Your Thoughts On What Makes a Good Dom/Master/Mistress/Sub/Slave

[FantasySlut]

I am not sure if there is a thread like this, if there is, then you are more than welcome to point me in the right direction

I have been curious about this question for quite some time now. Reading the forum, certain sites and even other poster's posts will give some idea to what some may require, seek or need from their Dom/Mast/Mistress/Sub/Slave...

If a person that is new to this lifestyle is seeking this type of relationship, how does one go about making sure that their choice will be the right choice? Or are there certain *requirements* that one needs to make sure their choice possess before choosing them? What made your decision to choose? And I will assume that if it were a LDR/Online....then the *requirements* could also be different than for real time....

I do realize that each situation will be different for each person......so the answers may not be as precise as I may hope for. But hopefully, there will be enough posts to get a general idea of where/how to start...

For example, If I were to post a thread that I was looking for a Dom/Master....there possibly could be quite a few saying *PICK ME.....because etc*......So, are there *guidelines* to follow when starting out?

Thank you for your time and for your posts....

FS

 

[Toa_lin]

I am not sure if there is a thread like this, if there is, then you are more than welcome to point me in the right direction

I have been curious about this question for quite some time now. Reading the forum, certain sites and even other poster's posts will give some idea to what some may require, seek or need from their Dom/Mast/Mistress/Sub/Slave...

If a person that is new to this lifestyle is seeking this type of relationship, how does one go about making sure that their choice will be the right choice? Or are there certain *requirements* that one needs to make sure their choice possess before choosing them? What made your decision to choose? And I will assume that if it were a LDR/Online....then the *requirements* could also be different than for real time....

I do realize that each situation will be different for each person......so the answers may not be as precise as I may hope for. But hopefully, there will be enough posts to get a general idea of where/how to start...

For example, If I were to post a thread that I was looking for a Dom/Master....there possibly could be quite a few saying *PICK ME.....because etc*......So, are there *guidelines* to follow when starting out?

Thank you for your time and for your posts....

FS

I have two things to say, first off, prepare for an "i'm the ultimate sub/slave/Master/Mistress" civil war to appear on this thread. And second, the only answer to your question is this. "Each relationship is different, so what works best on either side is ALSO different."

EDIT: make that three, the one thing I'd watch out for is ANYTHING that you might interpret as a red flag when u first start out, tread carefully. And finally, what works best for you, is simply find someone who meets al that your wanting out of the life-style, if u don't know what that is yet, then simply check out the lirbary thread, it'll give u insight into almost anything you can think of.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I am not sure if there is a thread like this, if there is, then you are more than welcome to point me in the right direction

I have been curious about this question for quite some time now. Reading the forum, certain sites and even other poster's posts will give some idea to what some may require, seek or need from their Dom/Mast/Mistress/Sub/Slave...

If a person that is new to this lifestyle is seeking this type of relationship, how does one go about making sure that their choice will be the right choice? Or are there certain *requirements* that one needs to make sure their choice possess before choosing them? What made your decision to choose? And I will assume that if it were a LDR/Online....then the *requirements* could also be different than for real time....

I do realize that each situation will be different for each person......so the answers may not be as precise as I may hope for. But hopefully, there will be enough posts to get a general idea of where/how to start...

For example, If I were to post a thread that I was looking for a Dom/Master....there possibly could be quite a few saying *PICK ME.....because etc*......So, are there *guidelines* to follow when starting out?

Thank you for your time and for your posts....

FS

there is no one right answer, not even two or three right answers. it's all in what YOU are looking for...what are YOUR requirements? how i chose, well i didn't choose, lol..i got lucky enough that Master found poor lil 'ole 'nilla me and rescued me from that life. not everyone is that lucky. you just have to know what exactly YOU are looking for. there is no set 'guidelines' or 'requirements' that scream "GOOD DOM" or "BAD DOM" what i think of as a 'bad dom' may be someone else's 'perfect dom' i know i'm not of much help but without knowing you, and without knowing what you're looking for, there's not much advice i can give.....

 

[minx1]

I was in a similar position to yourself last year. Having decided to explore my sub side more I 'advertised' on Lit for a Master, explaining a little bit about me and what it was I was looking for.

