600 word stories

[reohoko]

well... I wanted to put more in the email part... but I knew I couldn't do it without getting carried away. So I just quit while I was ahead

 

[wildsweetone]

Jayne, yes please. If you don't mind, post it here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to see the differences.

reohoko... lol i understand about the extension on the email i think though, whatever you added would be similar to the icing on the cake. it would enhance your words. let me know if you want any ideas.

 

[jfinn]

Jayne, yes please. If you don't mind, post it here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to see the differences.

Okay, all I did was edit my original post. You can find the changes there. Sorry I didn't think about keeping the original as a comparison.

Jayne

 

[wildsweetone]

*smacks self over back of the head*

 

[Alex De Kok]

jfinn said

Besides I want to see Alex's post when he realizes it's his turn again

Turncoat! Traitor! After I said "A second one? A second one? Ohmygawdletmeouttahere!!!" and you said "My thoughts exactly." you go and do this to me!

<heaves heavy sigh>

Oh, well. Give me a day or so. RL has been leaning on me a little.

Alex

PS: Jayne, another great little tale.

 

[reohoko]

reohoko... lol i understand about the extension on the email i think though, whatever you added would be similar to the icing on the cake. it would enhance your words. let me know if you want any ideas.

Sure I love suggestions .
See, I would love to put more details about her in there too. I just have trouble cause I was not at all impressed with my story that is only 800 (approx.) words on my site. It lacks good description and such. I just don't think that 28 words is enough.

I could change this:
------------------------------------
"Ok, I better behave!" Chastising myself loudly. Feeling the wetness between my legs, my nipples hard beneath my tank top, I tremble.
-------------------------------------
to
-------------------------------------
"Ok, I better behave!" Chastising myself loudly as I tug my shorts back down. The wetness between my legs, my nipples hard beneath my tank top, I tremble. Pressing my legs together tight, but fully aware that will not help my predicament.
______________________

Not even mention the fact that I used "deep" twice right next to each other... *cringe* and there is something else like that too there.

______________________

or I could continue the email:
------------------------------------
"*my fingers fumble with your pants as your fingers run along my cheek and to my chin
*my lips moist as I free your hardness from your jeans
*softly licking the tip then suddenly sucking you deep into my mouth
----------------------------------
which, didn't I go over the limit? *sigh need more coffee technically

________________________

or I could add in lines like :

----------------------------------------
My mind wanders for a moment, to where that vibrator he gave me might have ended up this time.

or

Absently rubbing my nipples as I stare at the screen.

or

Wondering if I can qualify it for hot enough to remove these binding clothing.

etc.

__________________________

I don't alway write descriptions of the people in my stories. I like that feel of ambiguity, where it could be me, it could be you, it could be him, it could be that hunk I saw in the mall yesterday.

If the story is just about the sex, I can go with it. But this one, is sorta not in completion. It is not descriptive enough about the people (though personality is sorta there for her at least). Also has no um, climax.... (*giggle sorry I really like that word).

Since the majority of my writing it's all about personality, I suppose I can go with the flow here and say it needs more sex.

So, does she need to masturbate? or get him off in email? and I only have what? 25 words to work with?

Suggestions...... good..... I need coffee.

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Okay. Let's have a stab at it.
"Now, Jerry, Now!"
"Yes, darling. Oh, you are so warm, and so smooth."
"Oh my darling."
"Does it feel as good to you as it does to me?"
"Yes! You fill me. You complete me. And when you move like that... Oh!"
"Are you all right?"
"Wonderful! Oh, yes. Oh yes."
"Darling, I can't stop. I can't hold back!"
"Don't. Oh!"
"Unh. Unh. Unh."
"Ooooh."
"I love you."
"You too. Stay here."

 

[reohoko]

very poetic

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

600 words doesn't get my characters in the same town. Now if you had said 6000 then they might get something going but I'll try.

Og

:
Well, getting your characters to the same town is optional.
I find that of the 22 stories of fewer than 1000 words (each)
on my website, just half are under 500. Another two are
between 500 and 600. However, you fairly well have to start <I>in median res</i>. I usually keep to dialogue, as well.
I've already posted one, but let's do take two:
"Just stay like this."
"It won't go in."
"See? And now I can hold you."
"You like them more than you like me."
"And I can hold you here, too. Not <B>more</b>, sweetheart. They are beautiful, but they are part of you, part of your beauty."
"You think I'll believe anything when you're like this. Oh, Steve."
"Oh, Janice. Oh, my love! Oh my dearest. Come for me. Come around me."
"Ah. Aaaah!"
"Uh. Love! ... I <B>do</b> love you."
"Then keep holding me," // "Always."

