Distrust in Men. Help.

[Champakian]

Show us your pronouns!

Is that what we're calling tits now?

I think that's a little too PC even for this blizzard of snowflakes...

 

[rockcasbah]

Hey, she’s not a whore… she’s a pronoun!

 

[LittleDixie]

A little background: I came out of an 8-year emotionally and verbally abusive marriage three years ago.

I went on a date a few days ago and I thought it went well. We had been talking a couple weeks prior and we seemed to click wonderfully! The next day, however, he told me he was considering dating his ex-wife after telling me there was no chance they would get back together.

I embarrassingly cried for four hours that night because I felt so foolish! It was like a bad April Fool’s joke.

Fast forward to today where I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch, and he stood me up.

I KNOW all men aren’t abusive and terrible. I know there are some genuinely good men, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone like that due to my past interactions with men.

Can any of you relate to this? Am I just being completely sexist and rude and judgmental?

Sorry to hear about the emotionally abusive marriage. I'm glad that you're out of that situation and able to move on with your life.

The other two events seem more to be about you being stood up, and the way that hurts you is noteworthy.

I think you really need to explore that and ask yourself - what is it that I am really feeling? Why did them standing me up or turning towards someone else hit me so hard?

Dig deep. You have the answers in you, you just need to take some time and really think it through. Take a walk in the park (just you) and think about why you feel the way you do. I think you'll find the real source of your issues.

 

[IsItBad]

A little background: I came out of an 8-year emotionally and verbally abusive marriage three years ago.

I went on a date a few days ago and I thought it went well. We had been talking a couple weeks prior and we seemed to click wonderfully! The next day, however, he told me he was considering dating his ex-wife after telling me there was no chance they would get back together.

I embarrassingly cried for four hours that night because I felt so foolish! It was like a bad April Fool’s joke.

Fast forward to today where I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch, and he stood me up.

I KNOW all men aren’t abusive and terrible. I know there are some genuinely good men, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone like that due to my past interactions with men.

Can any of you relate to this? Am I just being completely sexist and rude and judgmental?

One thing you have to consider is where are you finding these potential suitors? In alot of online venues it is just simply a meat market. Guys (and sometimes girls) will just say or do anything at all to get laid. That is the entire goal and once achieved they just ghost you and move on. So, maybe there is some other venue where you can find an actual decent guy who is interested in a relationship.

In the specific case you mention, it is difficult being with anyone who has not gotten over their past love. Perhaps the guy was totally honest when he said it was over but he didn't realize she would give him another chance. They kept talking, he realized he could see her again, and that was most important to him. Point being, rather than take it as an insult to you, think of it more that he was really still in love with her and maybe dating you made him realize he just couldn't be with another girl at this point.

Sadly, though, alot of people are just rude these days. Far less considerate than they ought to be, they just think of themselves and what they need versus the heart and feelings of whoever they are potentially dating or pursuing. Try not to feel jaded. There is truly a person for everyone and it is just a matter of time until you find your person. Try hard to remain optimistic.

I don't think anything you said was sexist or judgmental though - really just reporting the facts of what you experienced.

hang in there xoxoxo

 

[rockcasbah]

“One thing you have to consider is where are you finding these potential suitors?”

She’s on the GB, which has a global reputation for helping lonely hearts heal through wifeslut and bdsm.

She’s in good hands!

 

[Dribble]

Tell yourself a lie long enough, and that lie becomes your truth.

 

[PersonalFavors]

Sorry to hear about the emotionally abusive marriage. I'm glad that you're out of that situation and able to move on with your life.

The other two events seem more to be about you being stood up, and the way that hurts you is noteworthy.

I think you really need to explore that and ask yourself - what is it that I am really feeling? Why did them standing me up or turning towards someone else hit me so hard?

Dig deep. You have the answers in you, you just need to take some time and really think it through. Take a walk in the park (just you) and think about why you feel the way you do. I think you'll find the real source of your issues.

While little Dixie has a great point, try to think how you got there at the vacant second date.....

Here you go. Give this a read. It takes two in more ways than one.
https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

I don't know if it would work for a woman. But as a guy with the internet when it was new there were so many dates I didn't have time. Reluctantly, I judged the books by the cover. No photo, no comment. Old photo, no photo, claimed not to know how to take or upload a photo... weeded out. Needed em to be brighter to ride this ride.

