Why Does He Get Mad When....

[sexualbeing]

Well, the bunny loves grass. Yummy grass. It's so satisfying. Really, all you need in life is grass. What more could you want?

The wolf likes one thing. Dead bunny.

i hear ya!
thanks

 

[long_haired_lad]

yes he does have a problem with rejection. If he doesnt get what he wants he starts arguments we have even got into fights

As someone who has a problem with rejection, I can say he needs to find the root cause of the problem, and deal with it. It may be he needs counselling.
Of course, he could just be a total jerk. In which case all the counselling in the world won't help.

 

[Recidiva]

i hear ya!
thanks

Good luck. Be strong. Take care of yourself and your children.

If you ever need someone to talk to, toss me a PM.

 

[sexualbeing]

Good luck. Be strong. Take care of yourself and your children.

If you ever need someone to talk to, toss me a PM.

ok thanks
take care too

 

[sexualbeing]

As someone who has a problem with rejection, I can say he needs to find the root cause of the problem, and deal with it. It may be he needs counselling.
Of course, he could just be a total jerk. In which case all the counselling in the world won't help.

I think he needs counseling but he will never commit to it so that kills that thought completely
im all out of idea's

 

[Raidho]

Just from what I gathered :

He uses you sexually. (I.e. "all about him" with no regard to your pleasure.)
You are the sole wage-earner.
He treats you disrepectfully and argues when things don't go his way.
He chooses things then blames you for those choices.

Face it, he's a 26 year old id.

You're probably right -- it does sound like he needs counseling. But that is his problem, not yours. I know it sounds cruel, but, gal, I've been there, and no amount of wishing for someone to change will make it happen.

His refusing to go to counseling means that he's CONTENT with the way things are. He sees no problem with his life, or, if he does, they're not worth correcting.

My question to you would be : Are *you* content? Are you willing to live the rest of your life exactly as it is? If not, the changing has to come from you. Either accept (which is a form of change in itself, really) or move on.

Best of luck

 

[silverwhisper]

raidho: actually, from his perspective, everything is just dandy. he doesn't have to work, he gets everything he wants...if it ain't broke, don't fix it. from his perspective, anyway.

which of course is exactly the problem AFAICT.

ed

 

[vanillaeyes8]

Just from what I gathered :

He uses you sexually. (I.e. "all about him" with no regard to your pleasure.)
You are the sole wage-earner.
He treats you disrepectfully and argues when things don't go his way.
He chooses things then blames you for those choices.

Face it, he's a 26 year old id.

You're probably right -- it does sound like he needs counseling. But that is his problem, not yours. I know it sounds cruel, but, gal, I've been there, and no amount of wishing for someone to change will make it happen.

His refusing to go to counseling means that he's CONTENT with the way things are. He sees no problem with his life, or, if he does, they're not worth correcting.

My question to you would be : Are *you* content? Are you willing to live the rest of your life exactly as it is? If not, the changing has to come from you. Either accept (which is a form of change in itself, really) or move on.

Best of luck

I completely agree with this! The change has to start with you and if that means ending it, maybe he will see what he lost. Either way, good luck for tough decisions ahead.

 

[Raidho]

raidho: actually, from his perspective, everything is just dandy. he doesn't have to work, he gets everything he wants...if it ain't broke, don't fix it. from his perspective, anyway.

which of course is exactly the problem AFAICT.

ed

Exactly. He sees nothing wrong with it, therefore doesn't want to change it.

Other than the fact that his "bitchy" girlfriend doesn't want to give him head at 3 in the morning. But that's just a trifling con in regards to all the pro's in the situation for him.

 

[Eilan]

Anyone familiar with "Savage Love," the weekly sex advice advice column by Dan Savage, will be familiar with the abbreviation DTMFA.

Dump The MotherFucker Already. (Of course, it isn't always that easy!)

Sexualbeing, what are you getting out of this relationship right now, other than free child care?

 

[sexualbeing]

Anyone familiar with "Savage Love," the weekly sex advice advice column by Dan Savage, will be familiar with the abbreviation DTMFA.

Dump The MotherFucker Already. (Of course, it isn't always that easy!)

Sexualbeing, what are you getting out of this relationship right now, other than free child care?

I would say im getting depression and heartache

 

[bobsgirl]

I would say im getting depression and heartache

Well, then, I think you have your answer. I wish you the very best.

 

[Exciteher]

......
You're probably right -- it does sound like he needs counseling. But that is his problem, not yours. I know it sounds cruel, but, gal, I've been there, and no amount of wishing for someone to change will make it happen.

His refusing to go to counseling means that he's CONTENT with the way things are. He sees no problem with his life, or, if he does, they're not worth correcting....

Control, as most people perceive that, is an illusion. Ultimately we can only control ourselves and our own actions.

Sexualbeing, you are only 23 yrs old. The world is your oyster. Yeah, 8 years and a couple of kids makes things seem real big... but not compared to how big your future, and your kids, can be. Your b/f seems to have nothing in his life right now he has any PASSION for... no job, no avocation.. not even for you. Sad. But you cannot be his therapist or his mommy.

