Women on What its like to be aroused

All I'm going to say is it's more mental/spiritual than physical, without the first, the second doesn't happen. But that's personal, not general.
 
This is a highly individualized thing, I'd assume? For me everything depends on *what* and, more importantly, *who* aroused me.

A voice? I tend to tilt my head toward the voice and smile, cheeks flush, chill down the spine, skin tightens around the nipples as they harden, sit up straighter, stomach tenses and thighs press tightly together. Heart rate increases dramatically and I often hold my breath while the person is talking. If a voice continues to arouse me it typically results in increased wetness to a much higher degree than any of the other methods of arousal and an intense emptiness and urge for penetration can get overwhelming.

An image? Usually tenseness in the lower abdomen and a dull pulsing feeling in the general pelvic area, increased wetness comes pretty fast and daydreams around putting myself in the image amplifies it.

A touch? All of the above plus this difficult to control urge to get closer to the person and initiate more, that intense empty feeling can come on quite suddenly. Increased heart rate, sometimes holding my breath comes along with that and the flighty butterflies in the stomach feeling. This can be a fucking problem with casual touching by someone I'm even mildly attracted to. It doesn't have to be a sexual touch at all, someone pushing my hair behind my ear, or grabbing me if I start to fall, or just putting their hand on me to guide themselves around me in tight quarters can set off this feeling and it fucking sucks sometimes because I'm a daydreamer and this fully triggers all the daydreams even with the most innocent of intentions in the touch. (For what it's worth, I have decked someone I found extremely attractive because he touched me without warning and I reacted on pure survival instinct. So this is a, "Might be putty in your hands or might lay you out" situation for me.)

A particular look? Blushing and avoiding eye contact while daydreams start up, but nothing really physical comes from a look, it's just a trigger point for more mental stimulation.

Daydreams? Well, it depends on the daydream, but most often they result in some combination of the above and the effects that come with those combinations.

A kiss? Same as daydreams, a kiss is usually more than just a kiss. Sometimes I will be absolutely unable to hear anything while being kissed and I assume that's less temporary hearing loss than it is being so focused on the kiss that I tune everything else out to focus on the connection.

Ultimately, there's no single "horny" reaction, at least not for me. Just varying degrees of reaction around arousal from various types of stimuli. Who is causing that stimuli will amplify or dull the reactions in accordance with my attraction to them. Someone I'm mildly attracted to can touch me and cause that flighty stomach/butterflies feeling. Someone I'm highly attracted to can touch me in the exact same way and make my eyes water because the reaction comes on so strong and fast.

In most cases, the best relief for all of the above for me is penetration. Doesn't have to be with a dick, fingers work well and so does a stand-in, but penetration fills this sudden emptiness at the height of arousal and feels especially good when orgasm comes on and there's something to grip.

But that's just my personal experience with things and thinking back on it while not aroused.
This is an interesting and helpful answer. Something especially interesting is how little you emphasize the visual element. I think many men--me, certainly--would characterize arousal in more visual terms than you do. So this is all good to know.
 
I recall when I first started writing, there was a call for submissions for Womens Erotica and part of it said; guys, don't even try, you just can't do it. Challenged, I tried to read one of the collections from previous years, and I have to say I was hard pressed to find anything erotic in the entire volume. Which makes me wonder whether this site is overwhelmingly male, or I'm just not exposing myself to the stuff that might appeal to half my audience.
 
Why should erotica have a universal cross-gender appeal? It simply can't. We can admire the writing of one writer or another but we may not find their work sexually arousing and that's not a bad thing - it just shows we're different, thank heavens.

...and yes, Shivadancer, it is overwhelmingly male but I'm not sure, having re-read your post several times, what point you're making. Sorry
 
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I recall when I first started writing, there was a call for submissions for Womens Erotica and part of it said; guys, don't even try, you just can't do it. Challenged, I tried to read one of the collections from previous years, and I have to say I was hard pressed to find anything erotic in the entire volume. Which makes me wonder whether this site is overwhelmingly male, or I'm just not exposing myself to the stuff that might appeal to half my audience.
We recently had the Pink Orchid event for women-centric erotica (thanks to Omenainen). You can read some of those stories to see if you still get the same impression. You might be better off sticking to stories written by women.
 
Some follow up questions for the women reading the thread.

Is there a particular style of dress, or articles of clothing, that are arousing? Dressed up? Gym wear? I've heard some women say they look at men's shoes. Are there items of dress that are NOT arousing?

