Writing a good BDSM personals ad

[BiBunny]

Now I'm starting to wonder if my personals ad is any good. I'm not so concerned about the one over at CollarMe (LOL), but I'm wondering about my Lit ad. Dammit, Cutie, you've got me thinking, and that's not a good thing!

 

[Marquis]

Don't be afraid to toot your own horn. Play to your strengths.

Ha ha, awesome av!

 

[neonflux]

I'd apply my snobbishly narrow standards to clients, and only write for people who wanted to minimize the HNG factor.

*brain hamsters start spinning the squeaky wheels*

So, how much are you charging? And how good are you at injecting a little irony into a profile? Mine always feel just too damn earnest, LOL.

Neon

P.S., This is an almost earnest request. I've just found OKCupid.com and am looking to attract women, in particular subby/bottomy switches...

 

[saw_man1]

P.S., This is an almost earnest request. I've just found OKCupid.com and am looking to attract women, in particular subby/bottomy switches...

Have you tried the swinger sites?

 

[catalina_francisco]

And, how would you all let people know you're not too experienced in some things (e.g. giving pain) without sounding like you're not confident or good enough to create an enjoyable experience? Or would you say anything about this at all in your profile?

I think honesty is always the way to go and so the way we have managed inexperience in things we want to experience is we state we have little or no experience in that area and wish to gain some with either someone experienced or not, while also highlighting what experience we do have in other areas which shows we are not totally green and dreaming. We also mention that we will insist on the use of safewords which demonstrates a desire to explore safely as well as understanding others are entitled to their limits and being able to indicate when they feel they have gone as far as they wish to without fearing rejection etc.

Catalina

 

[Brandii]

This is my collarme ad: I've had lots of positive feedback and support from Doms: I assume it's the Doms calling me *girl* all the time. I'm finding Doms talk differently. Their conversations are to the point...I'm waffling, again....

This is my ad:
"Shy, inexperienced in r/t submission practises, somewhat insecure, high maintenence, still has mind of her own, can be rebellious-will have to watched for *disobedience.*
Not new to online submission. Had American Dom for 8 months (still in touch), couple of short lived Aussie mentors. Last one ended because he was married. (I had a moral problem with that. Single Doms suit me better.)

Guys, please don't assume that just because a woman takes her time in choosing her new Dom that she is *playing games.*

I am what most BDSMers call a 'newbie,' but I have been around the sites long enough to know that if am not careful with the man I choose to be alone with something awful can happen to me.

If I appear slow in reacting to you: slower than you think I should as a sub, please make allowances for inexperience and a certain amount of fear. I have to work through the lists of *Doms* who contact me to work out who is real and who is not.
Telling me that you are a real Dom does not help as the HNG says that too.

I am not interested in being any male's one or two night stand: I want to be in a real relationship with a real Dom. Someone who will take the time to get to know me and my little ways. Someone who wants to know where my triggers are. Someone who having spent enough time with me can see when I'm in distress or am frightened and will STOP. I really need someone who will go slowly for reasons I will explain to my Dom when it is appropriate.

I am not your average 49 year old: I am inexperienced both socially and sexually and I am also highly impressionable.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that being careful and wanting to take our time does not make us liars or fake subs."

 

[neonflux]

Have you tried the swinger sites?

Thanks for the suggestion! It might work if I were looking for men or couples, but in my experience, they don't work for kinky, nor do they work for truly "queer" vs. bi-curious women (a totally different animal)! And while I am not looking for the female "love of my life" right now (I have enough on my plate solidifying my relationship with ~D), I am looking for someone (or a couple of someones) with whom I can also be close friends.

I have tried posting on Craig's List (not as creepy here as elsewhere, and fake women are easy to spot) and had some luck finding friends, but it's only Dominant (vs. switch or sub) women who have contacted me and I've never seen truly subby women posting.

Anyway, I seem to be having luck so far with OKCupid. Currently talking to two women. I also need to redo my profile for Nerve/On Our Backs... (On Our Backs is exclusively women and allows one to list BDSM as a category of interest.)

