Is there a problem with the title?

50-1 is a big discrepancy; clearly you have a problem attracting readers to click on that story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=407691

Your other stories certainly have more appealing descriptions: "An unforgettably hot train ride" and (for a story called Elevator): "No longer strangers when the power goes off." Those are both everyday situations that the reader can relate to. For the story in question: "A cautionary tale: how to make a fortune with Literotica." Along with the title Aspiring Writer it sounds like a How To. Not everybody will want to make a fortune with Literotica (intriguing concept as it is) and 'cautionary tale' sounds as if they are about to be on the receiving end of a lecture. Not really the reason why anybody reads erotic literature.

So I would say both the title and description are a handicap.

The description doesn't serve your story. It's about a woman who claims to have a psychic gift that allows her to predict the stock market. That's got to be a hook.

You can mention that the main character is serving as editor for her erotic writing, but that really has nothing at all to do with the story. Only after reading did I see what you were driving at with the main description. That's more the effect than the cause.

To be honest, I lost interest in the story very quickly. First the main character has contacted a girl through the website, and sets off to hook up. Great, many folk here dream of that. For some reason he calls her from a supermarket, and she drives to meet him, and they share awkward greetings, (she 'glares' at him?) and he follows her to her house, and meets her relatives (who do not wonder why he is there) and they all talk a lot when the only arresting incident is the pile of cash counted out. Get there faster.

The key to the story is that Peace says she wants to make money writing. You have a startling (and sinister) comment early on from the main character that he considers her work drivel, and that serves to paint him as the bad guy except that it is delivered in isolation. What would be better is to set the writer-reador relationship - that we can all understand - turning more personal when she begins to involve him in her get-rich-quick scheme. He must really need the money, and be prepared to change his life to get it. That $24,000 needs to be mentioned up front.

I skimmed the sex parts, which were not pretty ("I rose up and guided my penis along the labia canal"??)

You might reconsider the story tags - they kind of give the ending away.

I agree with Sanichi, however, the strict answer to your question is that the low number of 'views' is entirely down to your title and description. 'Favorite authors' get a lot of views on the strength of their name but us lesser mortals can only seduce with a zappy title and description.

IMHO, you could not have done much more to discourage 'clicks'.

First, the title. 'Aspiring Writer' sounds authorly and about writing which would turn off Group Sex afficionados looking for a steamy romp. Conversely, us forum geeks who might open a 'writerly' article get put off by the Group Sex category.

The description reinforces the idea that it is a non-erotic essay by using the warning sign words of 'How to...' and 'make millions out of literotica' - not much of a hook for Group Sex. Adding 'Cautionary tale' just suggests further it's not a hot sex story.

I'm useless at great titles and descriptions, but I would wager that if you renamed it 'A Peace Dividend' with something like, 'He goes pretty far for a pretty girl and a pretty penny' you'd do better for clicks.

Also, Sanichi's editing advice is worth taking if you plan to resubmit.

Had to giggle at a typo. The Aspiring Writer 'spent three years in a comma'. Is that a form of writer's block?

elfin_odalisque said:

I agree with Sanichi, however, the strict answer to your question is that the low number of 'views' is entirely down to your title and description. 'Favorite authors' get a lot of views on the strength of their name but us lesser mortals can only seduce with a zappy title and description.

Click to expand...

A lot of truth in that, and not just here at Lit. I imagine writers like Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Danielle Steele et al sell their works on the strength of their names and not the titles.

Back to the question at hand, "An Aspiring Writer" isn't going get many pulses beating quicker and lips will not licked in anticipation. The title actually, may work against the story in this case. I'd certainly think about coming up with a new one.

Thanks for the suggestions

Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions. I am surprised that the real activity was not made plain to the readers. I'll take your suggestions concerning an editor. The last (and only one) editor, well, I thought I could do without.

Allan Arbinger

I've read it now.The story is cack-handed, i had no real idea where it was headed, and the sex description was dreadful :"I began my pussy assault by rubbing her outer labia with the top of my head."

If your other stories have been well received, well done, but this one is poor.