If they would not meet at the grocery store and come home and participate in preparation or allow me to cook what was the freshest ingredients we could find that day, I had a few places I could go out and not be harassed like a waitress outing me with, "this is your ## internet date this week". That was a kiss of death before it was even a possibility. Although when stood up one time that waitress was VERY sympathetic.

On the dates, usually dinner, money was fun. I was always prepared to pay it all and kind of waited until it came up to say so. I just didn't care. Now it is a bit different because of cost and what not. At some point I liked to make it like truth or dare conversation, but only truth because we were in public. Lame-o personal questions at first to give her a chance to ask me something good. Then I would slip in my favorite. "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" They always lied and said months or years. I would say I did not believe them eventually challenging with, "how can you go that long without touching yourself?" Which 100% of the time was denied. In disbelief I would say, "you can't be serious?" You have never done it for yourself?" And, "how do you know what you like?" would sometimes elicit some valuable information. Or led to, if you really don't do that, "what do you fantasize about?" Or when they finally gave in and said last week, after all that I would ask, "what was the story that played out in your head?" Is it always the same? Or if receptive but cautious, it was fun to ask standing or laying down? On your back or.... This set of questions would be bad for you. As women in destructive relationships did not always have a really good view on sex. I also like a safer subset of innocently asked questions based on, "when was the first time?" No not the first time you did it, you know, the first time you discovered it felt good? Something was really special or different there? Did you discover it or did someone show you? Tell me the story. I do love those responses. Much the same way I like to read stories and discovered this website. Depending on the answers and responsiveness I could delve into other subjects. When you shop with your friends do you change in the same room. Or their first blow job was it curious or begged for to the point of demand?

I know it is not your question but there were not many differing responses. The positive masturbaters were always the best. Gave the best head and liked their pussy licked and appraised for beauty.... Could fuck more than once or thrice in a love making session and might even spend the night on the first date.

To get to that point in conversation they had to pass the lick test. Because it was my rule no way no how, if I would not lick it I would not stick it. Period. Hence the link to the article at the top. Its a two way street or it is not fun. What vibe did you provide on the first date? Did you make it difficult to be on a topic of his choice and agree? Or did you always have some opposing response or worse no opinion? If you pass the 'lick' test you still have to be able to communicate and that must be positive. Apprehension is a dead give away you want to travel, do zip lines, jump out of air planes or whatever. If those are your goals like a bucket list the dates you had were likely not interested in reliving that. Been there done that and to be honest with war close to EU and covid potentially mutated and and still around there remain several places I am not ready to go to anyway. And costs are unusually high here, imagine travel destinations. You have to be able to participate in the conversation. Blaming someone else without evidence shuts people down.

Anyway, read the article and think about what you talked about on the dates before you were stood up. What was your notion? FYes or FNo? Did you listen and respond or do all the talking? It may be that you want someone to spend time with and that is fine. But if it is your sole objective take a chance and get laid or even take control. Get on top and tell him you need to use him like your toy. Then let him feel your wet sloppy orgasm. Maybe if you better understand your sensuality and what was missing from your marriage you can do better locating what it is you are actually looking for.

 

[njlauren]

Give yourself a break, it is easy to feel like "I'll never find a decent person, because they are all like that" when you have been burned. Read some of the stories on Lit and you would figure all women are narcissistic ppl who care only about themselves....a lot of those stories have been written by men who were burned, and lash out.

Knowing what I know about abuse and abusive relationships, they can leave you with scars and one of the big ones is that you as a person aren't worthy (abusers generally belittle the person they are with), and it can make someone go out into the world thinking they only deserve what they can get.

Kudos to some of the other posters. I am glad you are getting help, not all therapists are great and if you feel like you aren't making progress, try another one (not commenting on your current therapy, that is a hypothetical). The key thing therapy is supposed to do is clean out the baggage, let you see it for what it is and work around it.

