Why Caddlebear? Why?!

[Morrigu]

*Waves to Moriggles!*

Well, you see..... Sleep is rather like a cat.... It will never be willing to do exactly what you want... Instead it comes and goes as it pleases.... It might stay with you for a long time.... But only if it feels like it.... Sometimes it may run away, leaving you wondering where it is, when you'll see it again.... But it almost always comes back quickly...

Some cultures even believe that sleep is actually a form of animalistic possession... Where the spirit of an animal, generally a cat, takes over the body of an individual.... This is also evidenced in instances of sleep walking and talking.... Clear signs of possession!

So next time you're searching for sleep... Just make sure you're in a position that a cat would enjoy.... Warm and comfy

*Evening huggles for you!*

Perfect sense you make oh Dispenser of Wisdom. So next time I will lie on my side nice and snuggly and wait for sleep

*Huggles of humungous proportions* Hope I didn't squeeze too hard

 

[Cadoras]

If you are a cat expert, can you explain:

(1) Why the only time my favorite cat wants to sit with me is when she is shedding the most amount of hair?

and

(2) How I can get my cats to eat the less expensive brands of cat food instead of the brands where the butcher personally slices each piece, and charges for so doing?

Well... I don't actually claim to be a cat expert.... But I happen to know the answers to these questions.... *Nods*

You see.... When a cat is shedding, it wants just a little bit of help in getting rid of that excess hair.... This is where you come into it... You touch her, hair comes off, she rubs up against your clothes, you're covered in hair.... But she knows that you don't want the hair, so you'll get rid of it for her.... She doesn't have to do anything too difficult and all of her problems are solved... Cats are smart like that

Now, as for the cat food.... You could try to explain to your cats that all the fanciest cats are eating cheap cat food these days.... Because cheap cat food is actually super tasty.... And only the really lame cats are actually eating the expensive food, the loser cats that aren't in the know.... But failing that, I think you may be doomed.... Cats seem way too picky about what they eat, considering some of the other things they do.... Though, you could keep trying different brands?

Cat ownership is demanding....

 

[Kylan]

Hiya Cadoras, I trust you are very well.

This problem has been troubling me for some time. Why is is that I can tune a guitar, but fail to tuna fish?

 

[Cadoras]

Erm..It might just be a gentle headbang but gentle is better than nothing right? You wouldn’t be being reckless if you fall down as a spring chicken you bounce back up again and again and again, I’m thinking it would be quite fun to watch you try and regain your balance..

A flowing vodka sculpture? You do realise you’ve just read my mind…I better clear it of impure thoughts quick. I don’t care if the peasants are skilled or not, I am the queen after all

Excellent, you may take me there on a date, obviously you’ll have to pay, I’ve always fancied eating a nose just to see if it’s as squishy on the inside as it looks

I have a specially made pirate prodder with extensions, I’m so proud of it, it has a little hook on the end, perfect for getting inside their eye patch, I’m greatly feared me.

You are very special, you allowed me to hijack your thread and even humour me by replying

Maybe we could invent something much better than better and call it not better but much better?

As long as you don’t tell people it was originally my smelly sock, they can think what they like of you, I’ll just be giggling in the corner.

Woohoo I caught it, it was an afternoon huggle I hope? I’ve decided to treat you to a new time machine when I make my squillion, of course you’ll pay me back with interest.

Let me think…hmm, there’s three in the cellar, one in the loft, I really must capture another one for Him it gets very lonely up there, four in the outside shed oh and not forgetting the last two who dared to disrespect me they’re in their rightful place, trussed up in the oven.

They’re all bloody mean, you could have warned me earlier, my hands are pecked to shreds, It truly was an amazing sight there I was up in the plane (being pecked half to death) I opened the door to shove ‘em out and watch their magnificent wings fly…they dropped to the ground like a sack of spuds…Ooops

It’s Friday afternoon and I’m counting down the hours ‘till me voddy, you don’t realise how lucky you are being in front of my time, you’re probably half cut already, why do you get to drink before me?

have a fantastic weekend, superduper huggles for you

Absolutely! Where headbanging is concerned, some is definitely better than none! And what's life without a little headbanging? You would be amused to learn that I don't actually have very good balance to begin with.... I think once I fell down, I'd be bouncing around doomededly for all eternity.... But I'm sure you'd be laughing!

Okay.... We'll get you that flowing vodka sculpture.... But you can't drink it all! That would kinda get rid of the point of it being a vodka sculpture at all.... It will be the most magnificent sculpture ever! *Looks for peasants that aren't likely to drink the vodka*

I am concerned that you may be planning on eating my nose..... Is this true? Because I'm sure I could find someone else that really doesn't even need their nose..... There are lots of them!

Ouch.... Your pirate prodder sounds like a very fearsome device indeed! I shall be very careful about wearing eyepatches..... I don't think I want a hook in the eye.... Well, not on the weekend, it's more of a weekday activity!

You didn't hijack my thread! Questions are being asked and answered, it's exactly what the thread is for *Nods*

Much better? I know! Betterestest! That shall be grand!

You would laugh at me, while I suffered alone in smelly sockedness? That is mean! Oh well... I'd be sure to hug you lots!

Oh, it was an afternoon huggle! I think... I can't actually remember, so that sounds right..... You'll buy me a time machine? Wow! You're super generous! And I'll only have to pay you back with interest? How much interest? I'm thinking lots?

I shall come over for dinner then! I'm not a delivery man, so I can't actually keep your lonely one company... But I can help you with the eating.... I mean two delivery men is a lot to eat!

They pecked you? Wait.... What kind of penguins did you get? I hope it wasn't the fairy penguins, those things are vicious.... They're responsible for 700 times the deaths of sharks..... Truly horrible creatures.... They wouldn't bother to fly.... They can't die.... So they'd just drop to the ground and get back up.... I should've warned you!

Oh, but you see.... Here's the bad thing.... Even though I get to drink before you.... I also stop drinking before you! So while it may seem like I have an advantage.... It's not that great! Cos then I get to hear about your great time, while I'm trying to recover.... Le sigh....

*Huggles you and smiles*

Enjoy your weekend!

 

[Cadoras]

Perfect sense you make oh Dispenser of Wisdom. So next time I will lie on my side nice and snuggly and wait for sleep

*Huggles of humungous proportions* Hope I didn't squeeze too hard

Ezacly! It will work perfectly! I assure you!

Is there such a thing as squeezing too hard? Squeezy hugs are the best!

*Lots of warm huggles for you!*

Hope you enjoy your weekend

 

[Cadoras]

Hiya Cadoras, I trust you are very well.

This problem has been troubling me for some time. Why is is that I can tune a guitar, but fail to tuna fish?

Hey Kylan! I'm always well

Hope you're doing well too!

Hmmmmm.... You can't tuna fish? This is definitely a problem.... The most common problems people have when tuna fishing are that they forget exactly what tools they need to do so! So, do you have your um, tuna fishing rod? And your nice big boat for tuna fishing? The big boat is very important.... Tuna are attracted to big boats, I'm not entirely sure why.... But they are! Tuna are very strange.... I'd avoid making eye contact.... You also need to make sure you have the right bait! I'd suggest something tasty.... But I'm not a Tuna, so I'm not sure what they feel like eating

So what you need to do is catch, or buy a Tuna and interrogate it, make sure it lives near the ones you're trying to catch! Problem solved!

Have a great weekend

 

[Essa]

Absolutely! Where headbanging is concerned, some is definitely better than none! And what's life without a little headbanging? You would be amused to learn that I don't actually have very good balance to begin with.... I think once I fell down, I'd be bouncing around doomededly for all eternity.... But I'm sure you'd be laughing!

Okay.... We'll get you that flowing vodka sculpture.... But you can't drink it all! That would kinda get rid of the point of it being a vodka sculpture at all.... It will be the most magnificent sculpture ever! *Looks for peasants that aren't likely to drink the vodka*

I am concerned that you may be planning on eating my nose..... Is this true? Because I'm sure I could find someone else that really doesn't even need their nose..... There are lots of them!

Ouch.... Your pirate prodder sounds like a very fearsome device indeed! I shall be very careful about wearing eyepatches..... I don't think I want a hook in the eye.... Well, not on the weekend, it's more of a weekday activity!

You didn't hijack my thread! Questions are being asked and answered, it's exactly what the thread is for *Nods*

Much better? I know! Betterestest! That shall be grand!

You would laugh at me, while I suffered alone in smelly sockedness? That is mean! Oh well... I'd be sure to hug you lots!

Oh, it was an afternoon huggle! I think... I can't actually remember, so that sounds right..... You'll buy me a time machine? Wow! You're super generous! And I'll only have to pay you back with interest? How much interest? I'm thinking lots?

I shall come over for dinner then! I'm not a delivery man, so I can't actually keep your lonely one company... But I can help you with the eating.... I mean two delivery men is a lot to eat!

They pecked you? Wait.... What kind of penguins did you get? I hope it wasn't the fairy penguins, those things are vicious.... They're responsible for 700 times the deaths of sharks..... Truly horrible creatures.... They wouldn't bother to fly.... They can't die.... So they'd just drop to the ground and get back up.... I should've warned you!

Oh, but you see.... Here's the bad thing.... Even though I get to drink before you.... I also stop drinking before you! So while it may seem like I have an advantage.... It's not that great! Cos then I get to hear about your great time, while I'm trying to recover.... Le sigh....

*Huggles you and smiles*

Enjoy your weekend!

Life would sure be dreary if you didn’t bang your head against a brick wall from time to time, I find thrice a day works a treat. I’m highly amused at your lack of balance, it would be an absolute pleasure to come visit you and spend the whole time pushing you over and watch you attempt to get back up.

Of course I’ll drink it all, I am the queen I can do what the hell I like, actually I think I’ll wait ‘till the peasants have toiled for thirty days and nights with no sleep before changing my mind and ask for Malibu instead, that’s the Queens prerogative you know.

Don’t be concerned, I’ll only eat, say half, I’m not about to make you look a fool now am I? I mean you would look pretty damn silly with no nose, but peoples wouldn’t bat an eyelid if they saw you with half of one.

