30s male usa, seeking nice cute lady
- Thread starter Hanon435
- Start date
*wanders into thread, moaning*
hehe... ok ok....
(ahem, moaning in a zombie monster kind of way)
*continues moaning, in a zombie monster kind of way, now that your mind is out of the gutter. gutter thinking... on this site... who would have..*
anyway
*wanders into thread, moanaing*
errrrrrrrr
errrrrrrrr!
errrrrrr
must wank!...
must wank!...
errrr, errrr!...
must wank, must wank....
errr
*wanks, expressionless*
errrr....
*wanks like a zombie... however zombies would wank... which is gross in the first place but stay with the joke here please*
errrrr... mmm..hehe... i mean, eerr.....
that's right ladies..
it's...
Wankenstein! zombie masturbator!
yeah.... that was kind of stupid. hehe
wait! wait! hehe...
behold! wankenstein's monster! hehe
*giggling* it's alive! it's alive! the monshtah!
madness... it's all madness i say!... wanking madness....
*thinks getting zapped by lightning in the penis, erect or not, must really hurt. resolves to not go out in a lightning storm with an erection.*
hehe... ok ok....(ahem, moaning in a zombie monster kind of way)
*continues moaning, in a zombie monster kind of way, now that your mind is out of the gutter. gutter thinking... on this site... who would have..*
anyway
*wanders into thread, moanaing*
errrrrrrrr
errrrrrrrr!
errrrrrr
must wank!...
must wank!...
errrr, errrr!...
must wank, must wank....
errr
*wanks, expressionless*
errrr....
*wanks like a zombie... however zombies would wank... which is gross in the first place but stay with the joke here please*
errrrr... mmm..
hehe... i mean, eerr.....that's right ladies..
it's...
Wankenstein! zombie masturbator!
yeah.... that was kind of stupid. hehe
wait! wait! hehe...
behold! wankenstein's monster!
hehe*giggling* it's alive! it's alive!
the monshtah!madness... it's all madness i say!...
wanking madness.... *thinks getting zapped by lightning in the penis, erect or not, must really hurt. resolves to not go out in a lightning storm with an erection.*
calender_girl
Kinky Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2008
- Posts
- 2,274
*wanders into thread, moaning*
(ahem, moaning in a zombie monster kind of way)
*continues moaning, in a zombie monster kind of way, now that your mind is out of the gutter. gutter thinking... on this site... who would have..*
anyway
*wanders into thread, moanaing*
errrrrrrrr
errrrrrrrr!
errrrrrr
must wank!...
must wank!...
errrr, errrr!...
must wank, must wank....
errr
*wanks, expressionless*
errrr....
*wanks like a zombie... however zombies would wank... which is gross in the first place but stay with the joke here please*
errrrr... mmm..
that's right ladies..
it's...
Wankenstein! zombie masturbator!
yeah.... that was kind of stupid. hehe
wait! wait! hehe...
behold! wankenstein's monster!
*giggling* it's alive! it's alive!
madness... it's all madness i say!...
This reminds me of Night of the Living Dorks when the guy's penis falls off after he turns into a zombie.
*makes note never to become a zombie* damn
i bet wankenstein would have like a detachable bit with several types of attachments.
here we go again.
hehe... i could have a nice cute girl... she could be igorette.
yeesh yeesh. igorette. my igorette.
an she could have a hump. i would give her a hump. hehe
um, hello, igorette.
hello... mastuh....
master?
mastuh....
ooo. hehe... am i your master?
yes, mastuh...
really?
yes, mastuh.
who's your master huh? who's your master?
you are, mastuh.
that's right, igorette. i see you have a hump there igorette.
yes, mastuh.
you like the hump? humpy humpy?
yes, mastuh.
you have a nice hump, igorette. muy sexy.
thank you, mastuh.
you would... like a hump right now?
yes, mastuh.
hehe. hey igorette, check out this monster. pretty good eh?
yes, mastuh.
you wanna hold him igorette?
yes, mastuh.
here ya go.
it's alive! it's alive! ..mastuh.
yes. you must have electric hands igorette.
yes, mastuh.
you don't say much, do you, igorette?
yes, mastuh.
is that all you can say igorette?
yes, mastuh.
i thought so. who's yer master?
you are, mastuh.
hehe. can you make deep moan grunts igorette?
yes, mastuh.
*rasies an eyebrow* oh really? ooooo. hehe. *wonders if igorette also has an electric tongue*
yes, mastuh.
whoa. i was only thinking that. can you read my mind igorette?
yes, mastuh.
damn.... ...
yes, mastuh.
