Your Opinion on Cyber Fridnships/Relationships?

[Floating Head]

I was wondering what others opinions/experiences were with online friendships or relationships? Are they real? Can they last?

This question is prompted by a recent experinece I had with an online friend. I am fairly new to communicating with people I don't know on the internet. I've never had the trust in people I don't know, mostly after having experinecing other bullentin boards That is one of the reasons I like Literotica. The people here have seemed much more genuine and definately a lot more of a sense of community than I have seen elsewhere on the internet.

After being on here for a while I struck up a friendship with someone, first via email and then through IM. We got to the point where we were talking almost every day, and as time went on we became much closer to each other. Our communication started out with a lot of flirting but as time went by, it became more of talking to each other. Getting to know who each other was, the things that real friends talk about.

After a month or so she expressed a stronger interest in me and we even discussed a meeting with each other. Although, at times it seemed that things may have been moving very fast, I found myself thinking of her and the possibilty of actually meeting. Being new to cyber friendships, I had to adjust to getting to know someone on the net, but with the things that we shared and eventually moving to talking to each other by phone I started to gain trust in her and the feelings she was expressing for me. However, this is where things went out the window.

I did not hear from her for a few weeks and when I did I found out she had met someone else on the net and was heavily involved with him. I was stunned by this!
Not so much that she was interested in someone else, but in the way I found out. My trust towards her has now gone out the window.

No, I was not in love with this person so its not a life and death struggle,by any means. But I thought there was friendship and a certain level of intimacy between us. The suddeness with which all of this has happened has me wondering if this is a common occurrence in cyber friendships or relationships. Its also left me with a very empty feeling.

So that is why I would be interested in hearing others experiences with this.

[Edited by Floating Head on 07-10-2000 at 06:35 AM]

 

[Xander]

Hmmmmm

Well, Floatin Head. There are so many aspects of cyber relationships. Even the more serious ones. I've had bad experiences with it in the past.
Also I have to say that I don't frequent any other place on the net, but here now.
But I can honestly tell you that I have made some damn good friends here. Some I talk to everyday through IM. And she knows just about anything about me, and is considered one of my best friends.
Another I'm engage to be married to. And yes I did meet her right here on this BB.

So to me anything can happend in the cyber world. Anything. You have to take the good with the bad. Because that will come. Trust me, I've tried it many times before I met Angelique. I have also met people IRL before. And only a few times it was actually worth the meeting. In the sense of major disapointment. And I even once experienced a net date who came into the bar, where we were supposed to meet. Said her hello. Eyed me liked only women can do. Then turned around and left. With me still standing by the bar going WTF.

Stick around here for a while, and you'll see how things develop in here

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Floating Head, I too, have had my letdowns regarding trust. I had an online friend for a full year who hurt me in the worst way. There was no intimacy involved whatsoever, he was just a good friend, or so I thought. When I began writing, I shared my stories with him, being that he himself was a writer. He did not write in the erotic nature, but he did have a few of his stories published, so he said. He sent my stories to his agent, and told me that unbelivably they had sold, within a few months time. I trusted him, why would I think any different. They were my first writings ever, so I was very proud of my accomplishments. Months went by, he was becoming evasive as I asked questions. When it came down to the time of sending me all the information needed for this sale, he simply vanished from my life. He never again answered my messages on icq, email or anywhere. I shed my tears let me tell you, it was quite an eye opener for me. I thought I knew this guy, I talked to him almost everyday. He was always there to help me with anything and everything. I was a newbie then, he was experienced with puter knowledge. He took advantage of my trust and good nature, my friendship. He took me for an unbelievable ride and just left me hanging.

Now, that I look back at my first stories, I know he was full of it. They are in no way publishable yet. I have much to do, to perfect them. Although they are on Literotica now, I will be resubmitting them in the near future, much improved hopefully. I have learned alot along the way, since our fine editors have come aboard. I have even been asked to have them on another site, so if I decide this, re-editing is a must.