It’s very fearsome indeed *waves it around * what do you mean you don’t want a hook in the eye? Are you a Man or a mouse?

Damn…I was hoping you’d say I had hijacked it, then I could have held you to ransom for money and jewels and stuff, Oh well I better try plan B.

Betterestest? That’s a fandabedozi word, don’t think I could beat that in a month of Sundays…oh hang on how about, betterestestest?

I laugh at anything that suffers I’m not that fussy really, you would have to hug me at arms length though, either that or give me a peg to put on my nose.

I can’t believe you can’t remember what the huggle was, how can it just sound right? You do realise the afternoon huggle could have been an evening huggle and now the evening huggle won’t know if it’s coming or going, how do you sleep at night? My interest rates are very reasonable, you only have to pay me back twenty times the original amount sound fair?

I shall be expecting you shortly then, I’m sure when you realise just how lonely the lonely delivery man is you’ll put on a pair of blue overalls and join Him, in fact I’m convinced you will. As for the eating of the others…bagsy I get the noses

You knew!! And you never warned me? What kind of friend are you? Never mind, they followed me home and for the moment they’re in the outside shed with some of my Men, quite a lot of noise they made last night, I haven’t been bothered to check on them yet.

So true words from such a wisely one, it’s like a never ending circle of drunkenness and recoveryness.

Todays question is one which I have pondered on for years, not lots of years ‘cause I’m not that old…why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Huggles you back for a super Saturday night

 

[Cadoras]

Life would sure be dreary if you didn’t bang your head against a brick wall from time to time, I find thrice a day works a treat. I’m highly amused at your lack of balance, it would be an absolute pleasure to come visit you and spend the whole time pushing you over and watch you attempt to get back up.

Of course I’ll drink it all, I am the queen I can do what the hell I like, actually I think I’ll wait ‘till the peasants have toiled for thirty days and nights with no sleep before changing my mind and ask for Malibu instead, that’s the Queens prerogative you know.

Don’t be concerned, I’ll only eat, say half, I’m not about to make you look a fool now am I? I mean you would look pretty damn silly with no nose, but peoples wouldn’t bat an eyelid if they saw you with half of one.

It’s very fearsome indeed *waves it around * what do you mean you don’t want a hook in the eye? Are you a Man or a mouse?

Damn…I was hoping you’d say I had hijacked it, then I could have held you to ransom for money and jewels and stuff, Oh well I better try plan B.

Betterestest? That’s a fandabedozi word, don’t think I could beat that in a month of Sundays…oh hang on how about, betterestestest?

I laugh at anything that suffers I’m not that fussy really, you would have to hug me at arms length though, either that or give me a peg to put on my nose.

I can’t believe you can’t remember what the huggle was, how can it just sound right? You do realise the afternoon huggle could have been an evening huggle and now the evening huggle won’t know if it’s coming or going, how do you sleep at night? My interest rates are very reasonable, you only have to pay me back twenty times the original amount sound fair?

I shall be expecting you shortly then, I’m sure when you realise just how lonely the lonely delivery man is you’ll put on a pair of blue overalls and join Him, in fact I’m convinced you will. As for the eating of the others…bagsy I get the noses

You knew!! And you never warned me? What kind of friend are you? Never mind, they followed me home and for the moment they’re in the outside shed with some of my Men, quite a lot of noise they made last night, I haven’t been bothered to check on them yet.

So true words from such a wisely one, it’s like a never ending circle of drunkenness and recoveryness.

Todays question is one which I have pondered on for years, not lots of years ‘cause I’m not that old…why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Huggles you back for a super Saturday night

I'm always banging my head against a wall... But I'm not sure if I'm managing my brick wall quota... I like to mix it up a bit.... So I hit my head on all sorts of different walls! It's fun! *Eyes you suspiciously* You'd visit me just to push me over? You're so friendly! I've never had someone do that for me before!

Don't worry, we'll put in a tap in the back, just for you! After 30 days and 30 nights of endless work, while being bathed in vodka (I expect some spillage) the peasants won't even know the difference, they'll just think they're doing the same thing.... You could triple the size of the monument and they wouldn't notice! But it's fun to watch them stumble around, right?

Which half of my nose are you planning on eating? I mean will you only eat the left or right? Or will you maybe eat the top half, or the bottom half? I think it's important... I mean it can be tricky to look fashionable if you only have the bottom half of your nose....

*Ponders and watches you wave the pirate prodder around* I do believe that I am whichever of those two that doesn't want a hook in the eye.... *Nods*

Probably for the best that you didn't hijack it.... Do I really look like I have money and jewels? And does plan b involve going after someone that does have a fortune? Maybe some kind of miner! They're always finding cool stuff!

Wows! Fandabedozi? That's so cool! And are you sure about betterestestest? Because you might not've considered betterestestestesterest! I think you might be able to see the good points of it....

*Hands you a peg* Here, put this on your nose! And then, I'll hug you and run over here! Where I can laugh at you for having a peg on your nose!

Erm.... I did use high tech huggle sound identifying equipment to determine that it was infact an afternoon huggle.... It's not like I just guessed or anything! I wouldn't want to tear the fabric of huggle reality.... I'm not a monster! Okay... Sounds fair... But who is actually placing the value on this time machine? Because what if they undervalue it and you end up getting ripped off? That would be unfair! I volunteer to value the time machine for you!

But by the time I get there, you might already have a friend for the delivery man... I mean you are going ahead with your plans of capturing all the delivery men in the world, right? It could be that you've already moved up to an expanse delivery man ranch by then! I have faith in you! Well... Of course you get the noses! They're the best part... *Nods*

I thought you knew about the penguins.... Didn't everyone know? Fairy Penguins are the most vicious creatures on the planet.... Didn't you ever wonder what happened to the dodo bird? The poor thing couldn't fly.... It stood no chance! *Sighs* You should be okay.... Fairy Penguins don't eat delivery mens' noses.... They'll probably cook them for you though....

Exactly! Somewhere in the world, there's always someone infront or behind you in the great circle of alcoholity! It's what makes the world go around... One might even come to the conclusive, that that's why the earth rotates....

Just been wondering since your 18th birthday last week? *Huggles Essa!*

But to explain.... Let me tell you the story of a man named Udong Unagi... Udong was a fighter pilot, though he wasn't actually very good.... He could never hit anything..... No matter how hard he tried, he never got any better.... Well, his commanders were desperate to get rid of him... They couldn't just kick him out.... So they did something tricky.... They told him to try a mission without his helmet on, to see if it would help him.... He just wasn't very lucky though... So when he unexpectedly crashed into an enemy aircraft.... He was killed instantly.... From that day forth, all pilots became suspicious of orders to not wear helmets... Even those that knew they were going to die.... And that is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets

*Leaves you a bunch of super warm Sunday huggles!*

 

[asian_princess]

Why Caddlebear, Why? is it that when i'm not on lit i have so many quetions to ask you, then when I get here....gone! thoughts all dead??

 

[Cadoras]

Why Caddlebear, Why? is it that when i'm not on lit i have so many quetions to ask you, then when I get here....gone! thoughts all dead??

*Huggles the forgetful APplebear*

Well... You see... It's actually a very simple thing! When you aren't on Lit, your brain is super full of ideas, they're just bouncing around inside your head, being all happy and thoughtful.... But, the problem is, when you open a Lit page, those ideas run away.... Not all of them though, just a few, they scamper off, to the non lit part of your brain.... But each time you open a new page, more ideas run away... Until you're left with only a very few ideas, none of them being questions.... Which is also why name 5 is so hard to come up with questions for! It's very tragic..... *Huggles you some more* There is a solution though.... You need to bring your ideas with you, you might even have to write them down, then you can use them when you get here!

It should work!

 

[Kylan]

Hey Kylan! I'm always well

Hope you're doing well too!

Hmmmmm.... You can't tuna fish? This is definitely a problem.... The most common problems people have when tuna fishing are that they forget exactly what tools they need to do so! So, do you have your um, tuna fishing rod? And your nice big boat for tuna fishing? The big boat is very important.... Tuna are attracted to big boats, I'm not entirely sure why.... But they are! Tuna are very strange.... I'd avoid making eye contact.... You also need to make sure you have the right bait! I'd suggest something tasty.... But I'm not a Tuna, so I'm not sure what they feel like eating

So what you need to do is catch, or buy a Tuna and interrogate it, make sure it lives near the ones you're trying to catch! Problem solved!

Have a great weekend

Good to hear you're fit an' well, Cadoras. That's one cracking sense of hum - wisdom you've got going on there.

Yes, I have a rod, but it's not the 'um' type, it's the 'codswallop' version, which I use a lot. Do I need the 'um' type to get the perfect pitch, and if so, why O why do I need a pitch on a boat?

 

[Cadoras]

Good to hear you're fit an' well, Cadoras. That's one cracking sense of hum - wisdom you've got going on there.

Yes, I have a rod, but it's not the 'um' type, it's the 'codswallop' version, which I use a lot. Do I need the 'um' type to get the perfect pitch, and if so, why O why do I need a pitch on a boat?

*Waves to Kylan*

Hey there Kylan! I hope you're enjoying your weekend!

Ah yes... I do try to have a good sense of wisdom....

You've got a codswallop tuna fishing rod? Well, that right there is a problem if ever I heard one! And I hear lots of problems... No self respecting tuna would allow itself to be caught by someone using a rod with the name of another fish in it! That's just embarassing....

The 'um' type may very well help you to achieve perfect pitch.... However the actual need to have a pitch on a boat is the subject of great debate... Some fishing enthusiasts argue that since fishing is a sport, you need to have some kind of place to "play" that sport on.... So you need to get the right pitch before you can fish properly... Without it, you're just mucking around.... While others merely think that it's an excuse for them to make it look more interesting than it really is.... We might never know the truth though, because fishing is such a complicated pursuit.....

(Clearly, I don't fish much.... I kinda lost the desire after I caught a dead fish....)

If you have any other questions, you know who to ask!

 

[Kylan]

*Waves to Kylan*

Hey there Kylan! I hope you're enjoying your weekend!

