Question for the ladies

[spiderwal]

Out of curiosity, what reason do most of the women have for never replying on threads where a guy is looking for a girl?

If a woman adds a post looking for someone you see within hours it has multiple pages to it of every guy desperate to get there attention, but when it’s the other way round it’s like the post doesn’t exist so I’ve always been curious as to why. I know there are far more guys on here than women so that will be a part of the reason, but I’ve always wondered what the main reasons are. I know from titles of threads that some guys won’t get any responses but I have seen many that do look more serious about it but they get the same lack of interest.

 

[quietlylooking]

1. The woman isn't looking for a guy or never sees the post.
2. The OP's interests/needs/criteria aren't a match with the woman.
3. The post (or other posts that he has made) suggests the man might be needy, desperate, angry, shallow, overly picky, hypercritical, lacking in humor, etc.
4. The post doesn't capture the woman's attention or lacks enough information for the woman to want to learn more.
5. The post is a wall of text or contains spelling errors, poor grammar, etc.

 

[KatieDoes]

When I’ve reached out to a man who sparked my interest here, I did it via private message. I had a 5+ year intimate relationship with a man I met through lit, and never once posted publicly to him. So it’s possible that some men are receiving responses and you just don’t see them.

However. Quantity is not quality. There are good men here, I’ve met them. Some as friends, a few as more. But the vast majority clearly do not value women as people, and view us as nothing more than walking talking dick receptacles.

Read through these forums trying to see it from the perspective of a woman. See endless threads of men posting pics of their wives and girlfriends (or X’s) without consent. See threads of men offering to ‘talk about’ their wives, who have no idea that the husbands they trust are sharing intimate details about them with strangers. See any thread where women try to hold a space to talk with each other be immediately invaded by dudes talking over us and mansplaining. See threads where women’s perspective is requested be responded to by men speaking for their wives. See the few women’s responses being ignored, because the men’s responses line up with what the asker wants to hear. See endless comments from older men complaining about how difficult menopause has been for THEM, with zero regard for what their wives are dealing with. See the entitlement dripping from post to post to post. And then ask yourself, if you were a woman, would you want to engage with these guys?

As I said, there are good men here. Some. But most of the ads I see don’t offer anything other than ‘I’m a dude. I have a dick. I want to stick it somewhere. Message me’

There are a LOT of women here. Lots more than you could imagine. But most don’t post publicly. Because when they tried to participate, they received an onslaught of vile private messages, disrespect, and entitled demands. So most stopped posting, switched their settings to invisible so no one can see when they’re logged in. The only way that you’ll ever know they exist, is if you display a personality that appeals to them enough to reach out to you first.

 

[lacandy]

Now I’m curious if this is a ploy to get us to post

I really think the reason is that if we post then the men of Lit all think that it’s an invitation to DM us with some of the craziest things you will ever read - not every guy in Lit for sure - but definitely it puts you out there more. I will reply to most messages (even the wildly inappropriate ones) because I’m OCD that way - so that’s a big commitment to publicly post on an ad.

 

[LoneMilf]

I think it all originates from the higher number of men than women on here. Not just because of the numbers themselves, but the behaviour that imbalance drives.

When men respond in public to a post by a woman, I expect part of the reason is that they also wouldn't mind promoting themselves a little towards any other women that might see it. For men, more is usually equal to better chances.

When women choose not to do that, it's probably because they don't want to promote themselves. For women, more isn't necessarily equal to better (see lacandy's post).

We have the luxury of perusing the personals and choosing who we want to reach out to. In most cases, we don't need to post a personal ad or promote ourselves in other ways to get attention. It isn't fair, but it is a fact. Might as well make the most of it

 

[spiderwal]

Now I’m curious if this is a ploy to get us to post

I really think the reason is that if we post then the men of Lit all think that it’s an invitation to DM us with some of the craziest things you will ever read - not every guy in Lit for sure - but definitely it puts you out there more. I will reply to most messages (even the wildly inappropriate ones) because I’m OCD that way - so that’s a big commitment to publicly post on an ad.

Ha ha no it wasn’t for that reason, I was just curious that’s all. I’ve done a thread in the past and before you know it it’s dropped down the pages with no responses and it just makes me not bother any more, so was just trying to see if there were reasons to be honest.