Neon

 

[xssve]

The stuff about personals ad red flags and best of the wrost personals ads got me thinking today... what would your advice be to someone trying to write a kink-friendly personals ad, to improve the odds of finding their own version of Mr/Ms Right (whatever that might be)?

Skip the middleman and e-mail me directly.

 

[mickyp123]

The stuff about personals ad red flags and best of the wrost personals ads got me thinking today... what would your advice be to someone trying to write a kink-friendly personals ad, to improve the odds of finding their own version of Mr/Ms Right (whatever that might be)?

How about just being honest yoursef, and ask those replying to do the same, the one that i saw you had done was good, i think then when you get the responses you will get a "gut" feeling, then take it from there

 

[TallMan60]

(Insomnia is annoying...)

When I wrote my ad, I boiled it down to a few salient points:

How I viewed the D/s dymanic
What I had to offer/was interested in with regards to BDSM
What I wanted in a Lover as a person, not just as a Dominant
What I had to offer as a person, not just a submissive

I also took the 30 minutes or so to fill out the CollarMe profile thing with what I was interested in/limits, and also filled out all the hobbies, etc stuff, because I wanted people to be able to get a feel for who I am... which means my personals ad read like it was written by a kinky prude - which it was. tone of my ad set the bar really freaking high, but I was looking to attract a very specific sort of man and hoped the big words and proper sentence structure would confuse all the HNGs, so I figured high standards from the get go would pay off. (and boy howdee did it pay off. )

I had never heard of HNG before reading this post. And now I know. And it made me smile and laugh.

 

[zoe8]

I had never heard of HNG before reading this post. And now I know. And it made me smile and laugh.

I also had to google HNG, though I laughed outloud when I read the definition. I've definitely ran into a few HNGs in my time.

 

[Primalex]

I had never heard of HNG before reading this post. And now I know. And it made me smile and laugh.

Well, you must be one, if you have the time to read 2 year old threads.

 

[ataxia.girl]

People who basically make a laundry list or detailed descriptions of exactly what they want are a big turn off to me.

They make it seem like they don't really care about getting to know someone. They just want to make check marks on their list of desired qualities.

Daddy's ad was very short. i think it said something like "I want what I want. Maybe that's you."

When it turned out he did want me it wasn't because i tried to fit his list or be whatever he wanted, since he never said. He just said he wanted me, however i am.

 

[DVS]

Didn't have much luck at Collarme. Well, to be truthful, I didn't have much luck anywhere. But, Collarme is free, so I thought I'd get a lot of replies, just from the cheap women. I didn't get shit.

In fact, I had to send out messages and ask people to read my profile. Some would read my message, but some actually deleted it without reading it. They have that notification on their messages, so you know if someone opened it or not. Now why would someone delete a message without even reading it?

But when you're a woman, you get Gobs, if not TONS of messages. Then, you have to filter through them all, catching the sickos, the wannabes, the turds, the louses, the 14 year olds and the losers.

Now, I'm rethinking the point I made that I didn't get any replies to my profile.

 

[DVS]

I'm re-writing my CollarMe ad currently, and was considering asking this very question here, so thanks, Cutie!

I agree, I always enjoy seeing some humor in ads because I want someone with a sense of humor. I've seen a few that are one joke after another; those usually seem forced, or are a turn-off because I also want someone who can be serious and doesn't mind that I'm often serious.

Good spelling and grammar are a must for me - I'm not likely to get along with someone who can't type out "you," proofread their ad, or break up paragraphs so it looks nice and is easy to read. Maybe that's because it gives me the impression of laziness, a lack of effort or seriousness about finding someone on their part. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it I'll pass it by if it's laden with textspeak or errors.

I also want to see a description of who someone is and what they're looking for, or at least enough information to give me something to go on in subsequent conversations. The profiles with a few sentences or "I'll get around to filling this in someday" also show a lack of effort/interest, and therefore repel me.

I'm really interested in what subs/pyls look for - the more specific the better.

And, how would you all let people know you're not too experienced in some things (e.g. giving pain) without sounding like you're not confident or good enough to create an enjoyable experience? Or would you say anything about this at all in your profile?

Didn't Ted Bundy have a good sense of humor? ...just sayin'.