Ah yes... I do try to have a good sense of wisdom....

You've got a codswallop tuna fishing rod? Well, that right there is a problem if ever I heard one! And I hear lots of problems... No self respecting tuna would allow itself to be caught by someone using a rod with the name of another fish in it! That's just embarassing....

The 'um' type may very well help you to achieve perfect pitch.... However the actual need to have a pitch on a boat is the subject of great debate... Some fishing enthusiasts argue that since fishing is a sport, you need to have some kind of place to "play" that sport on.... So you need to get the right pitch before you can fish properly... Without it, you're just mucking around.... While others merely think that it's an excuse for them to make it look more interesting than it really is.... We might never know the truth though, because fishing is such a complicated pursuit.....

(Clearly, I don't fish much.... I kinda lost the desire after I caught a dead fish....)

If you have any other questions, you know who to ask!

*Stands on pitch of tuna fishing boat and waves. *

Yup, all is very well here thanks, but I must confess to having misplaced Friday night.

Why O why do people consider fishing a sport? Surely they realise that sitting around all day is in no way beneficial to the Sole?

 

[Essa]

I'm always banging my head against a wall... But I'm not sure if I'm managing my brick wall quota... I like to mix it up a bit.... So I hit my head on all sorts of different walls! It's fun! *Eyes you suspiciously* You'd visit me just to push me over? You're so friendly! I've never had someone do that for me before!

Don't worry, we'll put in a tap in the back, just for you! After 30 days and 30 nights of endless work, while being bathed in vodka (I expect some spillage) the peasants won't even know the difference, they'll just think they're doing the same thing.... You could triple the size of the monument and they wouldn't notice! But it's fun to watch them stumble around, right?

Which half of my nose are you planning on eating? I mean will you only eat the left or right? Or will you maybe eat the top half, or the bottom half? I think it's important... I mean it can be tricky to look fashionable if you only have the bottom half of your nose....

*Ponders and watches you wave the pirate prodder around* I do believe that I am whichever of those two that doesn't want a hook in the eye.... *Nods*

Probably for the best that you didn't hijack it.... Do I really look like I have money and jewels? And does plan b involve going after someone that does have a fortune? Maybe some kind of miner! They're always finding cool stuff!

Wows! Fandabedozi? That's so cool! And are you sure about betterestestest? Because you might not've considered betterestestestesterest! I think you might be able to see the good points of it....

*Hands you a peg* Here, put this on your nose! And then, I'll hug you and run over here! Where I can laugh at you for having a peg on your nose!

Erm.... I did use high tech huggle sound identifying equipment to determine that it was infact an afternoon huggle.... It's not like I just guessed or anything! I wouldn't want to tear the fabric of huggle reality.... I'm not a monster! Okay... Sounds fair... But who is actually placing the value on this time machine? Because what if they undervalue it and you end up getting ripped off? That would be unfair! I volunteer to value the time machine for you!

But by the time I get there, you might already have a friend for the delivery man... I mean you are going ahead with your plans of capturing all the delivery men in the world, right? It could be that you've already moved up to an expanse delivery man ranch by then! I have faith in you! Well... Of course you get the noses! They're the best part... *Nods*

I thought you knew about the penguins.... Didn't everyone know? Fairy Penguins are the most vicious creatures on the planet.... Didn't you ever wonder what happened to the dodo bird? The poor thing couldn't fly.... It stood no chance! *Sighs* You should be okay.... Fairy Penguins don't eat delivery mens' noses.... They'll probably cook them for you though....

Exactly! Somewhere in the world, there's always someone infront or behind you in the great circle of alcoholity! It's what makes the world go around... One might even come to the conclusive, that that's why the earth rotates....

Just been wondering since your 18th birthday last week? *Huggles Essa!*

But to explain.... Let me tell you the story of a man named Udong Unagi... Udong was a fighter pilot, though he wasn't actually very good.... He could never hit anything..... No matter how hard he tried, he never got any better.... Well, his commanders were desperate to get rid of him... They couldn't just kick him out.... So they did something tricky.... They told him to try a mission without his helmet on, to see if it would help him.... He just wasn't very lucky though... So when he unexpectedly crashed into an enemy aircraft.... He was killed instantly.... From that day forth, all pilots became suspicious of orders to not wear helmets... Even those that knew they were going to die.... And that is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets

*Leaves you a bunch of super warm Sunday huggles!*

I really feel your being slightly a lazy caddlebear here, you’ll know exactly when you’ve reached your quota ‘cause the blood pouring from your head will drip into your eyes and you won’t be able to see any more walls. I guess you could say I’m overly friendly, to push you over would be a huge pleasure.

Aww a tap just for me, not for you obviously, just for me, how sweet, for 30 days and nights I wouldn’t have to move from my spot, it would be so much fun watching them stumble and if they get close enough I could push them over, peasants are so much easier to push to the floor if they’re already stumbling.

Hmm, I haven’t quite decided yet, I’m gonna need to squish each side separately and the side that feels the most gooey will be eaten, of course you’ll look fashionable you’ll be walking with me and that’s fashionable enough, woe betide anyone who says differently.

You can’t be a Man and a mouse you have to choose one, and you can guarantee if you choose to be a Man I’ll just pretend you’re a mouse and hook you and vice versa, you can’t really win there can you?

Erm…actually yes you do, all Men have money and jewels they just hide them around the house hoping to fool poor innocent gold digging ladies. Plan b didn’t involve a miner but it does now, any chance you could pass me on to a few?

Damn you’ve nearly got me beat …I’ve considered betterestestestesterest and while I admit it’s a lovely jubbly word how about evenbetterestestestesterest?

You’d laugh at me? *stamps feet and while stamping of the said feet sticks one out as you’re running off and brings you crashing to the ground* Oops a daisy *smiles sweetly*

Hmm well if you’re sure you didn’t guess I’ll let you off, just this once mind. You’ll value the time machine for me? What a sweetie cake you are, I just know you wouldn’t dare to try and rip me off ‘cause I’m the one holding the exyending pirate prodder.

No, no, I shall await your arrival, I’ve decided to give the delivery Men a break while I concentrate on capturing caddlebe…erm…other types.

Fairy penguins sound so gentle and soft, names can sure be deceiving, the poor dodo birds, no wonder they didn’t stand a chance, they probably introduced themselves to the fairy penguins expecting them to do a few girlie twirlies and they ended up being eaten, but on the plus side fairy penguins can cook, there you go we shouldn’t automatically see the worst in folks after all

Wow that’s why the earth rotates it’s always to drunk to stay still, you are so noble and wise.

I actually have a confession to make about that, I was indeed 18 last week, the thing is when I joined Lit I was a bit weary and put my mums date of birth instead of mine and you do realise once you put something in your profile you’re not allowed, ever, to change it, so now you know.

Poor Udong Unagi but at least something good came out of it, what, I simply don’t know yet but I’m sure there was something.

It’s raining and pouring again here in the U.K, why does it always do that when it knows I’m going out for the afternoon in a pair of sandals and no socks?

An extra large bunch of super huggles is flying through the air right now for you to catch, have a wonderful night

 

[Cadoras]

*Stands on pitch of tuna fishing boat and waves. *

Yup, all is very well here thanks, but I must confess to having misplaced Friday night.

Why O why do people consider fishing a sport? Surely they realise that sitting around all day is in no way beneficial to the Sole?

*Laughs and waves back*

Did you try looking under a vodka bottle? Friday night likes to hide under bottles.... It might just be playing games!

There was a time when fishing was only considered a way to feed onself and ones' family..... This evolved into a business enterprise, feeding others, in exchange for goods or services.... But like all things, there are those that enjoyed it purely for what it was.... Now, not everyone may enjoy fishing, but those that do enjoy it and pursue it just for the pleasure they get from it, do consider it to be a sport.... And though there is a lot of sitting around, they do sometimes engage in strenuous activity.... This greatly varies depending on what they're fishing for....

But another way to look at it is.... Running is a sport... But way back, a very long time ago, running was just a tool for survival, people would race each other for the prize of not being eaten alive.... These days, we don't generally have to run to stay alive, but there are those that enjoy the feeling of it.... And those that just want to be the best.... I am sure that fishing has it's own records.... Like "Biggest fish caught" or "Most hooks fed to one fish" And it's all about enjoying it, right? We never know what sports the future will bring us.... Almost anything could become a sport! It just has to catch on properly

 

[Cadoras]

I really feel your being slightly a lazy caddlebear here, you’ll know exactly when you’ve reached your quota ‘cause the blood pouring from your head will drip into your eyes and you won’t be able to see any more walls. I guess you could say I’m overly friendly, to push you over would be a huge pleasure.

Aww a tap just for me, not for you obviously, just for me, how sweet, for 30 days and nights I wouldn’t have to move from my spot, it would be so much fun watching them stumble and if they get close enough I could push them over, peasants are so much easier to push to the floor if they’re already stumbling.

Hmm, I haven’t quite decided yet, I’m gonna need to squish each side separately and the side that feels the most gooey will be eaten, of course you’ll look fashionable you’ll be walking with me and that’s fashionable enough, woe betide anyone who says differently.

You can’t be a Man and a mouse you have to choose one, and you can guarantee if you choose to be a Man I’ll just pretend you’re a mouse and hook you and vice versa, you can’t really win there can you?

Erm…actually yes you do, all Men have money and jewels they just hide them around the house hoping to fool poor innocent gold digging ladies. Plan b didn’t involve a miner but it does now, any chance you could pass me on to a few?

Damn you’ve nearly got me beat …I’ve considered betterestestestesterest and while I admit it’s a lovely jubbly word how about evenbetterestestestesterest?

You’d laugh at me? *stamps feet and while stamping of the said feet sticks one out as you’re running off and brings you crashing to the ground* Oops a daisy *smiles sweetly*

Hmm well if you’re sure you didn’t guess I’ll let you off, just this once mind. You’ll value the time machine for me? What a sweetie cake you are, I just know you wouldn’t dare to try and rip me off ‘cause I’m the one holding the exyending pirate prodder.

