When did you know?

[DangerousCurvz]

I'm new here, so if this is something y'all have already talked about, then pardon me.

From early on in my life, I knew that I was a submissive. I didn't always know the term for it, but I knew that I liked it. I can recall watching some old movie about some Roman dude who was getting whipped and I got turned on. My first fantasies were of being forced to submit.

I find in my relationships that I am sexually unsatisfied because I have never been free to be a submissive. I've never had a D/s relationship or real experience. I've read a lot and played by myself a lot. My current partner would never, ever and I mean NEVER "play" this way.

My question is, were you always what you are now or did you sort of evolve over time? Or am I just a freak?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I was always sub, I didn't always have a word for it. I always fancied the bad guys in films etc. I used to think it was a negative throwback to a religious Christian upbringing but in the last few years I have embraced being sub and have never regretted it. I don't think that being sub in a personal, relationship setting has any impact on how I feel about women's rights and equality etc, it's just my choice.

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

I try not to label myself. I do not come on here and proclaim that I am one thing or another. My views of BDSM are fluid. I am what I am, and what my partner needs me to be.

I think I have always known that this was a part of me. Wasn't until 3 or 4 yrs ago that I openly embraced this part of myself. I think evolution is a given. Ask those that have been a part of this lifestyle/scene for 20, 30, 40 yrs and I bet each of them can tell you that they have changed and evolved a great deal from where they started. If you don't, I think that's when there's a problem.

 

[baristagirl]

Before I even knew what sex was I kept busy 'tying myself up' with these decorative chain things my parents' had around the house. I'd then act out some childish 'lady in distress' scenes. I only did it in private, so I guess that says something about me thinking it was taboo even as a kid. Later, when I figured out what sex was, that sort of acting turned into being tied up (or otherwise confined) with no way out and some burly man/men coming in to have his/their way with me using whatever implements I could dream up. I don't have a clue where I got the idea... can't think of a cool old Roman movie . Honestly even when I began experimenting with sex as a teenager the thought to mix my fantasies with reality didn't come until a few years ago. Funny enough I still haven't gotten around to it.

Hooray!

 

[DangerousCurvz]

Baristagirl, that's exactly what I mean. I have always had these sort of fantasies, and I am not sure where they came from. I don't recall ever once having a huggy kissy smootchie whootchie girlie fantasy about a "normal" sexual relationship. It's always been being overpowered and made to submit. I was never molested or abused in any way. So I have to believe that I am just hard wired to be this way. I guess I just wanted affirmation, to know that I am not the only one.

When all the other kids in the neighborhood were playing Doctor and Post Office, I was trying to get some one to tie me up and spank me with a switch or their belt. Before the internet and HBO, I thought I was just weird. (That's not entirely fair. I am weird, but I have found over the past few years of surfing around that I am not weird sexually.)

 

[baristagirl]

You know, once in a neighbors basement there was a defunct sort of multitasker's weightbench. All these strange broken cables were all over the place. They ended up used as tiedowns, and then after we sort of got ourselves stuck that was the end of it. Just the one time with the neighbor girl. Hmm, maybe I've got a few female oriented fantasies hiding somewhere as well?

Glad to know I'm not crazy too, Curvz .

 

[WriterDom]

It's been a long road. I didn't even see the letters bdsm put together until around 1996 or 97. But there were hints along the way. Wrestling in the snow with the 12 year old preacher's daughter when she was 12 and I was probably 13. Being able to pin her wrists to the ground. Feeling her struggle against my body. She's probably a sub now because she was enjoying it a lot as well.

Spanking my high school girlfriend while fucking her doggie. She cried so much I think I repressed those feelings for many years. Then, years later I spanked a nurse. Didn't ask permission. Just flipped her and did it. Thank goodness she liked it.

