BDSM: Questions and Answers

[slavewriter69]

my run in with the dallas police dept.

Hi

i just had to post this it was funny.

oh my gosh!!!!!!! i have to tell you what happened today to U/us
W/we were coming home from seeing my parents and i had a leash and collar on and some cops stopped U/us and asked whats with the collar and leash? W/we just laughed at them and said it's called bdsm. i could not stop laughing, i laughed in the cops face they just walked away, hehehehe lol.
im not going to get over it at all.
i loved the look the cops gave us.

 

[cymbidia]

It was your good deed for the day!

Now that cop has a good story to tell all the other cops back at the precinct. He'll be eating free donuts for days on your story.

 

[SteamyChik]

Welcum to Lit slavewriter69

Hey you know? I think that same cop stopped us! Try explaing flash cotton to a cop heh!

 

[slavewriter69]

cop

lol

hehehe it was trippy i loved it.
my MASTER and i thought W/we were in trouble,
turns out they were just doing they're job
in fact they were at a restaurant W/we passed by.
i think someone or even they saw U/us out the window.

hmmmm i think W/we are going to try that again.
just to piss them off.

slavewriter69

 

[slavewriter69]

Welcum to Lit slavewriter69

Hey you know? I think that same cop stopped us! Try explaing flash cotton to a cop heh!

hey Steamychik

i'm glad to be here. i really love the stories,and posts,
and the fact that i can send in stories too.

slavewriter69

 

[Merelan]

Thank you cymbidia.

Okay another question. What is flash cotton? Or do you mean flashing someone your cotton undies? I am a bit confused.

 

[Eris]

stories

Hmm, my favorite reaction was once when my Dom and I were walking down the street and I was leashed, a man riding a bike on the other side of the street stared at us so long he crashed his bike into some bushes. That still makes me laugh when I think about it

 

[slavewriter69]

cops and bdsm

hehehehe

W/we went to the same restaurant that the cops were the other day but W/we did not see any cops but the people in the place were looking at us funny. i was going to give them an address and phone number to one of the local bdsm nightclubs
called sans souci's they took off before i can get to them.
lol.
MASTER had me on a leash and collar again.
the waiter did not care in fact he stood there for a bit and chatted.

slavewriter69

 

[chatbug]

I have never understood why men would not want to get into BDSM. I mean, you have this great wife, maybe marriage is getting a little dull, or maybe she has just always been into getting spanked - whatever - and she tells her hubby, "Hey baby, let's check out that BDSM stuff, you know, where you tell me what to do and I'll do anything you want all the time, sex anytime you want it, never say no. And on top of that, if we go to parties, most of the women will be naked!" Now, um, why would a guy turn that down?

I realize that this question was asked in jest, but I'll try to give a reasonable answer. I suspect that BDSM scares some men, even when presented in this favorable a manner. Some men equate physical actions like spanking with anger, rather than love. It scares them that their wife would want them to spank them, because they just don't understand or feel the connection between spanking and love.

Even for a man that has BDSM thoughts and feelings, it can be hard to do what you've only thought of. Real scenes never work as well as fantasies. Unless you have some experience, "stage fright" can be very real.

I like to dominate submissive women. However, I don't like to be the dominant one all of the time. I get weary of the role after a while, and sometimes I need to take another role until my desire returns. I don't know if I'm unusual in that regard, or if others feel the same way.

 

[Blackbich]

Wow, I just love how this thread is taking off .

Steamy Chik, once again, thank you for clarifying some info for me.

slavewriter69, welcome aboard. Funny story!

Well, I go toy shopping this weekend. I don't even know if I'll buy anything but I've been trying to keep from drooling all day!

Attended my first munch on Sunday. My friend and I were the only ones to attend from our group, which was disappointing. But there was another group there. I did get to meet a lot of wonderful, like-minded individuals and networking was fun. There were even a couple that I drooled over for a short period of time after that. I don't know what I was expecting but, besides the sub that wore chains linking her collar to her arm and leg cuffs, there was nothing overtly obvious. Lots of collars. I guess there's no subtle fetish clothing for Dom/mes since I didn't see any.

I have a question for the experienced folks here. I'm short (5'3"). Does this mean that I shouldn't play with a bullwhip since they're so long? Does it matter or would a signal whip be better?

 

[SteamyChik]

Chatbug said - I suspect that BDSM scares some men, even when presented in this favorable a manner. Some men equate physical actions like spanking with anger, rather than love. It scares them that their wife would want them to spank them, because they just don't understand or feel the connection between spanking and love.

I understand that completely. My husband had never thought of BDSM in any way until I brought it up. It took a while before he was even halfway comfy with the idea. The first time he tied me up and spanked me, he just knew I was going to get mad at him, but when I got soaking wet and came so hard I nearly passed out - he realized that it was a turnon. He was turned on by how much I was turned on more than actually doing it to me.

*Cough* Now of course, he enjoys BDSM for its own sake and lucky me is the focus of all that randy male attention

I also agree that being dominant is hard work. It's not a job for the lazy or uninspired. It takes an enormous amount of mental commitment not to mention a strong arm

Great to hear from you Chatbug, join in again!