No, no, I shall await your arrival, I’ve decided to give the delivery Men a break while I concentrate on capturing caddlebe…erm…other types.

Fairy penguins sound so gentle and soft, names can sure be deceiving, the poor dodo birds, no wonder they didn’t stand a chance, they probably introduced themselves to the fairy penguins expecting them to do a few girlie twirlies and they ended up being eaten, but on the plus side fairy penguins can cook, there you go we shouldn’t automatically see the worst in folks after all

Wow that’s why the earth rotates it’s always to drunk to stay still, you are so noble and wise.

I actually have a confession to make about that, I was indeed 18 last week, the thing is when I joined Lit I was a bit weary and put my mums date of birth instead of mine and you do realise once you put something in your profile you’re not allowed, ever, to change it, so now you know.

Poor Udong Unagi but at least something good came out of it, what, I simply don’t know yet but I’m sure there was something.

It’s raining and pouring again here in the U.K, why does it always do that when it knows I’m going out for the afternoon in a pair of sandals and no socks?

An extra large bunch of super huggles is flying through the air right now for you to catch, have a wonderful night

Ah, but you're forgetting something there Essa! I already can't see properly.... I am cursed with poor eyesight... So I can't just use that as a way of judging when I've done my quota... I might stop too soon! And that would just be wrong..... Oh, okay! I like friendly people! You can come push me over all you like! *Nods*

Oh, of course! I wouldn't be drinking it! I'm not fancy enough to drink vodka from a tap on a statue! *Sighs* You could even make a game out of seeing what kind of injuries the peasants could get from being pushed over! It'd be super fun!

That should work well then! I'm sure you will choose a tasty piece of nose! *Nodulates* I recommend the left side, personally.... It may be up to 20% tastier than the right! Aha! I see... So I'll be walking with you? Wouldn't you say so sooner? I wouldn't need to worry about fashion at all! Yay!

Well, I guess I might be a little doomed there.... But what if I'm a mouseman? I mean, I'd be super fancy then... And you don't want to hook super fancy things, cos you might damage them! That works, doesn't it? *Hopes*

No, really! No jewels at all here! *Hides the secret passage* I don't know what you could possibly be talking about.... Maybe you're thinking of moles? They're always hiding treasurer from innocent gold digging ladies! Mean moles! I guess I know a couple of miners, I could point you in the right direction... But watch out, those miners are crazy! Too much dirt....

I think I have to concede defeat! Your word absolutely wins! It's the Sublabomosiest word ever! *Huggles you and hands you the trophy* I don't even know why I tried to compete!

Ow! That really hurt, even spring chickens can break! Especially when people step on their springs! Well, I wouldn't laugh at you in a mean way...... Just happily! Really...

Of course! I value huggles very highly... I would never treat them badly! Poor confuzzled huggles..... Oh yes! I know of the fearsome pirate prodder! So I would definitely try to rip you off with your time machine valuation.... I'll give you top dollar for it, make no mistake! *Nods*

Hey! That sounded very suspicious! *Eyes you warily* Are you plotting something? *Looks around for Caddlebear traps* I'll be keeping an eye on you....

Actually... What really happened was that the fairy penguins visited the dodos and they did do those fairy twirlies..... But! Then they surrounded the dodos and it was all over.... They were too busy trying to clap their little dodo wings to even run away..... It was horrible! The grilled dodo was particularly well done though....

Yep.... With all the alcohol around and the continuous drinking, it's a wonder the earth hasn't crashed into anything recently.... Though, it was one such incident that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs..... *Shakes head sadly*

Oh, that makes perfect sense! If you put your real age, people might think you're a little young and try to take advantage of your innocence.... Those mean people! A belated happy birthday to you! *Lots of late birthday huggles for Essa!*

Do we consider helmet hair to be a bonus? If so, something good did come of it! If not, well, it was just a tragedy....

There are some things you really do need to know about the weather.... It hates people to have soggy socks, absolutely hates it! One of the worst things that can absolutely happen..... So, it waits until people aren't wearing socks, then rains on them.... Infact, if you're wearing socks on a bright sunny day, you can cause it to rain simply by taking those socks off! It's almost like magic.... After all, everyone is afraid of something, even forces of nature aren't exempt from this

One day, the umbrella companies will realise this and make umbrellas out of old socks.... But until then, these problems will continue! *Shakes fist at the evil umbrella empire*

*Catches the huggles and sends back a large group of warm fluffy huggles to you!* Have a great Monday!

 

[Essa]

Ah, but you're forgetting something there Essa! I already can't see properly.... I am cursed with poor eyesight... So I can't just use that as a way of judging when I've done my quota... I might stop too soon! And that would just be wrong..... Oh, okay! I like friendly people! You can come push me over all you like! *Nods*

Oh, of course! I wouldn't be drinking it! I'm not fancy enough to drink vodka from a tap on a statue! *Sighs* You could even make a game out of seeing what kind of injuries the peasants could get from being pushed over! It'd be super fun!

That should work well then! I'm sure you will choose a tasty piece of nose! *Nodulates* I recommend the left side, personally.... It may be up to 20% tastier than the right! Aha! I see... So I'll be walking with you? Wouldn't you say so sooner? I wouldn't need to worry about fashion at all! Yay!

Well, I guess I might be a little doomed there.... But what if I'm a mouseman? I mean, I'd be super fancy then... And you don't want to hook super fancy things, cos you might damage them! That works, doesn't it? *Hopes*

No, really! No jewels at all here! *Hides the secret passage* I don't know what you could possibly be talking about.... Maybe you're thinking of moles? They're always hiding treasurer from innocent gold digging ladies! Mean moles! I guess I know a couple of miners, I could point you in the right direction... But watch out, those miners are crazy! Too much dirt....

I think I have to concede defeat! Your word absolutely wins! It's the Sublabomosiest word ever! *Huggles you and hands you the trophy* I don't even know why I tried to compete!

Ow! That really hurt, even spring chickens can break! Especially when people step on their springs! Well, I wouldn't laugh at you in a mean way...... Just happily! Really...

Of course! I value huggles very highly... I would never treat them badly! Poor confuzzled huggles..... Oh yes! I know of the fearsome pirate prodder! So I would definitely try to rip you off with your time machine valuation.... I'll give you top dollar for it, make no mistake! *Nods*

Hey! That sounded very suspicious! *Eyes you warily* Are you plotting something? *Looks around for Caddlebear traps* I'll be keeping an eye on you....

Actually... What really happened was that the fairy penguins visited the dodos and they did do those fairy twirlies..... But! Then they surrounded the dodos and it was all over.... They were too busy trying to clap their little dodo wings to even run away..... It was horrible! The grilled dodo was particularly well done though....

Yep.... With all the alcohol around and the continuous drinking, it's a wonder the earth hasn't crashed into anything recently.... Though, it was one such incident that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs..... *Shakes head sadly*

Oh, that makes perfect sense! If you put your real age, people might think you're a little young and try to take advantage of your innocence.... Those mean people! A belated happy birthday to you! *Lots of late birthday huggles for Essa!*

Do we consider helmet hair to be a bonus? If so, something good did come of it! If not, well, it was just a tragedy....

There are some things you really do need to know about the weather.... It hates people to have soggy socks, absolutely hates it! One of the worst things that can absolutely happen..... So, it waits until people aren't wearing socks, then rains on them.... Infact, if you're wearing socks on a bright sunny day, you can cause it to rain simply by taking those socks off! It's almost like magic.... After all, everyone is afraid of something, even forces of nature aren't exempt from this

One day, the umbrella companies will realise this and make umbrellas out of old socks.... But until then, these problems will continue! *Shakes fist at the evil umbrella empire*

*Catches the huggles and sends back a large group of warm fluffy huggles to you!* Have a great Monday!

Aww I didn’t realise you were cursed with poor eyesight, how about I pop one of mine in the post? No need to thank me, that’s what friends are for. Please handle it with care though it’s a glass one. You’re to kind, if I’m in a generous mood I might even let you get up for dinner.

That’s correct, when you’re as fancy as me I might consider it, so all hope isn’t lost just yet. Maybe we could get bonus points when they stop breathing? Superduper fun.

The left side it is then with a bit of salad cream naturally, can’t eat anything without salad cream. You wouldn’t need to worry about anything walking with me, they’d be so busy laughing at my sense of fashion they won’t even notice your half eaten nose.

Hmm a mouseMan, it could work, but only if you scurry under the fridge, hide there ‘till I’ve broke me back moving it and then at the last moment possible, scurry under the washing machine, whilst all the time nibbling on a piece of cheese and laughing at me. Yep my hook would never catch you, you’re onto a winner there.

Yay a secret passage, I knew it, I demand you send me the airfare to come and investigate for myself. To late now trying to throw me off track with them poor defenceless moles, I demand to be steal your jewels…miners with dirt you say? That could work, you know the old saying, where there’s muck there’s gold, (well actually brass, but I don’t want brass far to cheap)

I don’t know either, you must have realised I’m a word champion, *accepts the trophy and adds it to all the others I’ve conned erm I mean won and huggles you back*

Oh dear are you hurt? I didn’t actually step that hard, more of a stamp really, *apologises profusely, dries your eyes while stifling the laughter in my throat* You can laugh at me in a mean way if you like, I’ll just stamp harder the next time.

You would definitely try to rip me off would you? Hmm seems I’ve been right about you all along, and you’d only give me a dollar? Top dollar or not mate the deal is off. Me and my pirate prodder will be arriving soon to confront you, make no mistake about that.

Oops me and my big mouth…hey as if innocent young me would be plotting anything, *kicks caddlebear trap under the chair and holds breath…phew He didn’t see it*

You ate the dodo??? Why you, you, you evil Man you, how could you be so damn cruel, I told you I wanted first taste.

That’ll teach the earth to have some bread before it starts on the vino, big shame about the dinosaurs, such cute cuddly creatures an all

True and we wouldn’t want that would we, or would we? Woohoo late birthday huggles I love them, erm…you’ve forgotten me prezzy

Damn yeah, we consider helmet hair a bonus just think of all the poor thinning headed Men in the world, give them the helmet and they can stick some hair over their thinningness, another world crisis solved

Gosh how true, I’ve never in my life met such a wisely Man. I shall take all my odd socks to the umbrella peoples and demand action.

