100 word story. Exactly. No More. No less.

[MargotPayge]

I read about this exercise in the writers forum and decided to take the challenge. Not counting the Title, I wrote a story in exactly 100 words.It was a scene I wasn't married to, so it was easy to cut, but hard to make it make sense and stay hot. Did I succeed?
Comment and/or post your own.

A Slave to Her Pussy

"Please Mistress. I need your pussy”
She beckoned him closer.
Crawling to the bed, he looked into her eyes as she whispered "You belong to me, Slave."
She smiled, pointed to her cunt and commanded, “Lick.”
His tongue found her creamy pearl, as he obeyed, intensifying each stroke, licking and licking, faster and faster, until finally, she threw her arms around his neck and shuddered, overcome with the pleasure of his obedience and the intensity of her orgasm.
Though he was her submissive, and she was his femdom, she was as much a slave to her pussy as he was.

 

[visioneer]

Your piece works as a microfiction. These are hard to write, but are excellent exercises to sharpen one's skills. Going forward, I suggest cutting actions that are implied or obvious, and using the "saved" words to express emotion or bring in the other senses. I would enjoy reading more of your work.

 

[MargotPayge]

Yes. I started with 560 words! and cut it to 100. It was an excellent exercise and the very thing you mention was one of the hardest to wrap my head around. I kept thinking, "do I really need to narrate that action or i it implied enough for the reader to know." And then the crucial question: is it still hot?
The thing I am least pleased with right now is the last sentence. It seems awkward and I couldn't figure out how to fix it.

 

[MargotPayge]

Here is another. 100 words exactly not counting the title.

Satisfied.

The kneeling man quivered as she ran her finger across his lips.
"Rise," she ordered. He rose naked, exposed.
Bringing her lips to his neck she licked. He moaned.
Kneeling behind him now, she stroked his hard cock. Her cock. Her Toy.
Pleasure. Only pleasure. No pain now. Only pleasure.
Her pleasure. Her cock to use in any way she saw fit. Now pleasure. Later, who knows?
She stroked him. Faster and harder. Warm, wet air caressed his thighs as she blew.
Stroking harder, faster and faster. She let go as he came in powerful waves.
She sauntered away, satisfied.

 

[visioneer]

Here is one of mine. Comments welcome.

Outtake 1

“Sarah, you will obey.”
“No!” Silence reverberates through the parlor. “Please, Sir, not her.”
The woman’s smile sharpens. “Exciting, her defiance.”
“Vexing at times. Sarah?”
“As you wish, Sir.” She unpins a sapphire brooch; silk falls.
“Outrageous,” an older gentleman protests, rising; his wife’s dissuading hand clasps his arm.
“Exquisite.” Stiletto fingernails caress naked breasts. “She’ll mark beautifully.”
“As your pleasure demands.”
"Ma'am?" Sarah clutches the fallen silk. "Please?"
“No." The woman seizes her wrist. "Come.”
Sarah lingers before the gentleman. “Thank you, Sir, but I am his to give. To anyone. Even this ... cunt.”
Hunger twitches the woman’s lips.

 

[MargotPayge]

I love the use of dialogue as opposed to so much narration. So I understand more what you were talking about.
I find the idea of obedience very hot, as long as it is consensual.
I did have to slow down and read it several times to identify each character. But, when I finally got the whole picture it was vivid.

 

[Winter_Fare]

Here is my dubious contribution:

Through an old leaded window missing one tiny pane of glass, the clear sky darkens to indigo. Below her tower, granite drops away to a leafy valley. Darkness smothers the center as the sun slips cool and sullen behind the mountain.

The woman rests upon the fine bleached linen of her feather bed, and closes her eyes against the gloom.

There is a white doe running along an icy river bed, black eyes wide and bold in her fear. The jaws of a lynx close on her throat, and the fear shifts briefly to resignation before the lights go
out.

 

[MargotPayge]

I just read that the common practice here is to say "comments welcome" if you want feedback. I forgot to do that on my second post. It can be disheartening to not hear back and wonder if anyone read it at all. So I'll go ahead and put that out there since I started this thread.

 

[MargotPayge]

I tried one with mostly dialogue. Does it work? I don't know why I find the idea of surrender so erotic. There is no title but the first line. This is my first Dubcon story (at least I think it is dubcon) all disclaimers apply - all parties should decide what they are going to do before they enter the room. Comments welcome.

“Do it for me.”
“I’ve never even thought about it.”
“I love it.”
“You’re a girl. You’re supposed to.”
“Pleasure is pleasure. It will please me. And when you see how happy it makes me, it’ll give you pleasure too.”
“I’ll return the favor.” It was the elephant in the room. “It’ll be fun. You’ll see.”
Was it gaslighting? Coercion? Encouragement? A well practiced sales pitch?
“You won’t tell my friends?”
“No.”
“I don’t even know your friends.”
Two smiles and a dubious sideways glance.
“Here, I’ll make it easy for you.”
Whipped cream.
He closed his eyes and sucked.

