Anal Help/Advice

I'm not certain if this should go in the BDSM forum or not. I am part of the lifestyle and so far I have exclusively posted here, so I'm not sure. Anyway, I need advice.

This is a little embarrassing for me :|

I have been with a few different men who have wanted anal, but so far it's been a soft limit for me. I have also been ordered to eat a man out before, which I did without any issues.

For those of you that have anal sex regularly, what do you do to prepare for that? I think my main issue (tmi warning) is that I have lactose intolerance, but I still eat dairy, so I'm never comfortable having anal sex.

Another issue is I'm just not sure what to do to be "clean". What do you do?


E

You probably don't want to hear this but not eating dairy will help with being cleaner without using enemas. I'm not sure how much fiber you eat but you may want to gradually increase that in your diet as well. As far as additional methods, hopefully others can help with additional advice.

I love cheese but I can't eat it or other dairy products either. While I really miss it, life is much better without it.

You're totally right. I absolutely know that. However, I'd honestly rather have an enema every time I want to do anal than quit eating dairy .

Reasons why:

A. It's fucking delicious
B. I'm a college student + I'm a little broke, so it's just easier/cheaper to eat it.
C. It's delicious

Thank you, though. At least I have a back up back up plan. Also, the fiber thing was helpful!

E

savethebeebees said:

I'm not certain if this should go in the BDSM forum or not. I am part of the lifestyle and so far I have exclusively posted here, so I'm not sure. Anyway, I need advice.

This is a little embarrassing for me :|

I have been with a few different men who have wanted anal, but so far it's been a soft limit for me. I have also been ordered to eat a man out before, which I did without any issues.

For those of you that have anal sex regularly, what do you do to prepare for that? I think my main issue (tmi warning) is that I have lactose intolerance, but I still eat dairy, so I'm never comfortable having anal sex.

Another issue is I'm just not sure what to do to be "clean". What do you do?

Click to expand...

google it up anal preparation
im sure you'll find many articles with different ways to prepare and even ways to try it for yourself (more preparation)
make sure you are very excited when you have the chance to try it and make your choices wisely.

i hope you find a method or more that you enjoy.

Buy yourself a butt plug - start small. You can find these all over the internet. Buy silicone, not glass or metal (even though those ones with the jewel on the end are pretty cute)

I use vaseline as a lubricant. A water based lube is supposed to be better with silicone things but I've never had an issue with vaseline.

A butt plug will be smaller at the end you push in so it will go in easier.

The thing I learned about poop is it doesn't sit right at your butthole. It's kind of up inside there. Not sure what the lactose intolerance does to your #2 process! I'm guessing it gives you the runs? Easy answer: don't do dairy before you have butt sex.

If you experiment with a butt plug on your own, you can get to know your asshole and how dirty you get. You might be pleasantly surprised that it's not as bad as you think.

If you find it's something you don't want to do, then stand your ground and just say no.

Have fun.

Why are men so fussed about anal? Do you have any ideas?

I'm really not one to give into any kind of pressure, but, honestly, if I never ended up having anal, I'd be happy with that. I also want to give it a fair shot.

How about asking your Dom what his expectations on the prep are? First of all, men LOVE talking about this. But in this case you combine it with the enjoyment your Dom generally gets out of directing you in any sexual activity AND he will know what he will get as the result of this prep. So why not give him this added pleasure of preparing you? I assume that if you are even somewhat in the lifestyle, you trust him with a lot of different potentially dangerous things, right? Why not trust him with this too? After all it is in his best interests to make it as enjoyable for you as possible, if he to have any hope of a repeat performance.

By the way, you never said WHY this is a soft limit for you.
Are you afraid of pain?
Is it the taboo thing?
The "good girls don't do this" thing?

Why do YOU care if you are clean or not? In my book this is HIS problem, not mine (But then I am not exactly a sub either)

If you don't feel comfortable with something coming out of you, just ask him to do it in the shower -- everything will be immediately washed off, so neither one of you will ever know.

AnnieLit said:

Why do YOU care if you are clean or not? In my book this is HIS problem, not mine (But then I am not exactly a sub either)

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Thank you for all of the advice. I really appreciate it. Also, thank you for saying that ^ because I feel that way sometimes. I appreciate the validation.

The shower thing is smart. I think I just need to work up to full anal sex. Just so I can confirm to myself that nothing bad is going to happen.

In regards to what I'm scared of, I just feel like it's unsanitary. Also, I just feel really anxious + embarrassed about it. It's not that it's taboo, or that "good girls don't do it", not that at all. In my town "good girls" don't have sex before marriage either, so, guess I'm too far gone already.

