Consent: an anonymous, multiple choice poll

[dolf]

I couldn't listen. It's the accent.

I'm becoming an accent bigot...

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Sorry, I just looked over this thread because I knew there was another post about somebody having this weird "the Quiet Place monsters might get us but we have to repopulate to keep the human race from dying out so let's make this as shitty as possible" kind of sex and it is so incomprehensible to me that I scanned the thread again and the posts I was thinking of were this same dude.

But like even by Quiet Place or whatever that movie was called standards like go behind the waterfall and have real goddamn sex like I hope he pops back up with some kind of justification because my goddamn mind is blown.

Seriously can you imagine that? Like I both eat ass and have my ass eaten pretty regular and I can't fathom not asking if we're down for assplay because it's not a matter of 'if' it's a matter of 'when'. Like it's gonna happen. There's gonna be shit. Like if there is shit currently in that ass, the assplay is gonna stimulate it. Like even if you were gonna stick your dick up there THAT would make more sense than your tongue, again, not morally, but just from a standpoint of practicality, because I'd rather have shit on my dick than my tongue. I wouldn't have to taste it, I wouldn't have it inside my actual body, I can just hose my dick down. Like what is this motherfucker doing with his life? I'd have to question my whole life choices. Dude I mighta had burritos for lunch, you don't fuckin know, you ain't with me 24/7. I mighta had a stirfry dish that includes both broccoli AND corn.

Like even if we took out all morality and pretended like this wasn't a shitty thing to do on moral grounds the incomprehensible terribleness of the sex should be enough to teach you to fucking talk to the other person during a social activity. Like did he just get it wrong and then nobody corrected him? Has he been going his entire life having sex so bad that I can't even conceive of it?

Sorry, this will be my last post because again, I shoulda seen this kind of batshit bullshit coming on this thread but that 'don't talk during sex' thing is just... god I feel so bad for everyone involved. I wanna march in, kick the door down the Trojan man and teach them that it can be better, that they don't have to settle for that.

You're a pain in the ass, no pun intended. You keep assuming much, but I won't explain anymore.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Dude, do you smoke cigarettes or just eat um? Is that why you don't wanna talk? Because you're embarrassed?

Also, you're bad at sex. Like straight up.

I get that you're trying to sound ridiculous, but you sound like Goofy trying to conceive Max when you make fun of me, and I respect that. That's actually pretty sweet and credit where its due.

You're not aggressive. Again, aggressive guys are the ones who talk. You're passive if that's how you're fucking, to the point that you can't even ask for the shit you want. This isn't a "everyone likes sex differently" thing, this is a "you are bad at sex" thing. You can't talk and fuck at the same time because it "disrupts your flow" your flow is weak as fuck.

No, you don't need to test, she'll know if she's gonna shit. Like, she'll be able to tell you. You just ask. That whole thing can be avoided if you fuck like a human person.

Also, don't be so chickenshit. Don't be scared of the teeth. A little bit of teeth grazing across the head or shaft can be great. They're probably not gonna bite your dick off.

I'm sure we have had different experiences. Because I've had good sex at some point.

Edit: Also, this sultry bitch didn't answer the question about whether or not he wants 'surprise it's tongue in your ass' time.

Which doesn't shock me. I bet he understands consent pretty well when it's about HIS body.

Kinda like how all those straight guys who act like grey areas exist seem to see thick fuckin lines when dudes hit on them. Straight guys understand consent when they're in gay bars. That flips some kind of switch in their fucking heads.

?????

You're a little delusional kind of individual, didn't you say "Sorry, this will be my last post because again" LMAO

You sleep with men and get beat up by woman, following your teachings can lead to disaster

 

[dolf]

On the plus side, you convinced me. Some people shouldn't talk in bed.

 

[dolf]

It could be worse. You could have an accent from Birmingham. Ew!

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Silence is golden

 

[SoulAssasin247]

It could be worse. You could have an accent from Birmingham. Ew!

Your bias is obvious, women like you love their accessories. You love walking with gay friends, while carry a small dog in your purse.

 

[dolf]

Your bias is obvious, women like you love their accessories. You love walking with gay friends, while carry a small dog in your purse.

If I tried carrying Edward I'd give myself a hernia, and I tend to prefer walks where we're unlikely to see anybody. And I'm that flavour of autistic that finds friends too much like hard work, so I try to limit it to occasional Netflix and chill nights, or maybe a meal out, and I never call anyone. Prancing in public with either?!

You're a really terrible judge of what women like!

 

[dolf]

I do have a gay friend! But if I was going to pick an ulterior motive for liking him, it would be the rockstar status rather than a shared appreciation of cock.

 

[oralaccents]

I couldn't listen. It's the accent.

I'm becoming an accent bigot...

Have you heard yourself, Eliza?

 

[dolf]

I'm going to need a bigger purse.

