You have Answers? I have questions.

[Never]

Why is anal sex associated with BDSM? Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?


Why is it always sadistic dom/mes and masochistic subs? The two don't seem related to me yet I never see sadistic subs or masochistic dom/mes.

 

[WriterDom]

Why is anal sex associated with BDSM? Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?

Good question. I once moved an anal thread to "how to" .

 

[aerofreak]

masochistic dom/mes

did I hear someone calling Me??
how ironic that you posted this today... I had a conversation with a boy today that made Me realize that I'm pretty masochistic, and I am a Domme... I guess I'm about the most screwed up & confused Domme alive at this point, but it's still the truth and now I have to learn to live with it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Because it is an easy way to cause pain and humiliation.

 

[WriterDom]

Because it is an easy way to cause pain and humiliation.

only if you don't know what you are doing.

 

[aerofreak]

only if you don't know what you are doing.

even if you do know what you are doing, it is an easy way to cause someone pain... just cuz you know how to do it, doesn't mean that you'll do it in a way that isn't painful (and no, I would never use it as such... I just know and understand that it is definately possible).

 

[WriterDom]

even if you do know what you are doing, it is an easy way to cause someone pain... just cuz you know how to do it, doesn't mean that you'll do it in a way that isn't painful (and no, I would never use it as such... I just know and understand that it is definately possible).

Fucking a vagina can be painful. Just ask one of Mike Tyson's victims

 

[aerofreak]

Fucking a vagina can be painful. Just ask one of Mike Tyson's victims

I happen to be quite familar with that, actually, I don't need to ask anyone... however, anal (due to stereotypes and taboos) had the added "benifit" of being seen as humiliating.

 

[MissTaken]

Why is anal sex associated with BDSM? Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?


Why is it always sadistic dom/mes and masochistic subs? The two don't seem related to me yet I never see sadistic subs or masochistic dom/mes.

I am going to go out on a limb, here. I am far too tired to make sense and am still engrossed in the fuzzy aftermath of my writing head space, but

Men value their precious asses. Men and the words of men seem to dominate the BDSM/sexual culture. As such, for a man, anal sex could be one of the most painful and humiliating acts to be commited upon them, even though for those who enjoy it, anal sex is sex. So, anal sex seems to make the list of "taboo" activities which then seems to make it a common theme for some's understanding of BDSM.

All conjecture and I may be very wrong.

I think "sadistic sub" is a contradiction in terms. In order to practice sadism, one would need to have control or enjoy control, hence making them a Dom/me or switch.

I have often wondered about maso Dom/mes. Someone who enjoys and gets off on control , but wants their sub to spank them? It must be difficult to find a partner as finding a sub who can engage in a physical act of control, even though they don't have the mental/emotional control would be a challenge.

Phew....I know I am making no sense and will stop back in when I am more lucid.

 

[aerofreak]

Re: Re: You have Answers? I have questions.

I have often wondered about maso Dom/mes. Someone who enjoys and gets off on control , but wants their sub to spank them? It must be difficult to find a partner as finding a sub who can engage in a physical act of control, even though they don't have the mental/emotional control would be a challenge.
[/B]

yeah, I have decided that is the reason that I enjoy switching so much with My Girlfriend...

 

[40_and_frisky]

Re: Re: You have Answers? I have questions.

II think "sadistic sub" is a contradiction in terms. In order to practice sadism, one would need to have control or enjoy control, hence making them a Dom/me or switch.

I have often wondered about maso Dom/mes. Someone who enjoys and gets off on control , but wants their sub to spank them? It must be difficult to find a partner as finding a sub who can engage in a physical act of control, even though they don't have the mental/emotional control would be a challenge.

While I'm not sure if sadistic sub is a contradiction in terms, certainly there are subs that give pain to their Dom/mes as directed. Mine for example. *S* Now, this is a very particular kind of pain that is very pleasurable to me. She doesn't have carte blanche to do anything other than what I tell her to do.

