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How to get wife to reveal her fantasies?

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alphatad1

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Sep 8, 2011
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Has anyone actual -- and believeable -- experience in getting their wife to reveal sexual fantasies? I am sincerely curious about hers, and we do chat about it from time to time, but seems she is being cautious about actually giving me the whole run down.

Anyone have ideas? She is not that conservative once you get her to open up -- has chatted about older men and bisexuality...but hasn't made any indication about whether she would want to act on her fantasies, or provided any real detail.

Thoughts? :)
 
I've tried to be open with my hubby, he said he doesn't have any fantasies. Everyone has them, right?????
 
The trick, I suppose, would also be knowing I can open up about my fantasies (most of which include my wife)...Is that an approach I can take?

Tell her about the things that would turn me on that involve her, or is that too selfless to be believable?
 
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fairyqueen said:
I've tried to be open with my hubby, he said he doesn't have any fantasies. Everyone has them, right?????
Click to expand...

Everyone has a fetish and fantasies...YES. Prying them from your Husband or Wife can be trial of patients
 
Everyone must have them. He must be shy! I can't imagine the woman he loves not being able to gently coax them out of him though.
 
Mentioning your own fantasies should relieve her fears that having her own fantasies is deviant or could be used against her.

Be patient, encourage her without making her feel pushed into action. Tell her you think her fantasies are exciting and you are willing to give her freedom to explore them.

Changes should not come quickly, suddenly experimentation is NOT the norm. Some fantasies are actually FEARS. A person can be curious about things that they would NEVER be comfortable actually doing.

Be realistic. Sometimes, experimenting breaks the bonds that unite a couple and their marriage or relationship falls apart. You think you would enjoy her being free because you can't see jealousies you have suppressed.
 
Wise words of caution...

So, what would a cautious approach to sharing fantasies then be?
 
It's like the spy biz...you pay attention to offhand comments and collect random tidbits. Eventually, if you're lucky, a picture emerges.
 
It me many years to get her to reveal her fantasies to me. I started with escalating dirty talk in and out of the bed. Challenging her that is she didn't like what I was saying to correct me and tell me. Sha has since been open telling me what her desires are and we strive to complete them.
 
She may feel like you will think she is a slut or not want her if you know about her fantasies. I know my hubby asks me why I can talk so freely on here to people I don't know and it's because you aren't being judged and aren't afraid of losing anything! Just be patient and reassure her that her fantasies will only make you love her more
 
Hornywetcanuck said:
She may feel like you will think she is a slut or not want her if you know about her fantasies. I know my hubby asks me why I can talk so freely on here to people I don't know and it's because you aren't being judged and aren't afraid of losing anything! Just be patient and reassure her that her fantasies will only make you love her more
Click to expand...

Amen, sister.

She may fear you are wanting leverage to play around too. She may think you want out (divorce) but want an upper hand in settlements. Some men use those tactics; you need to convince her your motives are love and excitement.
 
alphatad1 said:
The trick, I suppose, would also be knowing I can open up about my fantasies (most of which include my wife)...Is that an approach I can take?

Tell her about the things that would turn me on that involve her, or is that too selfless to be believable?
Click to expand...


That sounds like a good way to start...keep it light at first.

And promise each other that no matter what is said, it is strictly fantasy and will NOT be used against the confessor in the future. Fantasies need not become realities, and most probably won't, nor would it be good if they did.

I don't think something simple, like, "I've been dreaming about coming quietly into the bedroom one night, and finding you lying naked across the bed, your fingers busy on your wet pussy...You don't see me at first, and I stand there watching and stroking my cock, unable to tear my eyes away.

When you see me watching you stifle a little scream, and I know you're blushing, even though your breast and neck are already turning pink from what you are doing to yourself.

You arch your back and moan, almost there, I know. You give up all pretense of being unaware of my presence and your eyes meet mine....

I always wake up at that point, wondering what happens next.

Would you like to find out? :heart: "
 
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PanhandlePatty said:
Mentioning your own fantasies should relieve her fears that having her own fantasies is deviant or could be used against her.

Be patient, encourage her without making her feel pushed into action. Tell her you think her fantasies are exciting and you are willing to give her freedom to explore them.

Changes should not come quickly, suddenly experimentation is NOT the norm. Some fantasies are actually FEARS. A person can be curious about things that they would NEVER be comfortable actually doing.

Be realistic. Sometimes, experimenting breaks the bonds that unite a couple and their marriage or relationship falls apart. You think you would enjoy her being free because you can't see jealousies you have suppressed.
Click to expand...

That's very good.

I read a rather thick book about women's fantasies several years ago. It was generally intended to be a scholarly compendium, so it was rather dry. (Ahem. The book, not the women.)

Some of them sure are different than male fantasies. And pretty strange, from a male point of view.

One common one that comes to mind is the "Earth Mother" fantasy. Many women reported going into a trance-like state during sex in which they imagined themselves to be fertile, earthy furrows being plowed and seeded by various types of farm machinery.

Doubt that anyone seriously wants to act THAT one out. :D
 
alphatad1 said:
The trick, I suppose, would also be knowing I can open up about my fantasies (most of which include my wife)...Is that an approach I can take?

Tell her about the things that would turn me on that involve her, or is that too selfless to be believable?
Click to expand...

If you can't sit (or lie) face-to-face and make your brain engage your mouth under those circumstances, which can be a problem for many of us, it can be easier if you hold her on your lap, or embrace her from behind. It may be easier for her to talk if she's not looking at you trying to gage your reactions. At the same time you can murmur encouraging words into her ear; perhaps a little tongue-flick now and then...but of course you might forget what you were discussing before long. :cool:

Or if you just can't talk, maybe you could write it down. Leave a little note for her somewhere she will find it when you're not around. Maybe something like, "I've always wanted to lift you onto the bathroom sink and lick your pussy while you watch me in the mirror."

She can ignore it if she wants, but I have a suspicion that you might walk into the bathroom one day and find her fresh out of the shower with that look in her eye...:heart:
 
My wifes the same - I started by recounting some of my fantasies in bed, the deal was I reveal and talk about mine during love making and the next time its her turn - which worked, she revealed her lift fuck fantasy in full
 
For a slightly different tactic, you can ask what's on her 'sex bucket list'. You can both share what's been checked off, and see what remains.
 
Dream59 said:
My wife has insisted for 30 years that she does not have any.
Click to expand...

Maybe her fantasy is for you to catch her fantasizing. :D

Maybe her definition of the term is not the same as yours...


"About 95 percent of people report that they have sexual fantasies. According to a study conducted at the University of Granada, women have pleasant romantic fantasies more frequently than men—a few times a month. Men, however, fantasize more frequently about sexcapades involving being promiscuous, being a swinger, and participating in an orgy." http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-fantasies
 
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