Sadly, some people are keyed into other people and they sense when someone has a weakness and preys on it, and they aren't necessarily bad people , they do it instictively. When you clean out the baggage, you also develop your own instincts that helps you navigate. If for example you are someone who is always pleasing other people, in the hope that will do it, others will prey on that, but if you are aware of it you only will do it when it is reciprocated (my old therapist used to put it as "you can't play tennis by yourself").The cousin who blew you off probably figured "oh, I know X, she won't mind", because you prob are someone who shrugged off a lot.

And I so agree with others about being friends first, find people and activities you like and do it without pressure. My mom used to say that far too often people forgot what dating was, that they were so hyped up on having a relationship they forgot was dating as for, that it allowed you to find people and figure out if something was there without the pressure of trying to find someone.

Give yourself time. I am partnered with someone now for a lot of years, and she had a really horrible, abusive background, and some of the scars are still there, they creep up from time to time. You are doing the right thing, keep working with the therapist and find what YOU want, rather than trying to find what others want, and you will find the right person.....and as others said, along the way, be kind to yourself, you are not broken, you are not a victim, you are someone swimming upstream at the moment, which means you are strong (as opposed to letting the current take you the other way>

 

[PersonalFavors]

My girl of 4 years or so had been single for many years. Divorced from an abusive husband that drank and at times would even hit. Ignored the child after divorce and later discovered he could use her to abuse the mother. Which goes on to this day.

We met over time. Both engineers were solving critical technical issues having to basically learn each others trade to understand how our technology could work together. We were each others teacher. The trust built in that time replaced our dates. We discovered each other after the project and learned she bought a home near mine. She came over for dinner. That was 4 years ago.

I had been single for several years as in my younger years dating was usually going out and spending money to do something I was much better at at home. While I do wish she was a better cook I can still put it on the table and pair it with wine. Favorite hobby and I get to do it everyday. That said dating is unfortunately a thing of the past. I, and now we, have not found a restaurant worth re-visiting. A few maybe far away but why pay 30$ a plate and not have wine?

As for therapy or counseling she let me know she was seeing someone. Eventually I got her to talk about it. I noticed two things. He wanted to prescribe medication and the advice was based on what she told him. When I asked why the doctor responded that way when she told me xyz.... She said she didn't want to talk about that to him. Over time I was able to ask enough questions she finally rationalized that he prescribed medication, did not know all the facts and was basically just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear.

That is exactly what the last two posters said and did. As well, you must find that rarity, that needle in the haystack. I do not know your age, but as you get older there is more than attraction that determines the next date. This is still planet Earth. Health comes into play. More age and retirement comes into play. Finance. Poor personal planning is very difficult to absorb. Heavy debt is stress most can do without. Taking on someone to support in retirement is something that will be on the others mind like it or not. I didn't plan for that. Which is why I am still working. Putting off spending the retirement does make it larger and more agile.

In my last post I said make it fun. Play the game. You don't have to put out. But if you take that off the table from the get go, you likely will not get a second date. I am pretty sure when I say most men I am accurate. We do not want a life without sex. If the guys you find are single, guess what? They already have that. Me being a realist makes me think long term. Are you looking for a travel partner? Or are you looking for someone forever? If it is the latter, home has to work. I don't know about you, but I love home. I keep it clean and all the services in fine working order. Clean. Ready for use. Self sufficient. Domesticated. When I do retire I also have an idea that in reality may be a plan. A boat, fishing and hunting so I can relive some moments of my childhood when I learned to eat and cook. That means she needs to be a good host. I've done my share of travelling and when I did, it was all about the food. What did they eat when they celebrated local tradition? Sex was second on the list. Now at 57 I need my travel partner to be good at it. Sharing time at home is key. But this is me projecting what I need. What I want to find in the lady.

Which brings it back to you and finding a match. It is not you they didn't like. It is the prospect of fitting into their lifestyle. If they didn't see it, their heart wasn't in it, and they did you a favor. And I think you should be selective as well. Don't settle. If you submit to someone needily they may reveal the same abuse you rid yourself of 8 years ago. Or did he leave you?

I see many responses here, but all of us that were not belittling you revealed we do not know enough to really give advice. But ask more questions. Like you did here after the counseling didn't work? Has any of the questions or related facts helped you? Do tell.