Thank you again,
E

I would agree with all of this.

cookiecat said:

Buy yourself a butt plug - start small. You can find these all over the internet. Buy silicone, not glass or metal (even though those ones with the jewel on the end are pretty cute)

I use vaseline as a lubricant. A water based lube is supposed to be better with silicone things but I've never had an issue with vaseline.

A butt plug will be smaller at the end you push in so it will go in easier.

The thing I learned about poop is it doesn't sit right at your butthole. It's kind of up inside there. Not sure what the lactose intolerance does to your #2 process! I'm guessing it gives you the runs? Easy answer: don't do dairy before you have butt sex.

If you experiment with a butt plug on your own, you can get to know your asshole and how dirty you get. You might be pleasantly surprised that it's not as bad as you think.

If you find it's something you don't want to do, then stand your ground and just say no.

Have fun.

Click to expand...

The secret is to be gentle and start with a small bug plug or dildo.
I use Vaseline and coconut oil. I find it slipier and more pleasurable.
I’m bisexual so I like vaginal and anal sex. I like giving and also really enjoy being pleasured anally with toys and cock.
I’d advise spooning or going on top where you can control the penetration more effectively. Relax and enjoy. It can be very pleasurable with the right person. I do enjoy the tightness of anal sex.
I hope this helps.

As to the unsanitary issues...the most important rule is for anything that has been in your anus MUST be washed before it comes anywhere near your vagina/urethra. And lube lube lube. Very important for comfort and to prevent damage to your delicate skin/ anal tissues as the anus is not self lubricatung.

savethebeebees said:

Why are men so fussed about anal? Do you have any ideas?

I'm really not one to give into any kind of pressure, but, honestly, if I never ended up having anal, I'd be happy with that. I also want to give it a fair shot.

Click to expand...

I’m not sure why you think men are fussed about Anal? Myself except for when entering which is tight on someone not used to it..... I’d just as soon be better off inside a girls sweet pussy. Better lubrication than Anal and feels a lot better to me anyway.

Maybe you have some fussed men about Anal but no fussing here. If you want to try it to make someone happy prepare yourself in one of the ways above or if you got the guts then just go for it.
I don’t see where there’s a loss for information on it on the internet if your willing to search for it. If your looking for someone here to hold your hand. Might not happen ........

If the guys are fussed to you could find new guys

I quite like the preparation process, it concentrates your mind on what should be a shared pleasure. A simple warm water enema (twice to be sure) about an hour before, followed by a nice hot shower to relax works for me. Then as others have suggested, a butt plug and lube to get used to the stretch. The first part is me time, but the butt plug & lube can be shared.

I love both giving and receiving anal equally. Relaxing is the key. It can be a little uncomfortable at first but you soon relax into it and it really can be very pleasurable. Obviously this is just my experience, and it does require an understanding and patient partner, but it has opened up areas of pleasure that I never knew existed.

Hope it works out for you

savethebeebees said:

I'm not certain if this should go in the BDSM forum or not. I am part of the lifestyle and so far I have exclusively posted here, so I'm not sure. Anyway, I need advice.

This is a little embarrassing for me :|

I have been with a few different men who have wanted anal, but so far it's been a soft limit for me. I have also been ordered to eat a man out before, which I did without any issues.

For those of you that have anal sex regularly, what do you do to prepare for that? I think my main issue (tmi warning) is that I have lactose intolerance, but I still eat dairy, so I'm never comfortable having anal sex.

Another issue is I'm just not sure what to do to be "clean". What do you do?


E

Click to expand...

What a sensible question!

OK, you're getting your share of good and bad/pro and con info on anal sex. 99% of it is good, but I hope you are taking all of this info and planning on using some and not using others.

Anal sex is a very personal thing, so everybody has their own personal likes and dislikes about it. Personally, I like my partner to be bound and helpless, ass in air, with her asshole liberally lubed. She is sometimes gagged, but I also like hearing her gasps as I shove my hard cock into her tight ass.

If sanitation is an issue, have your partner wear a condom. It can be mildly messy, but not to the point you really think it would be. And if you want an enema before hand, that's OK, too.

Allowing your partner to give you an enema is a lot of fun and it can really add to the enjoyment of both of you, if you are both looking forward to this act. If you're not looking forward to it, you need to discuss with your partner what your issues are.

it's not unusual to have issues with this, and talking them through is the only way to get it out into the open. More than likely, your partner won't see it as a big deal and everything will be fine.

Just sit town and talk it out. Go from the beginning to the end in your mind and talk things through. It might be difficult, but it's the only way to get it all out into the open and out of the way.

