Should I be her maid?

[cocktaildress21]

I'm in a D/s relationship with my girlfriend. I ... well, I kinda taught her to be dominant. That means it can be kinda difficult to be sure where my desires end and her's begin and so on. I don't doubt it turns her on to be dominant, but ... I want to do what she wants, I don't want her to do what I want.

So ... this is the thing: I really want to be her maid. I'm not insane, I don't want to be her all-time, 24/7/365 housemaid. But I do want to dress up for her, at least once each week, and do whatever chores she likes. Basically naked except for a silly costume and a buttplug. And then I want her to fuck me silly.

But I'm not sure it's what she wants, and I'm not sure I can ask her, because she'll do it for me. It's driving me nuts =D

 

[IrisAlthea]

I'm in a D/s relationship with my girlfriend. I ... well, I kinda taught her to be dominant. That means it can be kinda difficult to be sure where my desires end and her's begin and so on. I don't doubt it turns her on to be dominant, but ... I want to do what she wants, I don't want her to do what I want.

So ... this is the thing: I really want to be her maid. I'm not insane, I don't want to be her all-time, 24/7/365 housemaid. But I do want to dress up for her, at least once each week, and do whatever chores she likes. Basically naked except for a silly costume and a buttplug. And then I want her to fuck me silly.

But I'm not sure it's what she wants, and I'm not sure I can ask her, because she'll do it for me. It's driving me nuts =D

I get what you mean and it is more difficult when it develops that way.
Still, I think you need to tell her that you don’t want her to just humor you if she has no real interest herself and then trust her to be honest with you about what is hot to her and what is an occational treat for you because she knows you enjoy it.

 

[cocktaildress21]

That sounds great! She'll love that once she see that you're sincere and consistent in truly prioritizing her wants, needs, and desires above your own. This is the way!

Wait... say what? Everything you wrote here is really just all about you, and not at all about prioritizing her needs and desires above your own.

All I read here is "I want..." and "I don't want..." and "I do want..." and "then I want..." (Sorry, but those are your words, not mine.) This is classic topping from the bottom, and this is not the way. Not for her happiness anyway.

You are monumentally wrong. Incredibly, unbelievably wrong.

It's never about what I want. Or about what she wants. It's about what we, both, want. I'm a submissive, but I'm not mental - I don't do things I don't want to do, just because she wants them. I do things that I want, that I know she wants. But if she wanted to spank me raw and bloody, I'd leave her without question.

I'll tell you something else: It's my very, very firm conviction that almost everyone (but not, importantly, quite everyone - just almost) - almost everyone who take the stance you do, have never, ever tried it. It's all porn and fantasy and make believe.

I get what you mean and it is more difficult when it develops that way.
Still, I think you need to tell her that you don’t want her to just humor you if she has no real interest herself and then trust her to be honest with you about what is hot to her and what is an occational treat for you because she knows you enjoy it.

Yes, I know. But it's hard. She made me ... not quite a lesbian, but at the very least she's the one who showed me I can very much fall for someone of my own gender. I made her a domme. Or, I explained to her what I like, and it turns out she likes it too. But I don't want to dom from the bottom, as it's apparently called. But ... I want to do this humiliating thing for her - and take pride in the fact that I'm absolutely positive no one else has, and bask in the warm glow of being sluttier than anyone she's ever been with - and don't tell me that's selfish, cause I'm well aware - but I want to do it for her. And not just because it turns me on.

And then I want her to spank me for being such a slut.

Isn't it wonderful when things come full cirle and just, logically, make sense?

 

[IrisAlthea]

But ... I want to do this humiliating thing for her - and take pride in the fact that I'm absolutely positive no one else has, and bask in the warm glow of being sluttier than anyone she's ever been with - and don't tell me that's selfish, cause I'm well aware - but I want to do it for her. And not just because it turns me on.

Yes.
It’s not always just about both being into the same thing. Sometimes you want them to be into the same flavour, or perhaps rather for the same reasons (in reverse).

 

[Cardinal]

I'm in a D/s relationship with my girlfriend. I ... well, I kinda taught her to be dominant. That means it can be kinda difficult to be sure where my desires end and her's begin and so on. I don't doubt it turns her on to be dominant, but ... I want to do what she wants, I don't want her to do what I want.

