Why are you back here?

[EvaLane]

Well, your response would be a great start. I rarely think anyone actually reads my narrative when I post something other than gifs. Seeing you did makes me smile.

The ideal version of lit would be a site where the guys don't always try to have cock fights by posting immediately after a guy does. Like animals spraying their scent everywhere. Before the redo of lit, I used to have rules I posted by that mentions my waiting at least 5-minutes after a guy posts before I do - except word games or threads I've been active in the last hour or so. So many guys try to post immediately after I do...so the fun of the interaction of others with me is minimized.

A site where women who claim to want to chat, simply go away/ghost. It's perfectly fine to not be a fit, but perhaps a quick explanation that I am not what they seek might help me out a tad. So, while I DO still make contact, it is rarely for esex or even flirting anymore. Just for the basic chatting.

Like I said earlier, lit is now just a habit for me...and many times a frustrating habit at that...

I’ve been told similar sentiments a few times now in private PMs. I think this is challenging because while many feel the stress of needing to compete, there are many who feel overwhelmed and unprepared to handle the onslaught of attention.

In my case, I’ll be honest and say I’ve had to cut communication with the majority of people who have reached out to me for a common purpose - They immediately try to make me into their momentary pornography, if that’s via role play or asking for photos/skype sessions/etc. But that isn’t even what turns me off, it’s the expectation to receive without an iota of effort to give.

What am I taking out of these interactions? Surely men can’t believe I’m sitting here petting myself for hours and hours a day while typing full length filthy messages, snapping nude photos, and bending over backwards to fill x y and z hole for StrangerDanger69 (sorry to whoever has this username, please PM me ) to whatever man sends me a 10 word line that’s never worked a day in their lives?

I hope you don’t take this as me talking directly to you, Jeff. I can ramble. I’m sure you’re a perfect gentleman behind closed doors

Anyway, even with all of that, I still think you should take the risk and reach out to whatever user that catches your eye. You may form a connection or at least a momentary jolt of newness.

A dog is content playing chasing frisbees - until they get the thrill of chasing the next door neighbours kitty. Maybe you’re bored with playing with frisbees and you want to know what it would feel like to finally sink your teeth into something that purrs

 

[jackburns]

I’ve been told similar sentiments a few times now in private PMs. I think this is challenging because while many feel the stress of the pursuit, there are many who feel overwhelmed and unprepared to handle the onslaught of attention.

In my case, I’ll be honest and say I’ve had to cut communication with the majority of people who have reached out to me for a common purpose - They immediately try to make me into their momentary pornography, if that’s via role play or asking for photos/skype sessions/etc. But that isn’t even what turns me off, it’s the expectation to receive without an iota of effort to give.

What am I taking out of these interactions? Surely men can’t believe I’m sitting here petting myself for hours and hours a day while typing full length filthy messages, snapping nude photos, and bending over backwards to fill x y and z hole for StrangerDanger69 (sorry to whoever has this username, please PM me ) to whatever man sends me a 10 word line that’s never worked a day in their lives?

I hope you don’t take this as me talking directly to you, Jeff. I can ramble. I’m sure you’re a perfect gentleman behind closed doors

Anyway, even with all of that, I still think you should take the risk and reach out to whatever user that catches your eye. You may form a connection or at least a momentary jolt of newness.

A dog is content playing chasing frisbees - until they get the thrill of chasing the next door neighbours kitty. Maybe you’re bored with playing with frisbees and you want to know what it would feel like to finally sink your teeth into something that purrs

I would agree, though of course a man's side of the table is completely different. I.e. most are probably not getting bombarded with 1000s of messages. Our current "chat" culture is one of cutting to the chase. Which to me is odd. If one is to talk about sex, and after all that is what this site is about, think about removing the "filter" of the screen. Would one immediately start talking about sex with someone next to them at the counter of a coffee shop? In the aisle of a bookstore? Unlikely. But more often than not that is an expectation here. Which is why I generally resort to trying to be witty in the forums that do not require a lot of time investment to participate.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I’ve been told similar sentiments a few times now in private PMs. I think this is challenging because while many feel the stress of the pursuit, there are many who feel overwhelmed and unprepared to handle the onslaught of attention.

In my case, I’ll be honest and say I’ve had to cut communication with the majority of people who have reached out to me for a common purpose - They immediately try to make me into their momentary pornography, if that’s via role play or asking for photos/skype sessions/etc. But that isn’t even what turns me off, it’s the expectation to receive without an iota of effort to give.

What am I taking out of these interactions? Surely men can’t believe I’m sitting here petting myself for hours and hours a day while typing full length filthy messages, snapping nude photos, and bending over backwards to fill x y and z hole for StrangerDanger69 (sorry to whoever has this username, please PM me ) to whatever man sends me a 10 word line that’s never worked a day in their lives?