Communication is key to all of this, just like anything else between you and your partner. Talk it through. What don't you like and what do you like? Maybe there is another way that will be better for you, if there is something you don't like.

But stand your ground. If you can't come to a conclusion to your issues, don't go any further. Anal sex is a very sensual act, but only if you both enjoy it. If just one of you enjoys it, the other partner is just going through the motions and that can ultimately damage the relationship.

Speaking of relationships, if you have a man who you first meet and he wants anal sex...tell him you don't do that until you get to know him better. If he doesn't understand that, fuck him. He's an asshole. Anybody who is sensitive enough to this sort of thing should know that it's not something you just jump into.

Be safe, play safe, have fun and make sure you don't do anything you don't feel good about doing. I'm no novice to this anal sex thing. It's just not something you do on a first date...or even second or third. Trust is a must before anal sex can be shared between partners.

cascadiabound said:

As to the unsanitary issues...the most important rule is for anything that has been in your anus MUST be washed before it comes anywhere near your vagina/urethra. And lube lube lube. Very important for comfort and to prevent damage to your delicate skin/ anal tissues as the anus is not self lubricatung.

Click to expand...

All very true. From pussy to ass is OK, but from ass to pussy is NOT OK. I'm sure you've seen it in videos, but it's just not sanitary for the delicate PH of the pussy. It can also cause a nasty infection.

Also, anal sex needs lube. And too much is better than not enough. The walls of the anus are very sensitive and if they get scratched, because of the material that is always in the anus, it can take a long time to heal.

Some people say doing anal dry is OK. Again, they've probably seen this in a video. Don't believe it. it's sometimes considered, and sometimes just someone's spit is used for lube in a video, but I don't consider that sufficient, either, although it's quite common. Those people are professionals, so don't assume anything you see in a video is good practice for home use. Lube and a sufficient amount.

It's also sometimes quite sensual for the male to slowly apply the lube with fingers while the woman is in position. Slowly inserting his finger, pushing some lube inside, and then adding some more around the entrance. Even sliding some around the entrance with the head of his cock, is fun.

And relax. The more you relax, the less it will hurt. He should enter slowly and allow you to get use to him inside of you. Then, slowly start moving in and out, until you are OK with his size. As it gets easier, you can tell him to move faster, but don't tell him to, unless you are OK with it.

This is why you should never have anal sex with a stranger on a first date, or even second or third date. They will be less sensitive about your feelings, your body and might even figure they won't be around tomorrow, so why worry about making you mad.

Anal sex is very intimate thing between partners. The woman is giving her most private hole to her man and they should both enjoy it. If not, there is something that isn't being done, or something that just isn't right. Whatever isn't right should be fixed before it happens again.

The receiver is the one who could be hurt, if things aren't done correctly. So, they are the one in charge. If the other partner doesn't accept that and go along with what the receiver says, tell him to fuck off.

Trust is very important in this. Maybe you want him to wear a condom. Maybe you want an enema before hand. Maybe you want to try a butt plug or a small dildo first, to see how it feels. Anything you say should be what happens. He shouldn't try to talk you out of it. If he does, he must have a very good reason, or he's just being selfish. Only you can be selfish, because you are the one who could be injured. He should be reminded of that, too.

Gonna sound crazy but there’s a great article from a gay man about preparing for anal sex online.... and honestly I think they have it down better than us.... I don’t crave it. It don’t mind it from time to time and actually enjoy it. Can send you article if you like

Snowbunnie12 said:

Gonna sound crazy but there’s a great article from a gay man about preparing for anal sex online.... and honestly I think they have it down better than us.... I don’t crave it. It don’t mind it from time to time and actually enjoy it. Can send you article if you like

Click to expand...

I would love to have the link to this article, if you still have it. I've read many things online, but now I'm curious about this one.

savethebeebees said:

Why are men so fussed about anal? Do you have any ideas?

I'm really not one to give into any kind of pressure, but, honestly, if I never ended up having anal, I'd be happy with that. I also want to give it a fair shot.

Click to expand...

I'm a man and I'm not fussed about it. I've never experienced it either way. My wife isn't interested in anal at all and I'm okay with that. As I have gotten older, I have become interested in being penetrated myself. I can't talk my wife into giving this a try.
I'm considering buying a prostate toy to use on myself.

Erosfan said:

I can't talk my wife into giving this a try. I'm considering buying a prostate toy to use on myself.

Click to expand...

I am sorry, but you expected your wife to do it with what? Banana? Do fisting right off the bat? Or was she supposed to be the one to go to the sex store and get you a dildo?