Blackbich wondered - I have a question for the experienced folks here. I'm short (5'3"). Does this mean that I shouldn't play with a bullwhip since they're so long? Does it matter or would a signal whip be better?

Anyone can throw a bullwhip, single-tail whatever term you use. We belong to a completely vanilla whip club that meets once a month to target practice. (It's possible there is one in your area, the club is worldwide!) There are KIDS in this group that can crack a whip better, and aim it better, than many adults I know! And they are only 4 feet tall. So your height has nothing to do with throwing a whip. Practice makes perfect in this case. Get out there and practice. Your neighbors will get use to it or be too scared of you to bother you

I have also sent you a private message with the link to an adult whip list for BDSMr's. Great place to talk whips.

Mmm, talking about single-tails makes me crave another dance with one. Have to talk to hubby about that .

Steamy

 

[WriterDom]

I had a bullwhip as a child and can't imagine getting anywhere near a sub with one. But I imagine the only issue with height would be the length which is easily accommodated. On behalf of your potential subs, I'd advise a signal whip to start.


But my point of view is from someone with no interest or exposure to whips.
yet


And nothing wrong with being short. I'm 5' 6" on a good day.

 

[SteamyChik]

Thank you cymbidia.

Okay another question. What is flash cotton? Or do you mean flashing someone your cotton undies? I am a bit confused.

Flash cotton is a cotton soaked in uh, something, that burns real fast like a flash. For BDSM use, you take the cotton and lay it out until it is bone dry. Then you tear it into little wispy strips and lay it on your sub in a pattern. A favorite is from pubic bone up to the breasts, around them with a line leading up to the nipple. They you ignite it like a fuse and WHUMP it burns in seconds and is an intense headrush with no danger of burning. Like passing your finger through a candle.

Flash cotton is expensive and found in better magician stores. There are two different kinds of flash cotton, and one of them is BAD for play. I can't remember which one that is but it will burn the skin very easy. So, unless you know which one is best, don't use it! I'll have to ask and get back on that.

 

[SteamyChik]

Re: cops and bdsm

local bdsm nightclubs called sans souci's chatted
slavewriter69

Did San Souci's go BDSM? I thought they were strictly swingers? We'll have to check them out

 

[SteamyChik]

more bullwhip stuff

I know that most doms that play with bullwhips, single-tails etc. have practiced for YEARS before actually hitting a sub with one. I would never play with a dom unless I had seen them play first. Lucky for me, my hubby and Master is very good with a single-tail If anything, he is TOO good. He barely ever leaves a mark and darn, it hurts so much I want that mark! Ha!

 

[slavewriter69]

Wow, I just love how this thread is taking off .

Steamy Chik, once again, thank you for clarifying some info for me.

slavewriter69, welcome aboard. Funny story!
I have a question for the experienced folks here. I'm short (5'3"). Does this mean that I shouldn't play with a bullwhip since they're so long? Does it matter or would a signal whip be better?

Hi BB

i am (5'4") and i used a 20' bullwhip on my slave's.
i personally love the nine tail cat.

slavewriter69

ps
thanks ya'all

 

[slavewriter69]

Re: Re: cops and bdsm

Did San Souci's go BDSM? I thought they were strictly swingers? We'll have to check them out

steamychik


san souci's has been bdsm.

i was there last year for a party, before MASTER REGAN left it.
they are also swingers.
i'll post the link when i get it tonight.


slavewriter69

 

[SteamyChik]

Master Reagan?

I'm confused, he was at Spankees when it was over by the old 1/2 price bookstore. Spankee's is now over on Greenville. But oh well, no biggie

 

[slavewriter69]

Re: Master Reagan?

I'm confused, he was at Spankees when it was over by the old 1/2 price bookstore. Spankee's is now over on Greenville. But oh well, no biggie

i think HE was going to both not really sure but, anyway i got the url for sans souci's



http://www.sans-soucidallas.com

i live by spankee's.
its like about less then 2 miles from U/us.



slavewriter69

 

[RisiaSkye]

The Zen of Switching...forgive rambling post.

Even for a man that has BDSM thoughts and feelings, it can be hard to do what you've only thought of. Real scenes never work as well as fantasies. Unless you have some experience, "stage fright" can be very real.

First: welcome, chatbug. Nice to see someone else still struggling with performance (in both senses) issues in BDSM. I've seen this with myself and hubbie, and while it has gotten better over time, it's still an issue. We're 8 years into a relationship (and 5 years into BDSM), and we're still figuring ourselves and each other out as we go along. I think that "stage fright" is a real thing for most or all newbies (of both sexes), and something that still 'crops up' () for experienced players, male and female. Or else hubbie and I are really weird .

I like to dominate submissive women. However, I don't like to be the dominant one all of the time. I get weary of the role after a while, and sometimes I need to take another role until my desire returns. I don't know if I'm unusual in that regard, or if others feel the same way.

