Your thoughts on monogamy

[hotoldrguy]

I thought this might be an interesting topic for Lit. Monogamy is a norm in some species and not others. As humans, at least westerners, monogamy has become a societal norm. But are we as human creatures meant to be monogamous?

What are your views?

 

[BrendaBear]

Since I am totally, completely, like hard core monogamous, it seems quite appropriate for me. But also, not even remotely a challenge for me. I figure people who are not that way are going to do their thing and live their lives as is appropriate for them. But for me, I would much rather be alone than with someone who is not monogamous.

 

[Anastasia1999]

“until death us do part” was written when our life expectancy was 45. Now we are living well into our 80ies and are still expected to like each other for another 35+ years.

Hmmmm.

 

[Pad_Foot]

“until death us do part” was written when our life expectancy was 45. Now we are living well into our 80ies and are still expected to like each other for another 35+ years.

Hmmmm.

But… kids live a long time

If both people want out? Pursuit of Happiness prevails
If allowing “outs” preserves happiness ? That’s up to the couple

Til death Is a long time

Thankfully the sex urge seems to die long before other bodily functions give out

 

[JessGabriel]

Polyamory is amazing and so fulfilling if you're wired for it. I think it's a lot to ask for your SO to meet 100% of your needs for as long as you're together. And it's an amazing feeling to see your partner find satisfaction with someone else. Again, if you're wired that way. I'm sure most people will think I'm nuts for that statement.

 

[Sn0wBelle]

I think a lot about this and have read a lot about it too. It's something I struggle with in my head a lot. I don't think I believe we are born to be monogamous.
I cheated in every relationship I'd ever had. But I wanted a family. I wanted that security. So I did what society expects and got married.
But I crave that newness, lust, excitement of someone new all the time. But I also don't want to give up what I have for it.
I'm also not sure how I'd actually be in a polyamorous relationship. I'm 99% sure I couldn't handle it and would get jealous.
Basically I conclude I'm just a very selfish person! Because in my ideal world I'd have a partner who was faithful to me, but I'd be free to have sex with other people And I know I can't have my cake and eat it!

 

[Nightbird]

I think a lot about this and have read a lot about it too. It's something I struggle with in my head a lot. I don't think I believe we are born to be monogomous.
I cheated in every relationship I'd ever had. But I wanted a family. I wanted that security. So I did what society expects and got married.
But I crave that newness, lust, excitement of someone new all the time. But I also don't want to give up what I have for it.
I'm also not sure how I'd actually be in a polyamerous relationship. I'm 99% sure I couldn't handle it and would get jealous.
Basically I conclude I'm just a very selfish person! Because in my ideal world I'd have a partner who was faithful to me, but I'd be free to have sex with other people And I know I can't have my cake and eat it!

You could, you just have to find a partner who's into Cuckolding.

 

[Cindy027]

Since I am totally, completely, like hard core monogamous, it seems quite appropriate for me. But also, not even remotely a challenge for me. I figure people who are not that way are going to do their thing and live their lives as is appropriate for them. But for me, I would much rather be alone than with someone who is not monogamous.

I support this campaign and am willing to contribute to it.

 

[ydahecnot]

 

[AnnyMouse28]

It is my goal to be in a monogamous long term relationship.

 

[MrsPassion]

Polyamory is amazing and so fulfilling if you're wired for it. I think it's a lot to ask for your SO to meet 100% of your needs for as long as you're together. And it's an amazing feeling to see your partner find satisfaction with someone else. Again, if you're wired that way. I'm sure most people will think I'm nuts for that statement.

Nope! Same over here!!

 

[MrsPassion]

I’m married, and polyamorous. Had been in a poly pod for the last four years. My girlfriend recently moved away for a job opportunity and we decided against LDR. Polyamory works for me and my husband. He has/had his partners and I have/had mine. I think people confuse polyamory with acting single and playing the field while in a relationship and it’s not that. (Not saying that’s what folks here think it is) It’s multiple committed relationships and takes a lot of work and works well for folks with great communication skills. Because all the headaches and miscommunication debacles that happen in monogamy are compounded in polyamorous relationships. It’s just like any other relationship style in my book. Maybe a bit more work (you want everyone to get along obviously) maybe not as salacious as monogamous people assume it is. Lots of boring days at home doing laundry and making grocery lists

 

[JerseyJade]

I'm single, so I can suck or fuck any man I want to.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

I'm single, so I can suck or fuck any man I want to.

I guess that is where I am too. I just wish I was fucking and sucking the same man every night/day/afternoon.

 

[Bbl87]

10 years ago, when I got married, I would have been 110% gung ho for mongomy.

10 years later, in a situation with massively mismatched libidos, I'm definitely not as sold. My ideal would be a fulfilling, vibrant sex life with my wife. But that doesn't seem to be forthcoming nor something she worries about, so an open marriage looks better and better all the time. I still love her, and want to raise our kids together, so I really don't want to leave. But I also feel like I'm wasting some of my best years sexually with a woman who doesn't want me that way.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I'm single, so I can suck or fuck any man I want to.

