Looking for feedback on my first posted story

GoodGameBadMan · Feb 8, 2017

Lots of good stories on this site. I end reading quite a few on incest. It's the hottest subject I feel because it's low-lying fruit. To be related and feel that attraction to your own flesh and blood can realistically happen after years of being around each other. The closeness that's experienced. The intimacy.

Forced- Follows the actions of Gerald, a hardened 18-year old, who has grown up his whole life with his mother Angela in the poorest part of town, both of them trying to earn enough to make ends meeet. His mother a single woman who is overly protective of her only child and is trying to provide for him, and doesn't understand his resentment or the blame he places on her because of his father leaving them years ago. This tension undergoes a major shift one day when Gerald comes home from school to find his mother masturbating to his porn. The desire he feels for her after seeing this seems to rip his world apart and has a major impact on all those that know him.

Please, give my story Forced a read and let me know what you think.
https://www.literotica.com/s/forced-18

JLCC · Feb 10, 2017

I have mixed feelings on this one. I am going to set aside that the overall theme is not to my liking.

The prologue isn't exactly a prologue. You will be aware that I do that kind of thing, though in this case, I feel it would have been good to flesh out their first encounter within the first chapter. Yes, I did skim the second chapter, but there you've gone on another arc.

As a story in novels/novellas, I think it would be worth exploring the Torrez's difficult relationship some more before digging into the nasty outcome of the shift in their relationship.

I do agree with the one commenter that an incest qualifier at the beginning would be a good idea, if you keep it in novels/novellas.

GoodGameBadMan · Feb 16, 2017

JLCC said:
I have mixed feelings on this one. I am going to set aside that the overall theme is not to my liking.

The prologue isn't exactly a prologue. You will be aware that I do that kind of thing, though in this case, I feel it would have been good to flesh out their first encounter within the first chapter. Yes, I did skim the second chapter, but there you've gone on another arc.

As a story in novels/novellas, I think it would be worth exploring the Torrez's difficult relationship some more before digging into the nasty outcome of the shift in their relationship.

I do agree with the one commenter that an incest qualifier at the beginning would be a good idea, if you keep it in novels/novellas.

Thank you. I think you have given me some real critical feedback. I appreciate that.

JLCC · Feb 16, 2017

GoodGameBadMan said:
Thank you. I think you have given me some real critical feedback. I appreciate that.

I do need to be careful. A previous line of work I was in required a negative view. There is pretty good writing there and what you do describe is a good telling. Yes, an editor would be helpful, if you can find one. I didn't notice many typos, but there were some tense confusions (I do it frequently).

Again, due to the content, I don't feel I am a good reviewer.

TheDeathofAdam · Mar 6, 2017

GoodGameBadMan said:
Lots of good stories on this site. I end reading quite a few on incest. It's the hottest subject I feel because it's low-lying fruit. To be related and feel that attraction to your own flesh and blood can realistically happen after years of being around each other. The closeness that's experienced. The intimacy.

Forced- Follows the actions of Gerald, a hardened 18-year old, who has grown up his whole life with his mother Angela in the poorest part of town, both of them trying to earn enough to make ends meeet. His mother a single woman who is overly protective of her only child and is trying to provide for him, and doesn't understand his resentment or the blame he places on her because of his father leaving them years ago. This tension undergoes a major shift one day when Gerald comes home from school to find his mother masturbating to his porn. The desire he feels for her after seeing this seems to rip his world apart and has a major impact on all those that know him.

Please, give my story Forced a read and let me know what you think.
https://www.literotica.com/s/forced-18

The character is believable, his coming into his own not so much. The story line is kinda all over the place. Keep it simple and allow the plot to progress naturally. Good job though and way to go on riding out the kink.

Looking for feedback on my first posted story

GoodGameBadMan

Virgin

JLCC

Really Experienced

GoodGameBadMan

Virgin

JLCC

Really Experienced

TheDeathofAdam

Virgin

Similar threads