Dear X,

[imemkay]

I hope there's a followup to this!

Dear mwmnpa,

First, let me say this has been going on for a couple years. I've spoken to the guy on at least 3 occassions. So, I scooped up the poop and left it on their porch right outside their sliding door.

As I was waiting with my daughter for the school bus today, I heard the wife shriek!
Yep, she stepped in it. I was hoping it would be the husband as I have no beef with the wife. But I'm pretty sure he'll get the hint.

 

[vibes]

Dear MK,

I guess it was wickedly well thought out.

Your proud Lit friend

 

[imemkay]

Dear MK,

I guess it was wickedly well thought out.

Your proud Lit friend

Dear Vibes,

You're proud of me?

Your Favorite Cousin

 

[mwmnpa]

Dear mwmnpa,

First, let me say this has been going on for a couple years. I've spoken to the guy on at least 3 occassions. So, I scooped up the poop and left it on their porch right outside their sliding door.

As I was waiting with my daughter for the school bus today, I heard the wife shriek!
Yep, she stepped in it. I was hoping it would be the husband as I have no beef with the wife. But I'm pretty sure he'll get the hint.

Dear MK,

I wonder if this will end it, or will it escalate further?

Signed,

*trying to wipe water off monitor while LMAO*

 

[imemkay]

Dear MK,

I wonder if this will end it, or will it escalate further?

Signed,

*trying to wipe water off monitor while LMAO*

I'm hoping this will end it! It was pretty ballsy of me to do that, and not normally my thing but i was just so pissed!

 

[imemkay]

Dear Trick or Treating Dads that Dressed up in Army Fatigues,

Thank you! That is all.

Happy MK

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear The Rural Juror.

Fuck you and your urban fervor.

Regards,
Tongue Tied Me

PS. Fuck you too, pmann.

The wuwal juwow has uwban fuhvew. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Gnawshush.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear The Civil Wars,

I am devo you have decided to cancel your tour. I was so looking forward to seeing you.

Yours,
Devo.

This does indeed suuuuck. I was looking forward to seeing them in January.

Instead of devo shouldn't it be "devied"?

 

[Lord Pmann]

No no no. In addition to abrrieviating and adding "ie" to everything, we also shorten and ad "o" to many things.

Bottle Shop/Bottleo John/Johno Devestated/devo... you get the drift.

The Aussiefication continues...

Johno is longer than John. You and your backward abbreviations. Or is that abbrevos, mate?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear X,

Shiloh.

Sincerely,

Speech Therapy Student

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear Brom,

Both your amazing talent, as well as your sort of creepy bad magician hair, turn me on.

Thanks,

a fan

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Jaan Tallinn,

Thanks a million.

Appreciative,

Pmann

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear Nothin But the Water,

Please get out of my head. It has been 2 days now.

Thanks,
M

Dear Breast Cancer,

Not sure why you like the women in my family so much, but could you please take it easy on this latest one? She's been through enough.

Sincerely,
M

 

[GrrlFriday]

Dear Friend,

I admire your conviction that all men always stop when a lady says no. I simply cannot share it. Please stop living in Narnia before you get yourself hurt.

Your friend,
Sadder and Wiser.

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear You,

Sometimes, getting 're-grounded' is very beneficial.

Yours,

Next stop Christmas!!!!!

 

[imemkay]

Dear Neighbor,

I see you out there walking your dog. I also see you're keeping to your side of the property line. Very good, you've learned a lesson.

I didn't even need to call Dimitri or Mad Freddy!

Smug Neighbor

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Neighbor,

I see you out there walking your dog. I also see you're keeping to your side of the property line. Very good, you've learned a lesson.

I didn't even need to call Dimitri or Mad Freddy!

Smug Neighbor

Dear Smug Neighbour,

My boys will be so disappointed. They were both looking forwards to a long walk in a New England forest ablaze with fall colours, and with a new friend for company as well!

