Consent: an anonymous, multiple choice poll

[CandiCame]

I'm into dominant sex, certain aspects of bdsm and role-playing rough scenes. I respect and love women, but shiiiiii. I like the reactions of ladies, when I take control

Nothing in bdsm is on the list, is it? Maybe the sleep one but that's not out of the blue.

 

[Rightguide]

My sins are bland.

Mine are unremarkable.

 

[Que]

Nothing in bdsm is on the list, is it? Maybe the sleep one but that's not out of the blue.

Some of the coercive and "forced" flavors that can but need not be a part of a bdsm scene could be shoehorned into *looking* like they fit in, but they actually don't. S&M is not a Sadist getting of on abuse, it's the masochist desiring and communicating whatever they are yearning for.

Rapey roleplay scenes are likewise not any kind of nonconsensual of activity.

I can see how somebody with a strong urge to play the victim in a role-play might put themselves in a dangerous situation. It's also possible that somebody that gets off on the sadistic aspects of S&M could very well end up victimizing somebody but that's completely different than actual BDSM.

It's never a very workable idea for people with a particular urge to think that they can get that met by some subset of the population that they think is in the victim or predator class.

 

[Noor]

I try pretty hard not to take advantage of men who are drunk, even if they want me to.

Where do you draw the line on seduction? Like sending/receiving messages and voice mails to encourage sex with a known partner at the next opportunity?

 

[dolf]

Nothing in bdsm is on the list, is it? Maybe the sleep one but that's not out of the blue.

Exactly. Rough sex isn't using violence to force sex, because you already have consent. It's a poll about consent.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Persisted after first rejection, yes

If I had any doubts as her intentions to stop, I would ask in a concerned tone and make sure she was on board. I always make sure she's comfortable and trusts me. In saying this, there's always a scary line to draw, because that line is very thin



My ex, she helped me get comfortable in the dominant role.

One time she started a fight playfully and we were wrestling, I pinned her down and she was moaning noooo nooooo. I immediately started getting off her, she wrapped her legs around me, pulled me closer and moaned noooo very sensually. I finally caught on and we role played forced sex. I believe physical consent was given, but verbally there was not one ounce of consent.

 

[oralaccents]

Where do you draw the line on seduction? Like sending/receiving messages and voice mails to encourage sex with a known partner at the next opportunity?

I am very persuasive and can talk most any woman into taking her panties off for me.

In the new paradigm, is seduction rape?

 

[CandiCame]

Persisted after first rejection, yes

If I had any doubts as her intentions to stop, I would ask in a concerned tone and make sure she was on board. I always make sure she's comfortable and trusts me. In saying this, there's always a scary line to draw, because that line is very thin



My ex, she helped me get comfortable in the dominant role.

One time she started a fight playfully and we were wrestling, I pinned her down and she was moaning noooo nooooo. I immediately started getting off her, she wrapped her legs around me, pulled me closer and moaned noooo very sensually. I finally caught on and we role played forced sex. I believe physical consent was given, but verbally there was not one ounce of consent.

Dude... that's not ok. As the dom it's part of your job to make sure you have the conversation BEFORE the scene. That's... that's not what a dom is.

If doms listened to every sub in subspace asking for stupid shit I'd be dead. You literally did the exact opposite of what you were supposed to do. That's honestly terrifying. You fucked that up as much as a person can fuck up a thing.

This is not a joke. You need to sit down right now and have a talk about your relationship. This shit gets people not just mentally hurt, it gets people physically hurt. This kind of shit makes people leave the scene.

You're a bad step.

Edit: BTW, the reason this line looks scary to you instead of like a clearly defined boundary is because you fucked up, seriously about as bad as you could fuck up. As a sub this legitimately scares me. You fucked up really really bad here. You need to take your role more seriously.

The whole reason doms are a thing is so that subs can live out their dangerous fantasies safely. You're supposed to be the goddamn lifeline, the fucking safe space. You were supposed to have that conversation and guide the scene. You should know what those lines are and you shouldn't be fucking around in that space if you don't.

