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Getting him hard!

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momojiri

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Aug 4, 2013
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Hi there, first post here and I'm wondering if you can help me out!

I'm with my first sexual partner and although we've been together for almost a year, it always tends to be him who initiates sex. Why? I am painfully clueless and I have no idea how to start off oral sex or a hand job while he's flaccid. Once he's erect, I'm completely fine and confident with what I'm doing but with initiation, I'm clueless.

I'd like to know how you personally get your partner erect using your mouth or hands OR how a partner has used mouth/hands to get you hard. Please help a dummy out!
 
Don't focus on his cock right away. Kiss him. Kiss his mouth, his neck, maybe his chest. Tease him... maybe nonchalantly rub his cock over his pants, just enough to make sure he's paying attention, but not enough for it to be obvious that you're trying to get him up. As you're making out, take one of his hands and put it on one of your breasts or between your thighs or just whisper into his ear how much you loved when he did X the other night, or how horny you are for him.

And remember - the brain (his ego) is a huge sex organ for men, too.
 
Gotta echo the tease him suggestion.....Talk dirty in his ear. Tell him all the naughty things you want to do to him.......To emphasize the point reach into your pants, wet your finger, and hold it under your nose as you tell him how horny you are!
 
You can give him a suggestive smile and brush up against him with your chest or your butt. Possibly sit in his lap and wriggle about a bit.
 
All Above

All of the above responses are right on the money. I know it works for me.
 
what

What Raw said. Hints that you desire intimacy is a GREAT aphrodisiac and you'll have rousing, 'er rising, success.
 
Really...

There have been some great suggestions here.

I'm going to offer up a caution - Stop being that Girl/Woman who just doesn't seem to be the one to initiate sex. It may have working out okay so far, but when you older and so is your guy, instaed of being a walking life support system for a hard-on, some guys like to feel that their lovers actually wants them and isn't just providing a service.

It's a bummer to a guy in that position...
 
I am speechless and many around here know how rare that is this past week...

okay, on the off chance that this is for real.
Check out the blank manual
Get him to show you how he does his own hand jobs and likes it, just ask him.
Best way to learn is have him put is hand over yours so you can feel everything like timing, pressure and so on. Just watching doesn't show you that.
I would stay with that for a bit because if you haven't been doing anything for a year, he will probably fall over from shock if you do much more.
 
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Even though you can start at the flacid level I vote for turning him on ahead of time so that when his cock comes out it is already at attention. I think women should be more vocal. I don't mean that to mean you have to talk slutty dirty (not that there's anything wrong with that). Tell him how much you love sucking his cock and that at 9:15 you plan on having his cock in your mouth sucking on it and that you hope he has a big load for you to swallow. Tell him you're going to give him a little show until 9:15 and slowly strip for him during that time, feeling up your breasts, rubbing your own clit and inserting your fingers in your pussy. If you have the courage you can get your fingers really wet and then put them up to your mouth ans suck on them like it was his cock. If he isn't hard by 9:15 then you've obviously got the wrong boyfriend.
 
I'm going to take a different approach. Yes talk dirty to him, yes turn him on before you pull him out, but what is wrong with sucking on a flaccid penis? Give his balls a tongue bath, push him back and lick his but. No matter what, let him know you want him and you LOVE his penis and you love have it in your mouth!
 
Take it slow...tease him....tell hi what turns you on....tell him what you are going to do to him! The foreplay and buildup is almost as much fun as the sex/orgasm.
 
Oh yes...

I agree with Kim. Making out and teasing are great, but I love to put a soft penis in my mouth. Tease it with your tongue and feel it get hard in response. It is an awesome feeling, that both parties enjoy. ;)
 
Tease him

If you know your way around your own body, let him watch but not touch (not you or himself). Tease him... that always, always works.
 
Do everything for his soft cock that you would do when it's hard, just gentler. Men love to know you like and enjoy them. Here are a few specifics to get you off the ground:

1. Rub his crotch, smile, and say "mmmmm, I love this"

2. Bend over a piece of furniture and smile and say " I love it when you have me like this", or "I can't wait until you have me like this"

3. When you pass him, deliberately rub up against him and smile.

4. When he undresses, smile and say "you're so damn sexy, I love seeing you", or smile and undress him as you say "I want you naked"

5. Kiss his skin, smile, and say "damn you taste good" or "damn you smell good"

Hopefully you noticed the word SMILE a lot. Show that you're happy to be with him.
 
Get naked, stay naked for a while...kiss cuddle while naked. He will get hard. If he does not just start playing with his cock. Tease it a bit, rub some lotion/lube on it. He will be as hard as a rock in seconds.

If I am not already hard all a girl has to do is put her lips on my cock and it will be hard instantly.
 
