Why do married women cheat?

[CelticTiger88]

I've been on Lit for nearly a year and I have met some very nice people here.

I am wondering if any married women could tell me why they cheat on their Husbands?

I've always wondered what it takes for a married woman to cheat....

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think people have all sorts of reasons to cheat on their partners. There are trends, though. I think women often cheat because they feel lonely and unappreciated, undesired even. I think a lot of people cheat because NRE (new relationship energy) is one powerful drug.

 

[CelticTiger88]

Yeah, I like what you say and the NRE is a power drug.

Also, with work commitments and busy lives, marriages often suffer.

 

[impresso]

A married woman I know is ready to jump on the dick of anyone who gives her a little romantic experience. She also thinks her husband gave her the green light, though her husband thinks it was a joke. But there's no stopping her now )

 

[CelticTiger88]

That seems common these days.

 

[silky52]

I think that everyone has their own story. I wouldn't call it cheating so much as perhaps going a different way to the so-called 'norm'. Society has expectations of women. It's okay for men to cheat, but not for women is one well known expectation. I think that it should be agreed between two people, even if it is a joke that it's okay to see other people, to branch out a bit in life, to discover. We all evolve, and those of us that married in our early to mid 20s, although we knew what we were doing, probably have not been 'in love' for a long time...........JMHO of course.

 

[Jeb56]

I think that everyone has their own story. I wouldn't call it cheating so much as perhaps going a different way to the so-called 'norm'. Society has expectations of women. It's okay for men to cheat, but not for women is one well known expectation. I think that it should be agreed between two people, even if it is a joke that it's okay to see other people, to branch out a bit in life, to discover. We all evolve, and those of us that married in our early to mid 20s, although we knew what we were doing, probably have not been 'in love' for a long time...........JMHO of course.

Very thoughtful. We have but one life to live.

 

[silky52]

Very thoughtful. We have but one life to live.

Exactly! Even more is that most married women don't have time to discover themselves when they are busy with young kids, and careers etc. So I imagine a lot would still like to explore...

 

[CelticTiger88]

Exactly! Even more is that most married women don't have time to discover themselves when they are busy with young kids, and careers etc. So I imagine a lot would still like to explore...

I agree.

 

[silky52]

I agree.

So what made you ask that question

 

[Seadog777]

Because they're fucking idiots.

Just like men who cheat.

Cheaters should be slowly tortured and turned into shark chum.

 

[CelticTiger88]

So what made you ask that question

Mainly curiosity and also because it's becoming more common, I wondered why this is so.

 

[silky52]

Mainly curiosity and also because it's becoming more common, I wondered why this is so.

How do you know it's becoming more common?

 

[CelticTiger88]

How do you know it's becoming more common?

Only from what I hear, but then cheating cuts both ways.

 

[saintcero]

Why cheat? To get something that they aren’t getting at home like attention, affection, emotional support.

 

[eric_erosfan]

I probably shouldn't differentiate but I think there are two levels of cheating. Physical and emotional. Only one or both may involve sex. If it is purely physical I tend to think it is not as bad. I just don't know if you can truly love your spouse and your affair partner the same?

 

[ronde]

I don't know about younger women, but for women in their late 40's and older I think it's a combination of a couple things. It's in that time frame when most women begin experiencing the onset of menopause. To some women that means they're no longer sexually attractive and that hurts. They're reminded of that in almost every movie and TV show they watch.

Another cause is probably boredom with their home life. Their kids are usually gone by that age or at least are pretty self-sufficient so they've gained a lot of time to do things. If their husband has other interests or is just tired, their lives become pretty bland.

In my career, I've had several "office spouses". It never went any further than a close friendship, but with at least two, I think it would have only taken a little persuasion on my part. They were all in the age range I stated, and while they wouldn't say they were unhappy being married, they also didn't say that being married was great. When that came up in conversation with one, she just said she was "comfortable" with her husband. I asked a second what she was doing over a fall weekend, the other said she was staying home because she never saw her husband once deer season started.

Women aren't any different than men that way. All people have a need to know they're wanted and appreciated. If a man other than their husband shows them that, it's not a huge stretch from friends to close friends to lovers.

 

[CelticTiger88]

I probably shouldn't differentiate but I think there are two levels of cheating. Physical and emotional. Only one or both may involve sex. If it is purely physical I tend to think it is not as bad. I just don't know if you can truly love your spouse and your affair partner the same?

Yeah, I totally agree with you.

 

[Noor]

Mainly curiosity and also because it's becoming more common, I wondered why this is so.

