Would anyone recognize you as a Dom/me or sub in a casual, everyday atmosphere?

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

With a nod to Miss T, I'll get this one started. Nope. I blend. I look like an average person. You would probably never even notice me on the street, unless you had a penchant for dark-eyed, big-assed, busty brunettes. LOL. Then you might look. I might look back. In fact, I'd probably stare back. I don't act much like a sub in my 'nilla life, or at work, or at the grocery store. I don't walk around with my eyes staring at the floor. I don't wear my collar around town. I wonder what people expect that we do? I'm just an ordinary woman for the most part. The submissive lies just underneath my skin. Waiting. His touch, His look, a nod, His voice....the internal collar is there, when the real one isn't.

 

[WynEternal]

Same for me. The collar is always around my heart, and in my heart, I am collared to one. That person knows who they are. I do not go around proclaiming myself as a slave. I am a naturally shy, introverted person, but that does not shout "submissive."

 

[MysCynthia]

I very much doubt anyone would think I am a Domme. My manner in public is somewhat different than my manner in private can be. There are some who think of me as bossy or a bitch, does that qualify?

 

[WynEternal]

LOL

If bossy and bitchy were the only qualifications, than I think most women would be seen as a Domme when pmsing.

hehe

 

[meria_serves]

Nope. Like the OP, i don't wear a big sign that says "i'm a submissive - use me". my submission belongs to One only.

In fact, if you were to guess .... i'd say the vast majority might think i was Domme! In my public life, i'm very Type A - organized, managerial, task-oriented.

Who knew that underneath all that take-charge was a submissive dying to get out?

 

[Richard49]

If you are a submissive or had the thoughts you proably would guess I am a Dom. When I walk into a room/meeting/etc. I "take over" without attempting to.

Just say I give off vibs

 

[lektra]

You couldn't tell me in public. As a matter of fact, most would probably think I wa a Domme and not submissive a'tall. I'm one of those *gasp* feminists, and terribly independant, kind of a bitch really (in a good way, I think). Which is not to say that subs are not these things, just that people don't expect or even believe that I have a submissive streak a mile wide . I think to most people, they confuse being submissive with being weak.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I've been told I have sub tendencies.. like looking down when complimented, and being always ready to serve...

so I look normal, but my mannerisms are very submissive

 

[meria_serves]

Ah Richard - that's a good point. i do respond to "in charge" men, so likely would suspect You might be Dom - or at least have Dom-like tendencies.

In turn, You would probably pick up on my sub vibes, as they are quite evident to those "in the know".

 

[Richard49]

You couldn't tell me in public. As a matter of fact, most would probably think I wa a Domme and not submissive a'tall. I'm one of those *gasp* feminists, and terribly independant, kind of a bitch really (in a good way, I think). Which is not to say that subs are not these things, just that people don't expect or even believe that I have a submissive streak a mile wide . I think to most people, they confuse being submissive with being weak.

This behavior is what tells me that the woman I am talking to is or wishes she was a submissive
'

 

[Richard49]

Ah Richard - that's a good point. i do respond to "in charge" men, so likely would suspect You might be Dom - or at least have Dom-like tendencies.

In turn, You would probably pick up on my sub vibes, as they are quite evident to those "in the know".

and what are you like when an "in charge man" is not around?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I look like me

Whatever that means.

Do I look like what I do for a living? No. Do I look like a mother? Or a grandmother? People draw the conclusions they want to. At least that is what I have found to be true. YMMV.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

With looking at only my personiality, I'd have to say no. Most people or any at all wouldn't reconize me to be a submissive at all. I am very out spoken and the 'take charge' type of person. I can be aggressive and *gasp* yes, even cocky. All that is all natural. Well, for me anyhow.


Back to the point...

People will always form an impression of you no matter what you do. It's almost impossible to really know one's feelings on D/s with out verbal communication. IMO anyhow.

 

[meria_serves]

and what are you like when an "in charge man" is not around?

Ahhh, Richard - in my haste to get out the door, i mis-spoke. i should have said ...

i tend to respond to Masters or Mistresses in Whom, for sexual reasons or otherwise, i have an interest. my community would tell You that i certainly don't respond submissively to All.

Otherwise, i'm your typical woman of the new millenium - trading career for more time at home and in self-fulfilling activities, such as worship and volunteerism. Of course, i do tend to take charge of these sorts of projects.

 

[trainee_sub]

would anyone recognize you as a Dom/me or sub in a casual, everyday atmosphere

I am submissive and as to if other's could tell, well that
would depend on where i was and what i was doing.

At a function or in company yes probably (if you knew what to look for) i am always the one in the kitchen or sorting out food and drink (i think that's why we get invited to so many family parties lol) making sure everyone has what they need.

In the work place no when i'm working i take my job seriously and do it to the best of my ability so i can appear forceful.

