Do you ever feel shame, regret or guilt from your fantasies? I do...

[Mr. Briggs]

Hi. Hopefully this turns into a good discussion where we can help each other out. If not I'll probably get ridiculed. Here's hoping for the best

I'll start by laying out a little bit about myself to paint a better picture. I'm a happily married with a young family and a sexy wife. Sex was great before marriage (Some kinky stuff like outdoor sex, strapon play) but is now once a month and it's just quickies.

Over the past 10 years my online activity has picked up. Thanks to porn and some good erotica I got off harder and harder online and was watching dirtier and dirtier stuff. Stuff I would have never thought of doing in real life but after reading or seeing it i'd consider it if my wife were up for it.

Many of you have seen my posts. Some of the things I like and fantasize about are Strapons, creampies, CEI videos, pleasing women, MMF scenarios, BI MMF scenarios, female in charge, trannies, big cocks, cock sucking etc. Often times before I cum I really get consumed by these thoughts. After I cum I can find myself feeling ashamed or guilty about what I just fantasized about to cum.

So my question to you is how do you deal with those feelings and thoughts (if you feel them). I recently took a long break from online porn and literotica. It helped a lot. I found myself not thinking the dirty thoughts on a day to day basis. Then recently I got back on and the thoughts come rushing back. The orgasms are so amazing. But I'm left wondering whether it's healthy or not.

Anyhow just wondering how you guys dealing with it.

Thanks!

 

[jays78]

I understand what you are going through. In the moment I am totally consumed in my dirty thoughts. But once I cum I feel a little ashamed. In the last year or so, my wife and myself have been really open with our fantasies. Since we share some I feel less guilty. It's nice knowing that a real in the flesh person is almost as filthy as I am.

 

[Mr. Briggs]

I understand what you are going through. In the moment I am totally consumed in my dirty thoughts. But once I cum I feel a little ashamed. In the last year or so, my wife and myself have been really open with our fantasies. Since we share some I feel less guilty. It's nice knowing that a real in the flesh person is almost as filthy as I am.

Yeah. That's not going to happen here. So it leaves me with a real life gap in that area. The nice thing is that at least Lit reminds me I'm normal and not alone with my dirty thoughts.

 

[CharlieGG]

Great topic Briggs...

I wouldn't call what I feel "shame" (I share a lot of your fantasies/fetishes) but definitely there are times when I think "I really need to get this under control... it really isn't that important..."

But then I'll get horny, surf Lit, start chatting and here we go again. I've mostly come to grips with most of it but I will admit if someone discovered it all I'd have a hard time making them understand it all I'm sure...

 

[Mr. Briggs]

Great topic Briggs...

I wouldn't call what I feel "shame" (I share a lot of your fantasies/fetishes) but definitely there are times when I think "I really need to get this under control... it really isn't that important..."

But then I'll get horny, surf Lit, start chatting and here we go again. I've mostly come to grips with most of it but I will admit if someone discovered it all I'd have a hard time making them understand it all I'm sure...

That is a much better way to put it. I couldn't think of the words to describe it.

 

[Dreamer110]

That is a much better way to put it. I couldn't think of the words to describe it.

It's like he read my mind. Lol

 

[Mr. Briggs]

Funny how timing works. So as I mentioned I haven't been spending much time here or watching porn lately. But recently I did and it was great. Then the next day had an interesting experience that was all the more difficult and complete mind fuck thanks to erotica and porn. Here it is.

I was at the gym and after my workout I went in to shower. Each shower stall is private and has frosted glass dividing them from the other showers. I've always showered and you can never really see anyone or any details through it (just a rough outline). Now I went into a stall i had never been in and the frosting isn't as strong in this one and low and behold next to me was a huge black guy. I swear the damn frosting seemed non existent. I could see everything. I was completely conflicted. I wanted to look to see what his cock was like but at the same time was worried about two things. #1 him seeing me looking and #2 him noticing the reaction seeing his cock would have had on me. It was a very hard shower. I then went in the steam room and while I was sitting there (alone) kept thinking him and his other black buddy may walk in to the steam room at any time. They didn't and when i returned to shower again they were gone.

 

[little cletus]

I don't regret the thoughts. I regret asking my wife to assist in my fantasies.