 

[Tebazile]

Before I even knew what sex was I kept busy 'tying myself up' with these decorative chain things my parents' had around the house. I'd then act out some childish 'lady in distress' scenes. I only did it in private, so I guess that says something about me thinking it was taboo even as a kid. Later, when I figured out what sex was, that sort of acting turned into being tied up (or otherwise confined) with no way out and some burly man/men coming in to have his/their way with me using whatever implements I could dream up. I don't have a clue where I got the idea... can't think of a cool old Roman movie . Honestly even when I began experimenting with sex as a teenager the thought to mix my fantasies with reality didn't come until a few years ago. Funny enough I still haven't gotten around to it.

Hooray!

I did the exact same thing. It bugged the crap out of my family, haha.

 

[twysted73]

My question is, were you always what you are now or did you sort of evolve over time? Or am I just a freak?

Yes, you're a freak. But that's not a bad thing. Be proud of it.

If your current partner would never/ever" do anything remotely D/s or kinky....and I hate to ruin a relationship, but you might want to think about moving on if you can't get him to open up and try things.
I cannot count how many women (and men) I've met who locked themselves into a relationship that was traditional and hated it because they never had their needs met.

I knew from age 12 there was something different about what I wanted to try and feel vs. what my friends liked.

This is a card you were dealt. Play your hand, don't try to change it.
"To thine own self be true."

Secondly, this lifestyle is very much like Pandora's Box for those who have "it" in them to be this way.
Once you open it....you're done being who you were.

"Take the blue pill, and see just how far the rabbit hole goes."


~ Slainte`

 

[myinnerslut]

i started pretty young, but didnt know about BDSM untill i was about 17. i have been doing masochistic things since i was 6 or 7 and have been acting submissive and having submissive fantasies since i was about 11. mabye longer, but i dont really remember. MAster insists i have been a slave my whole life and i am slowly coming to agree with him.

 

[TheGreyKnight]

I found out I was a Dom when a partner asked me to be submissive. They bound me up and ordered me and I complied without effort, but all I could think was "once I get out of this I'm going to make you mine." She then told me she might as well leave me there. I wrenched my way out and took her and the feeling was exhilarating.

Later this was reinforced by the first time I demanded a woman not cum. The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know.

 

[DangerousCurvz]

I found out I was a Dom when a partner asked me to be submissive. They bound me up and ordered me and I complied without effort, but all I could think was "once I get out of this I'm going to make you mine." She then told me she might as well leave me there. I wrenched my way out and took her and the feeling was exhilarating..

That made me kinda hot!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I've known I was "different" pretty much since I discovered the difference between boys and girls and what that difference was for besides peeing standing up or peeing sitting down.

My sexual fantasies have included elements of SM, bondage, control, etc for as long as I can remember having them. I was a tad over 17 the first time I saw "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and I was hooked. There was something in that movie that called out to me, that touched my heart and soul in ways I could not even begin to fathom until I reached my mid 30's. And was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle through Yahoo chat. And began to learn the vocabulary to define who and what I was.

I've never looked back.

 

[baristagirl]

I was a tad over 17 the first time I saw "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and I was hooked. There was something in that movie that called out to me, that touched my heart and soul in ways I could not even begin to fathom until I reached my mid 30's. And was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle through Yahoo chat. And began to learn the vocabulary to define who and what I was.

I've never looked back.

The first time I went to see it was with work friends and our boss at 16... the boss says he's in his thirties, but I doubt it . There was something very fun that I didn't quite understand about showing up to the place with a gaggle of 16 year old girls and the Boss.

 

[mango_sunrise]

i actually met my first dom at a showing of "the rocky horror picture show" and now im on cast and i had met another dom there i use the word dom loosely in this statment cause in all honestly they were just looking for a blow job

 

[TheGreyKnight]

That made me kinda hot!

Then I need to try harder.

 

[DangerousCurvz]

Then I need to try harder.

Woohoo! Feel free to try harder, and harder, and harder until you...uhm...I mean...