I got lots of PMs back, actually my Master was one of the first 'sensible' PMs I recieved amongst a lot of 'I am Your Master slut PM NOW' ones. I liked him because he was very neutral,not putting any pressure at all on me to choose him...infact now I come to mention it, he never once suggested that he would be my Master... it was more like a general chat.

We exchanged PMs quite a bit before I became his and we just clicked.

I agree with Rose in that one mans meat is another mans poison...it all depends what you want from your relationship.

What I would say is take your time and get to know people and ask them lots of questions...so that you get a good feel for what they are like

Good luck

 

[FantasySlut]

I do realize that each situation is different and that there will be no *correct* answers to either question I asked.

I suppose I just wanted some basics.....Like Toa mentioned, red flags.....Are there any examples of said red flags?

As minx pointed out, advertising anywhere on the net for a Master/Mistress, to me , almost seems as if it would be doomed from the start lol.... *I AM YOUR MASTER< SERVE ME* bullshit .

Not exactly sure, yet, what I am looking for really. As I said, have been thinking of this for quite some time, curious, so I asked. If this were to even happen, in my case, it would be an online type thing. So maybe it being that, perhaps there would be different things to look out for. *shrugs*

Thank you to those who have taken the time to post. I do appreciate your responses and will take them to heart

FS

 

[minx1]

I do realize that each situation is different and that there will be no *correct* answers to either question I asked.

I suppose I just wanted some basics.....Like Toa mentioned, red flags.....Are there any examples of said red flags?

As minx pointed out, advertising anywhere on the net for a Master/Mistress, to me , almost seems as if it would be doomed from the start lol.... *I AM YOUR MASTER< SERVE ME* bullshit .

Not exactly sure, yet, what I am looking for really. As I said, have been thinking of this for quite some time, curious, so I asked. If this were to even happen, in my case, it would be an online type thing. So maybe it being that, perhaps there would be different things to look out for. *shrugs*

Thank you to those who have taken the time to post. I do appreciate your responses and will take them to heart

FS

Well at the moment my relationship is a long distance one, so primarily on line. I wasn't sure what to expect when I placed my ad, but it really couldn't have worked out better for me. He is wonderfull, really and we have both been very presently surprised I think. Though I am certain there are just as many horror stories out there!

I'm not sure about red flags but certainly things to keep an eye out for are Doms pushing you to submit to them quickly, setting tasks before you are even with them (I had a few of these...maybe its eagerness on their part, I don't know).
I think even in the first few months of being with my Master...I asked a lot of questions and I suppose I was quite suspicious about things...I was very aware that he may not be who he said he was and of being duped.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I do realize that each situation is different and that there will be no *correct* answers to either question I asked.

I suppose I just wanted some basics.....Like Toa mentioned, red flags.....Are there any examples of said red flags?

As minx pointed out, advertising anywhere on the net for a Master/Mistress, to me , almost seems as if it would be doomed from the start lol.... *I AM YOUR MASTER< SERVE ME* bullshit .

Not exactly sure, yet, what I am looking for really. As I said, have been thinking of this for quite some time, curious, so I asked. If this were to even happen, in my case, it would be an online type thing. So maybe it being that, perhaps there would be different things to look out for. *shrugs*

Thank you to those who have taken the time to post. I do appreciate your responses and will take them to heart

FS

the red flags are whatever your gut tells you seems 'wrong' with the situation or the information He/She has given you....i'm not seeing much of a difference between Online/real life..but make sure if you put an ad up that you put you are only looking for online.....

 

[FantasySlut]

Well at the moment my relationship is a long distance one, so primarily on line. I wasn't sure what to expect when I placed my ad, but it really couldn't have worked out better for me. He is wonderfull, really and we have both been very presently surprised I think. Though I am certain there are just as many horror stories out there!

I'm not sure about red flags but certainly things to keep an eye out for are Doms pushing you to submit to them quickly, setting tasks before you are even with them (I had a few of these...maybe its eagerness on their part, I don't know).
I think even in the first few months of being with my Master...I asked a lot of questions and I suppose I was quite suspicious about things...I was very aware that he may not be who he said he was and of being duped.

