Conversation

[rlaflamme]

Maybe you should try to keep busy while you wait
For the responses you desire. Refreshing the
Page won't make them come any faster.

Go work out or something. Read a book.
Take care of yourself first. The responses
Will still be there for you.

It is more of a metaphor, waiting with bated breath. I don't really constantly click refresh lol

 

[rlaflamme]

Meeting someone new is exciting and can be intoxicating, the great thing is when it blossoms and the feeling doesn't fade.

 

[rlaflamme]

Again, thank you all for your insights. I hope this thread has helped people communicate

 

[Midwest50Guy]

Again, thank you all for your insights. I hope this thread has helped people communicate

i agree. thanks to everybody for posting their thoughts. a great way to learn some new stuff and rethink about what you already know.

 

[The_gladiator]

So, it seems time for a new topic. What are people's thoughts or experiences with people having a different view of your online friendship/lit connection than you do? Are you someone who tries to nigotiate this with them, or are you someone that just keeps quiet to see if your feelings develop to match theirs? I think this happens in real life a lot also, but I think the internet adds a unique perspective or differences. I wonder if we're more willing to contront people online because we don't have to look them in the eye.

This could also apply to when you feel a conversation has hit its limits. Do you prefer closure or a fade away?

 

[Stevew0073]

That giddy feeling of clicking with someone new is lovely. I really enjoy the process of getting to know someone, and that can take a while, so while it's not quite the same giddiness as that first blush of meeting and connecting, there is some measure of that whenever they reveal something new about themselves, whether it's a fun little quirk or something that deepens the level of trust and openness you're building. That little buzz can last weeks, months, even longer if they do turn into something special and the relationship continues to progress.

I agree it is exciting times meeting someone new and exploring with them.

 

[Stevew0073]

So, it seems time for a new topic. What are people's thoughts or experiences with people having a different view of your online friendship/lit connection than you do? Are you someone who tries to nigotiate this with them, or are you someone that just keeps quiet to see if your feelings develop to match theirs? I think this happens in real life a lot also, but I think the internet adds a unique perspective or differences. I wonder if we're more willing to contront people online because we don't have to look them in the eye.

This could also apply to when you feel a conversation has hit its limits. Do you prefer closure or a fade away?

I think closure is best it is hard to be left wondering what happened.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

So, it seems time for a new topic. What are people's thoughts or experiences with people having a different view of your online friendship/lit connection than you do? Are you someone who tries to nigotiate this with them, or are you someone that just keeps quiet to see if your feelings develop to match theirs? I think this happens in real life a lot also, but I think the internet adds a unique perspective or differences. I wonder if we're more willing to contront people online because we don't have to look them in the eye.

This could also apply to when you feel a conversation has hit its limits. Do you prefer closure or a fade away?

I personally never change how i feel about a topic or keep quiet about anything in order to match somebody else, since that is fake. Better to be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. besides, opposites do attract

I perfect closure. I really hate ghosting and fading away. It is something you do in high school, not something adults do. sadly it happens

 

[The_gladiator]

I personally never change how i feel about a topic or keep quiet about anything in order to match somebody else, since that is fake. Better to be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. besides, opposites do attract

I perfect closure. I really hate ghosting and fading away. It is something you do in high school, not something adults do. sadly it happens

All good points for sure, yes it does happen. Often real life takes you away and you can't say good bye...

I also remember the days when people ghosted because their internet connection died or their computer failed on them.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

All good points for sure, yes it does happen. Often real life takes you away and you can't say good bye...

I also remember the days when people ghosted because their internet connection died or their computer failed on them.

I get the real life comment and people get busy, but somebody cant take a minute somewhere in a week to tell somebody thanks but i am not interested.

I get it is easier to just fade away. Doesn't make it right

 

[The_gladiator]

I get the real life comment and people get busy, but somebody cant take a minute somewhere in a week to tell somebody thanks but i am not interested.

I get it is easier to just fade away. Doesn't make it right

I think the fadeaway is a real thing in real life too. I think there's even a comedy song about it... sucks, but I'm afraid it's easier for some who are afraid of confrontation.