I'm a human being. I can't control my thoughts. If I want to jerk off while thinking of a hard cock in my ass, so be it. I'm not hurting anyone. That shit looks like fun. I wont let society tell me what I can fantasize about.

As long as my fantasies (which you and I know are basically the same) doesn't lead me astray from my marriage, then I have no problem. In my fantasies I'm the bottom. I'm emasculated. I'm wearing lingerie and getting fucked by men and women with strapons. Its not illegal or immoral.

 

[screwher]

Not really

Probably compared to a lot of what goes through most guys around here heads, my fantasies are kind of tame. But remeber these are just fantasies...all in your head. As long as they don't involve children or killing someone then you're good to go.

 

[Mr. Briggs]

I don't regret the thoughts. I regret asking my wife to assist in my fantasies.

I'm a human being. I can't control my thoughts. If I want to jerk off while thinking of a hard cock in my ass, so be it. I'm not hurting anyone. That shit looks like fun. I wont let society tell me what I can fantasize about.

As long as my fantasies (which you and I know are basically the same) doesn't lead me astray from my marriage, then I have no problem. In my fantasies I'm the bottom. I'm emasculated. I'm wearing lingerie and getting fucked by men and women with strapons. Its not illegal or immoral.

Agreed!

 

[Mr. Briggs]

Probably compared to a lot of what goes through most guys around here heads, my fantasies are kind of tame. But remeber these are just fantasies...all in your head. As long as they don't involve children or killing someone then you're good to go.

Very true.

 

[MisterScott]

As a Christian, I have an ongoing struggle with my faith vs my sexual appetite. I really do love my wife but our sex drives are VERY different. My fantasies have gotten more and more...risque...as time goes on...

There is no way I can JUSTIFY my behavior but I can certainly RATIONALIZE it...

 

[ukcouple4play]

I have a lot of guilt/shame issues relating to what amounted to a sex chat addiction that saw a previous relationship end. My current fiance is fantastic and has really reassured me that it is ok, she understands, and would even like to be more 'involved'. But even though I share my fantasies with her and we now have shared accounts on this and other sites, somehow I feel I can't really 'let go' and let her know fully the extent of my desires. I'd love to, but guilt and doubt always gets in the way.

 

[5watcher]

My wife does not know about my account here. So is that guilt?

She does know I read stories. She has asked what I read that day. I tell her to read more. I do feel the more you read the more you think about sex. Not that our sex life is bad(about 2-4 times a week). I want her to see others open up and maybe she will become more comfortable expressing what she likes.

 

[Mr. Briggs]

My wife does not know about my account here. So is that guilt?

She does know I read stories. She has asked what I read that day. I tell her to read more. I do feel the more you read the more you think about sex. Not that our sex life is bad(about 2-4 times a week). I want her to see others open up and maybe she will become more comfortable expressing what she likes.

Yep that makes sense and i agree with you

 

[Rockstarkings]

Yep that makes sense and i agree with you

I too have been married a long time, love my wife but have been on Lit and having very dirty fantasies for a couple of years now. She has become less interested in sex lately, probably due to menopause, but I know she feels bad about it. I think the worst part for me is the fantasies have sort of taken over and it has gotten harder to cum when we do have sex, yet it seems I can pretty much jerk off whenever I want to, as long as my head is filled with dirty thoughts.

 

[SunDevilGirl]

I do sometimes have those feelings. Access to porn is so easy and I can become desensitized to it so I look for something naughtier or new. I've found myself enjoying ideas/vids/stories that I would never expect to like and afterwards I do feel those feelings of guilt.

Is it healthy? I guess that's up to you. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, it probably isn't healthy.

 

[Bampire]

I really don't feel guilt, because I have no religious hang ups and compartmentalize my fantasies from my reality in a way that works for me.

 

[Clem99]

As a Christian, I have an ongoing struggle with my faith vs my sexual appetite. I really do love my wife but our sex drives are VERY different. My fantasies have gotten more and more...risque...as time goes on...

There is no way I can JUSTIFY my behavior but I can certainly RATIONALIZE it...

Bingo!

I am Christian as well but have a huge sexual appetite that my wife can't/won't fully satisfy. I spend time here and watching porn to help me fill that gap. I tell myself that one day I should stop but...I feel the need and away I go again...