And it being an online/phone relationship, does it satisfy you enough, or does it make you want more of it in real time?

I know about the types that push...those are an immediate X lol.....That's normal though, right...about asking a lot of questions? And wouldn't it be a red flag if they don't answer said questions, etc?

 

[FantasySlut]

the red flags are whatever your gut tells you seems 'wrong' with the situation or the information He/She has given you....i'm not seeing much of a difference between Online/real life..but make sure if you put an ad up that you put you are only looking for online.....

I'm not sure about an ad...ehhh...seems like there would be a lot of *no no's*....lol....

Really, you don't see much difference between online and real time? I would think there would be quite a difference....

 

[Yang4yin]

Honesty... willingness to communicate openly... trustworthiness... reliability... compatible interests and goals...


Red flags to lookout for: Won't allow phone calls anywhere but a cell phone... can't get together on holidays... makes promises but doesn't follow through on any... anything that suggests there's a spouse that isn't aware of the situation.

 

[Yang4yin]

Really, you don't see much difference between online and real time? I would think there would be quite a difference....

Online tends to be more fantasy based. It's so much easier to say things online that you'd never dream of doing in real life. It's basically an anonymous way to try things.

 

[FantasySlut]

Honesty... willingness to communicate openly... trustworthiness... reliability... compatible interests and goals...


Red flags to lookout for: Won't allow phone calls anywhere but a cell phone... can't get together on holidays... makes promises but doesn't follow through on any... anything that suggests there's a spouse that isn't aware of the situation.

I agree with all the above....(first line).....trust being the first obvious choice...

With my situation, I really can't put too much emphasis on certain restrictions, because I would be in the same category of the type....*don't call me here, then, etc*......

As for the spouse, well.....again, can't say too much about that myself lol

 

[FantasySlut]

Online tends to be more fantasy based. It's so much easier to say things online that you'd never dream of doing in real life. It's basically an anonymous way to try things.

I agree.....Lot easier to follow through with a lot of things online/phone.

If I had my rathers, and could, real time would be it.....At this time, it isn't possible

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Online tends to be more fantasy based. It's so much easier to say things online that you'd never dream of doing in real life. It's basically an anonymous way to try things.

i disagree. there is nothing and has been nothing fantasy based since the beginning of Master and i's relationship. when He told me to do soemthing, i did it, period. we've been online LDR for 3 years, just recently meeting face to face in Sept. the first time and January the second time. sorry but this is a sore spot for me. i hear it all of the time that online D/s is all fantasy blah blah blah...it's far from it, atleast for me, and alot of others i know that are LDR at the moment.

it's all about your devotion and dedication to your Dom or sub, the relationship in general. sure there are some who are in it for fantasy only, but not that many that i've met to be honest. that is why i said i don't see much of a difference between online and real life, other than the obvious.....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I agree.....Lot easier to follow through with a lot of things online/phone.

If I had my rathers, and could, real time would be it.....At this time, it isn't possible

actually, if you're truly serious about the relationship not every task is easy to follow through with on the phone/internet....just as 'tasks' in real time are not that easy....*shrugs* maybe it's just me and Master's relationship, not that i dont' think it will be different once we are living it 24/7 but we ahve been living it 24/7 for the last almost 4 years ..just in different states.....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I agree with all the above....(first line).....trust being the first obvious choice...

With my situation, I really can't put too much emphasis on certain restrictions, because I would be in the same category of the type....*don't call me here, then, etc*......

As for the spouse, well.....again, can't say too much about that myself lol

my only question to this is, will your spouse know about the Dom? if not, that's a recipe for disaster.....just my opinion

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

You and I have chatted off the boards, so you know my opinion, but I’ll offer it here, since you pointed me to your thread.

In my opinion, you have to go with your gut instincts. If there are signs that the relationship is not safe, one-sided, or simply “odd” feeling, then those are your red flags. Once you start feeling these things you are not safe and need to take care of you. It is hard to do, especially if you have invested time in a relationship and have found yourself feeling more for a person than you had been in the beginning. It is not easy to give up that feeling, but for your own inner being you need to find the man that makes you safe.