 

[Akinkymind]

Speaking as a man you're not entirely wrong there... but it swings both ways... there's a grey area though between inability to function appropiately in society, especially men with women, and those who set out to mislead and use women - my advice [for what it's worth] is always to never give trust but allow it to be earned in stepped increments ... most genuine people will feck up occasionally and need at least one get out of jail card

I‘d agree with what I think you’re getting at here in the general sense; but if you read the opening post again its pretty clear that she’s given out plenty of get out of jail cards already. I think she’s well past this point. It also sure reads like she is actively working on developing a more healthy trust in (some) men, but is quite rightfully hesitant about getting burned again. More power to her in that process! I don’t think she needs to be any more forgiving than she has already been.

 

[curioustxn]

A little background: I came out of an 8-year emotionally and verbally abusive marriage three years ago.

I went on a date a few days ago and I thought it went well. We had been talking a couple weeks prior and we seemed to click wonderfully! The next day, however, he told me he was considering dating his ex-wife after telling me there was no chance they would get back together.

I embarrassingly cried for four hours that night because I felt so foolish! It was like a bad April Fool’s joke.

Fast forward to today where I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch, and he stood me up.

I KNOW all men aren’t abusive and terrible. I know there are some genuinely good men, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone like that due to my past interactions with men.

Can any of you relate to this? Am I just being completely sexist and rude and judgmental?

I wouldn't be too upset. Men are dicks. There is a Prince Charming out there, you're just have to search through the frogs to find him. Don't blame yourself because some men have no class.

 

[Escierto]

I read the title of this thread and I thought, distrust in men? Men are not trustworthy! You should assume that they are all lying bastards until they prove otherwise.

 

[hanban24]

A little background: I came out of an 8-year emotionally and verbally abusive marriage three years ago.

I went on a date a few days ago and I thought it went well. We had been talking a couple weeks prior and we seemed to click wonderfully! The next day, however, he told me he was considering dating his ex-wife after telling me there was no chance they would get back together.

I embarrassingly cried for four hours that night because I felt so foolish! It was like a bad April Fool’s joke.

Fast forward to today where I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch, and he stood me up.

I KNOW all men aren’t abusive and terrible. I know there are some genuinely good men, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone like that due to my past interactions with men.

Can any of you relate to this? Am I just being completely sexist and rude and judgmental?

I’ve been around and dated some really crappy guys. It definitely can effect the way you view men.

That being said, I’ve also been around/dated a lot of great guys. With anything (gender, race, age, etc), you can’t penalize the experiences you’ve had with a few change the way you view the whole. If you penalize people for things they didn’t do, it sets relationships up for failure.

 

[curious_nick]

I got basically kicked out of my home one day by gf of almost 8 years at the time. It took me 5 years before I dared to get in a new serious relationship.

Granted, me and my x hadn't had the best of times before it ended, and in retrospect, I had to accept my part of the blame. But what hurt the most was how it happened. So I was supposed to deliver her car at the dealership to get a fault fixed. It was supposed to be delivered at opening hours, so 7am. And we lived an hour away and she had work in the morning and I didn't. Thankfully, my brother and his gf lived in the town where the dealership was, so I drove there the evening before and spent the night there. Then I spent another 5, yes 5 hours at the dealership waiting for the car to be fixed, before I drove home.

Finally back home, I stepped out of the car and our neighbour who was outside came over, and was wondering why that car was there, he thought we'd gotten a new one as there was a different car parked there last night...
And at that moment I knew it instantly.
Felt like a gutshot...

I came in told her in a joking tone, "I thought I told you no guys allowed while I was away" and she just asked me to move out...

What passed me off the most, is that she could never admit to cheating on me, even tho she knew that I knew she had been...


Granted, this was never a violent and abusive relationship. But we were engaged, was in the starting phase of planning a family now that we had bought a house...

But there are truth in the cliché, love happens when you least expect it. My current gf is the best that has happened to me. I can be completely open about my feelings, my fears due to my MS diagnosis, my wishes. And in the bedroom, kinks and desires can be talked about without fear of judgement.

So yeah. Maybe when you stop looking, and just keep an open mind and grab the possibilities that present them self's, you'll find love again.

