Female Dommes

[LI Kerwell]

I've noticed there are relatively few women out there who are 100% dominant.

Are women who take dominant positions just part timers or are there women out there who want to be on top all the time?

I ask because there seems no shortage of full time domme lesbians, full time domme men (swinging either way) but very few full time domme heterosexual women.

Do they exist, and if they don't, why not?

 

[lilcuriouscatt]

It would depend on how you are qualifying "100% dominant"

 

[LI Kerwell]

Well almost never sub I guess but good point.

 

[SissySalina]

She is "Domme" to sissy 100% of time but not always to men.

 

[MeekMe]

They exist. I think there's a break down in communication here though. What do you think a dominant heterosexual woman is? What does that look like to you?

 

[LI Kerwell]

You're All Very Right

I have really compartmentalized this issue haven't I?

However, I also know that there are a significant number of Dom males but relatively few Dommes. I'm curious, I guess, as to why that is. Popular porn seems to portray the distribution of Doninant males to females the other way, but are they simply satisfying market demand?

I don't know.

Which is why I'm asking.

Am I wong to say there are relatively few dominant women relative to dominant men out there?

 

[James1324]

There's also a lot of problems with women being on sex sites, in general, so it is hard to really assess based on what you see here, and on Fetlife.

I'm curious - do you mean that women encounter a lot of problems on sex sites (dumbass guys, unwanted attention, etc.), or that the presence of women on sex sites is problematic?

I can well imagine the first point being true, but am not so clear on the second.

 

[LI Kerwell]

Yes, that's a problem, although not all men.

They want to control their loss of control and after they've cum, that's it, play time is over.... what's for dinner? Does that kit the nail? So to speak?

 

[MeekMe]

I'm curious - do you mean that women encounter a lot of problems on sex sites (dumbass guys, unwanted attention, etc.), or that the presence of women on sex sites is problematic?

I can well imagine the first point being true, but am not so clear on the second.

The first point. Female dominants get the added harassment of "please, Goddess! Please be my fetish dispenser!"

 

[LI Kerwell]

Lol. That's accurate.....

Which is partly why I'm asking.

 

[James1324]

The first point. Female dominants get the added harassment of "please, Goddess! Please be my fetish dispenser!"

The former, obviously.

I see. I can imagine that gets real old, real fast.

I enjoy online role-playing with female subs, but something I've found is that many of them are not really subs at all, in the sense that they have never really thought about submission in any detail. Kind of the inverse of the brainless dom who equates domination with abuse. Many of these subs have never thought at all seriously about their sexual preferences, and are not particularly interested in discussing their desires, preferences, limits, etc. prior to a rp. I'm the dom, they say, and therefore it's wholly "my decision" what direction the rp takes.

I'm just wondering if female dommes have had similar experiences: encountering naive male subs who really have no clue what they're looking for beyond a generic "domme".

 

[MeekMe]

I have really compartmentalized this issue haven't I?

However, I also know that there are a significant number of Dom males but relatively few Dommes. I'm curious, I guess, as to why that is. Popular porn seems to portray the distribution of Doninant males to females the other way, but are they simply satisfying market demand?

I don't know.

Which is why I'm asking.

Am I wong to say there are relatively few dominant women relative to dominant men out there?

It's probably best to not get your statistics from porn. Actually, when interacting with dominant women it's probably best to forget about the porno image of one.

In all honestly there are probably fewer dominants than submissives across all genders. The dominant women I've encountered tend to avoid advertising it because they don't want to be harassed by "do-me" subs or those looking to play and bail. Not every female dominant is looking for strictly a close relationship but the many I've come across do want a relationship and want to be treated as humans and not just the placeholder for the strapon.

 

[LI Kerwell]

That. That right there.

You're absolutely right Vail, my stories are probably guilty of that as well.

I'm glad you brought up those elephants in the room because I think they are very true.

 

[LI Kerwell]

So how do I write a story for a dominant woman? Ultimately, that's what I'm trying to figure out here.

 

[LI Kerwell]

Expectations

Well clearly dominant women have unmet expectations. You are quite right in suggesting that many this realm of erotica is male dominated and often rather pathetic.

So from a dominant woman's perspective, what are her expectations?

 

[MeekMe]

Well clearly dominant women have unmet expectations. You are quite right in suggesting that many this realm of erotica is male dominated and often rather pathetic.

So from a dominant woman's perspective, what are her expectations?