Buy your toy (preferably not the most anatomically correct one to start with), try it out on your own, see if you actually like it. If you do, use it in front of her, let her see how much you enjoy it. If she is ok with that, THEN ask her for help, ask her to do something that you can't do with it on your own. Again, the more pleasure she sees in you, the more likely she is to enjoy doing it.

AnnieLit said:

I am sorry, but you expected your wife to do it with what? Banana? Do fisting right off the bat? Or was she supposed to be the one to go to the sex store and get you a dildo?

Buy your toy (preferably not the most anatomically correct one to start with), try it out on your own, see if you actually like it. If you do, use it in front of her, let her see how much you enjoy it. If she is ok with that, THEN ask her for help, ask her to do something that you can't do with it on your own. Again, the more pleasure she sees in you, the more likely she is to enjoy doing it.

Click to expand...

I should have given more detail.
When we play, she will tease me by tickling my anus. It feels incredible and it drives me wild. She is quite aware of how turned on I get. I have asked her to use a finger to penetrate me. She doesn't want to take that next step. I respect that and I am grateful that we can and do discuss our likes and dislikes.

I wish my girlfriend let me fuck her anus, but she doesn't allow me. She complaints its very painful. How to make her change her mind?

xpdeus said:

I wish my girlfriend let me fuck her anus, but she doesn't allow me. She complaints its very painful. How to make her change her mind?

Click to expand...

Changing your attitude would be a good start...
If she sais it is very painful, it is not a question of changing her mind, it is a question of you learning what to do and how.

Erosfan said:

I should have given more detail.
When we play, she will tease me by tickling my anus. It feels incredible and it drives me wild. She is quite aware of how turned on I get. I have asked her to use a finger to penetrate me. She doesn't want to take that next step. I respect that and I am grateful that we can and do discuss our likes and dislikes.

Click to expand...

Oh, I see. Did she say why?
- Will it help if she did it in the shower?
- Wearing disposable gloves? Though right now it might be hard to find any in many parts of the world.
- How about a small toy? Just be careful there so it is not so small that it can be lost inside. A narrow vibrator (wrapped in a condom if it is ever used by her too) is a good choice as it can be first used on the outside too.

DVS said:

OK, you're getting your share of good and bad/pro and con info on anal sex. 99% of it is good, but I hope you are taking all of this info and planning on using some and not using others.

Anal sex is a very personal thing, so everybody has their own personal likes and dislikes about it. Personally, I like my partner to be bound and helpless, ass in air, with her asshole liberally lubed. She is sometimes gagged, but I also like hearing her gasps as I shove my hard cock into her tight ass.

If sanitation is an issue, have your partner wear a condom. It can be mildly messy, but not to the point you really think it would be. And if you want an enema before hand, that's OK, too.

Allowing your partner to give you an enema is a lot of fun and it can really add to the enjoyment of both of you, if you are both looking forward to this act. If you're not looking forward to it, you need to discuss with your partner what your issues are.

it's not unusual to have issues with this, and talking them through is the only way to get it out into the open. More than likely, your partner won't see it as a big deal and everything will be fine.

Just sit town and talk it out. Go from the beginning to the end in your mind and talk things through. It might be difficult, but it's the only way to get it all out into the open and out of the way.

Communication is key to all of this, just like anything else between you and your partner. Talk it through. What don't you like and what do you like? Maybe there is another way that will be better for you, if there is something you don't like.

But stand your ground. If you can't come to a conclusion to your issues, don't go any further. Anal sex is a very sensual act, but only if you both enjoy it. If just one of you enjoys it, the other partner is just going through the motions and that can ultimately damage the relationship.

Speaking of relationships, if you have a man who you first meet and he wants anal sex...tell him you don't do that until you get to know him better. If he doesn't understand that, fuck him. He's an asshole. Anybody who is sensitive enough to this sort of thing should know that it's not something you just jump into.

Be safe, play safe, have fun and make sure you don't do anything you don't feel good about doing. I'm no novice to this anal sex thing. It's just not something you do on a first date...or even second or third. Trust is a must before anal sex can be shared between partners.

Click to expand...

DVS has some amazing advice here on both the physical and psychological aspects.

No one should push you if you really don't feel it's something you can be comfortable with. It is utterly your right to say NO and if they keep pushing, then they don't respect you and that is certainly NOT the person you want anal sex with.

I probably would have never gotten into it if I had not been allowed to explore on my own with toys and stuff to see how it felt, how I felt about it, etc. And even then the sex part was not jumped into right away. I went from solo finger and toy play to partner play to see how I felt.

I only did it when I felt I was comfortable and I was ready. The important factor is you. Your body, your decisions. What you say goes!