 

[Mister_Discreet]

Very sorry to hear your problems. No, all men aren’t assholes. Sometimes things just don’t align and the consequences are remarkable. I always believe that the same thing will happen in the other direction though, too. I never lie to anybody, it’s always been my policy. I’m in a relationship, if you don’t like that, fine. I have other friends that are complete liars. But the same is true for women. I have met women that are just as bad as my guy friends. However, they are better at covering it up .

Hang in there. Things will turn around. I had a long period of time where I couldn’t get anyone to look at me and now things are much different.

 

[Athalia]

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned counseling. A friend of mine was in a situation similar to yours. After a string of failed relationships, she found a counselor that helped her understand how she sized up potential dates, and where the traps were. Armed with this realization, she had better tools to evaluate men.

I'm a fan of counseling, because it helped me through some of the calamities in my life. It doesn't remove the damage, but it helps me cope with it and move on.

 

[Acktion]

A little background: I came out of an 8-year emotionally and verbally abusive marriage three years ago.

I went on a date a few days ago and I thought it went well. We had been talking a couple weeks prior and we seemed to click wonderfully! The next day, however, he told me he was considering dating his ex-wife after telling me there was no chance they would get back together.

I embarrassingly cried for four hours that night because I felt so foolish! It was like a bad April Fool’s joke.

Fast forward to today where I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch, and he stood me up.

I KNOW all men aren’t abusive and terrible. I know there are some genuinely good men, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone like that due to my past interactions with men.

Can any of you relate to this? Am I just being completely sexist and rude and judgmental?

Sexist? Perhaps a little. People is people. And an egocentric asshole is still an egocentric asshole regardless of gender, sex, race, religion, politics, socio-economic bracket, or whatever other categories they may or may not fit.

Judgemental? Not the word choice I would have used. You felt hurt. When something hurts us, it makes sense to want it to stop. (Unless you are into that sort of thing.) I wouldn't call that judgemental. You recognized that something hurt you. There was no "judging" involved.

I know that I have certainly been hurt when someone was talking to me and suddenly changed the narrative from one day to the next as if I didn't matter more than some sort of "backup plan." And I refused to maintain them as any sort of priority in my life.

I know that I have certainly felt hurt when someone stood me up as if my time and my plans with them, as if I were unimportant. And I have made it a point not to allow any plans to revolve around them again (barring a really good excuse and it not happening again).

As for the emotional and verbal abuse... as a survivor myself, I can assure you that they do mark us. I'm also going to tell you that however you came to feel the way you do, it is still really real. And no one has the right to tell you it isn't. Or minimize it.

If they value you, they will also value your thoughts, your opinions, and your feelings. Don't ever settle for less.

Oh, I forgot "rude." I know from "rude." I can do it really, really well when I feel the situation calls for it. You were not. At all.

Peace on your path with the sun out of your eyes and the wind at your back for a brighter tomorrow than yesterday.

 

[Cassy0110]

totally understand you, and agree with the commentator Katie "Get yourself a good vibrator and a hobby." With vibrators, everything is clear, choose according to your taste and go! As for hobbies, try to do exercising, maybe jogging or swimming (there is healthy mind in a healthy body) or do painting, find canvas and brushes, drawing is therapy. Turn to yourself, maybe you don’t need a man now in your life.

 

[WillJ8787]

A little background: I came out of an 8-year emotionally and verbally abusive marriage three years ago.

I went on a date a few days ago and I thought it went well. We had been talking a couple weeks prior and we seemed to click wonderfully! The next day, however, he told me he was considering dating his ex-wife after telling me there was no chance they would get back together.

I embarrassingly cried for four hours that night because I felt so foolish! It was like a bad April Fool’s joke.

Fast forward to today where I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch, and he stood me up.

I KNOW all men aren’t abusive and terrible. I know there are some genuinely good men, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone like that due to my past interactions with men.

Can any of you relate to this? Am I just being completely sexist and rude and judgmental?

I think you are spot on....it's hard for me to relate to this in the sense that I'm interested in women and don't have any experience dating men. So, I'm about to embark on a relationship, my second, with a lady who who has these sorts of experiences and is somewhat afraid or timid in the relationship due to it. If I had a few hard a fast rules for guys it would be:

Don't lie (mean what you say)
Show up (if you said you were gonna do something, then do it)
Use your ears(listen, without judgement or attempting to fix anything)

I wish you all the best in your relationships.