That's the entire difference between domination and abuse.

This is not ok.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Dude... that's not ok. As the dom it's part of your job to make sure you have the conversation BEFORE the scene. That's... that's not what a dom is.

If doms listened to every sub in subspace asking for stupid shit I'd be dead. You literally did the exact opposite of what you were supposed to do. That's honestly terrifying. You fucked that up as much as a person can fuck up a thing.

This is not a joke. You need to sit down right now and have a talk about your relationship. This shit gets people not just mentally hurt, it gets people physically hurt. This kind of shit makes people leave the scene.

You're a bad step.

Edit: BTW, the reason this line looks scary to you instead of like a clearly defined boundary is because you fucked up, seriously about as bad as you could fuck up. As a sub this legitimately scares me. You fucked up really really bad here. You need to take your role more seriously.

The whole reason doms are a thing is so that subs can live out their dangerous fantasies safely. You're supposed to be the goddamn lifeline, the fucking safe space. You were supposed to have that conversation and guide the scene. You should know what those lines are and you shouldn't be fucking around in that space if you don't.

That's the entire difference between domination and abuse.

This is not ok.

You misunderstand me, I'm talking about sexual experiences, not during times of domination. Meaning we were having sex or fucking, I wasn't their Dom. I'm speaking about more earlier encounters.

I want to make this clear, I'm a dominant man and incorporate parts of BDSM with someone who's willing to go that route. I don't live the lifestyle and wouldn't consider myself a Dom.


My earlier experiences had nothing to do with Domination and every sexual encounter isn't that of bdsm. I have experience in bdsm, but don't live the lifestyle.



Edited to Add: When I was speaking of asking her, if she's okay in a concerned tone, I was speaking of consent to move forward sexually. I read the reactions of her body, I don't ask " may i touch your pussy ". I move forward and read her reactions.

 

[SpeareChucker]

Because reasons.

Reason does not define you.

 

[CandiCame]

You misunderstand me, I'm talking about sexual experiences, not during times of domination. Meaning we were having sex or fucking, I wasn't their Dom. I'm speaking about more earlier encounters.

I want to make this clear, I'm a dominant man and incorporate parts of BDSM with someone who's willing to go that route. I don't live the lifestyle and wouldn't consider myself a Dom.


My earlier experiences had nothing to do with Domination and every sexual encounter isn't that of bdsm. I have experience in bdsm, but don't live the lifestyle.



Edited to Add: When I was speaking of asking her, if she's okay in a concerned tone, I was speaking of consent to move forward sexually. I read the reactions of her body, I don't ask " may i touch your pussy ". I move forward and read her reactions.

Dude you literally just posted about someone sending you mixed signals and you going ahead anyway, and how that prepared you for a "dominant role".

You did the wrong thing by a lot.

Edit: To be fair though, I shouldn't have gotten so pissed because this thread is a "Dead bird do not eat" type situation.

 

[Noor]

I am very persuasive and can talk most any woman into taking her panties off for me.

In the new paradigm, is seduction rape?

I can do this too. I try not to though.

Edited to Add: When I was speaking of asking her, if she's okay in a concerned tone, I was speaking of consent to move forward sexually. I read the reactions of her body, I don't ask " may i touch your pussy ". I move forward and read her reactions.

Consent needs to be verbal, because seriously most guys can't really read the reactions of a woman's body, if their life depending on it. People need to verbally own what they are doing.
I went to Antioch. I verbally ask all the time "is this okay?" "Can I tie you up?" "Can I touch you here?" "how are you doing?" "I want you to do X"
I also say please and thank you.

Dude you literally just posted about someone sending you mixed signals and you going ahead anyway, and how that prepared you for a "dominant role".

You did the wrong thing by a lot.

I agree here.

 

[Que]

You misunderstand me, I'm talking about sexual experiences, not during times of domination. Meaning we were having sex or fucking, I wasn't their Dom. I'm speaking about more earlier encounters.

I want to make this clear, I'm a dominant man and incorporate parts of BDSM with someone who's willing to go that route. I don't live the lifestyle and wouldn't consider myself a Dom.