My why question of the day is a very serious one, why oh why are the boys breaking up from school for six whole weeks, what is the point?

The sun is shining today so I’m off in my bikini to scare the natives, I haven’t had a good laugh in ages, sends loads of huggles for a fandabedozy night.
__________________

 

[Cadoras]

Aww I didn’t realise you were cursed with poor eyesight, how about I pop one of mine in the post? No need to thank me, that’s what friends are for. Please handle it with care though it’s a glass one. You’re to kind, if I’m in a generous mood I might even let you get up for dinner.

That’s correct, when you’re as fancy as me I might consider it, so all hope isn’t lost just yet. Maybe we could get bonus points when they stop breathing? Superduper fun.

The left side it is then with a bit of salad cream naturally, can’t eat anything without salad cream. You wouldn’t need to worry about anything walking with me, they’d be so busy laughing at my sense of fashion they won’t even notice your half eaten nose.

Hmm a mouseMan, it could work, but only if you scurry under the fridge, hide there ‘till I’ve broke me back moving it and then at the last moment possible, scurry under the washing machine, whilst all the time nibbling on a piece of cheese and laughing at me. Yep my hook would never catch you, you’re onto a winner there.

Yay a secret passage, I knew it, I demand you send me the airfare to come and investigate for myself. To late now trying to throw me off track with them poor defenceless moles, I demand to be steal your jewels…miners with dirt you say? That could work, you know the old saying, where there’s muck there’s gold, (well actually brass, but I don’t want brass far to cheap)

I don’t know either, you must have realised I’m a word champion, *accepts the trophy and adds it to all the others I’ve conned erm I mean won and huggles you back*

Oh dear are you hurt? I didn’t actually step that hard, more of a stamp really, *apologises profusely, dries your eyes while stifling the laughter in my throat* You can laugh at me in a mean way if you like, I’ll just stamp harder the next time.

You would definitely try to rip me off would you? Hmm seems I’ve been right about you all along, and you’d only give me a dollar? Top dollar or not mate the deal is off. Me and my pirate prodder will be arriving soon to confront you, make no mistake about that.

Oops me and my big mouth…hey as if innocent young me would be plotting anything, *kicks caddlebear trap under the chair and holds breath…phew He didn’t see it*

You ate the dodo??? Why you, you, you evil Man you, how could you be so damn cruel, I told you I wanted first taste.

That’ll teach the earth to have some bread before it starts on the vino, big shame about the dinosaurs, such cute cuddly creatures an all

True and we wouldn’t want that would we, or would we? Woohoo late birthday huggles I love them, erm…you’ve forgotten me prezzy

Damn yeah, we consider helmet hair a bonus just think of all the poor thinning headed Men in the world, give them the helmet and they can stick some hair over their thinningness, another world crisis solved

Gosh how true, I’ve never in my life met such a wisely Man. I shall take all my odd socks to the umbrella peoples and demand action.

My why question of the day is a very serious one, why oh why are the boys breaking up from school for six whole weeks, what is the point?

The sun is shining today so I’m off in my bikini to scare the natives, I haven’t had a good laugh in ages, sends loads of huggles for a fandabedozy night.
__________________

Oh, you don't have to be that generous! I can make do with what I have! And I wouldn't want to deprive you of your own.... I couldn't even use your wonderful eyes properly! Wow! You might even let me get up for dinner? But I could always just try to eat while I was falling down... It might even be funnier for you!

But I'll never be as fancy as you! Cos you just keep getting fancier and fancier! Unless I only need to try to get to how fancy you are right now... I might get there one day! Oh, of course! But they'd have to keep each other alive, because it's no fun when they all stop moving! We need them barely alive at least...

*Glances about worriedly* You know.... You don't actually have to eat my nose at all.... There are plenty of things tastier than Caddlebear noses.... *Holds up a box of delivery man noses* Hey! You have a great sense of fashion! I mean... You take my fashion advice... So clearly you must be the most fashionable person around!

Wow! You already figured out all of my plans as a mouseman? You are good! But I think it will work... As long as you don't put too many of those tricky moustraps around... I might get distracted and get stuck in one! Then it's all over.... Scawy....

But those moles are incredibly rich! Haven't you ever heard of making a mountain out of a molehill? Those moles are property developers! They make oodles of cash! Yes! Those miners are hiding all of their treasure... But they aren't very smart... If you just ask them, they'll probably tell you all about it *Nods*

*Wonders if she noticed that the trophy was plastic...* Oh yes! You are the best wordmaker out there! *Nodulates* I bow down before your greatness! Here! Have another, bigger trophy!

Erm... I'm okay with not laughing at you... Really.... I shall just smile and wave! Because you look so dashing and stuff! *Nods*

Urgh! I've been caught out.... There goes my plan to get a time machine for just 20 top dollars! It was such a brilliant plan too... A mere slip of the tongue and it was all over... Le sigh.... Oh, you're coming to visit me? Yay!

*Glances under the chair* That looks very much like a Caddlebear trap.... Hmmmm..... Excuse me, innocent, young Essa.... Do you happen to know anything about this trap under this chair?

*Hands you a dodo drumstick* It's cold, but very tasty... You'd be surprised to learn that cold dodo tastes way better than freshly cooked dodo.... If I hadn't done the research, your first dodo meal wouldn't have been the best!

Yes, you'd think that the planet might've learned from the loss of the dinosaurs... But it just went ahead, ordered some new animals and continued on it's drunken way.... Bad planet!

My friendship isn't enough of a present for you? *Gives you dozens more birthday huggles!* The present's in the mail *Nods*

Oh, wow.... I didn't even realise that the helmet hair wasn't related to actually having your own hair... There's still so much that I just don't know... But I'm learning so I can give people better advice! One day I will know everything... Or at least, almost everything!

Make sure that it still looks like an umbrella though... If the weather works it out too quickly.... It might start firing lighting at your socks.... It's very tricky! You can never trust a cloud..... *Sighs*

Now, to answer this question... We have to think for a moment about the pressures of herding large groups of wild animals.... You see, even a lion tamer needs a break every now and then.... They normally only work with one or two lions.... But those poor teachers are stuck with hordes of wild, crazy children.... If you make them do that for too long, they will go insane and start shooting people! And unfortunately, they probably won't take it out on the children, because they'll want to make other people suffer with them The only solution is for them to share the stress with other people....

We shouldn't blame them for giving them this time at home... We should be glad that they are willing to put up with them for so long.... I mean... You don't want all children to be schooled at home, do you? *Shivers*

Hope you had fun at the beach! *Lots of warm Tuesday huggles for Essa*

 

[Essa]

Oh, you don't have to be that generous! I can make do with what I have! And I wouldn't want to deprive you of your own.... I couldn't even use your wonderful eyes properly! Wow! You might even let me get up for dinner? But I could always just try to eat while I was falling down... It might even be funnier for you!

But I'll never be as fancy as you! Cos you just keep getting fancier and fancier! Unless I only need to try to get to how fancy you are right now... I might get there one day! Oh, of course! But they'd have to keep each other alive, because it's no fun when they all stop moving! We need them barely alive at least...

*Glances about worriedly* You know.... You don't actually have to eat my nose at all.... There are plenty of things tastier than Caddlebear noses.... *Holds up a box of delivery man noses* Hey! You have a great sense of fashion! I mean... You take my fashion advice... So clearly you must be the most fashionable person around!

Wow! You already figured out all of my plans as a mouseman? You are good! But I think it will work... As long as you don't put too many of those tricky moustraps around... I might get distracted and get stuck in one! Then it's all over.... Scawy....

But those moles are incredibly rich! Haven't you ever heard of making a mountain out of a molehill? Those moles are property developers! They make oodles of cash! Yes! Those miners are hiding all of their treasure... But they aren't very smart... If you just ask them, they'll probably tell you all about it *Nods*

*Wonders if she noticed that the trophy was plastic...* Oh yes! You are the best wordmaker out there! *Nodulates* I bow down before your greatness! Here! Have another, bigger trophy!

Erm... I'm okay with not laughing at you... Really.... I shall just smile and wave! Because you look so dashing and stuff! *Nods*

Urgh! I've been caught out.... There goes my plan to get a time machine for just 20 top dollars! It was such a brilliant plan too... A mere slip of the tongue and it was all over... Le sigh.... Oh, you're coming to visit me? Yay!

*Glances under the chair* That looks very much like a Caddlebear trap.... Hmmmm..... Excuse me, innocent, young Essa.... Do you happen to know anything about this trap under this chair?

*Hands you a dodo drumstick* It's cold, but very tasty... You'd be surprised to learn that cold dodo tastes way better than freshly cooked dodo.... If I hadn't done the research, your first dodo meal wouldn't have been the best!

Yes, you'd think that the planet might've learned from the loss of the dinosaurs... But it just went ahead, ordered some new animals and continued on it's drunken way.... Bad planet!

My friendship isn't enough of a present for you? *Gives you dozens more birthday huggles!* The present's in the mail *Nods*

Oh, wow.... I didn't even realise that the helmet hair wasn't related to actually having your own hair... There's still so much that I just don't know... But I'm learning so I can give people better advice! One day I will know everything... Or at least, almost everything!

Make sure that it still looks like an umbrella though... If the weather works it out too quickly.... It might start firing lighting at your socks.... It's very tricky! You can never trust a cloud..... *Sighs*

Now, to answer this question... We have to think for a moment about the pressures of herding large groups of wild animals.... You see, even a lion tamer needs a break every now and then.... They normally only work with one or two lions.... But those poor teachers are stuck with hordes of wild, crazy children.... If you make them do that for too long, they will go insane and start shooting people! And unfortunately, they probably won't take it out on the children, because they'll want to make other people suffer with them The only solution is for them to share the stress with other people....

