Your best or your worst PM or IM opening lines... and if you want your reactions ...

[Sensualdreamer]

At least this one didn't hurt my eyes to read it...

~~~~

Ok get this picture. You on your back in a reclined and relaxed mood. I start to massage your clit in a light gentle touching way using both my hands to excite sensitive areas of your body. As the mood elevates, I mount you and trust my throbbing trungin in your love canal and pick up the tempo with the clit. I have my right arm across your body to continue massage of your clit while pumping my dick in your love canal. We both start a rhythmic motion in sink to elevate the ecstasy. If you have a vibrator that you brought along, ( if no vibrator I just use my other hand ) with my left hand now cross my chest I can massage your anal area with the vibrator. Entry in to the anal canal with the vibrator is optional. The explosion is spectacular. Oh yea, baby oil is liberally used.

Oh by the way you will have access to my ball area to play with.

Ask for a picture of me I will send Via my e-mail account

W******@hotmail.com

~~~

He had me at trust tho I think he meant thrust, and lost me at sink which I assume he meant sync.

I'm glad that the anal play w/ a vibrator is optional - thank you for the consideration, oh and baby oil...for me, awwwww so thoughtful!!!

Ohhh your ballarea yay fun time! I'm love playing w/ balls, but I tend to be a bit aggressive, spiking, hitting, kicking, etc.,

 

[sereneone4u]

At least this one didn't hurt my eyes to read it...

~~~~

Ok get this picture. You on your back in a reclined and relaxed mood. I start to massage your clit in a light gentle touching way using both my hands to excite sensitive areas of your body. As the mood elevates, I mount you and trust my throbbing trungin in your love canal and pick up the tempo with the clit. I have my right arm across your body to continue massage of your clit while pumping my dick in your love canal. We both start a rhythmic motion in sink to elevate the ecstasy. If you have a vibrator that you brought along, ( if no vibrator I just use my other hand ) with my left hand now cross my chest I can massage your anal area with the vibrator. Entry in to the anal canal with the vibrator is optional. The explosion is spectacular. Oh yea, baby oil is liberally used.

Oh by the way you will have access to my ball area to play with.

Ask for a picture of me I will send Via my e-mail account

W******@hotmail.com

~~~

He had me at trust tho I think he meant thrust, and lost me at sink which I assume he meant sync.

I'm glad that the anal play w/ a vibrator is optional - thank you for the consideration, oh and baby oil...for me, awwwww so thoughtful!!!

Ohhh your ballarea yay fun time! I'm love playing w/ balls, but I tend to be a bit aggressive, spiking, hitting, kicking, etc.,

*laughs*

Oh SD, I love you.

 

[Lily13]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s480x480/581202_432331073455324_873043305_n.jpg

This is similar to the one "Does this cloth smell like chloroform?"

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

At least this one didn't hurt my eyes to read it...

~~~~

Ok get this picture. You on your back in a reclined and relaxed mood. I start to massage your clit in a light gentle touching way using both my hands to excite sensitive areas of your body. As the mood elevates, I mount you and trust my throbbing trungin in your love canal and pick up the tempo with the clit. I have my right arm across your body to continue massage of your clit while pumping my dick in your love canal. We both start a rhythmic motion in sink to elevate the ecstasy. If you have a vibrator that you brought along, ( if no vibrator I just use my other hand ) with my left hand now cross my chest I can massage your anal area with the vibrator. Entry in to the anal canal with the vibrator is optional. The explosion is spectacular. Oh yea, baby oil is liberally used.

Oh by the way you will have access to my ball area to play with.

Ask for a picture of me I will send Via my e-mail account

W******@hotmail.com

~~~

He had me at trust tho I think he meant thrust, and lost me at sink which I assume he meant sync.

I'm glad that the anal play w/ a vibrator is optional - thank you for the consideration, oh and baby oil...for me, awwwww so thoughtful!!!

Ohhh your ballarea yay fun time! I'm love playing w/ balls, but I tend to be a bit aggressive, spiking, hitting, kicking, etc.,

He had me at that word I put in red ... I've never seen trungin in an erotic story. I learned something - so for that I feel obligated to show him my appreciation.

 

[Slow Ride469]

He had me at that word I put in red ... I've never seen trungin in an erotic story. I learned something - so for that I feel obligated to show him my appreciation.

if I had a trungin I'd be doing the say thing to you

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

if I had a trungin I'd be doing the say thing to you

See, I thought he wanted "trojan" and he was promoting safe sex and he would have had me there too. Because I am all for safe sex with my computer - I just hope the trojan is large enough to cover this laptop. I don't need cyber babies or cyber STDs either.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

He had me at that word I put in red ... I've never seen trungin in an erotic story. I learned something - so for that I feel obligated to show him my appreciation.

LoL I thought it was a typo b/c I looked it up, and if it's a word it's not a recognised word - at least not per thefreedictionary, urbandictionary, or merriam-webster.

Now I'm wondering if he didn't mean something like turgid member

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

LoL I thought it was a typo b/c I looked it up, and if it's a word it's not a recognised word - at least not per thefreedictionary, urbandictionary, or merriam-webster.