My earlier experiences had nothing to do with Domination and every sexual encounter isn't that of bdsm. I have experience in bdsm, but don't live the lifestyle.



Edited to Add: When I was speaking of asking her, if she's okay in a concerned tone, I was speaking of consent to move forward sexually. I read the reactions of her body, I don't ask " may i touch your pussy ". I move forward and read her reactions.

At some point, especially as we learned to communicate with and read others has read something non-verbal correctly and were rewarded for that. Everybody has no doubt misread nonverbals as well and either you know about it and learn from it or they never bothered to tell you that you read something wrong. That's where all the gray is. There's a lot of edgy fun to be had in gray areas but there's also a lot of potential problems pitfalls hurt anger danger and legal troubles in those areas.

Consider "making" them articulate things. It can be it's own reward.

Oh, I can tell YOU want me to....DON'T YOU, you <insert filthy pet names and gutter talk>

Some of that ends up being code that is partner specific. Neither myself nor my ex-wife or particular fans of anal but every once in awhile she for whatever reason was in the mood for it. I don't know why but she never once said,"Fuck me up the ass!" Instead she would reverse it by wiggling her butt at me and looking over shoulder and saying something like, "I know where you want to put it." Even though this was in a lot of ways the opposite of being clear it was very clear. Somehow or another you need to be sure. Going with your instincts is overrated.

I don't doubt that you had what you felt was a pretty good read and more likely than not you really did have a pretty good read especially if in the Aftercare portion of whatever you involved yourself with they said things or snuggled in a way that affirmed you were right. So you probably were. That time. And more often than not you probably will be right. Until you're not. Which is huge when it happens.

I think that's all people are saying.

Articulation is sexy.

Everyone has to navigate this stuff. I get called on the fact that I absolutely don't ask strangers if I can touch them in a non-sexual way. If I'm looking to make my intentions clear there's no way to do that in my view without touching. If I can't touch 'en, I can't 'em is what I've noticed. Some of that may be me specific I honestly don't think I read nonverbals very well but you can't mistake the difference between somebody leaning in or pulling away when you brush their elbow.

Some bedroom play is like that. For kinky stuff though I really like to hear them beg for it. Both because it strokes my ego and it also is likely to keep me out of jail

 

[dolf]

Consent needs to be verbal, because seriously most guys can't really read the reactions of a woman's body, if their life depending on it.

So true! And in my experience, the more a man declares himself great in bed, the worse he is at actually reading how you feel.

You only need to read a few of the "does this mean she wants to fuck me?" Threads to see how much normal, innocent behaviour gets misinterpreted.

 

[Que]

I can do this too. I try not to though.



Consent needs to be verbal, because seriously most guys can't really read the reactions of a woman's body, if their life depending on it. People need to verbally own what they are doing.
I went to Antioch. I verbally ask all the time "is this okay?" "Can I tie you up?" "Can I touch you here?" "how are you doing?" "I want you to do X"
I also say please and thank you.



I agree here.

So true! And in my experience, the more a man declares himself great in bed, the worse he is at actually reading how you feel.

You only need to read a few of the "does this mean she wants to fuck me?" Threads to see how much normal, innocent behaviour gets misinterpreted.

To be fair, have either of you tried to figure out a woman's body that is not yours?

I spent a week shy of twenty years studying one woman's body. It was YEARS of really diligent study to figure out oral on *her* (which she was indifferent to for her history) All modesty aside, my ex would tell you I was virtuoso on reading a woman's body. And I was a virtuoso on *A* women's body. All of that information is basically worthless on the next one.

Eli Whitney should not have worked on the cotton gin he should have worked on women. There are not any interchangeable parts under the hood. Nothing is wired the same, nothing is even installed in the same place. That whole internal genitalia portion is literally us feeling around in the dark.

I forget the comedian but he talks about how once a woman learns to give head she knows how to give head to pretty much every guy in the world. Once you learn how to eat pussy you know how to eat pussy on that girl. And only her.