Kim_Burly said:
I'm going to take a different approach. Yes talk dirty to him, yes turn him on before you pull him out, but what is wrong with sucking on a flaccid penis? Give his balls a tongue bath, push him back and lick his but. No matter what, let him know you want him and you LOVE his penis and you love have it in your mouth!
Click to expand...

sunniegrl12 said:
I agree with Kim. Making out and teasing are great, but I love to put a soft penis in my mouth. Tease it with your tongue and feel it get hard in response. It is an awesome feeling, that both parties enjoy. ;)
Click to expand...

I second these. I've yet to meet the man whose cock can stay soft once I start kissing and licking his balls, pausing to look up into his eyes and whisper "is this for me? Can I suck it? Please?"
 
Great thread

As a guy who enjoys knowing women's experiences and perspectives, I'm enjoying this thread a lot! Thank you!
 
JazzBoneDawg said:
There have been some great suggestions here.

I'm going to offer up a caution - Stop being that Girl/Woman who just doesn't seem to be the one to initiate sex. It may have working out okay so far, but when you older and so is your guy, instaed of being a walking life support system for a hard-on, some guys like to feel that their lovers actually wants them and isn't just providing a service.

It's a bummer to a guy in that position...
Click to expand...

Have to agree with you completely there. So many women I have been involved with will happily and eagerly accept everything I give. But when it comes to them doing something they become utterly clueless. Strange.
 
From what I was able to infer, you feel uncomfortable initiating the sex. You need him to be already aroused, but if he isn't, then you don't feel comfortable in getting him aroused.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to get familiar with your own body first. Then show him what arouses you, and have him assist in your arousal. If he's like most of the men I know, that alone will arouse him; if not, maybe there's another issue that's keeping him aloof, such as something left over from a religious upbringing or experiencing something as a child that he's repressing, in which case professional counseling might be in order. In either case,be patient with him, because it's something he has to work through on his own eventually.

Or is it possible that (and I'm speaking from firsthand experience here) you were at some time obliged to arouse somebody when you didn't want to, and the present situation evokes memories of that? If that's the case, professional counseling can be invaluable in resolving that.
 
I'm not sure I understand the question, I mean, if you show up to the party with enthusiasm, there isn't a guy in the room that isn't going to respond positively to your gestures.

So he's sitting there on the couch minding his own business. If you slide in beside him and put your hand in his lap, he's gonna get hard. If you show even an inkling of more interest in getting laid and he's not only gonna be hard, he's gonna be ripping at your top to get to the girls!

Let me give you just a little hint. BOYS ARE EASY! If you look in their direction, they get hard, if you flirt with them, they get hard, if you want to fuck them, they are putty in your hands.
 
All good advice so far but don't forget that sometimes guys aren't up for it. All the above persuasion ideas are great but sometimes we're just too tired or stressed. If you find he's not receptive don't take it as a personal rejection. Even if he's not up for it now it'll still be appreciated and he won't forget it.
 
momojiri said:
I'd like to know how you personally get your partner erect using your mouth or hands OR how a partner has used mouth/hands to get you hard. Please help a dummy out!
Click to expand...

I talk to him. I text him. I tell him all the things I'd like to do to him, or him to do to me. I phone him at work and tell him how much I want him, ask him if he wants to listen to me. I hug him in the kitchen, when the kids aren't watching I kiss him hard and push up against him. I wear stuff I know will drive him crazy. I look at him and smile in a certain way when we are out. I tell him how much I want him, need him, what I want and need him to do. I thank him for amazing orgasms the previous day.

I don't wait till we are in bed.
 
I would be distinctly disappointed if I'd got to the point of being naked enough for you to use your mouth or hands on me without me being fully erect.

As others have said, it's all in the build up. Words will certainly do it. Depending on your location you could try whispering any of the following to him:

  • I want you to fuck me
  • I'm not wearing any panties
  • I'm thinking about your cock inside me
  • If I were that pretty girl over there, what would you want to do to me...

You get the idea. Then there's a whole list of things you can do:

  • Sitting opposite him, telling him not to move, and touching yourself in from of him
  • Sliding your finger inside yourself and then offering it to his mouth
  • Slowly undo the buttons of your top so that more and more cleavage is visible, especially if you're not wearing a bra
  • Kiss another girl in front of him...

I'm hard already just thinking about it. ;)

Get inventive. Basically, when it comes to sex there's not much you can do wrong except be boring.
 
If it is out of the norm for you to initiate things, just whispering in his ear what it is that you want to do, would shock him a little. Maybe as you're kissing nip your way to his ear and whisper to him. But try to be descriptive. (I'm learning this myself.)
If you want to touch him or taste him, tell him. "I want to reach inside your pants and stroke you...to feel your silky skin over rock hard cock...and then my tongue will follow my fingers." Instead of, "I want to touch you."
If he likes you initiating, and he hears what you plan to do, you may not be stroking or sucking on anything flaccid. Good luck.
 
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