There is much wisdom in what everyone has written here. My additions:

You have choices. The best thing you can do for yourself, and for your b/f for that matter, is to chose not to put up with things as they are right now.. even if that means you break off your relationship. Take your power back.

Send him packing. If you are feeling like being magnanimous you can tell him that after he gets a job, goes to counciling, and releases his fear of living his life, you MIGHT consider seeing him again... but that you can commit NOTHING to anyone that will not even make a commitment to himself. A long term commitment.. not just a few token trips to the therapist or a couple of job interviews.

At that point, HE has a choice... he can commit to climbing out of the abyss he is in, and correct whatever it is that is making him build a prison around himself...or he can continue to self-destruct.

You do not have to self-destruct with him. You have no obligation to do that, and every obligation, especially for your kids, to do otherwise. The last thing you want is for him to train your kids to be as passionless and fearful as he is.

This is one of those situations where actions will speak louder than words, and doing what is in you your best interest sexualbeing, will in fact be in everyone's best interest. Yeah, it may be tough and messy... and having to get someone to watch the kids, all that..etc... but easier in the long run compared to what you are going through right now. Remember, you have your whole life ahead of you and you CAN make it what you want it to be.

Life is all about belief and choice. And it is my experience that the loss of ability to chose is often a reflection of the loss of belief that one has choices...many, many choices in fact!

So, remember... to believe in yourself. Best of luck to you. Hell, it is not even a matter of luck since everyone who has posted on this thread believes you CAN deal with this, or they would not have posted!

 

[sexualbeing]

Control, as most people perceive that, is an illusion. Ultimately we can only control ourselves and our own actions.





Every thing you said made complete since. I thank You and everyone else who responded to me. I have some work to do and I must admit Im scared as hell but I deserve to be happy.


thanks again

 

[silverwhisper]

SB quoth
i deserve to be happy.

darned tootin'!

ed

 

[M's girl]

Scared as hell is normal. When you decide to split I'll tell you: the first few weeks, months even, are going to be hell. Mostly because of all the insecurities. Then you'll start wondering if you did the right thing because all of a sudden (now that he's gone) you start remembering all the good times.

Eventually you will get back on your feet and wonder why the hell you did not make that decision much earlier! It takes a strong person to walk away. He does not sound like that strong person so if you want to come out alright you need to be the strong one, really.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

 

[sexualbeing]

Scared as hell is normal. When you decide to split I'll tell you: the first few weeks, months even, are going to be hell. Mostly because of all the insecurities. Then you'll start wondering if you did the right thing because all of a sudden (now that he's gone) you start remembering all the good times.

Eventually you will get back on your feet and wonder why the hell you did not make that decision much earlier! It takes a strong person to walk away. He does not sound like that strong person so if you want to come out alright you need to be the strong one, really.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

thanks for everything.

 

[Mitsouko]

In the meanwhile, while you are deciding on leaving etc... Wake him up a few times and demand oral. Tell him you can and will replace him with a more sexually satifying model if he doesn't shape up.

From now on you come first, and if you aren't sexually happy, there should be no reason he should be. If he wants someone to service him at his whim, he can move out, make some money and buy himself a blow job.

 

[sexualbeing]

In the meanwhile, while you are deciding on leaving etc... Wake him up a few times and demand oral. Tell him you can and will replace him with a more sexually satifying model if he doesn't shape up.

From now on you come first, and if you aren't sexually happy, there should be no reason he should be. If he wants someone to service him at his whim, he can move out, make some money and buy himself a blow job.

LOL, AMEN

 

[Exciteher]

....I have some work to do and I must admit Im scared as hell but I deserve to be happy.


thanks again

Aww...thanks for the thanks!

Making a big change sure can be scary as hell, jeez do I know!

But when you think about it, the parts of you that are scared are the parts of you that believe you need (as opposed to want) him, the parts of you that believe you have to rescue him, (only he can rescue himself), the parts of you that believe it will be difficult to get to a better place in all aspects of your life.

When you make a change and go for it sexualbeing, those parts of you will be out of a job... so naturally they are scared!

But when you do make that change, you will begin to notice that the part of you that wants a truly sexual being in your life, the part of you that wants to make new friends, the parts of you that wants to go places and do things, and the parts of you that want happiness and passion for living, the parts of you that want to LIVE!!.. will get EXCITED!

Sure, the scared parts will kick and whine a bit at first, but YOUR vibe will change. And if you stay observant you will notice the MEN that would die to put you into orbit have noticed your new high horsepower vibe and can't keep from throwing you big smiles and ripping your cloths off with their eyes as they walk by. And YOU will soon be doing the same thing to them, thinking "HOT DAMN!.. what took me so fuckin long?" as you realize you "got the power' and that you have the pick of the lot.

