mr. Briggs]

This is an interesting topic and one to which I've given some thought recently. I'm fairly new to Lit, and have found it to be an excellent vehicle for exploring my own fantasies in a safe way. If there's one thing I've learned from this self-exploration, it's that people (and I include myself) spend way too much time worrying about what other people think they should want. It strikes me that feelings of shame come from the idea of having one's fantasies become public knowledge, and subject to the scrutiny of others. No matter how deviant you believe your fantasies are, I'd bet my life savings that a LOT of other people get off on the same thoughts, whether they would admit it or not.

To quote the always incisive Dan Savage, "you're having an orgasm, not being deposed."

That is to say that fantasy is just that. Fantasizing about something does not imply that you would ever engage in it in real life. Lots of men fantasize about raping women, or having sex with their sisters, but would never actually do it. No person is under any obligation to confess his or her sexual fantasies or justify them to anyone else (not even a sexual partner).

It's good to treat people with respect, dignity and kindness, and we should be as kind to ourselves. x

Very well said! Having read your post it makes me think that a non judgemental partner probably plays a major role in this. For example if my wife said I love every one of your fantasies then all of a sudden why would there be any regret or shame.

 

[sexgoddess1]

Hi. Hopefully this turns into a good discussion where we can help each other out. If not I'll probably get ridiculed. Here's hoping for the best

I'll start by laying out a little bit about myself to paint a better picture. I'm a happily married with a young family and a sexy wife. Sex was great before marriage (Some kinky stuff like outdoor sex, strapon play) but is now once a month and it's just quickies.

Over the past 10 years my online activity has picked up. Thanks to porn and some good erotica I got off harder and harder online and was watching dirtier and dirtier stuff. Stuff I would have never thought of doing in real life but after reading or seeing it i'd consider it if my wife were up for it.

Many of you have seen my posts. Some of the things I like and fantasize about are Strapons, creampies, CEI videos, pleasing women, MMF scenarios, BI MMF scenarios, female in charge, trannies, big cocks, cock sucking etc. Often times before I cum I really get consumed by these thoughts. After I cum I can find myself feeling ashamed or guilty about what I just fantasized about to cum.

So my question to you is how do you deal with those feelings and thoughts (if you feel them). I recently took a long break from online porn and literotica. It helped a lot. I found myself not thinking the dirty thoughts on a day to day basis. Then recently I got back on and the thoughts come rushing back. The orgasms are so amazing. But I'm left wondering whether it's healthy or not.

Anyhow just wondering how you guys dealing with it.

Thanks!

I have had guilty feelings, only because the fantasies I have had do not involve my husband. The fantasies involve other men, who are the opposite of my man. I am in want of things I can not have and I do not want to cause him pain. So, I carry guilt.

 

[stickygirl]

Shame and guilt can even be seen in the animal kingdom, so it's not entirely a religious construct, but boy, do the church love to make a thing of it? History shows a series of swings between licentious and virtuous moral codes, promoted by religious and political authorities. Those codes trickle down to us via our parents, giving a sense of right and wrong, of decent and immoral behaviour and that in turn finds its way into our brain right after we've orgasmed.
Fuck em. I'm my own woman and I get enough guilt laid on me by other people without my own moral compass joining in. Sure, there's a "post-coital tristesse", amongst men in particular, who are supposed to fall asleep while the woman skips off to find her favourite Alpha to have the real baby with, but frankly if wanking makes you sad, then don't do it. Me? I'm grinning ear to ear

 

[cuck72]

It's so sinful of me

I feel so guilty and ashamed with a few of my fantasies . I’m a very perverted old daddy / husband with a lot of cuckold submissive fantasies . My wife knows about my thoughts of other guys we know fucking her . She doesn’t know about how much of a submissive cuckboy I dream about , Like being a clean up cock sucking cuckold husband . And that I jack off to interracial gay porn with me being the white bitch boy .

But my real guilt is my fantasies about our niece , my wife and I know about her addiction to black man , and it really turns me on . OMG if my wife knew that .

I’m ashamed that I fantasize about our 42 yo niece making her old submissive uncle a clean up bitch boy . I get off thinking of those strong younger black guys fucking my niece and me eating her cum filled pussy .

I know how so wrong this is . But she loves showing off her big 42 yo tities , wearing these low cut tight tank tops . Always puts up pic’s on face book showing off her cleavage and making those black cocks hard and her old perverted cuckold uncle . I get so hard , but I am so sorry and ashamed , because deep down I KNOW how sinful it is .

 

[Jay Richards]

Your post is intelligent and took guts to post Mr. B. I am not any different from you and I find that most of us have common stories. Lit has become a great resource for my creativity and my sexuality. Just read my stories and you will see.

 

[jschult422]

Good topic

I'm newly registered on Lit but a LONG time reader of the site.

I have found myself spending more and more time lately in this fantasy world. I feel guilty about hiding it from my wife and the time I'm not doing other, more productive things. I enjoy the thrill of the conversation and exploring chats with other guys and girls about hot topics. I also play the delete the app and login every so often....until I need it again.

 

[LibraStud]

Random thoughts and experiences.

Random thoughts and experiences.

What I feel is very naughty may be very tame to someone else.

