Dixon Carter Lee
Headliner
- Joined
- Nov 22, 1999
- Posts
- 48,678
So I've wandered over here from the GB for the first time, sans my usual snark, to ask a question of the community.
I have a friend. A young woman. She's quite beautiful and bright and men don't just want to fuck her, they fall in love with her. They want to own her. In every sense of the word. Since about the age of 18 she's been with and abused by (physically and mentally) a number of older me. (Not me.) She's been tied up, filmed, hit -- all by men looking to possess her.
The details aren't all that important. Suffice it to say that she has never had sex with anyone she's ever loved. She also equates all forms of touching, even hugs from her mother, as an invitation to sex. I believe she also finds herself equating intellectual stimulation with sex. She falls in love at the drop of a hat, with interesting me, all older. She cringes when physically engaged now, but at the same time she feels drawn to being dominated, and has determined that she would like to explore that kind of sexual lifestyle.
I understand that women that have been abused may be later attracted to that sort of sexual proclivity, though, of course, they would like to proceed more safely. She very much wants to fall in love. And she very much wants to maintain some innocence, or at least tender the innocence she has left.
Here's my question --
How can she reconcile the fear and disquiet of physical contact she now experiences as a result of her abuse with her undisputed desire to seek out a BDSM lifestyle?
My advice to her has been to practice non-sexual touching, to dissociate herself from the power her past physical relationships hold over. She's been hugging friends more, and it's working. She now feels that every time she touches someone it isn't going to lead to sex. I don't think she's excised the intellectual component. She's still turned on physically by any man that excites her mind, whether or not she cares for him physically. I've also spoken to her about not dating anyone or fucking anyone for a while until she gets a better handle on her feelings. She is very much not in control of the disquieting reactions that come up when a man touches her sometimes, and that bothers her. She wants to be able to experience smile human contact without flinching. As I say she's getting better at that, with friends. But she doesn't feel she can yet make love to someone she loves, only someone who is out to abuse her.
I could say more, but that might be enough. I have no idea if anyone has any constructive advice. If I put this on the GB I'd get plenty of witty, vulgar, funny and completely useless comments. Curious about what I'll get here.
Thank you in advance, all.
I have a friend. A young woman. She's quite beautiful and bright and men don't just want to fuck her, they fall in love with her. They want to own her. In every sense of the word. Since about the age of 18 she's been with and abused by (physically and mentally) a number of older me. (Not me.) She's been tied up, filmed, hit -- all by men looking to possess her.
The details aren't all that important. Suffice it to say that she has never had sex with anyone she's ever loved. She also equates all forms of touching, even hugs from her mother, as an invitation to sex. I believe she also finds herself equating intellectual stimulation with sex. She falls in love at the drop of a hat, with interesting me, all older. She cringes when physically engaged now, but at the same time she feels drawn to being dominated, and has determined that she would like to explore that kind of sexual lifestyle.
I understand that women that have been abused may be later attracted to that sort of sexual proclivity, though, of course, they would like to proceed more safely. She very much wants to fall in love. And she very much wants to maintain some innocence, or at least tender the innocence she has left.
Here's my question --
How can she reconcile the fear and disquiet of physical contact she now experiences as a result of her abuse with her undisputed desire to seek out a BDSM lifestyle?
My advice to her has been to practice non-sexual touching, to dissociate herself from the power her past physical relationships hold over. She's been hugging friends more, and it's working. She now feels that every time she touches someone it isn't going to lead to sex. I don't think she's excised the intellectual component. She's still turned on physically by any man that excites her mind, whether or not she cares for him physically. I've also spoken to her about not dating anyone or fucking anyone for a while until she gets a better handle on her feelings. She is very much not in control of the disquieting reactions that come up when a man touches her sometimes, and that bothers her. She wants to be able to experience smile human contact without flinching. As I say she's getting better at that, with friends. But she doesn't feel she can yet make love to someone she loves, only someone who is out to abuse her.
I could say more, but that might be enough. I have no idea if anyone has any constructive advice. If I put this on the GB I'd get plenty of witty, vulgar, funny and completely useless comments. Curious about what I'll get here.
Thank you in advance, all.