cookiecat
Literotica Guru
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- Oct 27, 2006
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Just stop thinking of descriptors as though they're identities and the world will be a happier place.
Blue for the win!
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Just stop thinking of descriptors as though they're identities and the world will be a happier place.
The need to be special:
In the scene, people dispute the need for the term Gentle Femdom – are we just splitting hairs? – especially since we already have Sensualist, Mommy Domme, Domina, Femdom, Domme, etc that all can posses the idea of a more gentle style of domination. People who describe themselves as a Gentle Femdom obviously feel the need to stand out from the crowd, to be distinguish. They reject individualism within a concept and want to be defined more acutely. This could be to attract a certain type of submissive, to reject the stereotypes developed largely by the porn industry and media, or they want to be seen as unique by forming a sub-category for their uniqueness.
But the question is, why do certain women feel the need to separate their dominance from all other dominant females? When you divide something you make it weaker. For example, females dividing up Feminism into subcategories – liberal, radical, socialist, cultural, eco, etc – to the point where they have no common ground and are often at odds with each other. Do we really want this by subdividing Femdom?
Definitely.I think it can't be overstated how partner-dependent any dynamic can be. Not only whether a person desires to dominate or submit with another, but also how that looks for each couple. So many variables, so many options. Ain't life grand?
<snip> These are the things I look forward to when preparing for submission:
The anticipation and preparation
Giving up control
Satisfaction of performing tasks ostensibly for the pleasure of your lover
Being penetrated (as a man this is so much more than physical, although there is of course a pleasurable physical side)
Challenging my limits
The sounds of a cane whistling through the air and the smack as it bites in to my flesh.
The feeling of inner contentment afterwards
The floaty endorphin-fuelled high during and after
The deep bond created by laying myself bare and trusting someone else completely
The pleasure of wearing the bruises for many days afterwards
HxB
Hello Miss Honey, I am a 41 year old man who works as a fairly senior supervisor. I am always on at work, in charge, making thing happen, very directive. When I get home I don't want to be in charge, when I go to bed I don't want to be in charge. I like the gentle female domination because while I don't want to be in charge I don't want to be humiliated or degraded like I often see in femdom. I like to surrender to my wife, I cook, I clean, I bring her coffee and breakfast in bed, rub her feet, let her peg me, etc...but I am still respected and loved.
... One of the main things I find exciting about being dominated by a woman, on any level, is the opportunity to experience a woman fully living out her sexual interests and desires, and to explore her curiosities and creativity.
In other words, although I have personal preferences in terms of specific activities, and the general “tone” of our play; the biggest turn on of all for me is simply seeing where her mind (and her lust) may take us. Within limits, of course. Those limits are also highly variable, depending on the woman, of course.
I didn't plan this to be my first post on lit. I am only half through the posts I wanted to read before I explain my situation. But...
I am a dominant woman in forties and my husband is submissive. We are playing on and off with bdsm for 7-8 years.
<snip>
We have some issues, because we tried everything by ourselves. I have not read the books he gave me about domination. I now started to read forums and blogs and it seems to me that D/s relationship (real relationship) is gentle by definition, because it should make more intimacy and connection.
My femdom is so gentle she does me in her pyjamas. Iam 50 my wife 45. Why PJ’s she has an illness and it is easier. Today we had a 30 minute session and it was the best one ever. Totally fulfilled with the feelings and emotions it brings. <snip> When we got together 12 years ago we were totally honest with each other of what we liked and had done. <snip>
At 65, I came into the BDSM lifestyle late in life. There's not much opportunity to explore your kinky side when you're in the Army and living in barracks for over 21 years. And when I got out, I had health issues that curtailed the kind of sexual adventures I would have liked to try. But I've dabbled in BDSM, at first viewing myself as a dom, since I'd been in charge much of my military life. But the more I explored the BDSM lifestyle, the more I tended to lean towards the submissive side when it came to women. It might have been the way I was brought up to treat women. It might have been because most the units I was in charge of in the Army had a strong female presence. And some of those female soldiers had a knack for wrapping me around their fingers. Maybe there were latent submissive tendencies showing back when I was in uniform?
**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?
It's less about playing a role and more about simply taking charge in a relationship. As such, while I like leather and latex, such outfits are looked upon as part of the femdom role, but not a necessary part of GFD. Likewise, the stilettos and whip are all part of a role, but not necessary to the GFD.
Then there's the behavior. On the one hand, you have the strict arrogant domme who verbally and physically abuses her man, while on the other hand, you have the smothering domme who wants to feminize her man or play his mother. Neither role appeals to me. Too much of it is theater, based on what people have seen in movies or on TV. I'm not looking to be demeaned or turned into a woman.
I want a woman who wants to take charge and who I want to serve. Anything else is bullshit.
**Why is it appealing?
Because it's more genuine than the alternative forms of femdom.
**What does a 'gentle' Domme look like to you? How does she behave?
To me, there's no such thing as a specific look. How she behaves is more important. If she's confident and self assured and caring, her appearance will reflect that.
**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?
I'm not sure how to answer that question, since I haven't found anyone yet. But I would hope to find a strong, beautiful, self assured woman who loves me for what I am, but likes to be in control. A woman who sees me as a man she controls, not a floormat she walks all over.
**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?
If the opportunity presents itself, I would want it to be a lifestyle choice.
The success of this thread seems proof enough that intentionally carving out a niche for those who identify with this particular approach has been useful and constructive, making femdom in all of its varieties more accessible to those who may never have given it a chance otherwise.
How many who have joined us here would be reluctant to post in the more mainstream femdom threads? I wanted more than lurkers, I wanted men and women to come out of the shadows and engage in meaningful conversation. I wanted to create a welcoming place where people could read and question and share and perhaps even dip in their toe and discover that HEY WOW! MAYBE I DO LIKE FEMDOM!
The proof is in the pudding.
Yes!... This right here, is to me the holy grail of a D/s relationship, it hits all my buttons!
I also to have come to D/s late in life, and get discouraged about finding someone to share all I have to give.
But it's good to have a name to my feelings, and accept this is how I want to relate to a person in a relationship.
A gentle reminder to no-one in particular
GFD (as with Femdom or Maledom or... ) entails whatever you and your partner decide together, based on your preferences and common interests. Props, no props. Costumes, no costumes. It's up to you! You get to choose!
So what would you choose?
I love this thread
This is a really interesting thread.
I've mostly been in quite vanilla sexual relationships, but I have had dominant tendencies and there have been times where I have been able to enjoyably explore those. Those tendencies remain.
However...
More and more I feel the need to be dominated. Gently but firmly.
I work in quite a pressured environment where a lot of people look to me for guidance and for decisions to be made (urgh, that sounds so big-headed, sorry!) and in the last year I have gone through some serious personal trauma.
Those are definitely factors in my desire to be dominated. Not constant domination, there are times where I want the playing field to be level and times where I want to be very much in control.
Note, all of this only extends to the bedroom.
Not sure what else to add...having read it back it sounds like a personal ad, which it isn't!
I love this thread
Hi!
Hi Liz!
I'd love to have a very casual, chatty femdom thread, but I'm not sure it would fly. Like a femdom blurt thread, maybe?
What do you guys think?
I'd love to have a very casual, chatty femdom thread, but I'm not sure it would fly. Like a femdom blurt thread, maybe?
What do you guys think?