...
yes, mastuh.
...
also yes, mastuh.
wow igorette. i never though you were into that.
yes, mastuh.
you're a kinky humpy assistant igorette.
yes, mastuh.
do you think i might have electric hands and an electric tongue?
yes, mastuh.
wanna see if i can make *your* master come alive?
yes, mastuh.
i bet you own a boat don't you igorette?
yes, mastuh.
i thought so. every woman has a little boat.
yes, mastuh.
*glances at the stone table with leather straps* ooo hehe. hhmmm...
yes, mastuh.
damn igorette. you're very kinky.
yes, mastuh.
this is a scientifical laboratororio. it's for the advancement of scientific knowledge an stuff. and occasional monster making. let's go upstairs.
ok, mastuh.
ladies first, igorette.
*igorette mumbles*
what? no, i will "walk this way" igorette. *walks behind igorette and oogles her ass* i know you're mind reading me again igorette.
yes, mastuh.
ok. let's go for a roll in the hay.
yes, mastuh.
*rolls in hay*
i bet wankenstein would have like a detachable bit with several types of attachments.
here we go again.hehe... i could have a nice cute girl... she could be igorette.
yeesh yeesh. igorette. my igorette.
an she could have a hump. i would give her a hump. hehe
um, hello, igorette.
hello... mastuh....
master?
mastuh....
ooo. hehe... am i your master?
yes, mastuh...
really?
yes, mastuh.
who's your master huh? who's your master?
you are, mastuh.
that's right, igorette. i see you have a hump there igorette.
yes, mastuh.
you like the hump? humpy humpy?
yes, mastuh.
you have a nice hump, igorette. muy sexy.
thank you, mastuh.
you would... like a hump right now?
yes, mastuh.
hehe. hey igorette, check out this monster. pretty good eh?
yes, mastuh.
you wanna hold him igorette?
yes, mastuh.
here ya go.
it's alive! it's alive! ..mastuh.
yes. you must have electric hands igorette.
yes, mastuh.
you don't say much, do you, igorette?
yes, mastuh.
is that all you can say igorette?
yes, mastuh.
i thought so. who's yer master?
you are, mastuh.
hehe. can you make deep moan grunts igorette?
yes, mastuh.
*rasies an eyebrow* oh really? ooooo. hehe. *wonders if igorette also has an electric tongue*
yes, mastuh.
whoa. i was only thinking that. can you read my mind igorette?
yes, mastuh.
damn.... ...
yes, mastuh.
...
yes, mastuh.
...
also yes, mastuh.
wow igorette. i never though you were into that.
yes, mastuh.
you're a kinky humpy assistant igorette.
yes, mastuh.
do you think i might have electric hands and an electric tongue?
yes, mastuh.
wanna see if i can make *your* master come alive?
yes, mastuh.
i bet you own a boat don't you igorette?
yes, mastuh.
i thought so. every woman has a little boat.
yes, mastuh.
*glances at the stone table with leather straps* ooo hehe.
hhmmm...yes, mastuh.
damn igorette. you're very kinky.
yes, mastuh.
this is a scientifical laboratororio. it's for the advancement of scientific knowledge an stuff.
and occasional monster making. let's go upstairs.ok, mastuh.
ladies first, igorette.
*igorette mumbles*
what? no, i will "walk this way" igorette. *walks behind igorette and oogles her ass* i know you're mind reading me again igorette.
yes, mastuh.
ok. let's go for a roll in the hay.
yes, mastuh.
*rolls in hay*T0uchyF33ly
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Posts
- 70
i must say, reading your posts fill me with delight and amusement.
mmm i'd like to filll.... mmm hehe dammit
i'm exhausted. twice... again... i'm tired. imtiredimtired. lol mmmmm but i ahd too. for the ladies. lol hehe i'm going to be sore tomorrow.
and i ran out of kleenex. splot, pull out a kleenex and find it's the last one. lol one is not enough. lol
lol my poor cock. at least it's quiet now. take that you little bastard lol four hours of wanking for you. lol take that.
i'm exhausted. twice... again... i'm tired. imtiredimtired. lol mmmmm but i ahd too. for the ladies. lol hehe i'm going to be sore tomorrow.
and i ran out of kleenex. splot, pull out a kleenex and find it's the last one. lol one is not enough. lol
lol my poor cock. at least it's quiet now. take that you little bastard lol four hours of wanking for you. lol take that.
krackheadkathy
naughty/naughtier
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2008
- Posts
- 3,000
sorry to krackheadkathy.
morning wank quota... met.
good and ty.. glad u got urs... now its my time
your time? oh... hehe i see.
hehe
*makes an announcement*
i support vagina rights!