But needless to say, it was hard for me to trust after this happened. It hurts deeply when people pretend they are someone they are not. This guy was just trying to impress me, and he did a fine job of it for awhile. Now I am more careful, I have to be. I myself am very gullible and trusting, so I am a prime candidate for being taken advantage of by others. I am tougher now though, and alot more wary....believe me.

When I invest in friendships, I give all that I have, all that I am, I like to be as real as I can be. So if anyone out there wants to invest in me, they will only gain a wonderful friend, I assure you.

Hugs Katerina





[Edited by Katerina on 07-10-2000 at 07:19 AM]

 

[SweetNick]

Ok, I can relate to Floating Head. I was great friends with someone in the chatroom. We talked everyday, all the time and it seemed like we were great together. ONe day she up and tells me, "Nick, I'm engaged to be married, so I don't think we should talk much anymore." That smacked me in the face. The best part about it is, I had a few people in there who knew what happened and have since become my really close friends and I wouldn't trade them for the world. In some respects I think it all happens for a reason, and in others, if people aren't being honest, its all a crap shoot.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Oh, I forgot to state one more opinion. Even though I have had an upsetting online experience, that hasn't stopped me from developing incredible friendships. I have met many wonderful people on the net and each one only enriches my life further. This site has alot of truly gifted inspirational people aboard and I am glad to be amongst them.

Hugs Katerina

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Oh .. sweet naive Head ..

I must again turn to rock music lyrics to help you with your problem my dear and quote the lovely Pat Benatar when I say: "Love is a Battlefield". Internet and real life .. guard your heart until you are sure.

Feel better baby!

 

[Floating Head]

Thank you to everyone that has shared their experiences on this topic. This has kind of left me floored. You become friends with someone, invest time in getting to know them, develop a trust and then one day, its over! Just like that!

I think the worst part for me was finding out through a third party and not directly from her. Thats the real difficult part. I'm still shaking my head on this one.

Katerina, I appreciate your story very much. The betrayal of a trust that is built up is very hard to accept. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Nick, that smack in the face. Yeah, that is how I feel. But it is also probably for a reason.

Isabella, good words to live by. And as for being naive, well, I am not usually a very gullible person. But, for sure this time, I was bitten.

Another fitting song is from Quarterflash, "Harden my Heart".

As I stated this had not yet developed into a real serious relationship, but there were moments of intimacy and feelings shared between us. You talk to someone everyday, laugh with each other, tease and joke and it is easy to develop a bond with that person. I looked forward to talking to her. I got use to having her in my life.

And now, it no longer exists.

But the bottom line is 'Live and Learn'. No real harm done except for a slightly bruised heart. Thanks to those who shared here.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Another fitting song is from Quarterflash, "Harden my Heart".

oh sweetie promise me you will never harden your heart, no matter what Quarterflash say. I only meant you should guard it more carefully.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

And.....

I have to say, it is very hard losing online friends. I have also invested much time with some and then they simply vanish! You come to care about them as a person, and truly wish them well in their lives. When they just disappear without a trace, you are left with an ache inside and you forever worry if they are alright. I hate this when it happens, I have lost a few good friendships in this manner. *POOF* Just gone, never to be heard from again. It sometimes leaves me wondering if I should give so much of myself to others. Should I care so much, should I let myself feel. The thing is, these traits I have are who I am, I cannot be any other way. I will always invest my time and share the best I can of myself. It's the only way I know how to be. So I guess I will just have to deal with those that vanish, and simply disappear from my life. There are so many more out there, just waiting for a friend

Hugs Katerina

 

[RonG]

I guess the difference that everyone focuses on is that online friends are people you have not met first or never plan to meet. A lot of my closest friends who I have known for two decades or more are people that I only get to see every couple of years due to the logistics of being scattered around the globe. We stay in touch by phone, mail, or email, so the net effect is about the same as if we never meet. When all is said and done, the line is pretty blurred between online friends and offline friends for me.

