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Judging a new sub in an online M/s relationship

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_Stroke_

Experienced
Joined
Apr 23, 2014
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I'm in a new online M/s relationship. It's been 2 weeks, and we should be at the end of the trial period. I'm not sure that I want to continue the relationship. She's a well-trained sub, and the play has been fun, but outside playtime, she's a bit "stiff" and I find it hard to relate to her. I've told her before to relax and just be herself when we're not in scene, but she doesn't. It makes it hard for me to get to know her, and I suspect she may be hiding things from me, I'm not sure what.

I've also received emails from 2 of her former Masters who claim that she lied to them and cheated on them. I haven't caught her in any lies, and I'm not interested in monogamy, so she technically can't cheat. Still, I don't want to look like an idiot.

What should I do? I'm thinking of telling her that I can't continue because it's just not working for me, which is the truth. If I was hot for her, then I would see her in spite of the rumors. Does anybody have any thoughts to offer me on this?

Thanks for your time.
 
You either trust her or you don't.

Are these online previous Dom's of hers, long time friends that you know and you can trust? If not, "eh, Bone jor"

Guys can be just as catty as girls on the internet (sometimes in real life too). Last I checked, guys and girls are what principally make up Dom's and Domme's (subbies too). In other words, jilted ex's make for lousy witnesses to their former lover's reputation.

Not saying not to listen at all to other people, but take it with a grain of salt and go with your gut feelings.

Ever see the three musketeers with Kiefer Sutherland and Rebecca De Mornay?

If not, he suspects her of being guilty of foul deeds and believes the rumors. She is branded and was supposed to die, but instead escapes and becomes all the things that he suspected her of to begin with. At the end, when she is about to be killed for what she HAS done, he finds out she was innocent all along and he had just listened to rumors.
Cue sad trombone.

There's more to the movie than that but nothing pertaining to your situation.

I'll say again, either you trust her or you don't.
 
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Listen to your instincts. It kind of doesn't matter if they are right or not-- what matters is that they will nag you if you don't pay attention to them,and who needs that noise?
 
It's been 2 weeks and you feel like you are struggling to relate to her.

Forgetting everything else, that is important. At the time you should be heady with NRE, there are big problems with communication.
Have a frank discussion and tell her what is on your mind.
If conversation isn't flowing, how will you build the relationship that you want?
In this world, communication is everything.
 
Thanks everyone. You all voiced thoughts that crossed my mind at one point or another. We talked last night and agreed that we should go our separate ways. I kept thinking that maybe I hadn't given it a fair enough shot, but then kept tripping over the truth that, after a week of steady contact, I should be feeling something, and I wasn't. We parted on friendly terms, and I offered to vouch for her in the future. She is a well-trained sub and I'm sure a good fit for somebody, just not for me. And I never saw evidence to support what her formers were saying. Thanks again.
 
_Stroke_ said:
I'm in a new online M/s relationship. It's been 2 weeks, and we should be at the end of the trial period. I'm not sure that I want to continue the relationship. She's a well-trained sub, and the play has been fun, but outside playtime, she's a bit "stiff" and I find it hard to relate to her. I've told her before to relax and just be herself when we're not in scene, but she doesn't. It makes it hard for me to get to know her, and I suspect she may be hiding things from me, I'm not sure what.

I've also received emails from 2 of her former Masters who claim that she lied to them and cheated on them.
Click to expand...


a) Why do "they" have your email address?

b) With a madmen on her tail who sends emails to strangers and most likely uses multiple identities, I'm not surprised that she has trouble to relax with a new partner.
 
Primalex said:
a) Why do "they" have your email address?

b) With a madmen on her tail who sends emails to strangers and most likely uses multiple identities, I'm not surprised that she has trouble to relax with a new partner.
Click to expand...

I should clarify. They don't have my personal email address. It's an inbox similar to the private messaging that exists here on Lit.
 
_Stroke_ said:
I should clarify. They don't have my personal email address. It's an inbox similar to the private messaging that exists here on Lit.
Click to expand...

Still pretty annoying behaviour to send unsolicited messages to your ex's prospective partner.

I don't get the idea about trial periods. It's not like you have to make up your mind about someone on a schedule, is it?
If you like the play but don't feel that you have gotten to know her very well yet, you can spend some more time getting to know her, if you think it's worth it.
Because that is really all you have to ask yourself: how much do you like her and how much do other peoples opinions matter to you.
 
I think it's that Owner fantasy thing-- slaves are meant to be acquired, and assuming she's a well-trained slave, the owner should be perfectly happy with any one of them All those slave girls at the slave market, right?) That's how the novels do it, anyway-- Pauline Reage, Anne Rice, Laura Antonieu, Dusk Peterson... Slaves are supposed to be interchangeable, and the plot is that the master and the slave fall in love unexpectedy.

But... I wouldn't count on it IRL.
 
I wouldnt count on that irl either.
And it would take me much less than a full week to notice there is no chemistry.
No matter how well trained they were.

But then I dont do trial periods, I like you or I dont like you and if I do we both try to make the best out of it. I so dont fit with this all proper by the book crowd.
 
IrisAlthea said:
I don't get the idea about trial periods. It's not like you have to make up your mind about someone on a schedule, is it?
If you like the play but don't feel that you have gotten to know her very well yet, you can spend some more time getting to know her, if you think it's worth it.
Because that is really all you have to ask yourself: how much do you like her and how much do other peoples opinions matter to you.
Click to expand...

As far as I can tell, it's a virtual world relationship, which is even more virtual than an online relationship. Strange, but true. It usually comes down to an online community with peer pressure and drama. My professional advice would be to stay away from such things, but they are surprisingly popular with women.
 
Stella_Omega said:
I think it's that Owner fantasy thing-- slaves are meant to be acquired, and assuming she's a well-trained slave, the owner should be perfectly happy with any one of them All those slave girls at the slave market, right?) That's how the novels do it, anyway-- Pauline Reage, Anne Rice, Laura Antonieu, Dusk Peterson... Slaves are supposed to be interchangeable, and the plot is that the master and the slave fall in love unexpectedy.

But... I wouldn't count on it IRL.
Click to expand...

The plummer is never a hot hunk either. A sad state of affairs.

Primalex said:
As far as I can tell, it's a virtual world relationship, which is even more virtual than an online relationship. Strange, but true. It usually comes down to an online community with peer pressure and drama. My professional advice would be to stay away from such things, but they are surprisingly popular with women.
Click to expand...

Strange indeed. I'll take your advice.
 
Stella_Omega said:
Many of the women on second life etc are male-bodied IRL.
Click to expand...

I dont know about second life, was never attracted to that, but I can tell about MMOs which are, again, a virtual world by itself. When I first started, 12+ years ago, they were male territory. Very small number of women played the game. So no wonder everyone assumed the other person was a guy. But because of the small chance for female avatar to be a real woman, plenty of guys took advantage of that, rolled a girl character, acted like one and got help, pampering, whatever.

Today, however, girls are playing games in droves, nothing unusual to meet a woman in game anymore. And I notice men are not so fast on jumping on help wagon and making idiots of themselves for the girl online. But they still do now and then. Being a woman online gives you benefits, period. Some men are willing to exploit that.
 
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