So ... this is the thing: I really want to be her maid. I'm not insane, I don't want to be her all-time, 24/7/365 housemaid. But I do want to dress up for her, at least once each week, and do whatever chores she likes. Basically naked except for a silly costume and a buttplug. And then I want her to fuck me silly.

But I'm not sure it's what she wants, and I'm not sure I can ask her, because she'll do it for me. It's driving me nuts =D

This whole post is about you and what you want as a submissive, you are totally topping from the bottom.
What does SHE want? Not you?

 

[IrisAlthea]

This whole post is about you and what you want as a submissive, you are totally topping from the bottom.
What does SHE want? Not you?

From the OP…

But I'm not sure it's what she wants, and I'm not sure I can ask her, because she'll do it for me. It's driving me nuts =D

Telling your partner about something you’d like to try, isn’t topping.
A dominant needs to be able to hear about such things and still be able to decide that they don’t want to do that or to use it at their discretion if and when it suits them.
I mean, we really all need to be able to do that, but especially if you want to be dominant in actual power exchange.
Dominants are humans too though and in this case the partner is new to this and it sounds like both OP and her partner are rather smitten with each other.
While that is adorable, it can still complicate the power exchange.

 

[NancyPan]

Very tricky. You are worried that, because she wants so much to please you, that she would agree to do things that she does not want to do. That is a risk, a very valid risk. It is also a risk for you to keep secrets and feel like you can not be forthright with her about your fantasies.

I would say this: she is responsible for what she chooses to do. You are responsible for what you choose to share. You both are better off, and have a more mature relationship, if you are able to be honest with each other. That means both of you have the freedom to openly share fantasies and the choice whether to act them out.

In my own experience (in an FLR), I have shared fantasies that do not get acted out. Related to this particular fantasy, being a sissy maid, which I share, my wife knows that I have this fantasy, but is not comfortable with the full maid costume thing. Often I do my chores in one of my frilly aprons, sometimes with only panties underneath. Sometimes she is home when I am doing my chores, sometimes not.

I am encouraged to share my fantasies. It is her decision what she might indulge. Giving her insight into my submissive psyche is not “topping from the bottom” as long as I understand that the choice is hers. To me, it empowers her with more information to tease me, and it takes incredible trust to share such fantasies with her.

 

[SissySalina]

Communication is important in any relationship and especially in a D/s one. You should set aside a quiet time for a light discussion from both of you about your feelings and where the relationship is going. This should be a general talk between both covering many subjects.
This has helped Herr's and sissy's relationship and it should help yours.

 

[cocktaildress21]

I’m just terrible about topping from the bottom!

You're a terrible person, then! Which makes two of us, I guess =D

Very tricky. You are worried that, because she wants so much to please you, that she would agree to do things that she does not want to do. That is a risk, a very valid risk. It is also a risk for you to keep secrets and feel like you can not be forthright with her about your fantasies.

I would say this: she is responsible for what she chooses to do. You are responsible for what you choose to share. You both are better off, and have a more mature relationship, if you are able to be honest with each other. That means both of you have the freedom to openly share fantasies and the choice whether to act them out.

In my own experience (in an FLR), I have shared fantasies that do not get acted out. Related to this particular fantasy, being a sissy maid, which I share, my wife knows that I have this fantasy, but is not comfortable with the full maid costume thing. Often I do my chores in one of my frilly aprons, sometimes with only panties underneath. Sometimes she is home when I am doing my chores, sometimes not.

I am encouraged to share my fantasies. It is her decision what she might indulge. Giving her insight into my submissive psyche is not “topping from the bottom” as long as I understand that the choice is hers. To me, it empowers her with more information to tease me, and it takes incredible trust to share such fantasies with her.

Trouble is I kinda talked her into trying Dominant. She took to it like a ... kinda-sorta natural. But I still worry. I don't want to make it about me, but I'm aware of the fact that I want to do the things that turn me on - I just also want them to be the things that turn her on, even if she doesn't know it yet.

Of course my deeper fear is that I'll eventually drive her away. Right? Because this wasn't originally her kink - it was mine - she'll tire of it, and discard me like a used paper towel. And my mind is twisted enough that I find the idea kinda hot, but I'd be so terribly terrible sad.