...literally?
...that's something i can really get into.
... that's something i can get behind.
... that's a movement a long time coming.
... it's a deep movement. a deep, throbbing, quivering.... ahem!
vagana rights!
.. i'm down with that.
*is interrupted* what's that? oh ok. *announces* my penis also supports vagina rights. *waves flag... you figure out who's waving that flag*
now if you'll excuse me. i have wank quotas to meet.
hehe
*makes an announcement*
i support vagina rights!
...literally?
...that's something i can really get into.
... that's something i can get behind.
... that's a movement a long time coming.
... it's a deep movement. a deep, throbbing, quivering.... ahem!
vagana rights!
.. i'm down with that.
*is interrupted* what's that? oh ok. *announces* my penis also supports vagina rights. *waves flag... you figure out who's waving that flag*
now if you'll excuse me. i have wank quotas to meet.
hehe *slinks in again*
something i should not say during an argument with a lady...
"you're right. you're right. you have a vagina. you're right."
yeah. that would be bad. maybe i should leave the part out about her being right... cause i'd probably be right anyway. then again she does have a vagina...
something i should not say during an argument with a lady...
"you're right. you're right. you have a vagina. you're right."
yeah. that would be bad. maybe i should leave the part out about her being right... cause i'd probably be right anyway. then again she does have a vagina...
T0uchyF33ly
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Posts
- 70
well, agreeing with people who possess vaginas is usually the way to go...i mean, if you'd like to...well, i won't say that part about not needing a kleenex if you agree with the people with vaginas. but really, four hours? that's some stamina, i'd probably fall asleep.
of course, now that the super bowl is over, i might not fall asleep after four hours because of all these endorphins...no i probably would. i'm enthusiastic, but also sleep-loving.
of course, now that the super bowl is over, i might not fall asleep after four hours because of all these endorphins...no i probably would. i'm enthusiastic, but also sleep-loving.
yes four hours is a lot. wait. no it's not. four hours is just right nice. six hours is too much.
ok. now imagine this...
hehe
you're on a porno set. something goes wrong. the leading man spooges too early. the lighing was wrong. someone walks around in the background and maybe it's a guy and he makes some eye contact with the lead actor during the scene. ew.
some people take their porn making very, very seriously. (yeah right) remember that as you listen to this... the pissed off distracted leading man... pissed off that the scene was messed up...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy1JL9lc3yE
ok. now imagine this...
hehe you're on a porno set. something goes wrong. the leading man spooges too early. the lighing was wrong. someone walks around in the background and maybe it's a guy and he makes some eye contact with the lead actor during the scene. ew.
some people take their porn making very, very seriously. (yeah right) remember that as you listen to this... the pissed off distracted leading man... pissed off that the scene was messed up...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy1JL9lc3yE
the "raging" lead actor, raging and ranting with a hardon. imagine that. lol hehe
very serious. and ready to go again. let's go again! lol
omg! lol never had a DP behave like this? hehehehehehe
yeah, he ain't walking. not with an erection bopping around from side to side.
*is worried* i don't hear any ladies in this scene. what kind of porno was this ew... dp... ew... wait. that doesn't make sense... i don't wanna know... i don't wanna know.... ew...
very serious. and ready to go again. let's go again! lol
omg! lol never had a DP behave like this? hehehehehehe
yeah, he ain't walking. not with an erection bopping around from side to side.
*is worried* i don't hear any ladies in this scene. what kind of porno was this ew... dp... ew... wait. that doesn't make sense... i don't wanna know... i don't wanna know.... ew...
Last edited:
hehe...
dark knight eh? sounds like a porno to me.
maybe this guy was pissed off because he realized he couldn't go back. (once you go black...)
lol i can't believe he said DP. problems with the DP. hehe
oh wait. ew.... ew ew ew ew ew but it was funny right?
dark knight eh? sounds like a porno to me.
maybe this guy was pissed off because he realized he couldn't go back. (once you go black...)
lol i can't believe he said DP. problems with the DP. hehe
oh wait. ew.... ew ew ew ew ew but it was funny right?