I was fucking a girl doggy-style. Every stroke I seemed to hit her cervix and every stroke I DISTINCTLY heard, "Ow!" I would dial it back, she would meet my thrust, "Ow!" I would stop, readjust, ask for feedback. She assured me it felt great. "It does not sound like this feels great." Put me off sex for a while.

You gals need to form a committee and agree on standards, labeling, engineering limits, and language. Print up some pamphlets.

 

[dolf]

Bitch please! I've probably had more pussy than you

 

[Que]

Bitch please! I've probably had more pussy than you

Most people have had more pussy than me, come to think of it. Which is why it is frustrating. Let's say there's 20 different varieties of pussy out there. What are the odds that I get all 20 that are completely individual unique and different than every other one I've been with.?

If owning the equipment really does unlock the marvels of the universe then I probably ought to think about at least trying some gay.

 

[CandiCame]

Most people have had more pussy than me, come to think of it. Which is why it is frustrating. Let's say there's 20 different varieties of pussy out there. What are the odds that I get all 20 that are completely individual unique and different than every other one I've been with.?

If owning the equipment really does unlock the marvels of the universe then I probably ought to think about at least trying some gay.

I genuinely thought you'd already tasted the rainbow.

 

[CandiCame]

To be fair, have either of you tried to figure out a woman's body that is not yours?

I spent a week shy of twenty years studying one woman's body. It was YEARS of really diligent study to figure out oral on *her* (which she was indifferent to for her history) All modesty aside, my ex would tell you I was virtuoso on reading a woman's body. And I was a virtuoso on *A* women's body. All of that information is basically worthless on the next one.

Eli Whitney should not have worked on the cotton gin he should have worked on women. There are not any interchangeable parts under the hood. Nothing is wired the same, nothing is even installed in the same place. That whole internal genitalia portion is literally us feeling around in the dark.

I forget the comedian but he talks about how once a woman learns to give head she knows how to give head to pretty much every guy in the world. Once you learn how to eat pussy you know how to eat pussy on that girl. And only her.

I was fucking a girl doggy-style. Every stroke I seemed to hit her cervix and every stroke I DISTINCTLY heard, "Ow!" I would dial it back, she would meet my thrust, "Ow!" I would stop, readjust, ask for feedback. She assured me it felt great. "It does not sound like this feels great." Put me off sex for a while.

You gals need to form a committee and agree on standards, labeling, engineering limits, and language. Print up some pamphlets.

Dude pussies ain't complicated. You're just havin a real hard time. The parts are pretty much the same and it's honestly like...

Most people are the same. The same principles apply.

It ain't rocket science, like cavepeople figured this shit out. The idea that sex is complicated, like basic shit like, "How does a pussy work" is just false and kind of dangerous to put out there. Learn some basic anatomy so you're not lagging out the gate and just go for it.

Women ain't fuckin mysteries. It's not some cavernous unexplored jungle. We know how the plumbing works. There was a committee. They were called "gynecologists" and they make fucking charts and shit. That you have to memorize in fourth grade health class and take tests on.

What the fuck are you even talking about?

 

[CandiCame]

So true! And in my experience, the more a man declares himself great in bed, the worse he is at actually reading how you feel.

You only need to read a few of the "does this mean she wants to fuck me?" Threads to see how much normal, innocent behaviour gets misinterpreted.

"The waitress smiled at me when she gave me my food. Should I offer her some dick?"

 

[Que]

I genuinely thought you'd already tasted the rainbow.

No. I did a whole introspection thing about it, like is it just my repressive upbringing, do I have some sort of latent, repressed interest?... but no. Pretty straight on the Kinsey scale. I must come across that way as well though because despite the fact that I'm fairly approachable and I have very little filter I'm very rarely approached. Which is weird for a man as handsome as personable as I am.

 

[Que]

"The waitress smiled at me when she gave me my food. Should I offer her some dick?"

I usually offer waitresses dick alamode, cause I'm fancy like that.

 

[Que]

Dude pussies ain't complicated. You're just havin a real hard time. The parts are pretty much the same and it's honestly like...

Most people are the same. The same principles apply.