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Take three:
"I'm not made of glass, you know."
"I just don't want to hurt it."
"You won't. I'm all wrapped around it, and it's far, far, inside. What it will need is a happy mommy -- so make me happy."
"Will this make you happy...? Or this...?"
"Oh yes! Yes Don. Yes."
"And this?"
"What I need is this."
"Okay. Put me in.... Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"
"No. Yes. I'm sure."
"Oh, my love. Oh, my love. Oh!"
"Ah! Ah. Oh, Don."
"Darling! Darling...! I have to get off."
"But you have to stay close."
"Happy, Mommy?"
"Happy. Happy, Daddy?"
"Ecstatic."

 

[Alex De Kok]

Now, there's no way I can accomplish the brevity of Uther_Pendragon's little samples. Six hundred words is hard enough for me.

Here's another effort, adapted from a piece originally written for an American friend using a photograph we'd been discussing. I've changed it around a bit but the story is substantially the same. While I think about it, Kat, if you're reading this, drop me a line...

* * * * *

We walked along in the sun, holding hands. Midweek, this far from the campground, there wasn't another soul around. The late spring sun was hot on our backs and when we spotted a little grass-filled hollow beside a rushing mountain stream it was too hard to resist. We drank from the stream and then sprawled in idle contentment.

It's your birthday tomorrow, Alan, what do you really, really want?" Sally's eyes were sparkling and there was a wicked grin on her face.

"You."

"Me. How?" Her grin never faltered.

"Naked, and ready to let me finally make love to you."

She giggled. "That makes two of us that want that, then." She squeezed my hand. "Yes, Alan, tomorrow I cease to be a virgin. Is there anything you'd like today, to keep you interested, anything except my cherry, that is?"

I made a pretence of thinking about it, but I knew what I'd like to see.

"I want us to be naked, and I want to watch you make yourself come."

Sally flushed, but her answer was immediate. "Okay, but only if I can watch you at the same time."

"I'd like that."

She stood and stripped off her sweater. "Unhook me," she murmured.

My hands were shaking as I unfastened her bra, but undressing each other was fun and I was trembling at the lovely sight of Sally naked, as naked as she would be again tomorrow. She made herself comfortable on her back and spread her legs so that I could see properly. I knelt between her spread legs and took hold of my dick, already as hard as it had ever been. She smiled at that and blew me a kiss, before letting her hands roam over her breasts, tantalizing her nipples, teasing them to hardness.

As she did this I began to stroke my dick, that aching stiffness that really ought to have been seeking a soft, wet, hot pussy to bury itself deeply inside. Sally's hand left her breast and moved down to stroke lightly over her neatly trimmed bush, before stroking lightly the full length of her slit, moving gradually deeper as she moistened. I was giving myself long strokes by now, that familiar mix of expectation and - almost - anxiety beginning to build in me.

She moved her other hand to her sex and stroked lightly down the side of her clit, which was peeping shyly from its hood. Her other hand changed motion slightly, a finger burying itself in her core, quickly joined by another, their motion mimicking the anticipated thrust of my dick in her pussy. Her breathing quickened and a faint sheen of sweat appeared, for the hollow was warm in the sunshine. Her fingers were moving faster now and I could hear the squish of her fingers.

"I'm getting close, sweetheart," she said.

"I am too, my love," I replied, my own strokes quickening, my being tightening, readying for my coming.

"Oh, Alan," she cried, "I'm coming!" And she came, trembling, gasping, her face luminous in its passion, lifting me, spurring me on.

She could tell I was close, for she smiled at me and whispered, "Come on me, my love, come on my belly, come on my breasts."

And I did, gasping as each spurt emptied me, almost collapsing across her, my wilting dick resting on her tummy, my knuckles tickled by the springy softness of her bush.

She drew my head down and kissed me gently on the forehead. "I love you," she said.

* * * * *

588 words this time. I couldn't think of anything completely original, hence the adaptation.

Alex

 

[wildsweetone]

Alex! good grief dear, that must have been some photo you were discussing i love it! all that passion, love, sharing and still she has her virginity. well written.

Uther_Pendragon, very interesting takes there. leaving description out of the piece and making the reader work to invent the characters. i like them very much. wonder what they'd look like over a 600 word spread...

reohoko, good ideas you have there... what about thinking about using all the senses though? smell, what can she smell? taste, is there any particular kind of taste in her mouth at any stage?