You will begin to attract not only the things and people you have passion for into your life, but the things and people that have passion for YOU will enter your life. So... if the choice is between letting go of scared and depressed verses gaining excited and happy... well, you do the math! Life is too short for a lot of BS!

With this will come the work you will have to do. Which is.. to figure out what beliefs and how you made the choices that got you into the situation you are in now, and how to believe and chose differently so as not to get into an instant replay of your current problem. I have some tips about all that if your are interested.

Been there, done that, got the video tape! lol!

When you are ready, (which sounds like now..) just go for it. Let go and open the door, let the sexualbeing you really are out for some fresh air, fire those scared parts butts, live and sing your song!

 

[glynndah]

You "chose" this guy when you were 15, right? Look at all the 15 year olds around you. Would you want them to choose fashion, hair styles, food, life styles or anything else for you as a 23 year old? The "choice" that was perfect for you as a 15 year old may not be right for you as a 23 year old.

 

[Flyin_Free]

How do you walk away from a 8 year, 2 kid relationship

I know exactly where you're coming from here--but if you stay, where will you be in 2 years? Then you'll be asking how you walk away from a 10 year, 2kid (or more??) relationship.

I was with my ex for 16 years (wow, that sounds so long when it's in type!)and for at least the last five I stayed simply because "it was the right thing to do", or "we'd been together so long, it was comfortable" or "he was the kids' father, how could I do that to them" I stayed for all the wrong reasons and in the end it didn't work out anyway. I could have saved myself a lot of years of greif by leaving years before.

It sounds like he's a jerk and you deserve so much better than this man! I know how easy it is for somebody on the outside to say Just leave him. I know it's not always as easy to do that when you're actually living in the middle of everything --and I know how scary it can be too (the thought of being alone.) Ultimately the end decision has to be yours and one that you feel comfortable making, but as you think about whether to stay or leave, also think about if you want to still be living like this in say 2, 3,....however many...years from now.

(((Hugs))) to you sexualbeing!

 

[sexualbeing]

Aww...thanks for the thanks!

Making a big change sure can be scary as hell, jeez do I know!

But when you think about it, the parts of you that are scared are the parts of you that believe you need (as opposed to want) him, the parts of you that believe you have to rescue him, (only he can rescue himself), the parts of you that believe it will be difficult to get to a better place in all aspects of your life.

When you make a change and go for it sexualbeing, those parts of you will be out of a job... so naturally they are scared!

But when you do make that change, you will begin to notice that the part of you that wants a truly sexual being in your life, the part of you that wants to make new friends, the parts of you that wants to go places and do things, and the parts of you that want happiness and passion for living, the parts of you that want to LIVE!!.. will get EXCITED!

Sure, the scared parts will kick and whine a bit at first, but YOUR vibe will change. And if you stay observant you will notice the MEN that would die to put you into orbit have noticed your new high horsepower vibe and can't keep from throwing you big smiles and ripping your cloths off with their eyes as they walk by. And YOU will soon be doing the same thing to them, thinking "HOT DAMN!.. what took me so fuckin long?" as you realize you "got the power' and that you have the pick of the lot.

You will begin to attract not only the things and people you have passion for into your life, but the things and people that have passion for YOU will enter your life. So... if the choice is between letting go of scared and depressed verses gaining excited and happy... well, you do the math! Life is too short for a lot of BS!

With this will come the work you will have to do. Which is.. to figure out what beliefs and how you made the choices that got you into the situation you are in now, and how to believe and chose differently so as not to get into an instant replay of your current problem. I have some tips about all that if your are interested.

Been there, done that, got the video tape! lol!

When you are ready, (which sounds like now..) just go for it. Let go and open the door, let the sexualbeing you really are out for some fresh air, fire those scared parts butts, live and sing your song!

Wow just hearing you say that makes me feel like a new person, It makes me believe in myself so much more.

thank you

 

[sexualbeing]

I know exactly where you're coming from here--but if you stay, where will you be in 2 years? Then you'll be asking how you walk away from a 10 year, 2kid (or more??) relationship.

I was with my ex for 16 years (wow, that sounds so long when it's in type!)and for at least the last five I stayed simply because "it was the right thing to do", or "we'd been together so long, it was comfortable" or "he was the kids' father, how could I do that to them" I stayed for all the wrong reasons and in the end it didn't work out anyway. I could have saved myself a lot of years of greif by leaving years before.

It sounds like he's a jerk and you deserve so much better than this man! I know how easy it is for somebody on the outside to say Just leave him. I know it's not always as easy to do that when you're actually living in the middle of everything --and I know how scary it can be too (the thought of being alone.) Ultimately the end decision has to be yours and one that you feel comfortable making, but as you think about whether to stay or leave, also think about if you want to still be living like this in say 2, 3,....however many...years from now.

(((Hugs))) to you sexualbeing!

I am glad to hear that you had the confidence to walk away Ill bring your strength and courage along with me. (lord knows I need it)
thanks (hugs)

 

[Guest]