Would you switch?

[kajiraahava]

Has anyone had the desire to permanently "switch" their identity from Dominant type to submissive type?

What is the general consensus on actually being a "switch" on a regular basis?

How does being a "switch" affect your 24/7 arrangements?

Please do share, I would like to hear from those who have always been Dominant or submissive. Even more interesting, though, are those of you who have permanently changed or who change on a regular basis. Thank you.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Nope.

I'm submissive and nothing is more uncomfortable for me than to be in a sexually dominant position with a man. It just doesn't work for me.

 

[WolfShadow73]

Nope.

I'm submissive and nothing is more uncomfortable for me than to be in a sexually dominant position with a man. It just doesn't work for me.

Im with you. Although...that doesnt mean I wont play rough when Im caught up in the moment, as in scratching, biting etc....so maybe there's a switch in there somewhere...but...I really dont think so....

 

[A Desert Rose]

Im with you. Although...that doesnt mean I wont play rough when Im caught up in the moment, as in scratching, biting etc....so maybe there's a switch in there somewhere...but...I really dont think so....

I know what you're saying and it's good that we aren't all the same. ;-) Diversity is what makes us stronger.

Unlike you, when I get 'caught up in the moment,' I can't be agressive. Well, I can't be sexually agressive really, ever. I'm not even comfortable initiating sex.

But God, I love to be played with rough. LOL

 

[myinnerslut]

i hate switching... but i know some people who are perfectly comfortable with it... so to each thier own

 

[WolfShadow73]

I know what you're saying and it's good that we aren't all the same. ;-) Diversity is what makes us stronger.

Unlike you, when I get 'caught up in the moment,' I can't be agressive. Well, I can't be sexually agressive really, ever. I'm not even comfortable initiating sex.

But God, I love to be played with rough. LOL

Oh gods yes! NOTHING beats being manhandled and thrown around like a rag doll sexually.....Mmmmmmmm.....makes me feel so....desired....loved....and oddly enough protected and safe

 

[SpectreT]

Hello.

If you're interested in information about Switching, or Switches, here's my old thread on the topic, lots of good stuff in there, if you can get around me being giddy and goofy...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=69523&page=1&pp=25

In my own defense, we were all pretty excited about having a whole forum to work with, after having been confined to one long, rambling thread.

***

Based on my observations, Switching within a relationship isn't all that common, really, except between two inexperienced people who are still finding their identity. (Not to say it isn't done - and for me it would be the ideal relationship). For me, personally, Switching has more to do with the fact that I have very different feelings when dealing with different people. If a person is submissive, my dominant urges come to the fore. If they are dominant, my submissive side comes out. So, there's no "permanence" of role to discuss, short of being in a long term relationship with someone who's polarized one way or another. And as I've said before, I'm not sure how well that's work out for me. being in one state or the other exclusively would feel like I've amputated an entire aspect of my self, for the sake of a relationship.

 

[chris9]

I can get enjoyment out of being the dominant one. Especially tying him up, teasing him (he's not big on the pain thing). But it's like 'wow, that's fun, look what funny faces he's making'. It's a power rush, and I like the feeling. I don't get sexually turned on by it, though. I do it every once in a while when he asks me to (and then I do whatever I feel like doing), but wouldn't out of my own accord.

 

[kajiraahava]

Hello.

If you're interested in information about Switching, or Switches, here's my old thread on the topic, lots of good stuff in there, if you can get around me being giddy and goofy...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=69523&page=1&pp=25

Oh, I am so sorry for starting a new thread. Thank you for the link!

For some reason today, this topic was on my mind. I felt that it would begin an interesting and lively conversation, as many posters here have such diverse thoughts.

I'm submissive and nothing is more uncomfortable for me than to be in a sexually dominant position with a man. It just doesn't work for me.

I certainly agree. Regardless of the relationship type, D/s or not, I do not find it enjoyable to be in the dominant position. As several have mentioned, this is completely separate from the style of play, be it rough or whatever. (Although, rough sounds good to me too. )

Personally, I feel that our inherent needs determine on which end of the crop we belong. However, that being said, perhaps I could be convinced to do some role-playing as the top/dominant one. That would be the extent of it, for me, I would strictly be role-playing. I am not even certain that I could RP for a Dom with whom I have an established relationship.

I would love to hear more current thoughts.

 

[CutieMouse]

No need to apologize from creating a new thread. New faces; new ideas, and all that.