I guess people like the closure of ending friendships or relationships but I am not sure that is all it is cracked up to be. If I get in a nasty disagreement with a co-worker or neighbor, I have to deal with it in perpetuity until someone moves. If an online person decides they don't wish to speak to me anymore, they don't. I kind of like that kind of severance as opposed to the awkward DMZ stuff you have to put up with in real life. How I wish I could send my neighbor to an interstitial existence where our paths just don't meet while we both go about the rest of our lives, instead of pretending not to notice each other.

 

[Skibum]

I am just starting to develop a few online friendships with some people I first encountered on the BB. It is unlikely that any of these relationships will ever progress to the point of a face to face meeting, but I still value these friendships, perhaps more than many RL friendships. I have also introduced one RL friend to the BB, just as a way to share the experience more.

If my online friends ever decide to terminate the relationship I will feel badly, but there is little I can do to change their minds. The line of communication is pretty limited. Perhaps it is better this way. I can understand how it can be difficult to terminate a RL relationship.

 

[Jeff726]

When I invest in friendships, I give all that I have, all that I am, I like to be as real as I can be. So if anyone out there wants to invest in me, they will only gain a wonderful friend, I assure you.

Katerina will you be my friend?


-Jeff

 

[Endlessly]

I used to be super bitter, amazingly cynical and never, ever let anyone get close to me, especially online (keep in mind I've been BB-surfing since I was in third grade). I was seriously messed up mentally, and it was fun to mess with people online and IRL (easier online) and constantly assume they were doing the same with me.

It was a hell of a way to live, so I stopped.

I'm now open and trusting of anyone until they give me one reason not to be.. and I suppose the biggest change in my life is that, to me, I don't understand the concept of an 'online friend.' If someone is close to me, close enough to be considered my FRIEND.. That's a real-life thing to me, I don't play at friendships. That's why a lot of people have my phone number, tons more have my mailing address.. I'd say I've met about a dozen people from the internet, and half of them were merely platonic.

I'm still healing from a year and a half of hell in an internet-based relationship (read: extended one-night stand), so I'm not the best person to talk about that aspect with. Mainly because I refuse to.. But you get the idea.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Third grade! Ok I need a lot of explanation now cause that scares me.

Da chef

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Yes

Jeff, I would love to be your friend. Hugs Katerina

 

[Endlessly]

LOL!

I didn't mewan I was surfing PORN BBs since I was in third grade. Before the internet was really widespread, there were BB communities.. That's how Prodigy, Compuserve, and AOL got started, remember? We had Prodigy when I was in third grade, so I've made online friendships since then.

 

[Shylady]

I have alot of online friends i have met thru this chat room
the ones i know best have my icq # a few even have my phone number.The feelings i have for my friends are very real and I love them as much as I do my RL family and friends.

 

[Rosebud]

i have alot of people that i talk to online. Some are considered friends. I have lost a few friends and it does hurt but there is always others out there. You might get lucky and find the love of your life online...but don't depend on it...There are alot of lonely people out there looking for something...and some will never find it. Be there and be a friend and if things are meant to be...it will be.

 

[Jeff726]

Re: Yes

Jeff, I would love to be your friend. Hugs Katerina

Awww why thank you my sweet new pal! (hugs and kisses)
I think this is going to be really cool!


Peace and Love to All,


-Jeff
AOL IM jdh72680
ICQ 29331620
I agree with Rosebud. Online love is risky, and I have just been burned by one, ick!

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Got ya!

Got you on my icq list hon, talk to me anytime! Icq name Kat...MrsHobbieNerd on AOL

Hugs Katerina

 

[CreamyLady]

I'm a solitary type of person, for the most part; I avoid groups like the plague. I have two fairly close friends in "real life."

I'm more socially adept online, and have a far wider acquaintance there. I value these friendships very much.

I have met two online acquaintances offline. One is a friend from a pagan board; the other I met at SOI. Both experiences were a lot of fun, and it was nice to have a face to put to the handle.

I have had online friendships blow apart. The good part about it is that the aftereffects just don't linger as they do in real life. The bad part is sometimes never knowing just what blew up, or how. Reading is not the same as hearing; the verbal clues that all is not well are sometimes very obscure.

I don't expect to really meet everyone I encounter online, but (so far) it is nice when I do.