 

[jfinn]

jfinn said
Turncoat! Traitor! After I said "A second one? A second one? Ohmygawdletmeouttahere!!!" and you said "My thoughts exactly." you go and do this to me!

<heaves heavy sigh>

Oh, well. Give me a day or so. RL has been leaning on me a little.

Alex

PS: Jayne, another great little tale.

See, that wasn't so tough, was it? Great story Alex, not sure which I like best. You up for thirds now?

Jayne

 

[reohoko]

Pendragon, I like your approach I have to agree, there is no way I could do that. But I do like it.

I like Alex's story too

Wildsweetone, very good point. I just noticed that not much of my work every includes smell and taste. That is a good idea to work on .

 

[oggbashan]

600 word story

I've put my 600 words in Sack_Lunches thread as a computer based tale.

Og

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Take four:
"My father will hunt you down for this, however long it takes. You do know who he is, don't you?"
"The Don will do anything to revenge my snatching of his daughter?"
"You have that right."
"He'll spare no effort; he'll sick all his soldiers on my trail."
"All of them. Ane every marker he can call in. And he has equals. They might not always agree, but they all will want to make sure that nobody ever snatches one of <B>their</b> daughters."
"He'll do everything he can."
"Absolutely everything."
"Then, Maria, there is nothing more he can do -- nothing more that you can threaten me with."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that this experience should be one which is worth making so powerful an enemy."
"You can't...."
"Now, just because <B>*I'm</b> going to enjoy this, is no reason you shouldn't"
"I won't.... I haven't ever...."
"There is a first time for everything. Why don't we get you more comfortable?"

 

[MathGirl]

Similies

Okay, I give up. I'm one of the few on here who doesn't use those little smilie things. Now that some use them in place of text, I decided to try.

Ummmm......... how do you fetch them from where they are at down to where you want them to be at?

MG

 

[reohoko]

Re: 600 word story

I've put my 600 words in Sack_Lunches thread as a computer based tale.

Og

me too, should we move them here?

 

[Alex De Kok]

Firstly, congratulations to Uther_Pendragon - a complete story in fifteen lines! Great work.

wildsweetone said

Alex! good grief dear, that must have been some photo you were discussing

It was.

jfinn said

See, that wasn't so tough, was it? Great story Alex, not sure which I like best. You up for thirds now?

It would have been a lot harder if I hadn't already had most of the story! Thirds? Maybe. These exercises do seem to be getting my creative juices flowing again. It's been a desert recently. We perhaps need a new subject. Any suggestions?

Alex

 

[wildsweetone]

sorry, it's a long weekend here in Godzone and i'm not able to get online in my usual manner.

yes i do have an idea... i'll run it by you all to think about over the weekend. if it doesn't suit the majority of us, then I'll post up another exercise



let's invent a village and write 600 word stories of characters and events within that village. our stories and characters must meld in with the other stories posted. we could include murders, suicide, marriages, adultery etc... all the usual every day events we either live or hear about in real life.


what are your thoughts?

 

[jfinn]

sorry, it's a long weekend here in Godzone and i'm not able to get online in my usual manner.

yes i do have an idea... i'll run it by you all to think about over the weekend. if it doesn't suit the majority of us, then I'll post up another exercise



let's invent a village and write 600 word stories of characters and events within that village. our stories and characters must meld in with the other stories posted. we could include murders, suicide, marriages, adultery etc... all the usual every day events we either live or hear about in real life.


what are your thoughts?

WSO,

Hope you have a good ANZAC Day. Yep, that sounds interesting to me. A whole village eh? I'll bet the population is exactly 600 too.

Jayne

 

[Alex De Kok]

wildsweetone said

let's invent a village and write 600 word stories of characters and events within that village. our stories and characters must meld in with the other stories posted. we could include murders, suicide, marriages, adultery etc... all the usual every day events we either live or hear about in real life.

Not so sure about the murder and suicide - the adultery sounds more like my line! It could be an interesting exercise, so count me in. I'd like to try having to work within a framework. Further thoughts when I see yours but I think Anonymousville, Somewhere, Present Day are non-optional. I'll try to come up with some character outlines over the weekend.

Jayne, a population of 600 sounds just about right!

Alex

 

[Guest]

 

[jfinn]

PierceStreet, that was really good. I loved the twist at the end and you got so much info into such a little bit I was sure you'd gone over the 600 word limit (but I checked and you didn't ). Very nice.

Jayne

 

[MathGirl]

Pierce's story

Cool story, PS
MG