I'm still very much in control when she's hurting me. I get off on pain inflicted by teeth - having my nipples bitten, teeth scraping along my cock, spanking her while she's sucking me so she bites down involunarily, little bites anywhere on me. I tell her when and how to do this, almost always with my hand wrapped tightly in her hair, pulling her head and mouth just where I want it, and pulling it away when I've had enough.

Now, she doesn't see it as hurting me. she's really just giving me pleasure in a different way. I've switched in the past, and know that most common types of pain (spanking, CBT, etc) take me from hard to soft in ten sconds flat. So I don't see myself a masochist except for biting, and she's not a sadist - just a giver of pain when so ordered.

Just my two cents,

Leo

 

[MissTaken]

Thanks, 40_,

I guess when I was typing I was reflecting back to the few times when a Dom wanted me to engage in behavior that I percieve as "top" behavior.

I tried, but couldn't do it.

This may simply fall back into that whole issue of knowing what you want and what your limits are. While this may not be a limit based in safety or yukkiness , it would be a limit for me, just the same.

Keeping it as such, woudl save any potential Dom from disappointment.

Thanks again!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Neither fish nor fowl

I am not sadistic, and I am definitely not masochistic. I do think that labelling a person one or the other is a value judgment based on supposition.

I am however a Domme who has a unique way of dealing with her subs; My way is unique to Me.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Why is anal sex associated with BDSM? Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?

I believe that the association between the two is nonexistent. I think that anal play found its way into BDSM because it is just "kinky". I have found that the majority of the activities listed as BDSM are practiced by so called "vanilla" men and women behind closed doors everyday.

They just balk at the label. I have said it many times, Ihave yet to meet a man who was not kinky. Finding vanillas partners to indulge in the same activities that I indulge in with my subs is very, very easy. Getting them to put a name to what they like is another story.

Eb

 

[lilredwolph]

i personally am a sadomasochist and submissive. i get great pleasure for both receiving and giving pain. i don't feel my enjoyment of giving pain any how reflects on me being submissive.

 

[Wizard]

Why is anal sex associated with BDSM? Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?

I don't think it belongs but I think it got lumped in cause some still think it is a little on the taboo side of things..........Just a thought.

 

[rosco rathbone]

only if you don't know what you are doing.

I propose that I do kno what I'm doing and that any and all pain & humility are fully intentional.

 

[rosco rathbone]

only if you don't know what you are doing.

So I have a D/s relationship now....
....my very first!

Well, really he is domming me in the bedroom only! I do have questions....about anal. As he was the one that introduced me to it, and will be the only one I allow to do it to me....I am wondering: Am I the only one who needs a smallish dildo to be "primed" before a cock is inserted? Also, why is it more pleasureable for me to stand up and bend over, then to be on my belly while receiving it? I do not understand how it can feel pleasureable in the anus....it only feels...full...to me. When things get going fast and hard, then the vibrations or momentum seem to shake my labia (hence my clit)...but that is the only pleasure I detect. Is there something wrong with me?

I think she needs your advice.

 

[zipman]

Why is anal sex associated with BDSM? Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?


Why is it always sadistic dom/mes and masochistic subs? The two don't seem related to me yet I never see sadistic subs or masochistic dom/mes.

You've asked two very good questions, Never. Here are my thoughts on them:


BDSM covers a wide variety of activities, some of which, are strictly BDSM activities and others, like anal sex, which are frequently practiced within BDSM relationships.

While there are propbably more people who indulge in anal sex outside of BDSM, it can be a very powerful BDSM experience. For many, Anal sex is a taboo, something that they feel guilty about indulging in. As a sub, being "commanded" to do them can often free the sub to enjoy it as she "has to" do it. By removing her choice in the matter, you are also removing any "guilt" from the equation. As a Dom, Anal sex can a powerful of dominating a sub. While I could ensure that every second of anal sex with a sub is enjoyable, there are times when I want there to be some pain when I begin, as it heightens the feelings of submission in a sub. Then, when her whimpers turn to lustful moans of desire, it is much more enjoyable for me.