 

[butters]

Your bias is obvious, women like you love their accessories. You love walking with gay friends, while carry a small dog in your purse.

lolol

que-beew level of getting it wrong

 

[Noor]

To be fair, have either of you tried to figure out a woman's body that is not yours?

I spent a week shy of twenty years studying one woman's body. It was YEARS of really diligent study to figure out oral on *her* (which she was indifferent to for her history) All modesty aside, my ex would tell you I was virtuoso on reading a woman's body. And I was a virtuoso on *A* women's body. All of that information is basically worthless on the next one.

Eli Whitney should not have worked on the cotton gin he should have worked on women. There are not any interchangeable parts under the hood. Nothing is wired the same, nothing is even installed in the same place. That whole internal genitalia portion is literally us feeling around in the dark.

I forget the comedian but he talks about how once a woman learns to give head she knows how to give head to pretty much every guy in the world. Once you learn how to eat pussy you know how to eat pussy on that girl. And only her.

I was fucking a girl doggy-style. Every stroke I seemed to hit her cervix and every stroke I DISTINCTLY heard, "Ow!" I would dial it back, she would meet my thrust, "Ow!" I would stop, readjust, ask for feedback. She assured me it felt great. "It does not sound like this feels great." Put me off sex for a while.

You gals need to form a committee and agree on standards, labeling, engineering limits, and language. Print up some pamphlets.

Yes, I have but I still always ask because everyone is different.

 

[Noor]

There is a trend towards a “clinical literal” in the verbal ask for everything paradigm that makes me uneasy.

Intimacy is a dance and decent dancers not only know what consent sounds like in words, they can taste it, see it, smell it on their lover.

Consent can be given, but it can also be ever so artfully taken in such a way as it feels like a gift. Maybe that is why bdsm upsets the linear people.

The other person can tell nonverbally but directly. Like if one person takes the other's hand and shows them.
I have had lovers who didn't speak the same language and they still where about to ask. I think it's not so much a question of verbal or non verbal, but communicating in a way that does not depend on an assumption to read it right. Also waiting to make sure you have consent. A little waiting can be fun anyway.

 

[Noor]

A woman called at 8pm to ask if she could show me her new hairdo enroute home from the salon.

I mixed her a cocktail and seduced her.

There was never any verbal consent, just pleasure.

I feel sorry for those who would call that rape.

This sounds suspicious, who would get a hairdo just to have some guy mess it up immediately? Or did you mean hair cut?

 

[CandiCame]

?????

You're a little delusional kind of individual, didn't you say "Sorry, this will be my last post because again" LMAO

You sleep with men and get beat up by woman, following your teachings can lead to disaster

I did say that, but I was overcome by the awfulness of the sex to the point I could not keep my mouth shut.

I think the spirit of the lord moved me. I was speakin in tongues like a baptist on the floor.

I became a vessel for the sex gods who were attempting to save you.

Like I just... I can't with this dude. He's hopeless. We've moved beyond "You need Jesus" you need some old fashioned eldrich shit to get you straightened out.

Also, you consider me getting dick to be a disaster? How's that work, exactly?

You never did answer my question about whether or not YOU were up for 'surprise tongue in the ass' or if that is a horror you only visit upon others as you loom over them silently like the specter of death.

 

[CandiCame]

If I tried carrying Edward I'd give myself a hernia, and I tend to prefer walks where we're unlikely to see anybody. And I'm that flavour of autistic that finds friends too much like hard work, so I try to limit it to occasional Netflix and chill nights, or maybe a meal out, and I never call anyone. Prancing in public with either?!

You're a really terrible judge of what women like!

When Sparks was a baby I thought he'd be purse puppy sized, because his mom was at the pound, but then it turns out that that little terrier SOMEHOW fucked a German Shepard before she wound up at the pound, bless her heart and soul, and so now he's a big'in, like his pa, but he was conditioned to think he was a lapdog, so now we just... gotta deal with that.

 

[CandiCame]

On the plus side, you convinced me. Some people shouldn't talk in bed.

To be fair, I shouldn't have made fun of his voice. It was a low blow. It's just I was so sleepy and goddamn I thought I was gravely.

But like I actually am sorry for that. I shouldn't have done that. I mean, I'm not wrong, but there's being right and there's being nice.

 

[dolf]

When Sparks was a baby I thought he'd be purse puppy sized, because his mom was at the pound, but then it turns out that that little terrier SOMEHOW fucked a German Shepard before she wound up at the pound, bless her heart and soul, and so now he's a big'in, like his pa, but he was conditioned to think he was a lapdog, so now we just... gotta deal with that.

Ah, Edward was already a huge, slavering beast with behavioural problems when we got him from the pound. For reasons that I don't recall, I let the bodybuilding toyboy with the huge cock© talk me into getting him, fucksake. He's a pain in the arse. I love him, but he's still a pain in the arse.

You were lucky. Small dogs yap. You don't have to live with yapping.

I mean, I'm not wrong, but there's being right and there's being nice.