We shouldn't blame them for giving them this time at home... We should be glad that they are willing to put up with them for so long.... I mean... You don't want all children to be schooled at home, do you? *Shivers*

Hope you had fun at the beach! *Lots of warm Tuesday huggles for Essa*

I’ve got loads of spare eyes, I keep them in a glass with my teeth, go on I insist you take it…I only said might, having had a night to ponder I’ve decided against it, it’ll be quite funny to watch you starve

I’m afraid it will be impossible to get as fancy as I am now, no one could ever be as fancy as the queen and certainly not fancier, everybody’s heads would be chopped off if they even attempted and then who would I get to slave for me? Barely alive sounds good to me, I do have a heart you know…somewhere

Hmm delivery Men’s noses would give me more satisfaction, I mean you haven’t yet tried to deliver me a dodgy cooker…I wasn’t so sure about the purple and red flares, but you were correct, people were in such awe of me they crossed the road so I could pass

But I’d like that, you know I’m high maintenance I must be kept happy at all costs, *orders a multitude of mousetraps* and remember when you get distracted and stuck, it’s not scawy it’s funny

Think I’ll take my chances with the moles, I always wondered why they live in a hole, now I know, it’s because they’ve spent all their cash on property, if they don’t give me what I want I’ll just send my tawny owl down, problem solved

*Damn you’ve sent me a fake* accepts the bigger trophy *bites it realises it’s not gold and hits you over the head with it* I’m not easily fooled I’ve lived a lo…young life me.

Smiling and waving works, but be very aware, once that smile even looks like turning into a laugh.. you’re for it mate

I saw right through your plan, you won’t be saying yay when I turn up to visit you, more of a nay please nay

You mean this little old thing, it’s erm…erm…a hair straightening machine, yep that’s what it is, I was unfortunately blessed with unruly wild curly hair and this innocent machine is my life saver. *hopes it fooled Him*

*swallows it whole* Mmmm scrumptious, when you say cold, you do mean cooked and then left to go cold don’t you? *wipes blood off chin*

You know I think I might like to be a planet, drunken animals sounds cool

Friendship is never enough of a present for me, you see it costs nothing to be a friend and I like a price tag on all gifts I receive. The posty ran past my house today before I could catch Him, here’s hoping your prezzy will arrive tomorrow, or god help posty.

Don’t worry, spring chickens have to learn as they grow, you’ll soon know almost as much as me, (even though I’m younger than you, I’m far more intelligent)

They are so deceiving them clouds, sitting there all fluffy and lovely with angels perched on top, in a split second they turn nasty, all black and angry, reminds me of my self on a good day


No, definitely not, all children in my opinion should be sent away to boarding school for 53 weeks of the year, the extra week is for teacher training days, why do they have teacher training days, haven’t they already been trained?

No fun on the beach for me it’s over a hundred miles away, there’s a builders yard around the corner I just turned up out the blue and lay on their sand.

Have a Superduper night masses of huggles and snuggles for you

____________

 

[Cadoras]

I’ve got loads of spare eyes, I keep them in a glass with my teeth, go on I insist you take it…I only said might, having had a night to ponder I’ve decided against it, it’ll be quite funny to watch you starve

I’m afraid it will be impossible to get as fancy as I am now, no one could ever be as fancy as the queen and certainly not fancier, everybody’s heads would be chopped off if they even attempted and then who would I get to slave for me? Barely alive sounds good to me, I do have a heart you know…somewhere

Hmm delivery Men’s noses would give me more satisfaction, I mean you haven’t yet tried to deliver me a dodgy cooker…I wasn’t so sure about the purple and red flares, but you were correct, people were in such awe of me they crossed the road so I could pass

But I’d like that, you know I’m high maintenance I must be kept happy at all costs, *orders a multitude of mousetraps* and remember when you get distracted and stuck, it’s not scawy it’s funny

Think I’ll take my chances with the moles, I always wondered why they live in a hole, now I know, it’s because they’ve spent all their cash on property, if they don’t give me what I want I’ll just send my tawny owl down, problem solved

*Damn you’ve sent me a fake* accepts the bigger trophy *bites it realises it’s not gold and hits you over the head with it* I’m not easily fooled I’ve lived a lo…young life me.

Smiling and waving works, but be very aware, once that smile even looks like turning into a laugh.. you’re for it mate

I saw right through your plan, you won’t be saying yay when I turn up to visit you, more of a nay please nay

You mean this little old thing, it’s erm…erm…a hair straightening machine, yep that’s what it is, I was unfortunately blessed with unruly wild curly hair and this innocent machine is my life saver. *hopes it fooled Him*

*swallows it whole* Mmmm scrumptious, when you say cold, you do mean cooked and then left to go cold don’t you? *wipes blood off chin*

You know I think I might like to be a planet, drunken animals sounds cool

Friendship is never enough of a present for me, you see it costs nothing to be a friend and I like a price tag on all gifts I receive. The posty ran past my house today before I could catch Him, here’s hoping your prezzy will arrive tomorrow, or god help posty.

Don’t worry, spring chickens have to learn as they grow, you’ll soon know almost as much as me, (even though I’m younger than you, I’m far more intelligent)

They are so deceiving them clouds, sitting there all fluffy and lovely with angels perched on top, in a split second they turn nasty, all black and angry, reminds me of my self on a good day


No, definitely not, all children in my opinion should be sent away to boarding school for 53 weeks of the year, the extra week is for teacher training days, why do they have teacher training days, haven’t they already been trained?

No fun on the beach for me it’s over a hundred miles away, there’s a builders yard around the corner I just turned up out the blue and lay on their sand.

Have a Superduper night masses of huggles and snuggles for you

____________

Oh... But I really think you might be needing those eyes... Never know when there'll be an accident and you'll need to replace an eye quickly.... *Nods assuredly* But I do appreciate the offer, you are incredibly generous! Yay! Starving is fun! Well, for a while anyway.... What happens when we get sick of me starving though? I mean it can't be entertaining for too long!

Well, I guess I won't get to drink from the vodka tap then.... *Sigh* But maybe one day I can aspire to the rank of vodka barrel drinker! That's an ambition worth having..... People will see me on the street and say "There goes the guy that gets to drink from the vodka barrel" It will be grand! Yes, we can't have them dropping dead and spoiling the fun, right?

Yeps! And you can eat lots and lots of delivery men noses! Mine would hardly be a meal at all! *Hands you a platter of delivery man noses with salad cream...* Super yummy! Just for you Wow, people admired your fashion sense so much that they actually crossed the street out of respect? That's amazing!

Uh oh... I am sensing a great amount of unpleasantness in the near future for mousemen everywhere... But, if it's in the interest of keeping you entertained, it's a worthwhile sacrifice! Oh.... Getting trapped is funny, not scawy! *Makes a note*

You have a tawny owl? *Peeks* Wow! What a fancy looking owl! Those moles will cave instantly! They could never say no to a woman with a hungry owl.... Just make sure you get something from them before your owl gets too hungry....

Ow! That solid gold trophy hurt when you hit me in the head with it..... *Picks up the trophy....* I'll just keep it then... Since you don't seem to want the marvellous, expensive trophy....

No! My smile will never turn into a laugh! Does a giggle count? If it's about something else.... Cos, I would never laugh at you.... *Nods*

Nope! Definitely a yay! I love getting friendly visitors! It makes things more interesting! *Huggles friendly Essa*

Hey! That's one of those super fancy things! It straightens hair and traps Caddlebears! I saw the tv commercials for that! Hang on.... Traps Caddlebears? I'm a Caddlebear! That's a Caddlebear trap! I'm on to you! *Eyes you warily*

Well.... It was cooked! But it was left in the super tasty dodo bird juices.... The absolute best way to keep them.... *Nods*

Oh sure.... It sounds cool.... But then you get the smaller things hanging around you... Moons and the like.... Though, I guess the animals are an advantage.... Especially when they wander around drunk!

Hmmmmm.... Does that mean if I bought you some friends, that would count as a present? *Ponders* Well, that's not important, cos the present I got you is super great! *Nods* If the postman hurries up....

Wow! You really think I'll know almost as much as you one day? I'd be honoured! Then I could brag to people about being the second most knowledgeable person ever!

I think we know why there's so many clouds around England! You make a new cloud every time you have a good day! So the more good days you have, the worse the weather gets! So there can be bad days to balance it all out... It's amazing!

You never knew about the teacher training days? They are a magical time in a teacher's life! When they get to undergo the secret rituals of teacherhood.... They are very long, complex ceremonies.... And without undergoing these things regularly... A teacher's ability to teach becomes diminished.... It's because of this that teachers actually have to have these 'training days' Without them, they would just turn into mere mortals and children wouldn't learn a single thing!

I know... You'd prefer if they didn't have them... But until our teacher development technology advances... We just can't produce better, longer lasting teachers.... *Sigh*

Oh! A building site? Sounds like loads of fun! Did ya get a tan?

*Buries you in huggles!* Erm, in a good way.... Not a burying kind of way.... Hope you have a wonderful day!

 

[Essa]

Oh... But I really think you might be needing those eyes... Never know when there'll be an accident and you'll need to replace an eye quickly.... *Nods assuredly* But I do appreciate the offer, you are incredibly generous! Yay! Starving is fun! Well, for a while anyway.... What happens when we get sick of me starving though? I mean it can't be entertaining for too long!

Well, I guess I won't get to drink from the vodka tap then.... *Sigh* But maybe one day I can aspire to the rank of vodka barrel drinker! That's an ambition worth having..... People will see me on the street and say "There goes the guy that gets to drink from the vodka barrel" It will be grand! Yes, we can't have them dropping dead and spoiling the fun, right?

Yeps! And you can eat lots and lots of delivery men noses! Mine would hardly be a meal at all! *Hands you a platter of delivery man noses with salad cream...* Super yummy! Just for you Wow, people admired your fashion sense so much that they actually crossed the street out of respect? That's amazing!

Uh oh... I am sensing a great amount of unpleasantness in the near future for mousemen everywhere... But, if it's in the interest of keeping you entertained, it's a worthwhile sacrifice! Oh.... Getting trapped is funny, not scawy! *Makes a note*

You have a tawny owl? *Peeks* Wow! What a fancy looking owl! Those moles will cave instantly! They could never say no to a woman with a hungry owl.... Just make sure you get something from them before your owl gets too hungry....