Her expectations would be unique to her because she is an individual. The same as dominant men not all having the same expectations dominant women will differ as well.

If you look at what being dominant is and apply it, you basically have a person that wants authority of varying degrees over another person/situation.

 

[cookiecat]

The first point. Female dominants get the added harassment of "please, Goddess! Please be my fetish dispenser!"

Well clearly dominant women have unmet expectations. You are quite right in suggesting that many this realm of erotica is male dominated and often rather pathetic.

So from a dominant woman's perspective, what are her expectations?

To be treated like a human being, and not a fetish dispenser

Summed it up!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

The first point. Female dominants get the added harassment of "please, Goddess! Please be my fetish dispenser!"

That. That right there.

Agreed

It's probably best to not get your statistics from porn. Actually, when interacting with dominant women it's probably best to forget about the porno image of one.

In all honestly there are probably fewer dominants than submissives across all genders. The dominant women I've encountered tend to avoid advertising it because they don't want to be harassed by "do-me" subs or those looking to play and bail. Not every female dominant is looking for strictly a close relationship but the many I've come across do want a relationship and want to be treated as humans and not just the placeholder for the strapon.

And this

So how do I write a story for a dominant woman? Ultimately, that's what I'm trying to figure out here.

Well you can either go with the stereotype (I wouldn't suggest it), or you can write a female protagonist who is interesting and believable and who happens to be dominant. Your choice!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Her expectations would be unique to her because she is an individual. The same as dominant men not all having the same expectations dominant women will differ as well....

Yep

 

[LI Kerwell]

Thank you everyone

I had hoped to gain some insight on dominant women.

I think I went about it poorly but that's more my lack of experience in these forums.

I hope I didn't offend.

I learned a great deal today. The first being, it's going to take a while to write a story for the dominant woman. The second being a whole new world of BDSM that I think I know nothing about other than the possibility that it operates as an enigma, always there but unable to put a finger on it with the one consistency being the utmost respect for women. That was something I've always had however.

That's not an insult but rather a comment that's consistent with humanity. That's why human sexuality is so complex and .... exciting

Thank you and again, I apologize if I offended anyone.

 

[LI Kerwell]

Let my try again....

Clearly..... I didn't articulate myself

Let my try again....


Dominant women are tired of the stereotypical male generated image of what men expect to see. They often don't share their preferences out of a concern that they will be inundated with men who want to grovel, orgasm, then leave and return back to their own lives.

A dominant woman wants to be treated with respect and this is an overiding condition but from there, it becomes very individual as every woman (dominant for that matter) has her own preferences, desires, wants and needs. I referred to it as an enigma because that makes it very difficult to write on when writing to the masses. But not impossible.

I said I learned alot because I did. This the first time I have ever opened up like this, and these chat rooms are completely new to me. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect. It wasn't this, but I like this more. It's intelligence, complex, and interesting. I probably came off as an ass and if I did, I apologize.

Thank you for providing all of your feedback to me.

 

[Adder4321]

Well this thread has been interesting. I guess I have a lot to learn if I actually want to be a submissive.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Shame the op didn't want to stick around and find out more.

 

[LI Kerwell]

But I do want to learn more. I'm just trying very hard, perhaps too hard to not trip over my own words. I've discovered that there is an entire faction within this genre that feels alienated and that actually annoys me, particularly since I was likely a part of it. The stories I read and wrote were stereotypical and exclusive for a certain population.

What you are all talking about and referring to sounds really interesting and I want to understand it better.

I didn't drop out, I'm still learn how to navigate the site.

 

[MeekMe]

But I do want to learn more. I'm just trying very hard, perhaps too hard to not trip over my own words. I've discovered that there is an entire faction within this genre that feels alienated and that actually annoys me, particularly since I was likely a part of it. The stories I read and wrote were stereotypical and exclusive for a certain population.

What you are all talking about and referring to sounds really interesting and I want to understand it better.

I didn't drop out, I'm still learn how to navigate the site.

Some can get pretty riled up over topics like this. There's a lot of pent up frustration involved in this subject. The fact that you're even asking is a step in the right direction. There aren't too many dommes that still post in this area so to get more specific answers you'll have to try elsewhere. In general though, you're dealing with people. People are complex and their interests and motivations are unique so just try to keep in mind that a lot of dominants aren't standing around in black leather and 6" heels hoping for a man to come along and beg to be pegged.