I hope you don’t take this as me talking directly to you, Jeff. I can ramble. I’m sure you’re a perfect gentleman behind closed doors

Anyway, even with all of that, I still think you should take the risk and reach out to whatever user that catches your eye. You may form a connection or at least a momentary jolt of newness.

A dog is content playing chasing frisbees - until they get the thrill of chasing the next door neighbours kitty. Maybe you’re bored with playing with frisbees and you want to know what it would feel like to finally sink your teeth into something that purrs

I'm always open to chasing...good advice. Thanks.

 

[EvaLane]

I would agree, though of course a man's side of the table is completely different. I.e. most are probably not getting bombarded with 1000s of messages.

A starving man may drink poison if it’s the only thing in his cup, opting for a quick, painless death.

A starving woman may let herself waste away before taking a single sip, condemned to endless suffering - made worse by the cruel reminder that her cup has begun to run over.

 

[jackburns]

A starving man may drink poison if it’s the only thing in his cup, opting for a quick, painless death.

A starving woman may let herself waste away before taking a single sip, condemned to endless suffering - made worse by the cruel reminder that her cup has begun to run over.

If it's ok with you I shall skip the poison. I've been trying only to ingest that which is good for my health.

Though today I did have a few too many chocolate chip cookies. There's my poison right there.

 

[Brave Maximus]

Hey all - question for everyone.
As I stated with this thread earlier - I keep coming back because of some really awesome experiences on here, and I'm chasing the hope of finding it again (ok, atm... I've kind of given up hope, but that's a different issue)

The question is - have you ever looked back. I will admit - I have a couple of times... and I'm not sure how I feel about it. So seeing what other people think.

"And so Sally can wait,
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by,
My Soul slides away,
'But don't look back in anger' I heard you say"

 

[EvaLane]

The question is - have you ever looked back

Absolutely, I look back and I see two different realities.

One version - the rush, the validation, the way creating and expressing myself in ways I never had before fed something in me.

The other - the weight of growing expectations, the demands, the way it started taking more than it gave.

I don’t think the question is have you ever looked back, it’s why do we continue to?

For me, I wonder if it's just a thinly veiled excuse - weaponizing nostalgia to fall back into the same patterns. Because even if they weren't good for me, at least they made me feel something.

Moving forward means accepting that both realities shaped me. That I don't regret any of it.

So, a question to a question for anyone who wants to weigh in

When you look back, do you see a place you miss? Or a pattern you can't break?

And do you actually want to break it?

 

[EvaLane]

 

[nostuff]

Year after year, time after time, I come crawling back to this place. Jekyll and Hyde, but it’s just me with my eyes cast low and my hand between my thighs and my phone in the other again, because maybe this time is the time I’ll find someone who can hold a mirror up in a position I can actually see myself in.

Because that’s really it, isn’t it? We want to be seen, heard, known, understood. Dissected and analyzed and broken down and figured out. We want to know why we are the way we are and why we don’t want to change. Why does it make me feel this way?

The definition of insanity is… blah blah blah.

That’s why I’m back. Why are you back?

My reasons for coming back are many.

The stories on Lit were the original attraction, allowing me to explore so many elements of my sexuality, human sexuality. Yes, many of the stories I loved were about lesbian love and MFM. A very typical male perspective, you might say. And it wasn't long before I discovered all the hotties who were posting in the amateur pics tab. Very hot and the stuff of many fantasies.

But desire evolves, and I found myself searching the various tabs for stories about couples who invited other men into their bedrooms for MMF encounters (writers such as HerLittlePiggy inspired many evening encounters with my hand after the wife went to bed).

I no longer need the storyline to involve a woman. I suppose it is because I have finally accepted my desire for cock, and I don't need to hide anymore behind the presence of a woman. Not that I object to encounters with women, but the idea of simply kneeling before another man and pleasing him with my mouth and throat has a lot of power for me right now.

Alas, just reading stories left me with an emptiness. It was a one-way street with little opportunity to express my own feelings, and so I finally decided to expose myself, so to speak, by posting. The experience has been less than perfect. At first, I felt like a fraud because I had yet to actually experience a man. Even though I've now had several such encounters, I'm not always certain I bring enough depth to contribute much substance to the conversations.

And yet, I still want someday to make a connection, whether with a man or a woman. A few times, I've felt I was close, but each time, the contact has withered. Nobody's fault really, though I'm the kind of guy who tends to feel responsible for such things.

And that returns me to your question, "Why are you back?"

To coin a phrase: Hope springs eternal.