I will let them down gently,

Your's,

Glad to be home Litster.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Smug Neighbour,

My boys will be so disappointed. They were both looking forwards to a long walk in a New England forest ablaze with fall colours, and with a new friend for company as well!

I will let them down gently,

Your's,

Glad to be home Litster.

Dear Glad Litster,

While I am proud of handling the situation myself (not necessarily the way I handled it), I am sorry I didn't need the services of Dimitri and Mad Freddy. I look forward to meeting them one day. I hope they are not too terribly disappointed.

Tell your boys that the next time I need a creative solution to a problem, they will be the first people I call!

Yours,
Colorful New England Girl

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Glad Litster,

While I am proud of handling the situation myself (not necessarily the way I handled it), I am sorry I didn't need the services of Dimitri and Mad Freddy. I look forward to meeting them one day. I hope they are not too terribly disappointed.

Tell your boys that the next time I need a creative solution to a problem, they will be the first people I call!

Yours,
Colorful New England Girl

Dear Colorful New England Girl,

Creative?? that's funny. More like effective!

Congratulations on your successful assertiveness. It may interest you to know that Mad Freddy has awarded you the 'Problem Solver of the Month', award.

Your's

Damp, drab and grey here Litster.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Colorful New England Girl,

Creative?? that's funny. More like effective!

Congratulations on your successful assertiveness. It may interest you to know that Mad Freddy has awarded you the 'Problem Solver of the Month', award.

Your's

Damp, drab and grey here Litster.

Dear Grey Litster,

Creative, effective....tomato, tomahto.

Please let Mad Freddy know that I am indeed appreciative of my "Poblem Solver of the Month" award! It's very kind of him. I shall cherish it always!

Yours,
Effective Problem Solver

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear X,

Sigh.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Advertising Agencies,

Christmas commercials already? WTF????

Annoyed Consumer

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Advertising Agencies,

Christmas commercials already? WTF????

Annoyed Consumer

Dear Annoyed Consumer,

At my local branch of the uniquely British grocery purveyor known to those who love it as, 'Tosco', they are currently selling specialist Christmas fare. Including minced pies, traditionally eaten by we merry inhabitants of Albion on Christmas Eve'.

However, in the interests of public health, these particular staples of the festive period have a consume before date of 2nd December 2012!

Yours,

Did someone fuck-around with the calendar while I was away, Litster!

 

[imemkay]

Dear Annoyed Consumer,

At my local branch of the uniquely British grocery purveyor known to those who love it as, 'Tosco', they are currently selling specialist Christmas fare. Including minced pies, traditionally eaten by we merry inhabitants of Albion on Christmas Eve'.

However, in the interests of public health, these particular staples of the festive period have a consume before date of 2nd December 2012!

Yours,

Did someone fuck-around with the calendar while I was away, Litster!

Dear Confused Calendar Watcher,

They're to be eaten on Christmas Eve and yet they have a consume by date of December 2? That's just wrong. Some poor person is going to try and eat them on Christmas Eve and wind up with food poisoning, thereby ruining their whole holiday!

Something needs to be done! You should start a petition demanding Tosco remove these pies from their shelves. Employing the services of Dimitri and Mad Freddy may help the cause. Although I will admit, I am now curious to try one of these pies.

Already Tired of Hearing "I want that for Christmas!", Litster!!

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Confused Calendar Watcher,

They're to be eaten on Christmas Eve and yet they have a consume by date of December 2? That's just wrong. Some poor person is going to try and eat them on Christmas Eve and wind up with food poisoning, thereby ruining their whole holiday!

Something needs to be done! You should start a petition demanding Tosco remove these pies from their shelves. Employing the services of Dimitri and Mad Freddy may help the cause. Although I will admit, I am now curious to try one of these pies.

Already Tired of Hearing "I want that for Christmas!", Litster!!

Dear Target of Pester-Power,

I share your pain.

However, winding forwards twenty or thirty years, what goes around comes around. That's all I'm saying.

Your's,

The reproductive imperative is not to become a parent but rather a grand-parent, and parenthood is a phase one must go through - Litster.