Once upon a time I felt I was 100% submissive, but I'm not so sure anymore. I have grown in a zillion different directions over the last year, and have decided a Friend was right when he told me I have the makings of a good Domme- that part of me is pretty deeply burried, not something I'm quite comfortable with, and not terribly confidant about, but it's there.

I seriously doubt I'd flip a switch once day and no longer want to be submissive in a relationship, but I doubt just as deeply, that I'd ever want a relationship where my submissive side was always "on"... the annoying thing about tapping into that deeply burried part of myself, is I don't suspect there are too many switch-happy Dominants in the universe, so finding a Lover might become an interesting task.

(Totally off topic randomness... one should not attempt to write a brief history of a particular translation of the Bible, whilst listening to Greenday... not good music for the task...)

 

[SpectreT]

No need to apologize at all - that's a four-year-old thread, buried beyond all belief. No way someone's going to find it unless they know what to look for. I just figured a lot of answers from those of us who have switched, and the questions we aked, might be of some use to you as well.

 

[Shankara20]

Has anyone had the desire to permanently "switch" their identity from Dominant type to submissive type?

What is the general consensus on actually being a "switch" on a regular basis?

How does being a "switch" affect your 24/7 arrangements?

Please do share, I would like to hear from those who have always been Dominant or submissive. Even more interesting, though, are those of you who have permanently changed or who change on a regular basis. Thank you.

I came into BDSM as a bottom. After a few years I wanted to Top every now and them, Ma'am trained me and I was becoming more a switch than a bottom. This was fine for several years. Then Ma'am had a major meltdown and took me with her - it took 4 years to sort out and now, after another 3 years, I just do not feel safe as a bottom. Under the right set of who/what/when/where I might bottom for one night. I still call myself in my profile a switch, and I can play around here every now and then with some bottoming jokes, but in truth I will only Top.

Is that any help?

Shank

 

[kajiraahava]

Thank you everyone for the effort in your posts. Again, this is simply for discussion purposes. It is an area of BDSM of which I am completely ignorant.

I find this topic quite interesting, although it is not particularly my cup of tea. However, that being said, it is my goal to never rule anything out completely. I certainly do not wish to eat my words.

Please, if you are a switch, speak up. I would be interested in learning about your life if you are in a 24/7 type living arrangement. Perhaps, I would like to know about 2 switches in a committed relationship. Is this a "play" thing for you, or is it the basis of your relationship?

If you are not a switch yourself, do you have friends or acquaintences who are either part-time or full-time switches? Would it be possible to discuss your observations? WITHOUT providing any potentially identifiable information, of course.

(mini-hijack: CutieMouse, no biblical translation going on here at this time. I heeded your advice. FYI - I am not listening to Greenday either. )

 

[FurryFury]

*sings*

"I won't switch.
Don't ask me."

LOL!

I think anyone who won't AT LEAST try it once, even as a task assigned or simply because their partner wants to, is pretty sadly inflexible. I don't consider myself a switch but one has to try to please the other IMO.

Fury

 

[Esclava]

I am in a part-time relationship with a Dom/me couple where I Switch with a handful of submissives (both male and female). It started when we encountered a submissive who thought submission meant to fight, kick and scream as we tried to make her do as we asked and I asked for permission to teach her what was acceptable. Turns out, it wasn't acceptable to her and we've never seen her again. But, I realized that I have needs that are fed when I Domme.

Switching is very personal. Lots of people talk about the fantasy of it, but IMO, only those who do serious soul searching and know WHY they switch - make the best Switches. Whether full or part time, Switches are responding to needs and desires and they control that aspect of themselves.

Don't get me wrong, Switches can still be very humble and obedient submissives. Those who have done the soul searching know how to shift gears. My Dom/me couple adores watching me shift - from sub to Domme and back - in the same session. It is a matter of being commanded by Sir/Ma'am and obediently responding.

Mine is not the only way to be - but the level of submission that is acceptable to my Dom/me couple is also what I like. I desire a relationship which includes an exclusive Dom and sub to my Switch. Perhaps it will happen ... perhaps not, but I won't stop seeking such. So, yes, I Switch on a regular basis - and I love every minute of it!

Esclava

 

[A Desert Rose]

*sings*

"I won't switch.
Don't ask me."

LOL!

I think anyone who won't AT LEAST try it once, even as a task assigned or simply because their partner wants to, is pretty sadly inflexible. I don't consider myself a switch but one has to try to please the other IMO.