 

[LostHorizon]

I’m back here for the cheap thrills!

 

[mellowyellows]

The hope was to find interesting conversation with interesting people.

 

[Cheshire_cat71]

I keep Coming back because I know That the one man I desire is out there. Chats to me can be boring, I need intellectual stimulation as well as sexual. If you bore me, you won’t turn me on. A man who is fairly attractive, doesn’t want to have sex with kids or animals, and will want to play with others with Me. Fantasy is one thing, but it can also be tiresome. The stories on here are great! Why do I need Some of these chats if I have stories? The touch and physical connection is out there. I know It.

And as NoStuff said: hope springs eternal

 

[MacGuffinn]

Deja Vu.

 

[Stoicbutfun]

It’s a great question, and for me, it’s a window into how others view themselves and their sexuality which is always endlessly fascinating and the honest challenge you occasionally get from perspicacious people. It’s opened my eyes on a few occasions and continues to do so, and it’s hard to imagine I’d have those thoughts or conversations in any other setting without potential prejudice or opprobrium

 

[y=mx+b]

Hey all - question for everyone.
As I stated with this thread earlier - I keep coming back because of some really awesome experiences on here, and I'm chasing the hope of finding it again (ok, atm... I've kind of given up hope, but that's a different issue)

The question is - have you ever looked back. I will admit - I have a couple of times... and I'm not sure how I feel about it. So seeing what other people think.

"And so Sally can wait,
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by,
My Soul slides away,
'But don't look back in anger' I heard you say"

Yes. I look back periodically at my old thread and read old PMs and I'm amazed how much I don't remember of myself and how when I try to be that person for whatever reason, it just feels hollow.

 

[Crownvic]

I listened to the voices..

 

[YoungToy]

For a comfortable place to express my desires and find a way to enjoy them without constantly having women be uninterested about them. Two separate dates the past couple of weeks lead to a discussion about what they were into. Even after bringing up the idea of a female being in charge, they both said they weren't interested. You get used to it after a while, but it seems to be a constant factor.

Aaaaand then here I come back here unable to quell or eradicate them.

 

[JackofAllAudio]

I believe in a cause-and-effect world and generally scoff at the idea of fate. However, I'd like to share my experience related to this thread.

I left Lit nearly a year ago after my relationship with the website and the people in it got out of balance with my life in the "real world," so to speak. My relationship with online websites like this has always been tricky and has, on more than one occasion, had negative consequences in the outside world that I never wanted. But, like so many posters before me have described, I yearned to return for various reasons, some in my control and some not.

Like many of us, I likely want to return to Lit based on my brain chemistry. We're wired to respond to positive intermittent stimuli, the same concepts that underly gambling addictions (and social media, unfortunately), and I know I fall pray to the so-called "Gambler's Fallacy" where I feel like I am due to have a positive or fulfilling experience on Lit at any moment, when in reality, it may never come. Further, the pain of knowing that I have fallen victim to my Lit-addicted brain makes my inability to resist the urge cut twice as deep.

Conversely, I also agree with some of the other sentiments expressed here regarding feelings of acceptance, community, and camaraderie between us (or some of us, at least). Lit has a lot to offer people in that respect, and part of my draw to return certainly lies in connecting with all of you and feeling like I am a part of a unique and diverse community. The openness with which people express their interests and desires and the community's willingness to accept such a broad swath of ideas without malice is incredible.

I brought up fate earlier because as I was waffling back and forth on whether I feel ready to rejoin the community, I was browsing the discussion board and came across this post. I was so compelled to read everyone's testimonials about what brings them back, both good and bad, and I realized that I was not alone in my feelings about the site. I had always felt like I was the problem and that no one else had this emotional push and pull within them about the site and their relationship with it. Reading everyone's posts made me feel more connected with this community than ever and encouraged me to rejoin.

Whether I'll go on to regret joining again is a thought for another day, but until then, I will do everything I can to get the most positive out of the site. In closing, I want to sincerely thank everyone who has shared on this thread; your willingness to be honest with each other and yourselves is wonderful to see and will have a much broader impact on everyone here than we'll ever know.

Cheers - JOAA

 

[boo56]

Seen, heard, known and understood? There is some truth in that for me. I will share and am not un-communicative, but I think more than that I hope to be stimulated, excited, and thrilled. It happens only occasionally, but when it does there is a neurochemical jolt. I think it's that jolt that makes me check to see if there is a message in my inbox or a new post on a thread I follow that gives me that thrill.

I was responding to Eva's original post, but I just realized that JackofAllAudio, immediately above me, has covered much of the same ground more thoroughly than I expected to. Yeah, what Jack said!