Ow! That solid gold trophy hurt when you hit me in the head with it..... *Picks up the trophy....* I'll just keep it then... Since you don't seem to want the marvellous, expensive trophy....

No! My smile will never turn into a laugh! Does a giggle count? If it's about something else.... Cos, I would never laugh at you.... *Nods*

Nope! Definitely a yay! I love getting friendly visitors! It makes things more interesting! *Huggles friendly Essa*

Hey! That's one of those super fancy things! It straightens hair and traps Caddlebears! I saw the tv commercials for that! Hang on.... Traps Caddlebears? I'm a Caddlebear! That's a Caddlebear trap! I'm on to you! *Eyes you warily*

Well.... It was cooked! But it was left in the super tasty dodo bird juices.... The absolute best way to keep them.... *Nods*

Oh sure.... It sounds cool.... But then you get the smaller things hanging around you... Moons and the like.... Though, I guess the animals are an advantage.... Especially when they wander around drunk!

Hmmmmm.... Does that mean if I bought you some friends, that would count as a present? *Ponders* Well, that's not important, cos the present I got you is super great! *Nods* If the postman hurries up....

Wow! You really think I'll know almost as much as you one day? I'd be honoured! Then I could brag to people about being the second most knowledgeable person ever!

I think we know why there's so many clouds around England! You make a new cloud every time you have a good day! So the more good days you have, the worse the weather gets! So there can be bad days to balance it all out... It's amazing!

You never knew about the teacher training days? They are a magical time in a teacher's life! When they get to undergo the secret rituals of teacherhood.... They are very long, complex ceremonies.... And without undergoing these things regularly... A teacher's ability to teach becomes diminished.... It's because of this that teachers actually have to have these 'training days' Without them, they would just turn into mere mortals and children wouldn't learn a single thing!

I know... You'd prefer if they didn't have them... But until our teacher development technology advances... We just can't produce better, longer lasting teachers.... *Sigh*

Oh! A building site? Sounds like loads of fun! Did ya get a tan?

*Buries you in huggles!* Erm, in a good way.... Not a burying kind of way.... Hope you have a wonderful day!

I’ve got oodles of eyes stashed away, if I run low I’ll just poke a few more out, see, like I said not a problem. I’ll never get sick of starving you, you really don’t need to worry about that, it’s the most entertaining thing ever.

Hang about, vodka barrel drinker sounds way to grand for you, tell you what I’ll let you have a sip from the vodka tap and then I’ll take over drinking from the vodka barrel, people in the street can then marvel at me, we don’t want you getting bigheaded now do we? That would definitely spoil the fun, though hitting them in the chest with a big stick to revive them could cause a giggle or two.

*accepts the delivery Men’s noses, dips them in salad cream* scrumptious, would you care to try a flared nostril? I do so hate eating alone. People cross the street when they see me coming all the time, I’m so well thought of over here.

Sacrifice…I like that word, it is officially my new favourite one, mouseMen everywhere will now be sacrificed instead of trapped, aren’t you glad you came up with that word now?

I love my tawny owl so much I gave it a name…tawny, see how adventurous I am? Tawny has been trained to torture the moles first so they reveal everything before swallowing them down whole, I’ve got it all sussed me.

Solid gold? Damn it looked so cheap, *snatches the trophy back* I never said I didn’t want it, I erm…just wanted to see how hard your head was.

A giggle will be fine, as long as you explain exactly what you’re giggling about, laughing is banned around me, unless of course I’m the one laughing...

It is so not a caddlebear trap, who on earth would invent something like that? *pushes the papers that give me all the credit quickly into the fire*

Yuck, dodo juices are not very nice at all, especially when you see all the maggots sticking to them…or is that just for added flavour?

I love to hang out with the Moon and the like, Mars can be quite comforting when you’re in a bad mood, Pluto is all soft and cuddly all the time, mercury can be quite bitchy it has a right poisonous tongue and as for Uranus, well we won’t go there, I’d steer well clear if I was you

Friends are cool but sadly they wouldn’t count as a present, strangely the posty ran past my house again today, I’m getting super impatient here, I’ll allow one more day only, hope you’ve got your fingers crossed.

Of course you could, maybe not as much as me but somewhere close, I’m afraid my brain is so filled with useless information it swamps me and you wouldn’t want to be swamped by a brain, believe me.

But what happens if you never have a good day, will the sun shine? *makes a mental note to have a bad day everyday for ever and ever*


Blimy I thought it was just an excuse for the teachers to go shopping…well that’s what I’d do you learn something new every day.

Nope no tan, they threatened me with a spade so I had to come home again. Why don’t workmen have trousers that fit them? Is it the law now to show a bit of bum?

Can you be buried in a good way? Hmm sounds a bit fishy that…*humungous none buried huggles back* have a fantastic night

 

[Cadoras]

I’ve got oodles of eyes stashed away, if I run low I’ll just poke a few more out, see, like I said not a problem. I’ll never get sick of starving you, you really don’t need to worry about that, it’s the most entertaining thing ever.

Hang about, vodka barrel drinker sounds way to grand for you, tell you what I’ll let you have a sip from the vodka tap and then I’ll take over drinking from the vodka barrel, people in the street can then marvel at me, we don’t want you getting bigheaded now do we? That would definitely spoil the fun, though hitting them in the chest with a big stick to revive them could cause a giggle or two.

*accepts the delivery Men’s noses, dips them in salad cream* scrumptious, would you care to try a flared nostril? I do so hate eating alone. People cross the street when they see me coming all the time, I’m so well thought of over here.

Sacrifice…I like that word, it is officially my new favourite one, mouseMen everywhere will now be sacrificed instead of trapped, aren’t you glad you came up with that word now?

I love my tawny owl so much I gave it a name…tawny, see how adventurous I am? Tawny has been trained to torture the moles first so they reveal everything before swallowing them down whole, I’ve got it all sussed me.

Solid gold? Damn it looked so cheap, *snatches the trophy back* I never said I didn’t want it, I erm…just wanted to see how hard your head was.

A giggle will be fine, as long as you explain exactly what you’re giggling about, laughing is banned around me, unless of course I’m the one laughing...

It is so not a caddlebear trap, who on earth would invent something like that? *pushes the papers that give me all the credit quickly into the fire*

Yuck, dodo juices are not very nice at all, especially when you see all the maggots sticking to them…or is that just for added flavour?

I love to hang out with the Moon and the like, Mars can be quite comforting when you’re in a bad mood, Pluto is all soft and cuddly all the time, mercury can be quite bitchy it has a right poisonous tongue and as for Uranus, well we won’t go there, I’d steer well clear if I was you

Friends are cool but sadly they wouldn’t count as a present, strangely the posty ran past my house again today, I’m getting super impatient here, I’ll allow one more day only, hope you’ve got your fingers crossed.

Of course you could, maybe not as much as me but somewhere close, I’m afraid my brain is so filled with useless information it swamps me and you wouldn’t want to be swamped by a brain, believe me.

But what happens if you never have a good day, will the sun shine? *makes a mental note to have a bad day everyday for ever and ever*


Blimy I thought it was just an excuse for the teachers to go shopping…well that’s what I’d do you learn something new every day.

Nope no tan, they threatened me with a spade so I had to come home again. Why don’t workmen have trousers that fit them? Is it the law now to show a bit of bum?

Can you be buried in a good way? Hmm sounds a bit fishy that…*humungous none buried huggles back* have a fantastic night

Oh, okay! But where do you go to get he eyes encased in glass? It seems like a very tricky procedure! You must be very skilled to get them out with one poke! Yay! I'm so glad, I can be eternally entertaining! *Smiles happily*

So, I'll get to sip from the vodka tap, and you'll take over the barrel drinking? But do I get more than one sip from the vodka tap? Or is it just one sip ever? If it's only one sip... How do I get my vodka? Since I don't get the barrel.... Though I could follow you around and drink vodka from a glass! That would be fun! Oh! If you hit the peasants with a big stick, you'd have the added bonus of trying to break ribs! *Grins and winks*

Maybe just a little one! I wouldn't want to deprive you.... Mmmmmm! Yummy! They seem to be cooked perfectly! And this salad cream goes so well with them... You are truly a culinary genius! Aha! They know you so well, they cross the street so that you won't be bothered by their presence? That is so loyal of them!

I'm thinking a little Mouseman sacrificing may be good for the world.... Just think of all the new job opportunities provided by the Mouseman Sacrifical Altars to Essa! It'll be good for everyone! And entertaining

Tawny? That's a great name! I probably would've named it something strange... Like Owly.... Hmmmmm.... Tawny tortures them for information first? That's amazing! You planned it all out so brilliantly! Those moles don't stand a chance!

*Rubs bump on head* Well, I think you've seen..... That hurt! Do you like the super fancy gold trophy? It's engraved with your name and everything! *Nods*

Don't worry! I will be sure to explain exactly why I'm giggling.... *Nods* None of that crazy, unexplained giggling from me! Anyone that can't explain a giggle, is obviously hiding something.... *Holds up a no laughter sign*

*Picks up the Caddlebear trap* Hmmmm.... I dunno.... But there is something written on the bottom.... *Looks at the Essa's Caddlebear trap label* Hmmmmmms! *Eyes you suspiciously* This is your Caddlebear trap!

Those aren't maggots at all! Those are the dodo brains! It's the best part of the recipe..... Each one of those little things is an entire dodo brain..... I know... They're a little small, poor things..... But they taste great!

I dunno... You're also stuck hanging around with all those stars.... Most of them think they're so good.... They won't even go near the planets..... They're just out there, looking all sparkly.... Pretending to be big and important! Bunch of posers! *Glares at the stars* Take that!

Why wouldn't friends count as a present? I was gonna put price tags on them and everything! They'd be super expensive friends! Don't worry! That postman will get there! *Prods the postman* Hurry up! She's waiting and if you take too long, she'll realise that you deliver things.... Then you'll end up trapped and noseless!