I'm not nice. I'm at peace with it.

 

[CandiCame]

Ah, Edward was already a huge, slavering beast with behavioural problems when we got him from the pound. For reasons that I don't recall, I let the bodybuilding toyboy with the huge cock© talk me into getting him, fucksake. He's a pain in the arse. I love him, but he's still a pain in the arse.

You were lucky. Small dogs yap. You don't have to live with yapping.

I'm not nice. I'm at peace with it.

I actually do. He has the voice of a small dog, and also a lot of medical problems, because when we got him from the pound they neutered him at like 5 weeks old, for some fucking reason. Like we couldn't opt out of it. So now he has a hormone disorder that has to be medicated because that's actually like... not medically sound? We found out later from the vet.

And he has the voice of a castratto.

And he screams all the time for no reason, which is apparently something that German Shepherds do and you get money off of it for your house insurance because certain dog breeds count as security systems in my region and German Shepherds/mixes are one of them, because of that. Because they scream at every goddamn thing. Could be a home invader, could be a particularly suspicious squirrel. But we fuckin know about it.

And then the gf's little dog assumes he knows what the fuck he's talking about, despite all evidence to the contrary, and joins in. So it's not a super good alarm system because we all just ignore them.

But you ain't about to sneak up on me because if you pull up the whole tri-county area knows it.

 

[dolf]

I actually do. He has the voice of a small dog, and also a lot of medical problems, because when we got him from the pound they neutered him at like 5 weeks old, for some fucking reason. Like we couldn't opt out of it. So now he has a hormone disorder that has to be medicated because that's actually like... not medically sound? We found out later from the vet.

And he has the voice of a castratto.

And he screams all the time for no reason, which is apparently something that German Shepherds do and you get money off of it for your house insurance because certain dog breeds count as security systems in my region and German Shepherds/mixes are one of them, because of that. Because they scream at every goddamn thing. Could be a home invader, could be a particularly suspicious squirrel. But we fuckin know about it.

And then the gf's little dog assumes he knows what the fuck he's talking about, despite all evidence to the contrary, and joins in. So it's not a super good alarm system because we all just ignore them.

But you ain't about to sneak up on me because if you pull up the whole tri-county area knows it.

That sucks balls! Wtf?! Can't you report the pound, or the vet they use?


Edward's the Michael Clarke Duncan of the dog world.

 

[CandiCame]

That sucks balls! Wtf?! Can't you report the pound, or the vet they use?


Edward's the Michael Clarke Duncan of the dog world.

No, they're allowed to do that. I asked and it's actually common practice and it does tend to cause a lot of health problems. Vets say to wait until six months old, but pounds actually aren't allowed to adopt out dogs without spaying/neutering them first and it's actually this whole big thing. Like people have argued back and forth for like twenty years about it.

There are a LOT of puppy mills in the area, especially with hounds, so the thing is people will breed them, then if they can't sell them, they'll take them to the pound, so people will come to the pound and adopt the purebreds, because often they'll have the documentation and everything, and use them to start their own abhorrent puppy mill.

This all ties back to hunting and dogs as commodities rather than living, sentient creatures, so the laws are actually like that to protect the dogs. It just does cause health problems.

Some of them aren't even dangerous. Like Sparks has bald spots. Scared the SHIT out of me. I thought he had mange or something. But we took him the vet and she said it was because of his hormone disorder. It's not hurting him, it just looks weird. It has to do with how the glandular system produces testosterone without testicles on a genotypically male dog. Also it caused him to have these little growths all over him, they're not hurting him, but again, they look weird. They look like moles but apparently they're not. He has one on his face and he keeps scratching it off and then it'll bleed and like... he is doing that. He could just leave it alone. Like picking off a scab type deal.

So you'll be sitting there and you'll hear like, "Yelp!"

And you'll have to just be like, "Were you fucking with your face again? The vet said not to do that! Stop doing that! Quit picking at it!"

It doesn't even itch or anything, like I asked her about it. He just keeps trying to scrape it off, for no goddamn reason. It's not that he's under-stimulated he's just... never been known for his intelligence. God bless him, I love him, but that dog is a goddamn idiot. We were made for each other.

Update: He did it sitting on the bed and I am now officially the only living creature that routinely sleeps on that bed who has not bled all over it. Small victories.

 

[dolf]

Here they make people sign to say it'll get done, never pass on paperwork, and maintain the right to reclaim the dog if the new owners are shit. But I guess it's a very different area. Poor guy.

At least I knew what I was getting. Walking up to his barren enclosure, the kennel hand looked embarrassed by his lack of creature comforts, when every other kennel had a basket filled with soft blankets, toys, etc. "we did give him a bed! ...he ate it."

 

[oralaccents]

This sounds suspicious, who would get a hairdo just to have some guy mess it up immediately? Or did you mean hair cut?

A new cut, different style. Sounded like asking for sex to me.