As for the question of sadistic Dom/mes and masochistic subs, I think those tend to be norms withing the BDSM community. Most Dom/mes are not masochistic, and most subs are not sadistic. These are not absolutes however, as others have posted. However, I think there are clear majorities that follow this pattern.

I think the non-masochistic subs and non-sadistic Dom/mes tend to be more interested in the BD side of BDSM. Therefore, the infliction or recieving of pain wouldn't necessarily play into their lifestyle. In more of an S&M relationship, the giver of pain is usually the one controlling the scene, so it kind of follows that a Dom/me would be the sadistic one. Of course, a Dom/me could also instruct a sub to inflict pain on them while maintaining the structure of Power Exchange in the relationship.

Just my thoughts on the subject! Btw, good to see you posting here again, Never.

 

[Lancecastor]

1.Why is anal sex associated with BDSM?

2. Half the people I know who engage in anal play are frightened of traveling onto this board. So how did the association come about?


3. Why is it always sadistic dom/mes and masochistic subs? The two don't seem related to me yet I never see sadistic subs or masochistic dom/mes.

1. I think that if you asked "Who do you associate with anal sex?" on Family Feud, the top answer would be "Gay Men", then "Kinky Couples", then "BDSM".

2. I don't think anal play and fear of the LIt BDSM board are directly related. I think most of the anal fear comes from the fucking arseholes who started the BDSM Forum. Ha! That and the fear of lableing yourself a Freak with the other boobs on the GB if you post here...because, as you know, there's just as many kinky people on the GB as the BDSM Forum.

3. I think D/s and S&M do have a natural generalization/pairing as DomSadist males with submaso women, but of course not everyone fits into one of two roles. Domination might very well be inextribably tied to Sadism and submission to masochism for that matter, each with ranges of of correlation....with it simply being unPC to admit it.

Lance

 

[rosco rathbone]

Re: Re: You have Answers? I have questions.

You've asked two very good questions, Never. Here are my thoughts on them:


BDSM covers a wide variety of activities, some of which, are strictly BDSM activities and others, like anal sex, which are frequently practiced within BDSM relationships.

While there are propbably more people who indulge in anal sex outside of BDSM, it can be a very powerful BDSM experience. For many, Anal sex is a taboo, something that they feel guilty about indulging in. As a sub, being "commanded" to do them can often free the sub to enjoy it as she "has to" do it. By removing her choice in the matter, you are also removing any "guilt" from the equation. As a Dom, Anal sex can a powerful of dominating a sub. While I could ensure that every second of anal sex with a sub is enjoyable, there are times when I want there to be some pain when I begin, as it heightens the feelings of submission in a sub. Then, when her whimpers turn to lustful moans of desire, it is much more enjoyable for me.


As for the question of sadistic Dom/mes and masochistic subs, I think those tend to be norms withing the BDSM community. Most Dom/mes are not masochistic, and most subs are not sadistic. These are not absolutes however, as others have posted. However, I think there are clear majorities that follow this pattern.

I think the non-masochistic subs and non-sadistic Dom/mes tend to be more interested in the BD side of BDSM. Therefore, the infliction or recieving of pain wouldn't necessarily play into their lifestyle. In more of an S&M relationship, the giver of pain is usually the one controlling the scene, so it kind of follows that a Dom/me would be the sadistic one. Of course, a Dom/me could also instruct a sub to inflict pain on them while maintaining the structure of Power Exchange in the relationship.

Just my thoughts on the subject! Btw, good to see you posting here again, Never.

In other words, "what I said".

 

[Bondagebunni]

Re: Neither fish nor fowl

I am however a Domme who has a unique way of dealing with her subs; My way is unique to Me.

Eb

side note: would you mind too terribly much elaborating on that somewhere? i is very interested now...

 

[Never]

I'd like to thank everyone for asking. I would have responded sooner but those damned holidays get in the way.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Neither fish nor fowl

side note: would you mind too terribly much elaborating on that somewhere? i is very interested now...

My point was that I do things My way, and I interview subs who are the types who respond well to My way.

I have posted in specifics (up to a point) on some of the threads. Try searching the Ask the Dom/mes thread, and the Control threads.

Eb