 

[Winter_Fare]

1 “Do it for me.”

2 “I’ve never even thought about it.”

1 “I love it.”
2 “You’re a girl. You’re supposed to.”
1 “Pleasure is pleasure. It will please me. And when you see how happy it makes me, it’ll give you pleasure too.[”]
1“I’ll return the favor.” It was the elephant in the room. 1“It’ll be fun. You’ll see.”
Was it gaslighting? Coercion? Encouragement? A well practiced sales pitch?
2 “You won’t tell my friends?”
“No.”
1“I don’t even know your friends.”
Two smiles and a dubious sideways glance.
1 “Here, I’ll make it easy for you.”
Whipped cream.
He closed his eyes and sucked.

I like the pure dialogue without names and description but I had to re read a few times to make sense of who was talking. Is this right? I think it could be clearer in the middle of you remove the highlighted speech mark, and maybe emphasize the pause while he's thinking by stretching out this part and adding an extra pronoun:

“I’ll return the favor.”

It was the elephant in the room.

“It’ll be fun," she said.

 

[MargotPayge]

Thanks.
OK. I see now. The part that I thought cleared it up, didn't. I'll fix it and be back.

 

[MargotPayge]

OK. It's a little kinkier than you were thinking.
I have a couple of solutions.
My first is to re-write it and clarify how many people there are and who is speaking. Here it is:

“Do it for me.”
“I’ve never even thought about it.”
“I love it.”
“You’re a girl. You’re supposed to.”
“But I want you to experience it. It’s beautiful.”
A third voice spoke, “I’ll return the favor. It’ll be fun. You’ll see.”
Was it gaslighting? Coercion? Encouragement? A well practiced sales pitch?
“You won’t tell my friends?”
“No.” she said.
“I don’t even know your friends.” The third set of eyes were smiling now.
Just a little more encouragement to seal the deal.
“Here, I’ll make it easy for you.”
Whipped cream.
He closed his eyes and sucked his first cock.


The other is just to give it a title. "His first cock." Then the rest of everything else might make sense. But it destroys the suspense of knowing what they were trying to get him to do. Do either of these work? Comments still welcome.

 

[visioneer]

OK. It's a little kinkier than you were thinking.
I have a couple of solutions.
My first is to re-write it and clarify how many people there are and who is speaking. Here it is:

“Do it for me.”
“I’ve never even thought about it.”
“I love it.”
“You’re a girl. You’re supposed to.”
“But I want you to experience it. It’s beautiful.”
A third voice spoke, “I’ll return the favor. It’ll be fun. You’ll see.”
Was it gaslighting? Coercion? Encouragement? A well practiced sales pitch?
“You won’t tell my friends?”
“No.” she said.
“I don’t even know your friends.” The third set of eyes were smiling now.
Just a little more encouragement to seal the deal.
“Here, I’ll make it easy for you.”
Whipped cream.
He closed his eyes and sucked his first cock.


The other is just to give it a title. "His first cock." Then the rest of everything else might make sense. But it destroys the suspense of knowing what they were trying to get him to do. Do either of these work? Comments still welcome.

Better. This version has more of an edge. I think (like with my micro above) there can be confusion on who is speaking when the word limit prevents liberal use of dialogue attributes. I suggest dropping "A well practiced sales pitch?" and using the 5 words available to clarify who is speaking either with attributes or other means.

 

[MargotPayge]

You're right. That phrase doesn't really add that much, even though I like the way it suggests that this wasn't their first time.
I am working on my Geek Pride story right now, but I may try to find an hour or two to write another one. I have an idea just right for the format.

 

[Winter_Fare]

Sweet hawthorn blossom thickens chilly spring air into syrup. Dew bejewels the grass. Birds chitter their unheeded warnings as shadows lengthen into sunset.

The ground ripples beside me, gently uncovering my love. She lies as still as death until I reach for her face. I brush the soil from her brow, her eyes flutter open.

"You're too cold," she scolds me, "you'll catch your death."

I press myself up against her, feel her chill lips curl into a smile under my fingertips, and I shiver.

I hope her delightful kiss is the last thing I feel when that time comes.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

I don't think I can write anything in only a hundred words, so kudos to you MargotPayge. I've been enjoying your shorts very much so.

 

[MargotPayge]

Sweet hawthorn blossom thickens chilly spring air into syrup. Dew bejewels the grass. Birds chitter their unheeded warnings as shadows lengthen into sunset.

The ground ripples beside me, gently uncovering my love. She lies as still as death until I reach for her face. I brush the soil from her brow, her eyes flutter open.