 

[emme8]

Cocktail,

Just keep loving on her.
Keep trying to make her life better and easier.
Keep trying to indulge anything she even mentions she likes.
Keep sharing your fantasies as long as she seems to enjoy hearing them. Remind her they are just fantasy and will remain so for as long as she wants, forever if that's what she wants.

 

[NancyPan]

You're a terrible person, then! Which makes two of us, I guess =D


Trouble is I kinda talked her into trying Dominant. She took to it like a ... kinda-sorta natural. But I still worry. I don't want to make it about me, but I'm aware of the fact that I want to do the things that turn me on - I just also want them to be the things that turn her on, even if she doesn't know it yet.

Of course my deeper fear is that I'll eventually drive her away. Right? Because this wasn't originally her kink - it was mine - she'll tire of it, and discard me like a used paper towel. And my mind is twisted enough that I find the idea kinda hot, but I'd be so terribly terrible sad.

IMO, and in my experience, it will never be her kink. My wife is not turned on by my wearing panties, a frilly apron, or doing chores. She couldn’t care less. However, she does enjoy teasing me, seeing me aroused, controlling my orgasms, and she has come to see the benefits of my serving her. For her, this is not so much erotic as it is that it makes her life easier. I do many more chores, I wait on her, I submit to her so we don’t argue. In the bedroom her needs come first and her orgasms are more important and more frequent than mine. Although she enjoys teasing me, my kinks are not hers, but rather indulged ny her out of generosity, love, and fun. Plus, simply put, she gets what she wants.

I suspect that your fears about being “discarded” by her have more to do with your shame about your kinks than her. I, too, worried that my wife would reject me if I told her my fantasies. Instead, she has told me which ones we can play out and incorporate into our lives and which ones must remain fantasies, but she didn’t leave. So, it takes trust. And, I’m not naive. I know people lose relationships over sex, but is it better to say nothing or to frankly discuss and negotiate what you each want.

 

[IrisAlthea]

But I still worry. I don't want to make it about me, but I'm aware of the fact that I want to do the things that turn me on - I just also want them to be the things that turn her on, even if she doesn't know it yet.

It’s hard when it’s not just ”It’d be hot if you would do x to me” but rather ”It’d be hot if you wanted to do x to me”.

 

[lisaharlot]

I’ve done nekkid housework as BDSM play and I totally support your desire to be her maid. I recommend you start with cleaning for her and do a really good job fully clothed/vanilla. Then you can talk about what you should or shouldn’t be wearing.

 

[cocktaildress21]

So, in case anyone is still reading this: I finally picked up my courage, and assigned myself the duty of being her maid friday through saturday. I cook, I clean, I serve meals, massage, kiss and lick her feet. And she rewards me by taking me out to dinner, or spanking me, or letting me pleasure her while she binges Better Call Saul. I'm still not sure if this is for me or for her, but she certainly seems to be enjoying it tremendously, so I guess it's fine either way.

Oh, also - just to be honest - I think it works out to barely 3-4 hours of actually being a maid each weekend. Which I think is on the order of sane =)

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

I'm in a D/s relationship with my girlfriend. I ... well, I kinda taught her to be dominant. That means it can be kinda difficult to be sure where my desires end and her's begin and so on. I don't doubt it turns her on to be dominant, but ... I want to do what she wants, I don't want her to do what I want.

So ... this is the thing: I really want to be her maid. I'm not insane, I don't want to be her all-time, 24/7/365 housemaid. But I do want to dress up for her, at least once each week, and do whatever chores she likes. Basically naked except for a silly costume and a buttplug. And then I want her to fuck me silly.

But I'm not sure it's what she wants, and I'm not sure I can ask her, because she'll do it for me. It's driving me nuts =D

Ask her if she would allow you to do
his. She sounds like she is understanding

 

[And4778]

Not always but sometimes it's best to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
When I do something I enjoy doing and it has to be done anyway why not take the time and do it right the first time.
I'm all for togetherness but I've learned that alone time is what I make of it, and I've gotten pretty bleeping good at it !
Thanks for letting me share...