Hair styles?

Body features?

Cologne?

Sense of humor? My personal experience is women appreciate a good sense of humor.

Is kindness arousing? Compassion?

Indicators of status or wealth? Particular jobs? Are some jobs sexier than others?

Special skills? Talents?

Plus, another wrinkle on this question: Is arousal different for gay women?

This is all very interesting and very useful for story-writing.
 
Some follow up questions for the women reading the thread.

Is there a particular style of dress, or articles of clothing, that are arousing? Dressed up? Gym wear? I've heard some women say they look at men's shoes. Are there items of dress that are NOT arousing?

Hair styles?

Body features?

Cologne?

Sense of humor? My personal experience is women appreciate a good sense of humor.

Is kindness arousing? Compassion?

Indicators of status or wealth? Particular jobs? Are some jobs sexier than others?

Special skills? Talents?

Plus, another wrinkle on this question: Is arousal different for gay women?

This is all very interesting and very useful for story-writing.
This is just my personal opinion
Hairstyle - neat and tidy, not unkempt. As for length that depends. With a full head of hair, long is fine, for thinning or balding, long generally looks silly. Go with what you got. Don't pretend that something's there that isn't. Combovers? Ridiculous.

Body features - nothing extreme. No beanpoles, obese or overly developed body builder types. A firm ass is always a good sign.

Cologne - as long as it's subtle. My man occassionally does wear some. The important thing is that your cologne doesn't arrive before you do. I should only notice it when I whisper in your ear

Sense of humor - This is a biggie. A man who can make me laugh is sexy. One of the reasons I've been married for 37 years. Also, one of the things that originally attracted me to him

Kindness/Compassion - I put this in the good manners arena. Be polite, listen to me, care about my opinions. Dismissiveness is a total turn off. I need to know you're interested in more than my lady parts (not that I don't want you to either)

Status/Wealth - not all that important. As long as you're responsible and don't expect me to support you. That said, there's nothing wrong with wealth, just don't treat it like your most redeeming quality. Give me intelligence over wealth anyday

Special skills - be a good kisser and cuddle after the dirty deed (don't immediately switch over to Sportscenter, or whatever) I want intimacy.

Hope this helps
 
As I read through the earlier responses, I totally agree with Masterd_Again. Arousal begins am in a person's strongest sex organ, the brain.

Also, I think arousal is too complex and individualy unique. When I get aroused, my nipples become hard. A blush starts in my cheeks and moves across my chest. I tingle all over. And if you're paying attention, my pupils dilate.
 
Some follow up questions for the women reading the thread.

Is there a particular style of dress, or articles of clothing, that are arousing? Dressed up? Gym wear? I've heard some women say they look at men's shoes. Are there items of dress that are NOT arousing?

Hair styles?

Body features?

Cologne?

Sense of humor? My personal experience is women appreciate a good sense of humor.

Is kindness arousing? Compassion?

Indicators of status or wealth? Particular jobs? Are some jobs sexier than others?

Special skills? Talents?

Plus, another wrinkle on this question: Is arousal different for gay women?

This is all very interesting and very useful for story-writing.
The clothing doesn't matter or the grooming. Being authentic matters.
To qualify that, a person who is comfortable in themselves is as sexy as f**k
 
Admittedly, I love gothic/steampunk/Victorian dress styles and my husband is hot as fuck in that style.It suits his physique perfectly. Otherwise, clothing isn't much of an appeal to me considering I would much rather be naked at home than dressed up all nice at a con or event. Items of clothing that aren't arousing? Kid Rock-style wife beater and pants. Just grew up with too many assholes in my life who wore that shit that it has become a major turn off.

I love long dark hair. My husband looks a lot like Brandon Lee and yeah, I love that style.

I like large noses (think Robert Englund) and full lips (Val Kilmer) on a guy. otherwise, appearance doesn't really do much for me. Tall heavy set guys with crewcut blonde hair can freak me the fuck out, though.


No cologne. I'm super sensitive to it. I prefer a guy to have a peppery musk and smell like engine oil and wood.


Sense of humor is a requirement. Bonus points if it's dark and inappropriate in most settings.

Kindness and compassion are both arousing to me. Especially towards animals. Rescue an injured bird or nurse a pair of orphaned squirrels and my attraction skyrockets. In fact, in high school I had a friend who ran out onto the highway to rescue a dog while I was with him. Once we got back to his house and got the pup cleaned up, I practically pounced on my friend.