I am not a huge fan of RHPS. I was born and raised in a tiny little town in Southern Virginia, so I guess that explains a lot of my hang ups about things. We had one theatre and the religious set would have had a duck if they'd tried to show Tim Curry in his get-up. They aren't so uptight now, but when you come from that sort of tight restraint, you can begin to understand my fears.

 

[TerragonSix]

Truthfully, I didn't get into D/S until around 18, when a college girl got a little frisky with me with a pair of handcuffs.

Naturally, things sort of went downhill from there.

What am I now? I say I'm a switch with psuedo-dominant tendencies. I do have a submissive side, up to a point. I don't believe in the 24/7 D/S lifestyle though.

 

[RUbensBeautY]

Evolution is fun.

And a bumpy road at times! I feel still in the process of growing an evolving to be honest.

When younger, I was drawn to submissive scenarios in movies, books, stories, playing childhood games even. I have started investigating the online world of BDSM with the goal to find a cure for my deviance. I have also enjoyed a very conservative Christian upbringing that basically told me that my desires were wrong. I was determined to learn about and finally successfully overcome my inner enemy. Well, the learn about part was the one that I did accomplish and in the process I have discovered that there was no demon hidden inside, no enemy really, just another part of me not any less valuable than the one that taught Sunday School with great enthusiasm or dreamed about finding her true love. My desire for domination started to develop gradually. Actually, I sucked at being submissive too, even at the level of mind games, I was drawn to the idea but kept topping from the bottom all the time and proved much more consistent and content in a dominant role. That has been a scary realization and not easy to accept.

Once getting to accept those kinky desires as a natural and valuable part of me - and believe me, this did so not happen over night either! - I have been looking for ways to try and reconcile them with the life, future and values I have pictured for myself from a young age on.

I think I am doing quite well now. My values and the ideas of the future have of course evolved along with me but I feel that the main ideas, the basic foundation and most significant values have remained the same.

Looking back now, I can partly see how this process appears almost essential. I do believe now that for me personally, learning about myself and growing aware of my needs as a person should ideally have happened before seriously committing myself to another. I feel that it has brought along more benefits than harm and I can wholeheartedly say that I am content to have gone down this road of exploration, all my mistakes, failures, heart ache and doubts included. It has molded me into the person I am today, who looks forward to the journey of discovery that still lies ahead.

Oh, and btw, I quite like her too.

DangerousCurvz, I don't think you a freak at all and I sincerely wish you to find a similar source of learning and support on this site as did I, for the road of discovery that lies ahead for you. Enjoy your journey!

 

[DangerousCurvz]

I've really spent the last few days thinking back to my first forays into sex as a kid. I've thought real long & hard about it, and I've done a lot of writing in the past few days trying to figure out if there was some abuse or abnormality, and I am just not seeing any. I was just a normal little girl with a working class family. And I don't guess it matters.

The past few days have made me rethink my past condemnation of the lifestyles of others. I've come to the conclusion that this is my sexual orientation and I must have been born with it. So it would be wrong and quite short sighted and hypocritical of me to assume that any one who's sexual preferences are considered abnormal or immoral was evil or wicked or a "sinner".

Pardon my brain farts, but these are pretty profound revelations for me. Think Southern Baptist, INFP, good little girl who never went against her parents or the rules. That is me. And if I don't break out of this, a part of my self is going to die. Sexual orientation seems such a small thing; to prefer rough sex or painful sex over bubble gum flavored sex. But I find myself largely depressed in my life. I find that I lash out at those I love most because I feel like my life is a lie.

It's just sex, but it bleeds over into everything else in my life. For example, I find myself buying clothes based not on what I want to wear and feel good in, but based on what my family expects. How pathetic is that? Sad!

I believe that my partner has found me out. Last night during sex, he pulled my hair, which he would never have done before. It was a small thing, but it really got my motor running and I had an orgasm that was earth shattering, to say the least. How much stronger would my O's be if there were lovely silver clamps or a nice cat of nine tails involved?