 

[Froya]

So, it seems time for a new topic. What are people's thoughts or experiences with people having a different view of your online friendship/lit connection than you do? Are you someone who tries to nigotiate this with them, or are you someone that just keeps quiet to see if your feelings develop to match theirs? I think this happens in real life a lot also, but I think the internet adds a unique perspective or differences. I wonder if we're more willing to contront people online because we don't have to look them in the eye.

This could also apply to when you feel a conversation has hit its limits. Do you prefer closure or a fade away?

It really depends on the conversation. Some just taper off and die a natural death, and I think both people general know when that's happened. Messages become short, lack questions, provide little to respond back to, and then it tapers off into nothing. That has been the case for me in more casual, friendly conversations.

With ones that have a deeper connection, it is definitely better to have some sort of closure or goodbye, though that doesn't happen enough.

When it comes to thoughts are about the relationship itself and feelings that may be involved, I'm nearly always going to bring that into the conversation. If the deeper feelings are coming from me, I may not be direct about it right away, but I will show a greater degree of affection, and judge from the reception of that whether I want to discuss my feelings.

If the other person is showing signs of feelings I may not have yet, that is something I would want to discuss with them.

It's not really the feelings, though, it's the expectations or desires that might come along with them that usually needs to be talked through. Just get it all out on the table... what do you want from this relationship now? What are your expectations for it, or for me, going forward? Not always easy questions to ask or answer, but it can help avoid more discomfort and heartache later.

 

[The_gladiator]

It really depends on the conversation. Some just taper off and die a natural death, and I think both people general know when that's happened. Messages become short, lack questions, provide little to respond back to, and then it tapers off into nothing. That has been the case for me in more casual, friendly conversations.

With ones that have a deeper connection, it is definitely better to have some sort of closure or goodbye, though that doesn't happen enough.

When it comes to thoughts are about the relationship itself and feelings that may be involved, I'm nearly always going to bring that into the conversation. If the deeper feelings are coming from me, I may not be direct about it right away, but I will show a greater degree of affection, and judge from the reception of that whether I want to discuss my feelings.

If the other person is showing signs of feelings I may not have yet, that is something I would want to discuss with them.

It's not really the feelings, though, it's the expectations or desires that might come along with them that usually needs to be talked through. Just get it all out on the table... what do you want from this relationship now? What are your expectations for it, or for me, going forward? Not always easy questions to ask or answer, but it can help avoid more discomfort and heartache later.

You continue the trend of being well spoken and showing yourself to be insightful.

I agree with everything you said though sometimes I don't think I do enough of some of it especially discussing expectations.

 

[Froya]

You continue the trend of being well spoken and showing yourself to be insightful.

I agree with everything you said though sometimes I don't think I do enough of some of it especially discussing expectations.

Thank you. I am not perfect in all my interactions, because that's impossible. I miss clues, and there are things I hold back because of uncertainty, insecurity, etc. Sometimes I don't hold back enough. I do try, though, to manage expectations, both mine and theirs, and if something seems off-balance, I know it's better to talk about it sooner rather than later.

I'm not the woman someone wants to get involved with if they don't want to talk about stuff, that's for sure.

 

[The_gladiator]

Thank you. I am not perfect in all my interactions, because that's impossible. I miss clues, and there are things I hold back because of uncertainty, insecurity, etc. Sometimes I don't hold back enough. I do try, though, to manage expectations, both mine and theirs, and if something seems off-balance, I know it's better to talk about it sooner rather than later.

I'm not the woman someone wants to get involved with if they don't want to talk about stuff, that's for sure.

I think that's a good thing though, communication is so key, and sometimes even metacommunication, communicating about how you communicate needs discussed also.

Of course no one is perfect, I think we can only strive to be the best we can be. Or at least not suck as friends haha.

 

[rlaflamme]

I know that sometimes I question the word usage of a message I sent, and of course, you can't retract it once it is gone. It is a good sign if they other person continues to talk to you and lets you know if they may have been a bit offended by something you said, it helps the relationship grow.