Wealth and jobs do nothing for me one way or the other. They just don't matter. Same wth grades in high school. Knowing someone is smart, though, is a turn on. But that is usually found out through talking to them and getting to know them. Few people who loudly proclaim their intelligence are actually as smart as they would like every to believe.

Hobby artists and musicians seem to be a common point of attraction for me. I think I find creative minds alluring.

My attractions aren't gender specific. All of these can apply for women and trans people as well. I think the only change I'd make is a femme scent would be more appealing with a sweeter/spicier tone, like vanilla and ginger or cinnamon still no perfume, though it really gives me migraines. Pretty sure that's because it indicates they might be bakers, lol.

Smell like coffee and cigarettes and I will be repulsed.

Social beliefs can also play a role in attraction for me. Treat people as unworthy or less than over money and I swear things get painfully dry without warning.
Hey you! You always make me feel guilty for my lack of effort when I read your posts. That's really sweet and plenty of overlaps with my own preferences :rose:
 
It's like fog, on Lit. :) If a man is really listening, he knows what to do.
 
As I read through the earlier responses, I totally agree with Masterd_Again. Arousal begins am in a person's strongest sex organ, the brain.

Also, I think arousal is too complex and individualy unique. When I get aroused, my nipples become hard. A blush starts in my cheeks and moves across my chest. I tingle all over. And if you're paying attention, my pupils dilate.
Rachel -- good to see you here -- I have missed you.
Here and in gmail

I told you how turned on I was by the candidate story --- and its insights and heat and good writing too.

Come over to gmail and talk a bit in hangouts etc/?

Gabriel
 
Started answering this days ago, and then got distracted...

For me (like Erozetta) arousal happens in a variety of ways. The easiest way for me to get aroused is to create a fantasy for myself. I can turn myself on pretty consistently and easily with no external stimulation whatsoever that way. My fantasies are so powerful that I can almost feel the sensations on my skin that I imagine, the tickle of pubic hair rubbing over my breasts, the taste of sweat-dried flesh on my tongue, the scratch of nails along my shoulders. Writing those small fragments of sex has already begun to arouse me. I am aroused right now, writing this. But, my brain needs more to be really turned on. I need to know whose fingers are probing my mouth, whose hand is caressing my ass, and why? More, I don't even have to look like me in my fantasy, and I can still feel the same feelings. I could be any person, and the sensations of their imagined body become real on mine, if I imagine it right.

Other routes of arousal are more difficult, because they depend on other people, lol.

When someone tells me that the words I've written turned them on, that arouses me. Once, someone told me how aroused my story made them in such exquisite detail, that my whole body pulsed and my skin buzzed and my clit clenched with it. I was breathless and gasping in my office, my face flushed, just from reading what someone thought of my story, how it made them feel. That was... A very surprising feeling. A simple comment, "your story made me cum," delivered by surprise, makes my clit tingle and my pelvis spasm.

When someone tells me that they desire me, depending again on how it's done, that can be such an arousing thing as well. If they are vulgar with it, "Hey babe, suck my cock," well, that's probably not going to work unless I'm already horny - but that's hardly an accomplishment. To get me turned on from nothing, from "leave me alone I'm busy" to "take off those pants and let me delight you with my tongue, please", that takes work. It takes a whisper in my ear that makes my skin shiver. It takes the words that show the speaker knows who I am and what I want, the personal touch of empathy that tells me, it's me, and me alone, that they desire. When a lover looks at me and their eyes sparkle and the get that slow spreading grin of appreciation and they walk slowly towards me and tell me, in that low special voice, that they need me - well who wouldn't be aroused? My skin heats from my arms up and across my shoulders, down my breasts and into my pussy and thighs. Of course, it doesn't work if they don't really feel that need just for you, but they just want in any woman's pants. If they're just reciting a script, you can tell.

Lastly, lastly there's some types of personality that just arouse me. Confidence. Reckless abandon to sensuality. Playful cruelty. Unexpected kindness. These thing draw me, and when I see them, I feel a buzz. A little hum of promise that this is a lover I could enjoy. I might see it in a smile, a posture, an action, and I am filled with warmth and pleasure. I have seen a good thing in this world, something joyous and fun and I want to know more, to explore more.
 
I'm auditory, physical sensory stimulation, and it's what and how they speak and where and how I'm touched. Jo's a master at getting me wet and ready for lips, fingers, tongues, hugs, kisses, and exploration. Penises turn me off, big time.
 
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