Aha! So one day I might know almost as much as you? But maybe without the expansive tracts of swampland in my brain? It's amazing that you've achieved so much greatness with your brain all swamped like that! I am in awe! *Nods*

Nope! I'm afraid it doesn't quite work that way.... Even if you never have a good day... The clouds will still appear... They roll dice to see if they should bug people.... There might be less of them, but they'll never all go away! They're annoying like that.....

Oh yes! Those teachers are always off on their complicated rituals.... Though, I believe they also get a little time for shopping..... Just an hour or two though! They might need new robes or something.... You know how it is

They threatened you with a spade? Didn't you have a club to beat them with? Crazy builders.... We'll get them!

There are actually new laws in place.... You see, it all happened about 5 years ago.... There was a building slump... People just didn't want to be builders anymore, because it was seen as a very unfashionable profession.... Seeking a way to put a stop to this.... The government put into place laws that required the building industry to conform with certain codes of fashion.... Unfortunately.... Some (99.98%) of the individuals that signed up.... Weren't exactly the type that fit the new uniforms.... So now... We are left with an industry full of people that don't fit their pants properly and don't look very good while doing it..... *Sighs*

Maybe one day though, the problems could be solved.... It will just take a new generation of builders.... Ones that can actually wear those uniforms properly!

Of course you can be buried in a good way! *Nods* Just covered in them... But able to get out *Masses of huggles for Essa!* Have a wonderful day!

 

[Essa]

Oh, okay! But where do you go to get he eyes encased in glass? It seems like a very tricky procedure! You must be very skilled to get them out with one poke! Yay! I'm so glad, I can be eternally entertaining! *Smiles happily*

So, I'll get to sip from the vodka tap, and you'll take over the barrel drinking? But do I get more than one sip from the vodka tap? Or is it just one sip ever? If it's only one sip... How do I get my vodka? Since I don't get the barrel.... Though I could follow you around and drink vodka from a glass! That would be fun! Oh! If you hit the peasants with a big stick, you'd have the added bonus of trying to break ribs! *Grins and winks*

Maybe just a little one! I wouldn't want to deprive you.... Mmmmmm! Yummy! They seem to be cooked perfectly! And this salad cream goes so well with them... You are truly a culinary genius! Aha! They know you so well, they cross the street so that you won't be bothered by their presence? That is so loyal of them!

I'm thinking a little Mouseman sacrificing may be good for the world.... Just think of all the new job opportunities provided by the Mouseman Sacrifical Altars to Essa! It'll be good for everyone! And entertaining

Tawny? That's a great name! I probably would've named it something strange... Like Owly.... Hmmmmm.... Tawny tortures them for information first? That's amazing! You planned it all out so brilliantly! Those moles don't stand a chance!

*Rubs bump on head* Well, I think you've seen..... That hurt! Do you like the super fancy gold trophy? It's engraved with your name and everything! *Nods*

Don't worry! I will be sure to explain exactly why I'm giggling.... *Nods* None of that crazy, unexplained giggling from me! Anyone that can't explain a giggle, is obviously hiding something.... *Holds up a no laughter sign*

*Picks up the Caddlebear trap* Hmmmm.... I dunno.... But there is something written on the bottom.... *Looks at the Essa's Caddlebear trap label* Hmmmmmms! *Eyes you suspiciously* This is your Caddlebear trap!

Those aren't maggots at all! Those are the dodo brains! It's the best part of the recipe..... Each one of those little things is an entire dodo brain..... I know... They're a little small, poor things..... But they taste great!

I dunno... You're also stuck hanging around with all those stars.... Most of them think they're so good.... They won't even go near the planets..... They're just out there, looking all sparkly.... Pretending to be big and important! Bunch of posers! *Glares at the stars* Take that!

Why wouldn't friends count as a present? I was gonna put price tags on them and everything! They'd be super expensive friends! Don't worry! That postman will get there! *Prods the postman* Hurry up! She's waiting and if you take too long, she'll realise that you deliver things.... Then you'll end up trapped and noseless!

Aha! So one day I might know almost as much as you? But maybe without the expansive tracts of swampland in my brain? It's amazing that you've achieved so much greatness with your brain all swamped like that! I am in awe! *Nods*

Nope! I'm afraid it doesn't quite work that way.... Even if you never have a good day... The clouds will still appear... They roll dice to see if they should bug people.... There might be less of them, but they'll never all go away! They're annoying like that.....

Oh yes! Those teachers are always off on their complicated rituals.... Though, I believe they also get a little time for shopping..... Just an hour or two though! They might need new robes or something.... You know how it is

They threatened you with a spade? Didn't you have a club to beat them with? Crazy builders.... We'll get them!

There are actually new laws in place.... You see, it all happened about 5 years ago.... There was a building slump... People just didn't want to be builders anymore, because it was seen as a very unfashionable profession.... Seeking a way to put a stop to this.... The government put into place laws that required the building industry to conform with certain codes of fashion.... Unfortunately.... Some (99.98%) of the individuals that signed up.... Weren't exactly the type that fit the new uniforms.... So now... We are left with an industry full of people that don't fit their pants properly and don't look very good while doing it..... *Sighs*

Maybe one day though, the problems could be solved.... It will just take a new generation of builders.... Ones that can actually wear those uniforms properly!

Of course you can be buried in a good way! *Nods* Just covered in them... But able to get out *Masses of huggles for Essa!* Have a wonderful day!

I get the eyes encased in glass from glass people of course, you have to be really careful with your aim, one slip and the people split in half and shatter, it’s not a pretty sight, after my first hundred or so attempts I finally got the hang of it.

You only get the one sip and if you dribble it’s hard cheese, I will place the tap just a couple of inches away from your face, turn it off and on like greased lightning and you get what you can, simple really, you certainly couldn’t follow me around drinking from a glass, who on earth drinks from a glass nowadays? A cracked cup maybe but definitely not a glass. We could have a competition whoever breaks the most ribs wins…naturally I’d win

What can I say, a culinary genius I am, apart from salad I can never quite get the hang of that, it always burns. You know once I actually saw small children pointing and laughing in my direction, I was rather concerned until I realised it couldn’t possibly be me they were ridiculing, a handful of stones lobbed in their direction soon sent them scurrying on their way, the little loves.

People would be queuing around the block to take on the position, I could even employ you if demand got to much, I’m sure they’d enjoy a poke from your prodder also

Owly?, damn wish I’d thought of that first, no matter I shall capture another and give it that incredibly strange name, with two tawny owls, Tawny and Owly, them moles will be shaking in their holes.

It’s perfect, don’t worry about your head, a few stitches will see you right, *inspects the engraving* Hey!! I’m not that old…*whacks you over the head for your cheek, then once more for good measure*

Ooo I love your no laughter sign, do you ever look at it and laugh or is that against the rules? Crazy unexplained giggling can be fun, not when you need a wee though, the thing to do is not drink for three weeks before a crazy unexplained giggling spree, to save accidents.

It so is not mine, I haven’t a clue how that label mysteriously found itself on the bottom of my hair straightening machine, I mean for a start it’s written in blue ink, I only use black. *slides the blue pen into my boot and hopes for the best*

Ah you should have said sooner, maggots yuck how disgusting but dodo brains, they’re so yummy for your tummy.

Never forget where you’ve come from? Is that what Take That told them? Perhaps you just need some patience and then they can go back for good to the planets?

Well put like that how could I refuse, price tags on friends would be the most perfect present ever. *taps fingers impatiently* you sure you’ve sent my prezzy? That posty has been nowhere near for days

I marvel at myself sometimes, well no one else does, what’s a girl to do?

Damn right they‘re annoying if only someone could invent a pea shooter with a range long enough to break them up, we‘d have sun for ever..

An hour or two? That wouldn’t do me, I’d still be in the first shop haggling for a bargain.

I was gonna go back after dark, but I’m scared of the dark, so I’ll wait for you and we can club them together.

I see, you know I’d have never thought of that myself, I don’t actually think the problem will ever be solved, how else would the builders be able to tan their bums in the summer?

Phew, thank god for that, I was quite scared, I had a nightmare about being buried in huggles last night you know the ones I mean, dare I say it…Granny huggles Why do granny’s insist on huggling every last ounce of breath out of your body?

Have a fandabedozie night
_________________

 

[asian_princess]

*follows Cont-Essa into the thread and gives her a quick huggle attack*

Caddlebear, Caddlebear?!! I have a question!

*shakes Caddlebear*

wake up, wake up!!!

Why Caddlebear, WHY?! ...did Daiddlebear derive such joy from playing the prank on your earlier?!!!

*giggle*

and for bonus points...

Why Caddlebeaar, WHY?! ... do some cars have the petrol thingo on the right side of the car? cos then you have to drive into the pump thing on the right side of the road. don't you think this might interfere with our conditioning to always keep o the left side? What if this subliminally perpetuates some sort of unconcious thought that it's ok to drive on the right side?! I'm telling you before you know it a whole slew of accidents will start appearing in the news of these crazy wacky drivers pulling out of service stations and driving on the wrong side of the road?!!!! and what's even worse... they'll have FULL petrol tanks!!! Think of the possibllity for wide spread damage!!! OMG...WMD's exist... in the form of the family ford station wagon...

 

[Essa]

*follows Cont-Essa into the thread and gives her a quick huggle attack*

Caddlebear, Caddlebear?!! I have a question!

*shakes Caddlebear*

wake up, wake up!!!

Why Caddlebear, WHY?! ...did Daiddlebear derive such joy from playing the prank on your earlier?!!!

*giggle*

and for bonus points...

Why Caddlebeaar, WHY?! ... do some cars have the petrol thingo on the right side of the car? cos then you have to drive into the pump thing on the right side of the road. don't you think this might interfere with our conditioning to always keep o the left side? What if this subliminally perpetuates some sort of unconcious thought that it's ok to drive on the right side?! I'm telling you before you know it a whole slew of accidents will start appearing in the news of these crazy wacky drivers pulling out of service stations and driving on the wrong side of the road?!!!! and what's even worse... they'll have FULL petrol tanks!!! Think of the possibllity for wide spread damage!!! OMG...WMD's exist... in the form of the family ford station wagon...

For one second I misread cont-Essa then * gives asian_princess a quick huggle attack back*