IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Posts
- 5,209
No, I don't think you have to feel submissive to everyone or submit to your husband, to call yourself submissive. That's just my opinion though and there are lots of opinions out there. No law though and there will probably be someone who thinks you're not submissive enough and others who think you are on the wrong side of sane, no matter what you do.So here's a question: Am I really submissive, if it felt very right and natural submitting to my Master, but not to my husband? I love my husband, but he does not have the type of personality that ... inspires submission in me. The thought of kneeling for him, calling him Master or Sir or whatever, of telling him I would do anything to please him. Of really FEELING I would do anything to please him ... it makes me a little sick and panicky.
But I felt all of those things for my Master. I found myself doing things for him or at his command, without a second thought, that I never thought I could do. Or wanted to. I learned so much from and with him. How it didn't matter how I felt about something, I didn't need to feel embarrassment, or self-conscious, it only mattered that I please him.
Exploring this side of myself with him brought into sharper focus all these feeling and urges I had had all my life. I felt I had found myself, something that was missing in my life.
But again, I don't feel like I can submit that freely to my husband. We've talked about it a little bit. He wants to try "be all that I need." But it doesn't come naturally to him. I know we have to talk about it, even though you are right, telling him what to do to me ruins it a little.
But the sex isn't the problem. Is seems my husband has been doing some research of his own because lately he has been surprising me with tricks in the bedroom that he think I will like. And I DO like it. Especially since I don't have to direct him as much as I was afraid I would. Which is great. It's important if we are going to stay together.
But it's the other stuff, the non-sexual side of submitting, that I loved to do for my Master, that I can't do with him. At least not yet. Everything fell apart for me only a few months ago, so I'm still finding my way.
There are lots of reasons, I guess, that I don't feel I can submit to him. We have young kids. (so we could never be 24/7 anyway) I need him to be a partner in parenting, in our household, we need to be a team. As I said before, his personality ... he has always been very passive, he is not naturally a confident person. He is working on this. We have marital issues we are working on. Blah blah wah wah. One of the biggest problems is that, though I love him, I feel no passion for him.
I'm sorry. I'm new. I don't know you guys. I should probably shut up now.
But I will restate my question: Am I submissive if I don't want to submit to my husband? I mean, sure, I COULD ... but it wouldn't be real. It would be play-acting. Am I submissive if I only act that way during sex? Do "real" submissives want to submit to everyone they are in a relationship with?
I'm still trying to "know myself" ... it's not always easy.
behind blue eyes: yes, your scenario #1 is definitely preferable. I'm trying to live more that way, and not in a scenario #2 way, which I was doing for a long time. "My husband doesn't get me" etc. But it's easier said than done. How do you tell your husband of 10 years about needs you don't altogether understand? I was afraid to. He still doesn't understand. I think sometimes he thinks I am faking. He is happy to "try new things" in the bedroom, but has no interest in bringing it outside the bedroom.
If you want to stick together and explore this, I think you have to find out what works for the two of you. It will probably be different from what you would do with someone else and totally different from what any other two or more people would be doing, but does that really matter if it works for you?