It took a long time for me to realize that women are "hornier" than men.

Most women want to be whores and sluts behind closed doors. Their problem is how to tell someone "new" about this without seeming like a slut - the age old problem of "how to bring it up."

There is a lot of excitement in discovering how "kinky" your partner is.

Many women love to fantasize about being taken against their will - and many times by multiple men for extended periods of time.

Excessive testosterone in the bloodstream causes men to be eternally horny.

The knowledge that, in the near future, perhaps this weekend, you are going to be with the "person of your dreams" is so powerful, makes you even more horny, and drives your desires higher - these thoughts cause huge satisfying orgasms in themselves.

Every woman wants a man's hug - and have it last just a bit too long.

 

[screwher]

My wife, my fantasy

I fantasize about other men having sex with my wife. Yes it's a little off the beaten path but atbthe end of the day it still my wife I'm imagining. So even if I believed one should feel guilty about their fantasies there's no way I would about mine.

 

[Jay Richards]

BTW Mr. B, what does you wife know about your activity here? And your various interests and fantasies? Does she know you are part of the "Men who 'Love Cock's" club? Does she know you want to lick your own cum from her open just fucked pussy lips?

Jay

 

[KUJACK]

No.guilt

I don't have guilt from the actual deeds.

 

[WonderPonder]

I'd say I feel shame for a certain fantasy, plus I feel some regret at times with turning another fantasy into reality because I have hardly any control. At the same time I'm also the most sexually charged from it so it's a double edged sword. I made my bed so now I have to sleep in it.

 

[quietlylooking]

I suppose I do feel a sense of shame from certain fantasies that I've had... but usually I'm pretty forgiving to myself as well as analytical about it afterward ("wow, I wonder what brought that fantasy into my mind").

Sometimes shame can heighten arousal... and sometimes fantasies and reality can dance around each other. It's all part of the beauty and joy of sexuality.

 

[Sonofawhore]

Sick fantasies about my slut mother

I do feel (a lil bit) ashamed about the nasty thoughts about my slut mother...do i feel regrets? No....i truly believe that she is the reason why i have the thoughts that i do....

 

[Bluestreak363]

I have no guilt from fantasy or those that became reality. You only get one shot at this spinning mudball. Enjoy it.

 

[lacycheeks]

I have no guilt from fantasy or those that became reality. You only get one shot at this spinning mudball. Enjoy it.

Bravo....you took the words right out of my devious mind

 

[NC_OBX80]

Bravo....you took the words right out of my devious mind

Could not agree with both of you more!

 

[KinkStevens]

Now and then

The regret feels good somedays!

 

[CuttingEdge]

I often wonder if my wife is on here. We are Christians, but very erotic people. She does not know I am on here, but knows of most of my fantasies and knows I write a lot of erotic stories. Most are for her, though a few (ones for people who have asked) get special ones from them. If its over the top, I'll keep them from her.

The weird thing about me is masturbation. I know there is talk all the time on here about it, but I don't do that. I feel that would be "cheating" on her. THAT I would feel intense guilt about! I can't rob my wife of sex.

 

[bear175]

Once you realize (and Lit is a good way for this) that out of the 8 billions or so inhabitants of this planet, there are quite a few thousands if not millions that share one or some of your dirtiest fantasies, the guilt tends to be less present. I think I have achieved that 80%.

 

[DarkrSide]

Unfortunately yes. I have fantasies about an old friend from high school. The only reason I feel guilt about it is she's married to another friend from high school. If I didn't know the husband it wouldn't be a problem for me.

 

[LostBabygirl3489]

Yes, in the past, but not anymore. Sex isn't dirty or wrong. As long as everyone enjoys it, it's consensual and they are of age.

 

[EggoWaffle]

My fantasies are my own. I'm not ashamed of them. I don't feel shame because of them.

 

[MODaddy68]

No, no guilt or shame. Not all fantasies have to become a reality. I'm fine with some of them always being a fantasy. Nothing to feel guilty or shame about as I'm the only one who will know some of them.

 

[starider07]

It really depends on what you feel bad about. If its doing something without the wife or stepping outside the marriage, or if its the acts themselves.
I used to be that way in both cases. Now I have a different viewpoint.
Nothing wrong with fantasies. They gelp promote a healthy sex life.
I find the items mentioned nothing to be ashamed about either.
So far it sounds like you may feel more guilty about maybe not including her in this, or maybe self pleasure opposed to doing it together.
Now I read your post, but because I am on my phone I have not read the replies so apologies if its repetitious.
Maybe try involving her and see if you can re-energize your sex life ? Likely she also has some feelings, needs, and desires, needing attention as well. Maybe together you have the same thoughts. Maybe not. But communication is everything. Don't be afraid to go to some neutral ground and calmly express your needs and desires and allow her to do the same. Heaven sexually maybonly be as far away as a 30 minute talk.
Not the case with me, my wife is faaar too conservative. But you and yours have been there and done many things that she too may want to relive.
Don't let everyday life get in the way of your love life. It has a funny way of doing just that.
Best wishs and good luck.
Feel free to contact me if you wish

 

[Ubiquitious_too]

Shame, guilt, ? Hell no!