Fury

I have tried it. That's how I can find it uncomfortable for me. So, who exactly are you calling "inflexible"?

 

[FurryFury]

I have tried it. That's how I can find it uncomfortable for me. So, who exactly are you calling "inflexible"?

Not you certainly since you have tried it! It was a general statement not directed at any particular person. I just think people should be more open to at least trying things for the person they care about that's all.

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

Has anyone had the desire to permanently "switch" their identity from Dominant type to submissive type?

What is the general consensus on actually being a "switch" on a regular basis?

How does being a "switch" affect your 24/7 arrangements?

Please do share, I would like to hear from those who have always been Dominant or submissive. Even more interesting, though, are those of you who have permanently changed or who change on a regular basis. Thank you.

I have and still do switch, but it more S&M. I'm a pain junkie whether it is giving or receiving. So, there are times I force my alpha to "punish me" for the high. He's not really the Dominant type so it's really kind of a sight to behold. "Hit me" No, harder" What are you a pussy?!?" "Harder!"

 

[A Desert Rose]

Not you certainly since you have tried it! It was a general statement not directed at any particular person. I just think people should be more open to at least trying things for the person they care about that's all.

Fury

I answered the question as it was presented... Would you switch? I answered it.

I've never felt uncomfortable in this community as a submissive before tonight. I almost feel as though I should be apologizing because I don't like/want to switch. This thread appears to be more geared to switches and switching. I guess a place where I don't belong posting.

These are MY feelings. I don't judge anyone else for their sexual choices. I don't know if someone is being inflexible, intolerant or a genuine asshole. I just know what feels best for ME. I've been in this 'lifestyle' for more than a couple of years and I know how best to walk in my skin.

There seem to be a lot of switches here. Probably more than there are submissives. It's not my thing. Again MY thing. Others make choices that work for them. So do I.

 

[kajiraahava]

A Desert Rose:
I have said that I feel that our inherent needs determine on which end of the crop we belong. You are in touch with your needs, even going so far as to attempt (switch) that which is not within your comfort zone.

To imply that my question was any more or less than an exploration or discussion, by limiting to only those who are currently switching is simply inaccurate.

CutieMouse:

I have grown in a zillion different directions over the last year...

I believe that there is an amazing amount of room for personal growth in the lifestyle. As with any "alternative" lifestyle, there is seldom a "planned route" to follow, which has been lain out by our parents.

…don't suspect there are too many switch-happy Dominants in the universe

You have touched on something that is quite interesting. That had not even occurred to me; however, I feel you may have touche on something completely valid. Oh, you have brought about a NEW question! I absolutely must have more dominants weigh in.

Shankara20:

I came into BDSM as a bottom. After a few years I wanted to Top every now and them, Ma'am trained me and I was becoming more a switch than a bottom. This was fine for several years. Then Ma'am had a major meltdown and took me with her - it took 4 years to sort out and now, after another 3 years, I just do not feel safe as a bottom.

My heart goes out to you, although I am certain that was not your desired response. I simply cannot imagine that volume of confusion and pain. When, as a sub, you place your entire wellbeing in the hands of a PYL (I have been perusing older articles and I love this expression!) only to find yourself in such a predicament, no words could even touch your experience.

It is also distressing that you feel unsafe as a “pyl”. Your trust was previously shattered, possibly causing you to cast off a part of yourself that would otherwise bring you great joy. I am glad that you are in a happy place now.

FurryFury:

I think anyone who won't AT LEAST try it once, even as a task assigned or simply because their partner wants to, is pretty sadly inflexible. I don't consider myself a switch but one has to try to please the other IMO.

First, I have read many of your posts and genuinely appreciate your candor You are freethinker, which I thoroughly enjoy.

I am a subscriber of the philosophy that in many situations one must try something to make a decision regarding its’ personal value. It seems that many, if not most; here HAVE attempted being on “the other end of the crop” – regardless of what specific end that may be for them.

Please accept my humor when I say, I do not have to cut off my arm to know that I would not enjoy the experience.

Esclava:

“Those who have done the soul searching know how to shift gears. My Dom/me couple adores watching me shift - from sub to Domme and back - in the same session.

Your experience and enjoyment thereof is wonderful. There is much to be acquired from your words. Please excuse me if I misinterpret your intended meaning. I have extracted the portion of your post that provides an interesting point to the conversation.