It hasn't gotten excessive but, I find myself here more often than before. Sex once a week or so isn't enough for my liking.

 

[makemewet69]

Yes! Very much so. I have a lot of urges and desires and I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I feel ashamed for some of the things I enjoy doing or watching in porn.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

good topic.

Those feeling are probably what keep us from going crazy. Although I do admit I go crazy very often. But it could be worse. Wow some real revelations here.

 

[SimpleGifts]

Yes! Very much so. I have a lot of urges and desires and I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I feel ashamed for some of the things I enjoy doing or watching in porn.

I'm just curious...if you're ashamed of things that you're doing, is the issue that the shame isn't powerful enough to stop you? Or is it that you feel that what you're doing is OK, but for some other reason, feel ashamed about it?

SG

 

[makemewet69]

I'm just curious...if you're ashamed of things that you're doing, is the issue that the shame isn't powerful enough to stop you? Or is it that you feel that what you're doing is OK, but for some other reason, feel ashamed about it?

SG

I don't like anything illegal or anything. Certain things just go against my norm and how I'm viewed. I'm supposed to be the innocent good wife... If they only knew.

 

[Bampire]

I don't like anything illegal or anything. Certain things just go against my norm and how I'm viewed. I'm supposed to be the innocent good wife... If they only knew.

A nonjudgmental husband might say it makes you a very good wife if you were to share what makes you tick.

 

[erigeron]

wow, what an honest and provactive question. thanks, mr. briggs!

i too am conflicted about my relationship with my desires and fantasies (not always strictly facilitated by porn), and i've come up with many theories about my own situation. all of them are probably a little bit true and at the same time none of them tell the whole story.

i grew up in a very conservative christian home. among other mixed messages, it was bipolar about sexuality, as my parents could never made up their minds about what messages to send. i think their own disappointments and inadequacies played heavily into the picture they painted of sex. on the whole, lots of shame and judgment. i don't actively practice that belief system anymore but like many people i know, i've never entirely left it behind. for a long time i assigned all the blame to my neurotic, religious upbringing but at the same time, i know plenty of people raised like me who seemingly went on to accept and fulfill their appetites (well, as much as i can know without setting up spycams in people's bedrooms).

all my life, i've also struggled to "succeed" at romance. i'm either painfully ignorant of the other person's needs or just as oblivious of their manipulations until it's too late. this is another reason fantasy has become so prevalent in my life. it is typically the only option that lets me feel/pretend for brief periods that i am loved and satisfied without risking devastating hurt to myself or others.

that second one may not sound like it necessarily relates to "twisted" fantasies, but i think it does because i've come to the conclusion that sexuality, as society sees it, is a strictly-regulated reward for being well-behaved and submitting to norms. i can count on one hand the number of sexual encounters i've had that were not super-glued to an assortment of litmus tests and expectations, so that sexual interaction is reduced to a political maneuver, and i can likewise count on one hand the number of people i've known who will openly admit to any sexual desires that get remotely close to the boundaries of monogamous, procreative sex (if they will even talk about that). what people will talk about behind the internet veil of anonymity is, of course, another matter.

i've gone on too long already but i will state just one more of my pet theories, which is that we have an animal and a rational nature that never quite get along in the body they have to share. one side of us always wants to prove to itself that the mind is in control, the other side wants to gorge on dessert. the first can't stop drawing blueprints for how life should ideally be lived, the second just wants to run around naked in the woods. neither is quite wrong but they rarely agree on what's appropriate.

the rational side gives us some very good things (like don't rape, don't mess with children), but it gets in trouble because it never quite knows when to quit making rules. if some things have rules, shouldn't everything have rules? if we don't make rules for some things, what happens to the other rules we want to preserve? so there's an endless tug of war between the need for order and a life that is impossible to completely order.

anyway, all that to say that i wank like crazy to lots of things i have never told anyone about and which simultaneously give me the most euphoric orgasms and the most terrible guilt, but i live with it because it's difficult to entirely rationalize to myself (to shut up my brain) and impossible to rationalize to others (who have their hands full dealing with their own neuroses and thus can't deal well with mine, and i don't trust anyone that much anyway).