 

[Jodaily]

To get help from friends scratching that itch.

 

[boo56]

>> When you look back, do you see a place you miss? Or a pattern you can't break?

>> And do you actually want to break it?

The place is still here. The URL is the same as 20 years ago. The software has undergone some not terribly significant changes. I never came for the user interface. I miss a handful of people with whom I used to interact. Whatever their patterns were, they seem to have broken them. I don't expect to see or hear from them. I have no particular desire to change my habits, but I confess that some of the novelty has worn off and those jolts of excitement seem less frequent. That seems too bad.

No, not a habit I'm striving to break. It's not quite as foolishly hazardous and empty of pleasure as, say, smoking cigarettes.

 

[Carolinaguy45]

Year after year, time after time, I come crawling back to this place. Jekyll and Hyde, but it’s just me with my eyes cast low and my hand between my thighs and my phone in the other again, because maybe this time is the time I’ll find someone who can hold a mirror up in a position I can actually see myself in.

Because that’s really it, isn’t it? We want to be seen, heard, known, understood. Dissected and analyzed and broken down and figured out. We want to know why we are the way we are and why we don’t want to change. Why does it make me feel this way?

The definition of insanity is… blah blah blah.

That’s why I’m back. Why are you back?

Very similar reasons tbh

 

[Plasmaball]

Absolutely, I look back and I see two different realities.

One version - the rush, the validation, the way creating and expressing myself in ways I never had before fed something in me.

The other - the weight of growing expectations, the demands, the way it started taking more than it gave.

I don’t think the question is have you ever looked back, it’s why do we continue to?

For me, I wonder if it's just a thinly veiled excuse - weaponizing nostalgia to fall back into the same patterns. Because even if they weren't good for me, at least they made me feel something.

Moving forward means accepting that both realities shaped me. That I don't regret any of it.

So, a question to a question for anyone who wants to weigh in

When you look back, do you see a place you miss? Or a pattern you can't break?

Its a little of both. Ive been here off and on since 2002? Ish..? I miss the old lit. The wild west of the general board. The people having conversations. I felt like i fit in more then.
now? Not so much. The lingo feels different everyone needs their safe spaces.
I dont know if the pattern is easier to break because here i am. Im searching but not really.
Im 44 now and not 20. My patience is less for the game. I still have patience for some people but the grind is old. Im searching for an outlet I dont have any more.

And do you actually want to break it?

Probably not

 

[ClosetHedonist]

Trying to fill a void in myself that I don't fully understand.

 

[RawSilhouette]

I believe in a cause-and-effect world and generally scoff at the idea of fate. However, I'd like to share my experience related to this thread.

I left Lit nearly a year ago after my relationship with the website and the people in it got out of balance with my life in the "real world," so to speak. My relationship with online websites like this has always been tricky and has, on more than one occasion, had negative consequences in the outside world that I never wanted. But, like so many posters before me have described, I yearned to return for various reasons, some in my control and some not.

Like many of us, I likely want to return to Lit based on my brain chemistry. We're wired to respond to positive intermittent stimuli, the same concepts that underly gambling addictions (and social media, unfortunately), and I know I fall pray to the so-called "Gambler's Fallacy" where I feel like I am due to have a positive or fulfilling experience on Lit at any moment, when in reality, it may never come. Further, the pain of knowing that I have fallen victim to my Lit-addicted brain makes my inability to resist the urge cut twice as deep.

Conversely, I also agree with some of the other sentiments expressed here regarding feelings of acceptance, community, and camaraderie between us (or some of us, at least). Lit has a lot to offer people in that respect, and part of my draw to return certainly lies in connecting with all of you and feeling like I am a part of a unique and diverse community. The openness with which people express their interests and desires and the community's willingness to accept such a broad swath of ideas without malice is incredible.

I brought up fate earlier because as I was waffling back and forth on whether I feel ready to rejoin the community, I was browsing the discussion board and came across this post. I was so compelled to read everyone's testimonials about what brings them back, both good and bad, and I realized that I was not alone in my feelings about the site. I had always felt like I was the problem and that no one else had this emotional push and pull within them about the site and their relationship with it. Reading everyone's posts made me feel more connected with this community than ever and encouraged me to rejoin.

Whether I'll go on to regret joining again is a thought for another day, but until then, I will do everything I can to get the most positive out of the site. In closing, I want to sincerely thank everyone who has shared on this thread; your willingness to be honest with each other and yourselves is wonderful to see and will have a much broader impact on everyone here than we'll ever know.

Cheers - JOAA

This is an incredibly eloquent response that boarders on a psychological analysis. You’ve said everything I’ve felt and thought about this site over the years.