It ain't rocket science, like cavepeople figured this shit out. The idea that sex is complicated, like basic shit like, "How does a pussy work" is just false and kind of dangerous to put out there. Learn some basic anatomy so you're not lagging out the gate and just go for it.

Women ain't fuckin mysteries. It's not some cavernous unexplored jungle. We know how the plumbing works. There was a committee. They were called "gynecologists" and they make fucking charts and shit. That you have to memorize in fourth grade health class and take tests on.

What the fuck are you even talking about?

Um, I call bullshit.

My guess is that you are relatively easilly orgasmic. That makes it seem easier. My ex was so it was very confidence building until I realized she was going to get off, regardless, but there is reaching a orgasm and then there is being sexually sated and the two don't always track.

Sone women are one and done. Some are multi-orgasmic. Some are quite content with the experience at times even if they did not reach an orgasm. I have yet to find a woman who is thrilled when I don't "achieve" an orgasm, which happens sometimes. I still enjoy it. The only time I get away with that without discussion is if they happen to be multi-orgasmic and they are two flooded with endorphins to notice I didn't finish.

Now granted the ones that are perhaps a little more age appropriate for me tend to see me coming but in the under 30 women don't understand basic gynecology. I have to explain to them what a Skene's gland is. Read any thread on female ejaculation in 30% of the women in that thread insist that it's urine. How ignorant is that?

Orgasms happen when the brain fires one off. All that fiddling down there only accomplishes that if you also stimulated her need for it to be dirty/ethereal/sensual/tantric or whatever the fuck works for her. Calling her pussy a cunt could shut it down cold. Reacting wrong when she calls it that has the same effect. You can gurgle out whatever name you want for my dick when it's in your mouth and I'm not going to care at all.

Yes I can grind through the mechanics of how a pussy works. But they don't always work great the first time you're fiddling with them. Perhaps, because I'm somewhat tactal oriented I find I'm better down there with my fingers. My fairly limited subsample suggests that every single woman can be stimulated in that way. Of the only two that did not, both insisted that they had to pee and left up and ran into the bathroom even though I've never had sex with a woman who didn't think to pee first. You all do that.

So don't tell me it's simple and don't tell me that it's men that are ignorant women are ignorant about their own bodies.

Anorgasmia is a real thing. There's also women who respond much better to clitoral stimulation and those that require G-spot stimulation. It's rare that women don't like clitoral stimulation but some that are overly sensitive don't like it at all. As in get the fuck away from that.

Don't tell me you've never run into any of those things.

Yes if you've got plenty of time maybe some candles or bright lights and mirrors or a video camera or audience or absolute privacy or whatever is required I'm quite certain that any two people can find probably fumble around and have some fun.

With enough trust and a reasonable amount of time under the hood, yeah, I can get most women off. But there is no "magic" trick or technique that works everytime either every woman

But the idea that anybody can learn how to work a pussy so well that you can have a 10-minute quickie on the hood of a car with a stranger and be assured that she's going to have a great time is bullshit.

That's probably a bad example, because all the adrenaline of that sort of public sex kind of a thing ramps up your endorphins and it changes things but my point remains you can't go in and assume that you're going to be able to figure it out the first time you diddle it. On the other hand you stick my dick in your mouth and it's going to work. It might even work in candie's mouth.

You still don't *,know* what works in any woman other than you, because just like every stud on here that claims he "always" gets the "wimmins" off, maybe she embellished her enthusism.

I'm also open to the pointless point of view that girl on girl sex is just hotter anyway.

 

[CandiCame]

Um, I call bullshit.

My guess is that you are relatively easilly orgasmic. That makes it seem easier. My ex was so it was very confidence building until I realized she was going to get off, regardless, but there is reaching a orgasm and then there is being sexually sated and the two don't always track.

Sone women are one and done. Some are multi-orgasmic. Some are quite content with the experience at times even if they did not reach an orgasm. I gave yet to find a woman who is thrilled when I don't "achieve" an orgasm, which happens sometimes. I still enjoy it.

