First ever story posted here what do you think?

[kitcat456]

I just posted my first story here and I am curious what the Lit community thinks of it. I have posted it on reddit and fetlife before but I feel like the standards of what makes a story good are higher here.

https://literotica.com/s/cumming-and-crying-at-the-same-time

You can check it out here its 100% true

 

[StillStunned]

I like it. Despite the spelling and punctuation (I tend to be a stickler for those), or perhaps because of it, there's a sense of immediacy that suits the short length. It's powerful and raw.

If you try your hand at anything longer, I suggest you work on the spelling and punctuation. Add more dialogue, linger over the details, use more senses, describe the emotions a bit more. Take a little time to set the scene, build the story and get to the main event. I promise, it will be more satisfying - for you as well as the reader.

But for this short piece, the style works. Good luck writing!

 

[BBlaketbv]

I like the story. At 759 words it's a lot shorter than what I usually read, but in this case it works because it is just about a single incident.

This would be just fine for posting on FetLife, but on Literotica I would've changed a few things:
You describe a new experience directly to the reader. That works great on Fet, but not as much as a story.
As a story it might work better, for example, if you describe this experience to a friend (let's say somebody on FetLife). You can choose to make it a conversation, but it doesn't have to be.
That way you can still use chat-talk like 'thattttt', 'ahahaha', 'lmaooo', and such things.
Imagine it starting like this:
"Hey Dave, something happened to me last night, and I just have to share it with somebody. It's not the kind of story I would just tell my friends, and here on FetLife I feel much more safe sharing it with you, even though I've never met you." And then start where you began.

Another thing, there seems to be a thing for 750 word stories. I don't know too much about it, I never read those.
If you like to share such stories you might enjoy taking part in such 750-word story contest.

On the other hand, you may also want to develop it into a longer story. Incidentally your story starts rather similar to a story I recently posted. Just like yours it's about a woman discovering a kink for rough sex and beginning her journey into the BDSM world. This is my take on that: Couple's first time BDSM pt.01
The first part of that story clocks in at 13,5k words, but it covers a much longer period of discovery.

 

[BBlaketbv]

Another thing, writing a first-person story can be difficult, but you seem to be able of doing it. My first story was first-person as well. However, writing from a third-person perspective is a great deal easier.
I've started following you. You definitely have potential for writing and I am curious for more.

 

[ElectricBlue]

There's an art to the very short story. This half gets there, half wastes the opportunity. The suggestion above, to check out the 750 Word Anthologies, is a good one.

Firstly, in so few words, every sentence needs to pack a punch. Your first paragraph - who cares about the background? It adds little to the vignette, so you could get rid of it, or shorten it considerably.

I'd lose the "haha"s. You're meant to be at least eighteen here at Lit, this makes you sound very young. Lose the CAPITALS too, there are better ways to add emphasis.

There's a stack of poor punctuation, apostrophes missing, that kind of thing. Tighten up on that technical stuff, you don't want to be noticed for bad grammar, poor punctuation. It will get in the way of longer stories - people will back out if the basics aren't there.

But, having said these things, there's a raw energy here that's compelling, that carries the reader along. You can feel the excitement. But you need to refine it, edit yourself better, learn how short pieces work.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Honestly this is not a story but rather a scene. You will find short, 750 word stories to be very difficult to get right.
Word of advice. Think up a story with a plot and go from there. Write it out. Each time you go back to it, you begin at the beginning and as you read through and edit it, you will see it evolve. You will add a few things and change others. You will see your dialog develop and fit the story. As you think of things you might want to include in the story but do not fit in the part you are working on, add the ideas to the very bottom of your draft. You will pick them up later and include or discard them later.
When you finally finish the story, let it sit and perk for a day or two and then read it over. You will see if it flows or not. You might even find a beta reader or two for feedback.