T0uchyF33ly
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Posts
- 70
you've got quite the imagination, although dp on a girl is kinda well...not my kind of thing, but dp on a guy is uh..well, i mean, the guy getting two peepees up his bottom is probably never constipated. phew. that wasn't the most pleasant mental image i've ever had.
an i'm still sore too.
*sigh* here i am loooking for gf and what do i get? two gays this week start talking to me. separate incidents. a little too friendly. that would be fine maybe if i were gay but dammit. maybe women think i'm gay.
dammit.
*sigh* here i am loooking for gf and what do i get? two gays this week start talking to me. separate incidents. a little too friendly. that would be fine maybe if i were gay but dammit. maybe women think i'm gay.
dammit.
T0uchyF33ly
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Posts
- 70
you're power wanking so much that your poor penis bruised. poor penis. he doesn't even have a defense, except for maybe shooting you in the eye. maybe you dress exceptionally nice, which caused the two gay guys to hit on you. perhaps not. i mean, if your penis is defending itself by shooting you in the eye, maybe he caused color-blindness. so you're out there wearing purple pants and orange sweaters.
my system of how to tell if a woman thinks you're gay:
1. does she tell you about her periods, feminine products, or other things which may discourage a heterosexual male to think about her in a sexual way?
2. does she ask you to go out shopping with her?
3. is she constantly trying to set you up with her friend bruce?
that's all i've got so far. i mean, besides your vehement denials of gaydom, i wouldn't think you were gay. if that's any consolation.
my system of how to tell if a woman thinks you're gay:
1. does she tell you about her periods, feminine products, or other things which may discourage a heterosexual male to think about her in a sexual way?
2. does she ask you to go out shopping with her?
3. is she constantly trying to set you up with her friend bruce?
that's all i've got so far. i mean, besides your vehement denials of gaydom, i wouldn't think you were gay. if that's any consolation.
i don't talk to women much. don't have the chance.
you can go blind if you get shot in the eye. that's how men can go blind from "it." i don't know why women go blind.
there's an animal reaction. i got pissed off at the guy who was too talkative.
hehe
know what?
i saw two ladies today. yes. hehe
there was a tall lady. very sexy. except i saw she had a wedding ring. and she was older than i thought when i studied her out. but tall. oooo and skinny.
and then this other girl. hehe i was walking one direction. she was walking the other. and i was far enough i could keep looking at her without appearing to look at her. then when she got closer i looked up again, on the advice of someone here, and guess what? she squinked at me. i know it. that wasn't a mistake. a squink is a combination of a wink and scrunching of the nose, a crinkle. so i got a squink. *feels dizzy now thinking about it* hehe
you can go blind if you get shot in the eye. that's how men can go blind from "it." i don't know why women go blind.
there's an animal reaction. i got pissed off at the guy who was too talkative.
heheknow what?
i saw two ladies today. yes. hehe
there was a tall lady. very sexy. except i saw she had a wedding ring. and she was older than i thought when i studied her out. but tall. oooo and skinny.
and then this other girl. hehe i was walking one direction. she was walking the other. and i was far enough i could keep looking at her without appearing to look at her. then when she got closer i looked up again, on the advice of someone here, and guess what? she squinked at me. i know it. that wasn't a mistake. a squink is a combination of a wink and scrunching of the nose, a crinkle.
so i got a squink. *feels dizzy now thinking about it* heheT0uchyF33ly
Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Posts
- 70
commence power wanking sequence
power wanking sequence.... cumplete.
penis, speaking: sir, we're receiving reports of internal soreness and external chaffing. *scottish voice* jim... i mean, hanon... we canna take it much longer capt'n. we're bound for a complete penial meltdown! we're a'gonna burst in unuuuusual way or start a fire from all this friction! we canna take this abuse much long sir! 'tis madness, itis. madness i say!
night
penis, speaking: sir, we're receiving reports of internal soreness and external chaffing. *scottish voice* jim... i mean, hanon... we canna take it much longer capt'n. we're bound for a complete penial meltdown! we're a'gonna burst in unuuuusual way or start a fire from all this friction! we canna take this abuse much long sir! 'tis madness, itis. madness i say!
night
WinterBlueAbby
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2007
- Posts
- 622
hehe *slinks in again*
something i should not say during an argument with a lady...
"you're right. you're right. you have a vagina. you're right."
yeah. that would be bad. maybe i should leave the part out about her being right... cause i'd probably be right anyway. then again she does have a vagina...
It's about time somebody got it right!
Good work Hanson!