 

[spiderwal]

When I’ve reached out to a man who sparked my interest here, I did it via private message. I had a 5+ year intimate relationship with a man I met through lit, and never once posted publicly to him. So it’s possible that some men are receiving responses and you just don’t see them.

However. Quantity is not quality. There are good men here, I’ve met them. Some as friends, a few as more. But the vast majority clearly do not value women as people, and view us as nothing more than walking talking dick receptacles.

Read through these forums trying to see it from the perspective of a woman. See endless threads of men posting pics of their wives and girlfriends (or X’s) without consent. See threads of men offering to ‘talk about’ their wives, who have no idea that the husbands they trust are sharing intimate details about them with strangers. See any thread where women try to hold a space to talk with each other be immediately invaded by dudes talking over us and mansplaining. See threads where women’s perspective is requested be responded to by men speaking for their wives. See the few women’s responses being ignored, because the men’s responses line up with what the asker wants to hear. See endless comments from older men complaining about how difficult menopause has been for THEM, with zero regard for what their wives are dealing with. See the entitlement dripping from post to post to post. And then ask yourself, if you were a woman, would you want to engage with these guys?

As I said, there are good men here. Some. But most of the ads I see don’t offer anything other than ‘I’m a dude. I have a dick. I want to stick it somewhere. Message me’

There are a LOT of women here. Lots more than you could imagine. But most don’t post publicly. Because when they tried to participate, they received an onslaught of vile private messages, disrespect, and entitled demands. So most stopped posting, switched their settings to invisible so no one can see when they’re logged in. The only way that you’ll ever know they exist, is if you display a personality that appeals to them enough to reach out to you first.

I totally know what you mean regarding seeing what a lot of guys post, that’s why I also mentioned that as a possibility in my first post, but I have seen ones that also look very genuine that get nothing in return as well.

I have often also thought it’s not a great look when guys are showing or putting stuff regards partners and ex’s, especially when it’s photos, unless the other party has given it the ok

It probably doesn’t help that a lot of posts in here are nothing to do with ‘personals’ and they push genuine ones out of sight.

 

[KatieDoes]

I totally know what you mean regarding seeing what a lot of guys post, that’s why I also mentioned that as a possibility in my first post, but I have seen ones that also look very genuine that get nothing in return as well.

I have often also thought it’s not a great look when guys are showing or putting stuff regards partners and ex’s, especially when it’s photos, unless the other party has given it the ok

It probably doesn’t help that a lot of posts in here are nothing to do with ‘personals’ and they push genuine ones out of sight.

I think it’s the skepticism that grows from access to seeing how a lot of men speak about women when they feel free to speak openly.

The ads that seem genuine are met with a skeptical eye, because we know that the guys who are engaging in dirtbag behavior like showing pics that a woman trusted them with, appeared genuine to the woman who let him take the pics. They lied and posed as genuine long enough to get what they wanted, and then exploited the woman who believed them.

Also, when behavior like that goes on, we don’t just grow skeptical of the specific man who is actively doing it. We also see the hundreds (thousands?) of men who see it, and can’t even muster a simple ‘dude, not cool’

 

[LoneMilf]

Actually, whenever I do reach out to people from personal ads, I like to leave a short comment about it in their thread - that way they get a little non-OP bump too

 

[randomthought7]

Actually, whenever I do reach out to people from personal ads, I like to leave a short comment about it in their thread - that way they get a little non-OP bump too

I always thought such comments were redundant, but I never really thought about it that way. That is incredibly courteous.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

There is an oversaturation of "I want" posts from men. Most of them are either unhinged in some way or don't share anything about the OP that would entice a person to respond. I have seen so manyy posts from men who detail everything they want in their female chat partner, but never say anything about why we'd choose them over another dude.

Or, conversely, you get these one or two line posts about what the person is looking for but nothing about the person. Boring. I am not wasting my time on someone who appears to have the personality of a saltine cracker.

For starters.

 

[xxkimberlyv]

There are probably 100 men for every woman on here so that is why you see a woman's post get flooded with messages so quickly.

 

[Dav2567]

Ladies not all of us guys are like the above mdntioned some of us are just bored lookinv to make a friend