I'm with you on this. I'm dominant much of the time. But, I am also submissive. You are not alone in that, but I don't know if we're unusual.

So, let's open a new topic, on behalf of me and chatbug.
Why does switching get such a bad rap?
This is something that I've wondered about a good deal. To me, my feelings and expressions of dominance and submission are intrinsically linked to each other. Switching sides of that equation allows me to explore what it means to experience submission, and it encourages me to be a more honest, giving, and emotionally committed domme. I wouldn't give either side up.

But, I hear from more "orthodox" lifestylers (otherwise known as the purity Nazis) that switching betrays a lack of commitment to a role. I have been told that my enjoyment of both Top and Bottom makes me not fully either--rather like a hermaphrodite, one particularly sensitive and tolerant person laughingly suggested. What do others think? Are switches lacking committment somehow?

I don't think so. It is an incredible experience of love to give ones' self fully to another, to trust them utterly, even with your will. Developing this trust is difficult and time consuming, but it is also the "therapy" that BlackBich and others have mentioned...an emotional and spiritual journey. One that has come to largely define what making love is about to me, in terms of emotional commitment. The blessing of submission is a wonderful gift to be able to give to another, and an incredible responsibility--one that I honestly think can ennoble the soul. If there are soulmates, I picture it as a fully developed yin-yang balance. My dominance is interwoven with my submission, as hubbie's dom interweaves with his sub. When we come together, we create an integrated whole, a perfect (though shifting) balance of male/female, top/bottom, serious/frivolous, etc. etc. The complexity of that balance is one of the biggest rewards of my life.

BDSM is a way to explore the complexity of that balance, to express it physically, emotionally, and spiritually all at once. I've had orgasms that lasted full minutes, moments of spiritual clairty so precise I felt more alive than I knew was possible, feelings of love and connection so overwhelming there aren't words to express them. If that's a "lack of committment," I'll take it and wear the disparaging judgement proudly.

 

[Merelan]

Thank you Steamy. Okay Mistres... I hope you are reading this. No flash cotton, please. Flame terrifies me. Sorry love. No danger of it burning you? I think not.

Backing quietly away, but to each his own. Just not near me.

 

[WriterDom]

I'll pass on the flash cotton

Wax is fun though

drip



drip



drip



drip



with an ice cube in the other hand


drip

 

[Silverlily]

Wax is fun though

with an ice cube in the other hand

tease



Risia,
I get the same thing, switches lack commitment. I think some of it comes from the general misunderstood nature of BDSM. Some people have had to be on the defensive for so long, (I am NOT referring to anyone here, don't get your panties in a bunch), they don't know anything else. I also think fear can come into play. Everyone wants to know they are correct about themselves and seeing something contradictory may make some start to question. Rather than accept that different works, it's safer, in their opinion, to degrade it.

I switch because that is my nature. I thrive in a state of change. (Shoot, I can't even pick a favorite color, there is something I like about all of them.) I need to feel the rush of lowering someone's barriers and I need to feel the relief of having the same done to mine. Different partners bring out different feelings and desires. I rarely feel the need to Top my husband, but I have never bottomed for a woman. Either way, it isn't a toss of the coin kind of thing, it is knowing myself well enough to know what I want.

I don't partake of BDSM everyday and I don't incorporate it every time I have sexual contact, sometimes nilla is nice. The point is, I enjoy many different things and accept that as what I need.

 

[cymbidia]

(Checking to be sure my panties aren't in a bunch. Oh. Yeh. Not wearing any! )

I have Topped on a few very rare occasions (three times in my life, to be exact). In every case, it was the result of my Dom/me insisting i do it, most often to push me into a place i was avowedly uncomfortable, to help me learn more about my responses and needs. I understood the reasons for them pushing me to Top even as i begged, emotionally, not to be made to do it. And every time i Topped, i felt... oh... well, a sort of terrified resentful embarassment at being forced to do THIS thing that i *really* didn't want to do.

I have no problems at all in taking the lead during lovemaking. I have no hangups about play involving dildos for me and my Dom/me, or strap-ons, even. I do *not* feel such play, as aggressive as it sometimes can be, involves my giving up my submission to assume a mantle of Dominance. Such play is rowdy lovemaking, imo, not a power exchange.

However, in the past, when i have been forced (and that's the shading i would give it) to Top, i've been miserably uncomfortable with the role. It wasn't fun. It didn't fit. I was scared and nervous and hypersensitive to the fact that i was a fraud throughout the whole scene.

Some of us are Dom/me.
Some of us are sub.
Some of us are able to gain richness from both sides.

I sort of envy switches, to be honest, because they have the whole range of sexuality to explore and are not limited to one side or the other. At the same time, i'm deeply content with my place inside the world of possibilities that our kind of sexuality encompasses.

To each their own, without censure.

 

[Silverlily]

*Warning : mucho mushiness ahead*

I know I am not alone in this, but I would like to say how good it feels to finally find a place where I fit.

It's kind of funny, considering the opinion that we are "the freaks", that this is one of the few threads I personally find to be sane.