Why didn't this ad work?

[SoonTseYoun]

I quit reading half way through the ad. Guess I don't make the cut

 

[aexoticgrl]

...behind bars? ...listed on PPO paperwork? ...to go to hell?

In the jacuzzi with that pretty girl watching.

 

[C5MiGuy]

In the jacuzzi with that pretty girl watching.

What pretty girl? If there was a pretty girl to watch me in a jacuzzi I wouldn't have been posting personal ads on websites. Unless of course the pretty girl was also into girls and wanted me to find one to bring home for both of us. But in that case, I think the luck would be better if the fictional pretty girl placed her own ad.

 

[sereneone4u]

Best of luck, C5MiGuy.

hugs

 

[Edensgarden]

Glad to see your delusional quest for perfection is still going strong. When you find her, please let her know I'm looking for her brother. Maybe we can go out on a double date or something.

Until that time, I'm going to take my down-to-earth self outside and dial a smile.

 

[LWulf]

I usually avoid this sort of thread because the thread question is mostly rhetorical, but what the hey, I'm bored.

After reading war and peace, would you want to buy the book? Then don't make your ad so long.

You spoke a lot about what you want and expect but nothing about why you are oh so worthy of such a catch.

If you want a unicorn, expect to live to a ripe old age before you see it. Oh, and seeing it doesn't mean you will be fast nor sly enough to catch it.

Pessimism never comes across well in any ad. You might think you are coming across as funny, but you are coming across as an oaf.

e.g. I hate people that are shallow. Selfish too. Ever notice that when don't bathe properly that they think they smell like a bed of roses and then want to sit next to you?
Ever notice that some people take someone else's ad from a dating site, then post it as your own on a different forum and ask "why didn't this ad work?" that you can have all sorts of LOLery?

 

[subdued_passion]

You tell him Mister

I usually avoid this sort of thread because the thread question is mostly rhetorical, but what the hey, I'm bored.

After reading war and peace, would you want to buy the book? Then don't make your ad so long.

You spoke a lot about what you want and expect but nothing about why you are oh so worthy of such a catch.

If you want a unicorn, expect to live to a ripe old age before you see it. Oh, and seeing it doesn't mean you will be fast nor sly enough to catch it.

Pessimism never comes across well in any ad. You might think you are coming across as funny, but you are coming across as an oaf.

e.g. I hate people that are shallow. Selfish too. Ever notice that when don't bathe properly that they think they smell like a bed of roses and then want to sit next to you?
Ever notice that some people take someone else's ad from a dating site, then post it as your own on a different forum and ask "why didn't this ad work?" that you can have all sorts of LOLery?

I knew no way both the ads were by the same guy... for all we know this is just a market trending study...

*points self-righteous finger at OP* You people are getting sneakier and sneakier.

I wonder if unicorns used their horn to fuck their females when they couldn't get an erection. Maybe the term horny came from that action... You want it so bad that you use your horn.

Hmnnnn.

 

[C5MiGuy]

I usually avoid this sort of thread because the thread question is mostly rhetorical, but what the hey, I'm bored.

After reading war and peace, would you want to buy the book? Then don't make your ad so long.

You spoke a lot about what you want and expect but nothing about why you are oh so worthy of such a catch.

If you want a unicorn, expect to live to a ripe old age before you see it. Oh, and seeing it doesn't mean you will be fast nor sly enough to catch it.

Pessimism never comes across well in any ad. You might think you are coming across as funny, but you are coming across as an oaf.

e.g. I hate people that are shallow. Selfish too. Ever notice that when don't bathe properly that they think they smell like a bed of roses and then want to sit next to you?
Ever notice that some people take someone else's ad from a dating site, then post it as your own on a different forum and ask "why didn't this ad work?" that you can have all sorts of LOLery?

Even notice that people who are dumbasses think they are smarter than they actually are?

Not that it matters, but neither ad (which, yes, I wrote both) was written to garner any actual relationship potential responses. The first was a parody, which should have been obvious to anyone not suffering from trisomy, of the completely delusional ads that most guys post on dating sites. You know, the guy that's 45, overweight, wears a dirty white t-shirt 4 sizes too small, while still living in his mother's basment that's looking for a 23 year old model who can support him, and whirl him around the world with her on photo shoots. Oh yeah, those models are going to come running for you! Or the guy that's so full of himself and thinks that the women are going to be impressed by all his bragging and accomplishments. I know that's a complete turnoff, which is also why it was incorporated into the ad.

For the record the responses I did get when I originally posted were exactly what I was expecting. Nearly all of them were thanks for the laugh, because they actually understood that it wasn't to be taken seriously.

The second I won't bother to explain because you obviously failed to grasp the concept.

 

[LWulf]

Even notice that people who are dumbasses think they are smarter than they actually are?