To me a true Dom, a mature one, will accept you for the woman you are. . .all of you, from the wrinkles around your lips to the mole on your ass. They will love every inch of you, because they own you. You have given them a unique gift . . .yourself. If they don’t make you feel cherished, desired, loved, respected, then there is something missing in the relationship and you need to examine your needs and the situation.

Did I advertise? Not really. . .I spoke about my desires in threads I frequent, but I didn’t start a thread for that purpose, probably because I didn’t want PMs to flood my box. Most everyone knows from my posts I’m submissive sexually, so I think it was easy for a true Dom to approach me, rather than a Dom wannabe.

Whatever you do, just go with your gut and if it feels wrong in any way. . . It probably is.

~ Red

 

[HottieMama]

I really agree with what Red had to say!!!

Good luck to you, sweetie!

 

[Yang4yin]

i disagree. there is nothing and has been nothing fantasy based since the beginning of Master and i's relationship. when He told me to do soemthing, i did it, period.

You're the rare exception! Good for you for taking it seriously.

 

[minx1]

And it being an online/phone relationship, does it satisfy you enough, or does it make you want more of it in real time?

I know about the types that push...those are an immediate X lol.....That's normal though, right...about asking a lot of questions? And wouldn't it be a red flag if they don't answer said questions, etc?

*smile* God yes it satisfies me. It probably satisfies me to much though because it makes me want to be with him in real life lol
I guess that is because of the bond we have formed though. I am sure some have online relationships that they are more than happy to keep just as online.

in terms of the pushy ones yeah...theres a difference in being gently cajolled and feeling that you are being hyjacked lol

With the questions...I mean ask them about what they want in a sub, about their experience, what they want from a D/s relationship etc and sure ask them questions about themselves.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

You're the rare exception! Good for you for taking it seriously.

see, i don't think it's so rare. almost every couple i know that are LDR/online take it just as serious as Master and i do....maybe it's just because those are the only ones i will surround myself with and don't have any time for those who are just 'playing games' *shrugs* i just don't understand NOT taking it seriously if you are serious about the relationship and want it to last....i'm not into playing games....

 

[minx1]

You're the rare exception! Good for you for taking it seriously.

*smile* actually here's another exception! Nice to meet you

I completely agree with Rose. My relationship with my Master is very real..and not based on fantasy. To me there's no point playing at it, just because its online. If he instructs me to do something I do it....its about trust. Otherwise I would question the point of our relationship

 

[minx1]

To me a true Dom, a mature one, will accept you for the woman you are. . .all of you, from the wrinkles around your lips to the mole on your ass. They will love every inch of you, because they own you. You have given them a unique gift . . .yourself. If they don’t make you feel cherished, desired, loved, respected, then there is something missing in the relationship and you need to examine your needs and the situation.

Whatever you do, just go with your gut and if it feels wrong in any way. . . It probably is.

~ Red

I agree totally. A true Dom will appreciates that your submission is the ultimate gift, not a right.
And red hit the nail on the head, they accept you for the woman you are because you are theirs. I am independent and outgoing and I have opinions on a lot of things and my Master loves that and would never try to temper that side of me.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I agree totally. A true Dom will appreciates that your submission is the ultimate gift, not a right.
And red hit the nail on the head, they accept you for the woman you are because you are theirs. I am independent and outgoing and I have opinions on a lot of things and my Master loves that and would never try to temper that side of me.

*laughs* i am the same way..very very opinionated, though sometimes He does have to 'tug the leash' so to speak. but i know my boundaries and know when i'm pushing to far and when to back off....ya know? but i agree, any 'real' Dom will appreciate you for who you are already, and not try to change the core of you......

 

[minx1]

*laughs* i am the same way..very very opinionated, though sometimes He does have to 'tug the leash' so to speak. but i know my boundaries and know when i'm pushing to far and when to back off....ya know? but i agree, any 'real' Dom will appreciate you for who you are already, and not try to change the core of you......

Yeah its the same with friends....another red flag for further down the line. He actively encourages me to talk to other subs and Doms and share expriences, so that I am not only hearing his view on something (particularly where he may have a vested interest) . That speaks volumes to me. Though I trust his opinion and judgement completely

He will also continually ask me about my feelings on things.

Actually its kinda easier to say what to look for rather than the opposite lol