 

[Stevew0073]

I'm not the woman someone wants to get involved with if they don't want to talk about stuff, that's for sure.

Maybe not but you sound like an amazing lady to get to know.

 

[The_gladiator]

I know that sometimes I question the word usage of a message I sent, and of course, you can't retract it once it is gone. It is a good sign if they other person continues to talk to you and lets you know if they may have been a bit offended by something you said, it helps the relationship grow.

Yes it always feels awkward at first... people feeling bad for it, but in the end I think it's an invaluable thing.

 

[rlaflamme]

Yes it always feels awkward at first... people feeling bad for it, but in the end I think it's an invaluable thing.

It is god to know if something was offensive or put someone out, and it is really good for them to be able to tell you that and continue with a conversation. All relationships have ups and downs.

 

[The_gladiator]

It is god to know if something was offensive or put someone out, and it is really good for them to be able to tell you that and continue with a conversation. All relationships have ups and downs.

Yes, I said to someone in pm the other day, how can I better myself if I don't know about something?

 

[Froya]

Maybe not but you sound like an amazing lady to get to know.

That's a very nice thing for you to say, thank you. I certainly don't think of myself as amazing, but it's flattering to hear someone else think it's possible.

 

[Stevew0073]

That's a very nice thing for you to say, thank you. I certainly don't think of myself as amazing, but it's flattering to hear someone else think it's possible.

It is possible time will tell more I am sure.

 

[Froya]

Have y'all been peeking into my inbox?

I know that sometimes I question the word usage of a message I sent, and of course, you can't retract it once it is gone. It is a good sign if they other person continues to talk to you and lets you know if they may have been a bit offended by something you said, it helps the relationship grow.

Getting to know someone can be a little like a minefield, can't it? You don't always know how the other person is reading what you're writing. You're writing in your voice, but they are reading in theirs.

Unless it's clear that the person is trying to provoke or is just being an ass, I'll try to let someone know that something has gotten a little lost in translation. Reactions to that can be quite mixed, as you might imagine.

People can get very defensive, very quickly, when you tell them something they've said wasn't the right sort of thing to say to you. I attempt to do it in a way that is not accusatory, that doesn't make them feel bad or embarrassed, but that can be impossible with some. All we can do is the best we can do, right?

Yes, I said to someone in pm the other day, how can I better myself if I don't know about something?

Exactly. Can't fix a problem if you don't know it exists.

 

[Stevew0073]

Have y'all been peeking into my inbox?




Getting to know someone can be a little like a minefield, can't it? You don't always know how the other person is reading what you're writing. You're writing in your voice, but they are reading in theirs.

Unless it's clear that the person is trying to provoke or is just being an ass, I'll try to let someone know that something has gotten a little lost in translation. Reactions to that can be quite mixed, as you might imagine.

People can get very defensive, very quickly, when you tell them something they've said wasn't the right sort of thing to say to you. I attempt to do it in a way that is not accusatory, that doesn't make them feel bad or embarrassed, but that can be impossible with some. All we can do is the best we can do, right?




Exactly. Can't fix a problem if you don't know it exists.

One nice thing about a relationship with a controlling lady is she helps correct the things that are wrong.

 

[rlaflamme]

I think in a cyberland relationship, friendship or more, it can be difficult to decipher things that are intended to mean other things. You have no tones to give when typing and that can throw people off. As stated above, you speak and/or hear your words as you type them, but they do not.

With this comes the thoughts of the one receiving the message, do they let it go and continue, with the chance of it reoccurring happening? Do they let the sender know how they perceived it? Or, do they say, "Forget it" and end the conversation.

It is difficult to form decent relationships in the real world, and in cyberland it can be a bit more difficult. There are no facial expressions, no tones, no movements to share. It is completely up to the two people talking to decide if the time they put into one another is worth it or not.

Being upfront and honest are two things I like to make sure I do. And if I am offended, first I try to put a tone to the words, then I ask about what was said or inform them how I perceived it.

Meeting and getting to know people is a lot of fun and a ton of hit and miss. Just roll with the punches and continue on your merry way