Not that it matters, but neither ad (which, yes, I wrote both) was written to garner any actual responses. The first was a parody, which should have been obvious to anyone not suffering from trisomy, of the completely delusional ads that most guys post on dating sites. You know, the guy that's 45, overweight, wears a dirty white t-shirt 4 sizes too small, while still living in his mother's basment that's looking for a 23 year old model who can support him, and whirl him around the world with her on photo shoots. Oh yeah, those models are going to come running for you! Or the guy that's so full of himself and thinks that the women are going to be impressed by all his bragging and accomplishments. I know that's a complete turnoff, which is also why it was incorporated into the ad.

For the record the responses I did get when I originally posted were exactly what I was expecting. Nearly all of them were thanks for the laugh, because they actually understood that it wasn't to be taken seriously.

Not that it matters, but did you ever notice people that are smartasses, are totally confounded by people who give it right back to them?

 

[C5MiGuy]

Not that it matters, but did you ever notice people that are smartasses, are totally confounded by people who give it right back to them?

Generally, smart asses are funny.

 

[Edensgarden]

I can say honestly say that I have seen C5MiGuy's words before. Those were his. I can always tell because his I's always have a little blue in them.

 

[C5MiGuy]

I can say honestly say that I have seen C5MiGuy's words before. Those were his. I can always tell because his I's always have a little blue in them.

You know I've got some gummy bears with your name all over them.

 

[subdued_passion]

I can say honestly say that I have seen C5MiGuy's words before. Those were his. I can always tell because his I's always have a little blue in them.

Phew, thanks for that E, I was all set to delete my Lit profile and all in it.

So whats Wolfman (or is it Lycan/ lycanthrope... werewolf... where is my Twilight movie... need to brush up on the PC term) talking about then?

I smell a decoy (Psst OP, thread being hijacked... save yourself).

 

[Edensgarden]

You know I've got some gummy bears with your name all over them.

I don't bear how much gummy you shove down my throat, I'm not in the mood for a train today.

Give AltlyssaQ a call. She'll fuck anything.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Phew, thanks for that E, I was all set to delete my Lit profile and all in it.

So whats Wolfman (or is it Lycan/ lycanthrope... werewolf... where is my Twilight movie... need to brush up on the PC term) talking about then?

I smell a decoy (Psst OP, thread being hijacked... save yourself).

a thread being hijacked???? That's so unheard of!!!

 

[C5MiGuy]

I don't bear how much gummy you shove down my throat, I'm not in the mood for a train today.

Give AltlyssaQ a call. She'll fuck anything.

Your throat wasn't the location I had in mind.

 

[subdued_passion]

I don't bear how much gummy you shove down my throat, I'm not in the mood for a train today.

Give AltlyssaQ a call. She'll fuck anything.

Your throat wasn't the location I had in mind.

a thread being hijacked???? That's so unheard of!!!

Sunshine, I think it's time we left the thread and these two to get their nasty on.



You've just witnessed another fairytale ending here on Lit. *cue music and tears of joy*

 

[C5MiGuy]

Sunshine, I think it's time we left the thread and these two to get their nasty on.



You've just witnessed another fairytale ending here on Lit. *cue music and tears of joy*

I was hoping for a 435 ensemble playing Ode to Joy. And then a 435 person gummi gangbang.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Sunshine, I think it's time we left the thread and these two to get their nasty on.



You've just witnessed another fairytale ending here on Lit. *cue music and tears of joy*

*gags*

 

[subdued_passion]

I was hoping for a 435 ensemble playing Ode to Joy. And then a 435 person gummi gangbang.

Interesting coincidence: 435 of Indian Penal Code (were you laughing when you read penal?)

Mischief by fire or explosive substance.


Now I have to wonder where will you stick the cracker before you light her fuse?




It carries upto 7 years imprisonment so think carefully before you respond.

 

[C5MiGuy]

Interesting coincidence: 435 of Indian Penal Code (were you laughing when you read penal?)

Mischief by fire or explosive substance.


Now I have to wonder where will you stick the cracker before you light her fuse?




It carries upto 7 years imprisonment so think carefully before you respond.

Who you calling a cracker?!?!?!

 

[sunshinegirl05]

*ooooh just got interesting.....*

 

[Edensgarden]

Sunshine, I think it's time we left the thread and these two to get their nasty on.

You've just witnessed another fairytale ending here on Lit. *cue music and tears of joy*

No need to leave the thread on my account. But if your Dom is calling you back, we have a gummy train arriving in a few that I'm sure you would be more than comfortable on.

 

[subdued_passion]

Who you calling a cracker?!?!?!

You seemed to have perfected the art of parody but failed basic grammar.

Mixing your articles... I said 'the cracker' not 'a cracker'.

Not its a slur only if you planned on sticking your entire self up her something.... For that to be possible you'd have to be a midget or something. In which case...


*Sultry voice on* How you doing sexy?

 

[C5MiGuy]

Not its a slur only if you planned on sticking your entire self up her something.... For that to be possible you'd have to be a midget or something. In which case...


*Sultry voice on* How you doing sexy?

So much for keeping that youthful appearance!!