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Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2012
- Posts
- 221
How do you talk to your partner about jealousy without it turning into a "are you telling me there's something I need to be jealous about?" fight? I constantly fantasize about doing a threesome or a swap, but I'm afraid to bring it up.
A little prior history: my wife and I broken up for a time before we were married (she was carrying our son at the time, too). She slept with another man, but didn't tell me until about 3 months ago. The breakup (and her sex encounter) occurred six years ago. I had no reason to feel jealous, and I was not jealous at all. I was actually mildly amused. She got angry at me because I wasn't jealous or upset. What did I do wrong?
In certain species (lions, some macaques, langurs, etc.) males kill infants that aren't theirs. In other species (various rodents and a few other macaques, for instance) females kill other females' infants. "Pregnant" lobsters will try to kill every lobster, male or female, that they encounter. And some people, I'm one of them, believe humans should, if not exhibiting the same behavior, at least have a similar degree of hostility to all actual and possible rivals in sexual matters. We believe the Highlander movies got it right: there can be only one (realistically, of course, it's more like "in my ideal world there would be only one" or "in order for me to achieve total satisfaction there can be only one" or "there can be others as long as I win"). I mean, I don't even like sharing something as trivial as my city with other males. I have like five or six token male friends and only two of those are actually in the same state as me, and all the celebrities I'm a fan of (my sports teams, movie stars, musicians, etc.) are all either female or stay out of my state. So projecting myself onto her, what you did wrong was not hate a man who was your enemy in the struggle for resources and reproduction - and had actually defeated you in that struggle - and whose offspring by dint of merely existing are a threat to your own progeny. I assume that made her have doubts about whether you would fight for her now, with her thinking that you fighting for her would be a good thing.