This is the heart of my inquiry. I felt there would be someone in our bunch who experienced this, even comfortably. Yours is a position for one who is highly adaptable. To get to the heart of yourself to that degree, discovering your needs on both ends of the spectrum, is a special gift.


LadyAria:
Your description provides me with an excellent mental picture! HA! On a serious note, yours brings forth an even more thorough picture of ones needs. Thank you.

I will add for the benefit of everyone, this is a general discussion for each person to share his or her likes, dislikes, and stories. I am, personally, most interested by personal accounts because that answers my endless question of “why”.

 

[sweetgirl666]

I always ended up being the dominant partner in sexual relationships. Not labeled out in the D/s context, but I was the one who called the shots. No questions asked. If I wanted to do it, it was done, not the other way around. Just happened with the guys I went out with. When I met a few years ago a partner that was a Dom I was in heaven, I just loved being the submissive.

Would I go back to being Top? Maybe, in time. I have no desiree for it currently, and I do not see myself doing it anytime soon, I just enjoy being submissive way too much. I kept dominance for my life outside of the bedroom.
I personally feel that a true D/s relationship needs so much trust and knowledge of each other that constant switching would demote it to nothing more than a kinky vanilla relationship. I mean, do you draw straws on who gets to be top that day?

 

[SpectreT]

Most of my answers were in that other thread, and several other places, but here it goes again.

Quite some time ago, a girlfriend and I began exploring some kinks. Mostly spanking, but my fascinations with bondage and crossdressing crept in as well. When we got started, she was the "Top", if you will, and I got quite a few spankings. She got more and more curious about my end of things, so we flipped. It wasn't that big a deal at the time, since this was all kinky foreplay, with emphasis on play.

She got deeper and deeper into the submissive side of things, which was okay, mostly. I missed the other side, but not badly enough to bitch about it. Things in that relationship fell apart later, largely due to my inability to display jealousy, which she took as indifference.

Looking back on it, later, reading the BDSM thread, and applying some of my introspection, led me to understand more that I got fulfilment from both roles, and where that fulfilment comes from. And that it doesn't just apply to kinky bedroom games; it's a whole personality type.

Or, rather, two personality types. Which one comes to the fore is dependent upon which one I'm dealing with. I tend to display the complementary personality type, rather than the same personality type, though.

 

[Etoile]

I have acted as a dominant on two or three occasions, always at command of my own Daddy. I am able to enjoy it because I view it for what it is: another type of service. I am clumsy and timid when I do it, because it's not who I really am and I don't know how it all works, but I do it with pleasure because it's what I have been told to do. I almost think that a sub who says "oh no, I could never top anyone" is selling themself short, because I think that when given the proper motivation - ie, being told to do it! - it is possible for a sub to be a top for a short while.

 

[Esclava]

<snip>I personally feel that a true D/s relationship needs so much trust and knowledge of each other that constant switching would demote it to nothing more than a kinky vanilla relationship. I mean, do you draw straws on who gets to be top that day?

I agree about the deep trust and knowledge within the D/s relationship ...and no, there is no straw drawing in my relationship. For me, I think it might be difficult to Switch with my Dom/me - never tried it, ummmm ... maybe I will. But that's why we have subs to enjoy and why I feel very comfortable with the concept of a D/S/s relationship.

Esclava

 

[SpectreT]

<snip>
I personally feel that a true D/s relationship needs so much trust and knowledge of each other that constant switching would demote it to nothing more than a kinky vanilla relationship. I mean, do you draw straws on who gets to be top that day?

...and this is the confusion that colors attitudes towards switches. Or rather, the perception that we're flakes or dilletantes, somehow less committed to our kinks because we posess aspects of both personality types.

To answer the flippant question about "drawing straws", I guess it depends. If one partner is heavily polarized, no, there's obviously no need. I suppose one or the other could get restless in their current role, if they each truly do have both personality types on board. Then a flip would need to be negotiated.

Some Switches have triggers, some have moods, some stay in one role for years, until they do get restless. Some, like me, adapt to their partner's type, become the yin to their yang, if you will.

The question is, what's most important to you (I mean the generic "you")? Is it having the name or label "Dominant" or "Submissive"? Is such a neat and tidy package of the role necessary to being a BDSMer? Or is the important part that someone's getting tied up, beaten, ordered around, dressed in silly costumes, whatever expression the dominance and submission take in their relationship? Is it terribly important which partner is in which role, and that they stay there all their lives? Or is the important part that they know themsleves and each other?