Bramblethorn
Sleep-deprived
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2012
- Posts
- 19,066
I guess for both you and Bramblethorn the betrayal came as the final step in a relationship that had deteriorated. Kind of burning the bridge completely.
No, I wouldn't put it like that at all.
One time was more my fault than hers; we were both going through stressful times, I was too preoccupied with my own problems and wasn't being a good partner, she'd tried to talk to me about it but I wasn't really hearing. When she told me about trying to hook up behind my back, that was an reality check that helped break me out of my tunnel vision. Things got better from there, and the attempted cheating itself has never been a bone of contention between us. We're still together and doing pretty well.
The other time, with a different person, hard to convey without giving more detail than I want to give here. But it came down to him being bullied by a manipulative person - the kind who threatens self-harm if they don't get their way - and being bad at saying no to people. That led to him breaking some important promises to me, and I got very angry about that, but I also understand that it didn't come out of selfishness or malice. The relationship didn't survive but we cared enough about one another to repair the friendship, and these days we're pretty close.
People are complicated and fallible. Sometimes we hurt one another, not because one person is Secret Devil Incarnate but because we're human. Nursing anger over those occasions doesn't strike me as an unhealthy choice.
And if you discovered that you are not the biological father of some or all of your children - that is the epitome of hell.
I imagine being surprised by that would be upsetting, but "epitome of hell" feells more than a little melodramatic. I suspect it has a lot to do with some guys being raised to think of their partners and children as possessions.