"You're too cold," she scolds me, "you'll catch your death."

I press myself up against her, feel her chill lips curl into a smile under my fingertips, and I shiver.

I hope her delightful kiss is the last thing I feel when that time comes.

This gave me chills. No pun intended.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

I Call Him from Work

“I’m really horny,” I say.

“How horny?” he says.

“I took off all my clothes.”

“You’re completely naked?”

“Except for my panties … hold on ….” I put the phone down briefly. “Now I’m completely naked.”

“Um … won’t that get you fired?”

“I locked the door to my office. No one knows. Oh wow.”

“What?”

“I’m also really wet. It’s kind of impressive.”

“Are you … uh …?”

“Touching myself? Yes. Do you want me to describe what I’m doing?”

“Please.”

From the sound of his voice I can tell he’s jerking off.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Watching Jenna

My college roommate was really cavalier about nudity. Sometimes I’d come back from class to find her sitting on her bed stark naked, smoking weed with with her boyfriend.

Jenna was a skinny strawberry blonde—pale and luminous with a light dusting of freckles across her tiny tits. Ravi was much darker with an amazing cock—long and thick with a pronounced upward curve when he got hard, which was pretty much all the time.

She wasn’t even shy about fucking him right in front of me; I’d look up from my desk, and see her riding him.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

“Copulatory Vocalizations in Female Primates”

She came across the paper by accident while she was researching bonobo status hierarchies. It was an odd bit of niche research published in an obscure journal.

Suddenly embarrassed, cheeks flushed—she shifted nervously in her chair in the university library, and glanced around to make sure no one could see what was on her screen.

That night when her boyfriend mounted her, she recalled what she had read. Flat on her back, with her bare feet in the air, she played out her genetic script: “Uh … uh … uh … uh … .”

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Do you want my cunt?

You’ve been looking at my ass all day. I know I look hot. This sundress really shows off my legs, doesn’t it? I just shaved them this morning, so they’re silky smooth.

If we go in the conference room, people will assume we’re having a meeting, but I can pull up my dress to show you my wet panties.

There. I slipped off my sandals.

It feels so unprofessional to be barefoot in the office, but now I can tease the hard line of your cock with my toes.

Oh! You definitely want my cunt.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Primatology

Jane Harris watched a pair of rhesus monkeys copulate in the Institute’s research lab. The female clutched the bars of her cage in the lordosis posture while the male mounted her from behind. He ejaculated after only a few seconds, hips pumping frantically.

Talbot had penetrated Jane like that last night at the hotel—she had arched her back the same way as his erect penis had entered her vagina. He had lasted longer than the male rhesus, but the outcome had been the same.

Cheeks flushed, Jane adjusted her glasses. She wondered when she would see Talbot again.

 

[MargotPayge]

I've been wanting to try this for a while. Did I succeed? Comments welcome.

Anniversary Dinner

“Let’s eat, Margot.”
“Not until you call them,” Odium in my voice.
Our traditional anniversary fight.
“They are our friends.”
He dialed.
“Yeah, It’s Crispin.”
“No. Sarah, we’re…”
“Tell Trevor I’m sorry. Come over, we’ll make it up to you.”
They arrived with a bottle of wine.
Netflix and chill.
Both couples were soon kissing.
Clothing accumulated on the oaken floor.
Tongues. Mouths. Friends touching friends. Hands roamed.
Crispin’s on Sarah’s bum. Trevor’s on my tits. My pussy: wet and dripping.
Crispin lifted his head up and said, “I have an idea.”
We listened in rapt attention.
“Let’s eat Margot.”

 

[Winter_Fare]

I like it, the dialogue is better structured and the narrative works. If I had to make one criticism I'd say it felt a bit rushed, and there weren't enough words left to smooth the transition between perspectives. It crams a lot into 100 words.

 

[visioneer]

I've been wanting to try this for a while. Did I succeed? Comments welcome.

Anniversary Dinner

“Let’s eat, Margot.”
“Not until you call them,” Odium in my voice.
Our traditional anniversary fight.
“They are our friends.”
He dialed.
“Yeah, It’s Crispin.”
“No. Sarah, we’re…”
“Tell Trevor I’m sorry. Come over, we’ll make it up to you.”
They arrived with a bottle of wine.
Netflix and chill.
Both couples were soon kissing.
Clothing accumulated on the oaken floor.
Tongues. Mouths. Friends touching friends. Hands roamed.
Crispin’s on Sarah’s bum. Trevor’s on my tits. My pussy: wet and dripping.
Crispin lifted his head up and said, “I have an idea.”
We listened in rapt attention.
“Let’s eat Margot.”

I agree with Winter_Fare -- the perspective shifts act like reading speed bumps, especially at this constrained word count. Better, I think, to maintain a single perspective.