ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[fieryjen]

To bring this thread back on topic... or something (heck, like I care if you guys chat )... anyway, I have a new favorite PM I got out of the blue:

you are a filthy little cocksucker that needs attention dont you my pet....naughty girls like you need discipline and humility... i know exactly what you want and need...I know how to handle a fuck machine like you... tell daddy what a little piggy you have been..

This is the first PM that has made me just crack up completely while reading it. I couldn't help it, I was in tears.

 

[jadefirefly]

Wow. I'm shocked.











Oh, not at the content, mind you. Just at the fact that it was all spelled properly.

 

[fieryjen]

Wow. I'm shocked.











Oh, not at the content, mind you. Just at the fact that it was all spelled properly.

Hm, good point Maybe this one I got yesterday will make up for it?

this would be exceptable i can train you 15 years in life contact me

And when I declined politely, he asked me this:

there a reson for this rat her quick desission

I didn't even realize it was a question at first. I had to read it three times or so before I caught that meaning.

 

[jadefirefly]

Oh my.

Did you write back and say "Yes, there is a reason. You're an idiot."?

 

[fieryjen]

Oh my.

Did you write back and say "Yes, there is a reason. You're an idiot."?

Oh, the rest of this is rather interesting too. He turned out to be surprisingly polite though, I was really impressed with that. I did write back:

Yes, the fact that I can barely understand what you are saying. I don't enjoy talking to people who cannot or will not spell correctly. Sorry.

Then I got another message from the guy:

i was being breif.but no matter your opinon is made i am quite educated i thought this was an area for short replies good luck in your quest by the way this is short responses not talking that would be next good day

Me again:

No, you were misspelling almost every other word and still are. Being brief and spelling correctly are not mutually exclusive. I was not complaining about your message being short at all, in fact, I don't mind it being short, I just mind the misspellings. I would think that if you would like to get to know someone, you would take a bit more care with the way your message looks, as to make a good first impression. While your way of writing may not bother some people, it happens to bother me. I could barely understand what you were saying, and that's a problem for me.

And then he sent me this rather surprising message (still not spelling correctly and pretty full of himself, but hey, at least he seems to have learned something):

thank you for taking time to answer and point made you have taken time to reach out i was not trying to undermine this just for the record i own my own buis. have 2 master degrees and 3 black belts i do hurry at times iam always working and given that this is your life your dealing with i could give it some more care i stand correct and do appoligze thanks dj

 

[Etoile]

Well...it is hard to type one-handed...

 

[jadefirefly]

[robin_williams_voice]

YYYYES! He CAN be taught!

[/voice]



Sorry. It's early for me and I couldn't help it.

 

[LunarKitten]

Oh, the rest of this is rather interesting too. He turned out to be surprisingly polite though, I was really impressed with that. I did write back:

Then I got another message from the guy:

Me again:

And then he sent me this rather surprising message (still not spelling correctly and pretty full of himself, but hey, at least he seems to have learned something):

The lack of punctuation bothered me more than the spelling lol

 

[graceanne]

I got some looser today. IM'd me on my msn. Starts asking questins about how often me and K fuck and stuff. Evidently wasn't getting the hint, when I woudln't answer, cuase then he wants to know my wildest fantasy. When I refused to indulge he tried to guess. Know what his guess was? That when my son hits puberty he'd want to see me naked and touch by boobs. When I said EW, he said 'it's perfectly natural'. I got off msn about then.

 

[jadefirefly]

EWWWWWWWW!!!!

If I were Grace, I'd have spent the rest of the morning in the shower, I think. Ew, ew, ew.

 

[Etoile]

Whoa, that is seriously gross. Like extremely very creepy. I hope you blocked him! That's the main reason I don't get on IM anymore...too many creeps.

But I do love reading this thread!

 

[fieryjen]

EWWWWWWWW!!!!

If I were Grace, I'd have spent the rest of the morning in the shower, I think. Ew, ew, ew.

Yeah, it gives me the very same feeling. That's just... argh.

 

[graceanne]

No, I didn't get in the shower afterward, but I sure have been grossed out since then. *gag* And they call us perverts. That is seriously perverted.

 

[chris9]

I got one

Hi I need a subslut slave from 5 to 9 th April in Cologne to serve my desires..
Interested ?

And masterme pm'd me again, though I'm not sure if I'm authorized to publish it here...


Today is a good day
Another one:

hi , are you intrested in wearing a chastity belt ?

 

[graceanne]

And masterme pm'd me again, though I'm not sure if I'm authorized to publish it here...

LOL Geez you'd think he'd get the point.

 

[chris9]

LOL Geez you'd think he'd get the point.

 

[graceanne]

 

[chris9]

I answered the one who was searching a subslut for next week "Bit short noticed, wouldn't you think?"
He replied

well probabely u might be right...
I m an attractive dynamic businessman tarvelling a lot...my mother was greek and my father half french half italıan..I m living in greece.
I ll be in Köln next week from the 5th to 9th April for business. will stay at hilton..and >I m looking a classy submissive girl to have some fun with..dinning..clubbing...etc but ofcourse some seıtensprung...and if things suıt both of us we may continue to some or antother way..
is that enough baby?
for more write me to my email **** with photo etc..
I hope u know how to behave to a gentleman..))

Yes, sure, staying at the Hilton is sort of nice, but how does classy and slutty go together? And why can't a gentleman be so polite as to type whole words...

 

[FurryFury]

I answered the one who was searching a subslut for next week "Bit short noticed, wouldn't you think?"
He replied


Yes, sure, staying at the Hilton is sort of nice, but how does classy and slutty go together? And why can't a gentleman be so polite as to type whole words...

LOL!

You think that was a gentleman???

LMAO

Fury

 

[chris9]

LOL!

You think that was a gentleman???

LMAO

Fury

That's what he said. *innocent look* Do you think he didn't mean it?

 

[Etoile]

I put "seıtensprung" through a translator and it gave me "side jump" - but Google results for "seıtensprung" are decidedly sexual! What does it mean, chris9?

 

[FurryFury]

That's what he said. *innocent look* Do you think he didn't mean it?

They all mean it but most can't be it. LOL

Fury

 

[graceanne]

I put "seıtensprung" through a translator and it gave me "side jump" - but Google results for "seıtensprung" are decidedly sexual! What does it mean, chris9?

I am SO glad I'm not the only one who doesn't know what that means. lol I was afraid it was a reference to somethhing that everyone understood and I was the only one in the dark.

 

[chris9]

I put "seıtensprung" through a translator and it gave me "side jump" - but Google results for "seıtensprung" are decidedly sexual! What does it mean, chris9?

In this context it did puzzle me. It means cheating on your partner.


I wrote him back last night

I'm sorry, I'm not free next week.
I would like to ask you though to use actual words and no online abbreviations (e.g. 'u' for you) and capitalizing words. Makes it much more enjoyable to read.

He answered

no problem sweety...but i m sure you can mannage some time from me as a good girl.. I ll be in cologne from wendsday afternoon until sunday...and i will stay at hilton..
we can do whatever you like ..dinning, clubbing, or meeting for a beer or coffe or meeting for some seitensprung etc ))
trust me you will really enjoy it..
kisses

i will teach you if you ll be nice to me how to success the best orgasme control..))

I really like that guy

 

[FurryFury]

Soaking in the asshatness of others, ahh!

Fury