Now I'm wondering if he didn't mean something like turgid member

I checked in Red's Unofficial Literotica Dictionary too - it's not there and I am not going to add it. Unless I get 2000 votes to. lol

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

write a storie about u useing a vacuum cleaner on your shaved pussy and clamps on your nipples please make it solo


Umm... no.

 

[1sickbastard]

write a storie about u useing a vacuum cleaner on your shaved pussy and clamps on your nipples please make it solo


Umm... no.

It was the atrocious grammer that put you off, wasn't it?

 

[BradBigBrain]

write a storie about u useing a vacuum cleaner on your shaved pussy and clamps on your nipples please make it solo


Umm... no.

I thought you liked my suggestions. Sheesh. I was only trying to be creative.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

It was the atrocious grammer that put you off, wasn't it?

Yes, that was it. Good call!

I thought you liked my suggestions. Sheesh. I was only trying to be creative.

If you had made that suggestion earlier we could have put it in the novel!

 

[1sickbastard]

Yes, that was it. Good call!

I always thought a good call would go something like this:

<ring ring, ring ring> (I have a european style phone)
:Ahoy-oy?
:Mr. Bastard?
:This is he. Who are you and why have you called?
:I'm a private attorney. You've been named to receive over 14 million euros in the currancy or negotiable bonds of your choice. If you would come to our offices tomorrow, we can dispose of the necessary paperwork. We've been instructed to send a car and driver around at your earliest convenience.

 

[sugarsmacked]

"Would you like to watch me masturbate?"

Yes, this was an introductory PM. No, "Hi, how are ya?" No, "I felt compelled to write".

Just

"Would you like to watch me masturbate?"

Although that was a warm and heartfelt invitation, I'm afraid that I chose to decline.

 

[palemoon2035]

"I know you are only into women, but...."

But what? Are you going to woo me? Really? Do you think I don't know who I am? Do you think I don't know what I want? Really?

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

I always thought a good call would go something like this:

<ring ring, ring ring> (I have a european style phone)
:Ahoy-oy?
:Mr. Bastard?
:This is he. Who are you and why have you called?
:I'm a private attorney. You've been named to receive over 14 million euros in the currancy or negotiable bonds of your choice. If you would come to our offices tomorrow, we can dispose of the necessary paperwork. We've been instructed to send a car and driver around at your earliest convenience.

That's called a scam.

"Would you like to watch me masturbate?"

Yes, this was an introductory PM. No, "Hi, how are ya?" No, "I felt compelled to write".

Just

"Would you like to watch me masturbate?"

Although that was a warm and heartfelt invitation, I'm afraid that I chose to decline.

I'm glad you could see the warm and heartfelt emotions behind the carefully phrased request. Not many can see that. lol

"I know you are only into women, but...."
But what? Are you going to woo me? Really? Do you think I don't know who I am? Do you think I don't know what I want? Really?

*chuckles* You're on Lit., come on, you don't know what you want.

---

Hello to those I've not had the pleasure of meeting before this. Hope you are all having a nice evening.

 

[sugarsmacked]

I'm glad you could see the warm and heartfelt emotions behind the carefully phrased request. Not many can see that. lol

Yeah, you can't slide much past me.

Thank you for the nice welcome!

 

[palemoon2035]

That's called a scam.




I'm glad you could see the warm and heartfelt emotions behind the carefully phrased request. Not many can see that. lol



*chuckles* You're on Lit., come on, you don't know what you want.

---

Hello to those I've not had the pleasure of meeting before this. Hope you are all having a nice evening.

Oooops, I misread the topic anyway. Maybe I'm just angry tonight. *growls*

My best opening pm...I keep it simple and true...

"Hi, I saw your profile/post and I just had to say hello..." Should I be more clever?

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Yeah, you can't slide much past me.

Thank you for the nice welcome!

You're welcome. Yeah, folks try to slide things by and without the lube too - .

Oooops, I misread the topic anyway. Maybe I'm just angry tonight. *growls*

My best opening pm...I keep it simple and true...

"Hi, I saw your profile/post and I just had to say hello..." Should I be more clever?

You read it right, best and worst. It's just the worst far out number the best most days.

 

[1sickbastard]

That's called a scam.

And a cracking good one!

 

[Scentofawoman]

Got this today.

Hello. I like you.

Would you like to PM?



Yep that was all he wrote.

 

[palemoon2035]

Got this today.

Hello. I like you.

Would you like to PM?



Yep that was all he wrote.

Oh my, I like you too Scentofawoman...would you like to PM? *snickers*

 

[Scentofawoman]

Oh my, I like you too Scentofawoman...would you like to PM? *snickers*

Lol!

I know you and I should talk to him about Species repopulation and the mating habits thereof.

 

[palemoon2035]

Lol!

I know you and I should talk to him about Species repopulation and the mating habits thereof.

That sounds fabulous. Though, I only share conversations about re-population with my closest friends *admiring the confused look on other readers' faces.*

I love when someone simply says "I would love to roleplay."

And?

 

[Pandages]

This is a funny, sad, jackass of a thread. Men and women work in different ways obviously. These guys are obviously not that great at talking to women. There are some guys who do try and just ignored. I myself have read red's guide to chatting up lit women and just get largely ignored. It bites.