I know of more men who cheat or have cheated than women who have. It maybe that women are just more discreet.
For the few men that who i knew well enough to ask about it was basically a self esteem issue, they wanted to know that they were still attractive to someone who doesn’t have to be there.

There was also the old lost lover who reappears.
General reasons why people cheat
Not willing to fix sexual issues in their primary relationship or spend the time to
Wanting to feel attractive/body image/getting old
Missing intimacy
The thrill of a secret affair
Sexual addiction
Anger at spouse
Feeling neglected
Not feeling loved
Lack of boundaries
Opportunity

I imagine they are the same for wives as they are for husbands.
Though men seem to want an affair to be more sex and attention and women want more to be appreciated and feel connected.
Then there are emotional affairs, sexual affairs and one’s that are both.
I think emotional affairs are the hardest to get beyond, although any betrayal is hard.

The other thing I have noticed about affairs is that often the other spouse is aware something is going on, but don’t deal with it unless they have to.
As long as the spouse is getting what they want and are happy, they don’t look beyond that. It’s when the affair becomes public or is indiscreet that it becomes a problem. Kind of don’t ask, don’t tell situation.

Personal I don’t recommend married people confessing affairs to their partner unless they wish their marriage to end, or have a std. It’s like shifting guilt by hurting someone else who doesn’t need to be hurt. If they need to tell someone, tell a therapist.
If a person feels badly/guilty/whatever they should end the affair in the nicest way possible and go fix themselves and their marriage.
Ghosting people can backfire big time as the other person then has nothing to lose by outing you to your spouse and others.
I’ve seen that too, someone who basically lost their job and career because of an affair. They weren’t married, but their affair partner was.
It took over a decade for them to get their life back on track.

 

[CelticTiger88]

I don't know about younger women, but for women in their late 40's and older I think it's a combination of a couple things. It's in that time frame when most women begin experiencing the onset of menopause. To some women that means they're no longer sexually attractive and that hurts. They're reminded of that in almost every movie and TV show they watch.

Another cause is probably boredom with their home life. Their kids are usually gone by that age or at least are pretty self-sufficient so they've gained a lot of time to do things. If their husband has other interests or is just tired, their lives become pretty bland.

In my career, I've had several "office spouses". It never went any further than a close friendship, but with at least two, I think it would have only taken a little persuasion on my part. They were all in the age range I stated, and while they wouldn't say they were unhappy being married, they also didn't say that being married was great. When that came up in conversation with one, she just said she was "comfortable" with her husband. I asked a second what she was doing over a fall weekend, the other said she was staying home because she never saw her husband once deer season started.

Women aren't any different than men that way. All people have a need to know they're wanted and appreciated. If a man other than their husband shows them that, it's not a huge stretch from friends to close friends to

I don't know about younger women, but for women in their late 40's and older I think it's a combination of a couple things. It's in that time frame when most women begin experiencing the onset of menopause. To some women that means they're no longer sexually attractive and that hurts. They're reminded of that in almost every movie and TV show they watch.

Another cause is probably boredom with their home life. Their kids are usually gone by that age or at least are pretty self-sufficient so they've gained a lot of time to do things. If their husband has other interests or is just tired, their lives become pretty bland.

In my career, I've had several "office spouses". It never went any further than a close friendship, but with at least two, I think it would have only taken a little persuasion on my part. They were all in the age range I stated, and while they wouldn't say they were unhappy being married, they also didn't say that being married was great. When that came up in conversation with one, she just said she was "comfortable" with her husband. I asked a second what she was doing over a fall weekend, the other said she was staying home because she never saw her husband once deer season started.

Women aren't any different than men that way. All people have a need to know they're wanted and appreciated. If a man other than their husband shows them that, it's not a huge stretch from friends to close friends to lovers.

That's a neat summary. I think that's how it is for some women.

 

[Seadog777]

Nothing but excuses for behavior and personal choices.
Just as I expected.

 

[Noor]

Nothing but excuses for behavior and personal choices.
Just as I expected.

They are reasons, but not acceptable reasons for breaking a commitment.

 

[CelticTiger88]

I think that age differences are a factor.

 

[ImiGirrst]

I've been on Lit for nearly a year and I have met some very nice people here.

I am wondering if any married women could tell me why they cheat on their Husbands?

I've always wondered what it takes for a married woman to cheat....

For the same reasons married men cheat?

 

[gtnlynn]

My wife didn't cheat because I gave her permission to have sex with others. She did it five times. I knew she had sex with multiple men in college, and I asked if she missed the variety. She had lots of opportunities because me were hitting on her at work. I think it was curiosity as much as anything. Most of her "dates" were with men in their 20's when she was the older woman in her mid-30's. It wasn't as good as she hoped, so she stopped.