Do you hold story time events to tell us all about it, so we can experience some vicarious thrill? please please, tell me about the single life.

 

[Jd19682]

I think a lot about this and have read a lot about it too. It's something I struggle with in my head a lot. I don't think I believe we are born to be monogamous.
I cheated in every relationship I'd ever had. But I wanted a family. I wanted that security. So I did what society expects and got married.
But I crave that newness, lust, excitement of someone new all the time. But I also don't want to give up what I have for it.
I'm also not sure how I'd actually be in a polyamorous relationship. I'm 99% sure I couldn't handle it and would get jealous.
Basically I conclude I'm just a very selfish person! Because in my ideal world I'd have a partner who was faithful to me, but I'd be free to have sex with other people And I know I can't have my cake and eat it!

That sounds very familiar

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Oh this is a good subject.
I am very curious about polyamory. I tried monogamy and it became the worst experience of my life. I do know many happily committed monogamous couples but I know in my heart I don't want that again.

Technically it's a non issue. I'm single so, like @JerseyJade, I could have as many fwbs, flings etc as I want but when it comes to a long term partnership I don't think just one person is the right fit.

I have my sub side and would want a Dom for that, I have other sides to me that have different needs. I also really enjoy my independence so wouldn't even want to live with anyone again though I crave companionship.

I clearly still have a lot to work through but this seems like a better idea the more I think about it

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Not a fan. I have tried and tried to make it work. I get why it is an ideal in social constructs, but most people can’t be the ideal, including me. Expecting people to grow exactly together for like 70 years is impossible. I know affairs are one of the leadings causes for divorce, but one could say the expectation of monogamy is the leading cause. Going decades and decades in the same relationship, many things will happen and change. Many of the leading causes could actually be supplemented and mitigated by another party. Too divergent interests, lack of intimacy, too much conflict, all feed each other. Not getting what you want or need to be happier breeds resentment. I think many relationships could be salvaged by compromising on monogamy.

On a personal level, I prefer to not have a monogamy requirement, not only for the above, but also because I am a monogamy failure. Even when trying, I will only make it so long, sooner or later, I will fail. Maybe months, maybe years, but sooner or later someone will be so enticing, have something that fills a need, something, and I will be made an offer that I just can’t seem to refuse. I dislike failing, but I will, eventually.

 

[JerseyJade]

Do you hold story time events to tell us all about it, so we can experience some vicarious thrill? please please, tell me about the single life.

Sorry, I have no story time events planned at this time. But I am thinking about writing a journal, so if I do, I'll let you be one the first to read it.

 

[JerseyJade]

I guess that is where I am too. I just wish I was fucking and sucking the same man every night/day/afternoon.

Me personally, I live variety.. which is why I'm currently single. I'm not very good at being in a committed relationship.

 

[Nightbird]

Sorry, I have no story time events planned at this time. But I am thinking about writing a journal, so if I do, I'll let you be one the first to read it.

Can I be the second?

 

[JerseyJade]

Oh this is a good subject.
I am very curious about polyamory. I tried monogamy and it became the worst experience of my life. I do know many happily committed monogamous couples but I know in my heart I don't want that again.

Technically it's a non issue. I'm single so, like @JerseyJade, I could have as many fwbs, flings etc as I want but when it comes to a long term partnership I don't think just one person is the right fit.

I have my sub side and would want a Dom for that, I have other sides to me that have different needs. I also really enjoy my independence so wouldn't even want to live with anyone again though I crave companionship.

I clearly still have a lot to work through but this seems like a better idea the more I think about it

Honestly, I don't want a long term partnership with a man. Not now anyway. Maybe when I'm 40.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Honestly, I don't want a long term partnership with a man. Not now anyway. Maybe when I'm 40.

I'm 43 and still not ready for one

 

[billg1421]

Perhaps I'm to be considered a bit "old-fashioned" in my views, but I am a strong believer in the sancity of committment and relationship. I don't understand the point of being unfaithful. If one is unhappy or unsatisfied in their current situation, and the underlying issue(s) can't be rectified, then simply cut your losses and move on. Spares a lot of hurt feelings in my opinion.
As for those who chose to live a polyamorous lifestyle, to each his own, i suppose. I can respect that it is a choice made by consenting like-minded adults, but not one that I feel would work for me.

Even now that I have been single for the past five years, the thought of "one-night stands" turns me off. (I guess that makes me monogomous to myself???? lol)

I will say this though. I recently had the opportunity to speak to a married woman whose husband allowed her to have relationships with other people, while he could not. I found that the level of trust and communication seemed to far surpass any monogomous relationship I've ever had. As an outsider looking in, I was quite fascinated by it. But, as I said, I'm hard- wired in such a way that it would ultimately cause me more harm than good.