Now granted the ones that are perhaps a little more age appropriate for me tend to see me coming but in the under 30 women don't understand basic gynecology. I have to explain to them what a Skene's gland is. Read any thread on female ejaculation in 30% of the women in that thread insist that it's urine. How ignorant is that?

Orgasms happen when the brain fires one off. All that fiddling down there only accomplishes that if you also stimulated her need for it to be dirty/ethereal/sensual/tantric or whatever the fuck works for her. Calling her pussy a cunt could shut it down cold. Reacting wrong when she calls it that has the same effect. You can gurgle out whatever name you want for my dick when it's in your mouth and I'm not going to care at all.

Yes I can grind through the mechanics of how a pussy works. But they don't always work great the first time you're fiddling with them. Perhaps, because I'm somewhat tactal oriented I find I'm better down there with my fingers. My fairly limited subsample suggests that every single woman can be stimulated in that way. Of the only two that did not, both insisted that they had to pee and left up and ran into the bathroom even though I've never had sex with a woman who didn't think to pee first. You all do that.

So don't tell me it's simple and don't tell me that it's men that are ignorant women are ignorant about their own bodies.

Anorgasmia is a real thing. There's also women who respond much better to clitoral stimulation and those that require G-spot stimulation. It's rare that women don't like clitoral stimulation but some that are overly sensitive don't like it at all. As in get the fuck away from that.

Don't tell me you've never run into any of those things.

Yes if you've got plenty of time maybe some candles or bright lights and mirrors or a video camera or audience or absolute privacy or whatever is required I'm quite certain that any two people can find probably fumble around and have some fun.

With enough trust and a reasonable amount of time under the hood, yeah, I can get most women off. But there is no "magic" trick or technique that works everytime either every woman

But the idea that anybody can learn how to work a pussy so well that you can have a 10-minute quickie on the hood of a car with a stranger and be assured that she's going to have a great time is bullshit.

That's probably a bad example, because all the adrenaline of that sort of public sex kind of a thing ramps up your endorphins and it changes things but my point remains you can't go in and assume that you're going to be able to figure it out the first time you diddle it. On the other hand you stick my dick in your mouth and it's going to work. It might even work in candie's mouth.

You still don't *,know* what works in any woman other than you, because just like every stud on here that claims he "always" gets the "wimmins" off, maybe she embellished her enthusism.

I'm also open to the pointless point of view that girl on girl sex is just hotter anyway.

Dude it's me. Candi. That you're talking to. I'm the one you quoted.

And as sweet as this entire assumption was I will politely remind you that I don't have a pussy of my very own. Like on my body.

So I assure you it's not a generalizing from myself type situation.

I also wasn't saying that every person isn't different. Every person is different. But pussy's not rocket science.

And also blowjobs aren't easy. Like, actually given the choice between eating out and sucking dick (like actually sucking dick, not getting face-fucked) I'd actually rather eat out BECAUSE it's easier. I'm better at it. And I can probably get notarized affidavits to that effect. That shit doesn't leave you with a wicked bruise on the back of your throat if you fuck it up. I smoke, do you know how goddamn annoying that is? To have that bruise or whatever back there? Fucking up every breath you take? It's hella annoying.

And every dick is also different. It's not like pussies are the only ones with variation. Dicks are individualized. It's not a 'you've sucked one you sucked um all" type situation any more than it is with pussy.

Interestingly enough though, I have found that overall, if anything is gonna be the same damn thing, they're ALL the same damn thing. Hit the clit from the front and the g-spot from the back, hit the head of the dick from the front and the prostate from the back. Listen to the person talk because they'll let you know how to do it for them as an individual. Keep some wet-wipes nearby.

It's not a fucking mystery.

 

[CandiCame]

I don't wanna quote the whole big thing about why you're not gay, I just wanted to say that if you're not into it, that's cool, that's just not what I thought. Because you did kinda take my ass to town that one time as if you were king of the gays. Like you did metaphorically dickslap the cigarette out of my mouth, if you'll remember.

You made me feel bad in the real world about something I did on the internet. That's pretty hard to do.