 

[bill4672a]

After my separation from my first wife, I was desperate (although I did not accept that that was true) for validation and a romantic connection. I made contacts here, met women through other media, and so on, and my experiences were similar to yours but from the opposite side. As someone else suggested to you, the problem was that I just was not ready for a relationship even though I desperately wanted one. All of this was exacerbated by various physical issues that had led to serious sexual dysfunction problems. It took me a long time to work through my emotional and psychological issues, and, unfortunately, a further series of health issues that increased the sexual dysfunction, but I did, eventually, find someone. Give yourself some time. Try meeting people in a group setting like a single's group or some other social group, and don't rush things. Explore yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically, and avoid either blaming others or yourself. Instead, just enjoy the company of others and let things develop in their own time.

 

[Romeojag]

Without reading all the posts and at the risk of repeating what someone else has said, whilst also acknowledging I have never experienced it but have some knowledge around trauma... essentially you have to heal and rebuild your resilience ( easier said than done), the world doesn’t change, only how we relate to it. The things that can help:
- take time for self care..
- active and deliberate actions to address the issue ( through seeing a counsellor, self work etc)
- develop strategies for dealing with triggering events
- understanding self and our behaviours that maybe linked to the trauma ( positive and negative)
- some level of acceptance of what happened, that your not broken, and that your not to blame

These are just some things that may help, and like I said easier said than done. You do what you can when you can, and don’t try to force ‘healing’ anyway just my two cents - good luck on the journey

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Don’t worry about it.

You’ll be craving some newguys cawk soon enough!

Wow first comment is real win. Any wonder why so many of us don’t wanna touch y’all dudes with a ten foot pole? That’s a horrible comment to this post.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

Lol @ the amount of dudes/comments in here trying to derail a thread about overcoming abuse into a playground to enjoy being abusive.

Honestly no one needs that shit, why would someone want it. I might be chronically girl gay but what is it that makes y’all ladies keep coming back for more men anyway in this day and age when pride is pretty acceptable, and if you do feel as some of us do that you can’t live without dick there are 10,000 versions of oscillating, rotating, thrusting, spinny, or high horsepower cousins are they really that hot? I seem to have missed the gene for that.

So I understand I’m biased but. Maybe someone really ought to genuinely explain it to me. Why are y’all still straight again especially when dealing with this kinda shit? Totally not partly always wondering that because the more straight women there are the less chance there is for me to ever meet a fellow woman who also sees the appeal of queer relationships and doesn’t think I’m off my fucking rocker But also because. Like. Jesus fuck =\ stop being dicks, dudes, you’re not gonna end up where you wanna be. Not whatsoever

 

[lovecraft68]

Don’t worry about it.

You’ll be craving some newguys cawk soon enough!

Case in point about how the OP's struggle to find a decent guy is real.

 

[lovecraft68]

There are good guys out there, but the search is not easy. This is a man's world. Amber Heard took more hate for what she MIGHT have done to an abusive drunk, than every male politician, athlete, celebrity combined who have assaulted women. The Incels are multiplying like cockroaches, repugs want to take away choice, the leftists want to eliminate the female gender entirely. When we have to ask "what is a woman" women are on the extinction list.

I have two daughters 32/29 one married, one single and I'm not kidding when I say part of me wishes she'd come home one day with a woman and say meet my girlfriend because I'd be a lot less worried about her.

Having said those cheery things its more about telling you the most important thing you can do is be careful, be choosy, do not settle, and know that you're worth that good guy, and need to hold out for him. You will find him, but note where you look. A site like Plenty of Fish will get you the idiot in this thread with the Captain Kirk AV, but there are higher quality singles sites-the ones people have to pay for-and all manner of forums for decent single people.

Trust me, although its not to the same extent, there's good guys out there facing the same issue because they were with a real piece of work, and there's a lot of nasty women out there too...seems the good struggle to find each other with all the crap flowing between them.

Hang in there, and just be true to you and don't be desperate to not be alone. Being alone can be a lot better than settling for the Rockcasbah's of the world.