At home with two teenagers and an adorable monster most definitely not.

 

[Richard49]

At home with two teenagers and an adorable monster most definitely not.

Adorable monster?

 

[NemoAlia]

Sometimes I like to believe that certain people recognize my submissive side. I don't know if they actually can, though, since I am often in a leadership role.

Still, even when I'm doing the leading, I usually shy away from being the most outspoken. I tend to do only what needs to be done, what nobody else has taken care of. So maybe this is a submissive thing -- hard to tell.

 

[NemoAlia]

But here's a question:

All self-analysis aside, how many of us have successfully recognized a Dom/me, sub, or switch in our 'nilla lives? (I mean, you later found out that they really were what you thought they were.) We might think we're easy to spot (or difficult, depending on the situation) but how good are we (the ones in the know) at picking out those characteristics in other people?

 

[MissTaken]

I think that someone experienced in the lifestyle who has met many submissives would recognize that part of my personality to some degree.

No, there are no glaring signs, in fact, I present as very conservative and assertive. My assertiveness does lack a certain edge to it, that might be recognizable to some.

 

[lektra]

This behavior is what tells me that the woman I am talking to is or wishes she was a submissive
'

hmmm, I'm not sure how to take that.....

 

[Justina123]

If the other folks at the office where I work knew what the terms "dominant" and "submissive" meant, I'm sure they'd have me pegged as a sub in a minute.

I am a secretary/assistant to a very successful attorney and I take a fair amount of criticism at the office for what I consider to be manifestations of my natural submissive, service-oriented personality. Yes, I do not mind at all bringing him a cup of coffee in the morning or clearing his lunch mess up when he has to rush out of the office to catch a plane. I will often say "Yes, sir" and do not find his downright obsession with teeny tiny points of grammar and wanting documents to be formatted and written a certain way annoying- he's the boss and it's my job to do it the way he wants and to his high standard. The other secretaries all say my boss is a great guy but they could never in a million years work for him.

I think my submissive personality works well for me- while at the same time I am quite good at my job and assertive when needed with clients, etc. He appreciates and respects my work, is generous with bonuses, and is always polite and sometimes very humorous. So in some ways it's a great d/s friendship with absolutely no sexual overtones.

- justina

 

[James G 5]

I think that from both my own perspective as a Dominant and a LOT of time spent with lifestyle folk I tend to pick up on verbal cues, mannerisms, bits of dress, etc etc that others might miss & that can often give me a good idea
But you can never be 100% if someone doesn't come out and say something
If it's someone I'm interested in I will try to drop hints or phrases to see how they respond...things folks "not in the know" wouldn't get or would think were jokes
I have ALSO seen a tendency, especially among younger people who're first getting in to "the lifestyle" (such as it is) to see "hints" and "signs" EVERYWHERE. They think they can "tell" who or what everyone around them is. This's pretty natural....they're just coming to something new, and it fills their need to fit in & feel "normal" to feel others around them are all in to the same things

my .02

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I am very much enjoying reading everyone's responses. Justina, yours especially reminded me of something in my life. I, as an operating room nurse, have to be especially organized, confident, and yes, at times, domineering, in order to get my patient the appropriate care they deserve. However, where your post comes in, is that I have a reputation for being able to work with the most difficult of surgeons--those that want things done "their" way, the ones that other nurses absolutely refuse to work with because they are TOO domineering and picky. I just find them, well, normal. LOL. Do it the way they want it, get it right the first time, have it that way all the time, and lo and behold, everyone is happy. Wow, what a concept. LOL. And there is my submissive self sneaking out at work

 

[James G 5]

Kind of the opposite for me
I work in sales & I have a rep for taking the most difficult, demanding customers and STILL convincing them to buy whatever I want to sell them, even if they started out with something else
No high pressure
I'm just very convincing

I am very much enjoying reading everyone's responses. Justina, yours especially reminded me of something in my life. I, as an operating room nurse, have to be especially organized, confident, and yes, at times, domineering, in order to get my patient the appropriate care they deserve. However, where your post comes in, is that I have a reputation for being able to work with the most difficult of surgeons--those that want things done "their" way, the ones that other nurses absolutely refuse to work with because they are TOO domineering and picky. I just find them, well, normal. LOL. Do it the way they want it, get it right the first time, have it that way all the time, and lo and behold, everyone is happy. Wow, what a concept. LOL. And there is my submissive self sneaking out at work

 

[Shadowsdream]

I am always LOOKING to see if I can determine who may or may not be a Dom/me or sub or have the potential to be either.
I entertain Myself that way when I am travelling around the city. It is a diversion that entertains Me.
Those familiar with the lifestyle would pick may Me out of a crowd if they are looking for a cool confidence and not aggressive behaviour.