Pardon me again. I don't mean to ramble this way.

 

[culloden]

I don't see an inherent conflict between bdsm and Christianity, as long as the sex is within marriage. No judgment intended there, just my interpretations.

First twinges for me might have been when I was way young - say third grade. I remember crawling naked between the mattress and boxspring of my bed, enjoying the confinement and the coarse mattress cover rubbing my penis. I had no idea why I enjoyed it. My grandmother caught me at it, and that was the end. Today, I'm somewhat of a switch, mainly a dom, and entirely monogamous.

 

[desertslave]

My first Sir, back in college, told me I was a "slave waiting to happen."

As a kid I was a tomboy. The best parts? Playing whatever pretend roles we were doing at the time (various spins on Cowboy & Indians) always led me to somehow getting captured and tied up. I loved that, loved escaping (darned boys tied lousy knots!) and loved being chased and captured all over again. Fingers tight around my writs, hands pushing me against something solid, rope around me and a tree; it was heady stuff and sure to get me hot & bothered, even if I didn't understand exactly what that was.

When I got older I loved the cheesy romances where the heroine was seduced or conquered in one way or another. I'd read my boyfriend's Penthouse and those special "letters" books (Variations?) and always look for the BDSM ones. I even tried to get my high school sweetie to tie me up a few times, but his heart wasn't in it. Luckily my first Sir saw all that pent-up need in me and became my Svengali.

 

[csassy]

Exactly!... almost

This exact thing happened to me, except in reverse! A man I was sleeping with wanted me to dominate him and that is when I found out I was more of a submissive then I thought. That night I was able to pretend and we both enjoyed it very much. But, the entire time I was so jealous of his role: being punished, spanked, tied up, begging to cum. I wanted to be in his place. The entire night I made him do things I wanted to be made to do...

After that night I wasn't able to pretend to be Dom anymore. I fully recognized my sub side and couldn't deny it any longer. We tried him as my Dom but because I knew he was pretending I just couldn't submit to him. His heart wasn't in it and so I didn't feel compelled to submit. Unfortunately, I've never been able to find someone who I can really submit to properly, who makes me want to submit (you know the scenario: I just don't have a choice I have to do what he says... and I love/hate it!)... one day !

I found out I was a Dom when a partner asked me to be submissive. They bound me up and ordered me and I complied without effort, but all I could think was "once I get out of this I'm going to make you mine." She then told me she might as well leave me there. I wrenched my way out and took her and the feeling was exhilarating.

Later this was reinforced by the first time I demanded a woman not cum. The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know.

 

[LadyC]

My only contact with any form of bondage for most of my life was in films and novels, then well into my marriage my husband suggested I play at being the Mistress to his slave. When I agreed he produced a pair of toy handcuffs and a slender three foot length of bamboo, the end of an old fishing rod. After I had cuffed his wrists behind him, he lay flat on his belly on the bed and I applied six (his count) stripes to his behind. When I finished, he rolled onto his back, and I was surprised to see he had a full erection. I was even more surprised to discover I my pussy was virtually dripping with excitement and without hesitation, I climbed atop him and roughtly rode him to a pair of delicious orgasms.

At first we only played our bondage games two or three times a month. My husband ordered some outfits for me to wear and we started playing at least once a week. Eventually, I used a wide leather belt and then one night he presented me with a riding crop. I fell in love with the fragrance of its leather and the "snap" of it striking his flesh. It was than that I realized I loved being the one in control, the Mistress of this slave-boy who was once merely my husband, the man I had vowed to love, cherish and obey 'til death......

It has only been a few months since I informed Billy-boy of my decision to take full control of him, of every aspect of his life, and his response was to drop to his knees before me and lovingly kiss my feet. I love my new self more every day, and I've begun the pleasurable task of training a lovely female, and it is a very pleasurable task indeed.

 

[PassionateStars]

Great

Great thread!

Thanks to all here!