When a story feels flat

[Emilymcplugger]

Sorry, dj, I know I just depressed the hell out of everybody here. I should go to the store now. (But I didn't write those lyrics, Springsteen did.)

Obviously NEBRASKA is arguably his most depressing album but I’d say the story he tells about therapy before a live version of that song is even more sombre…but f’kin awesome.

 

[Djmac1031]

Sorry, dj, I know I just depressed the hell out of everybody here. I should go to the store now. (But I didn't write those lyrics, Springsteen did.)

All good my friend.

Not the biggest Bruce fan, but I dig a lot of his stuff.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

All good my friend.

Not the biggest Bruce fan, but I dig a lot of his stuff.

Here’s the story (picture quality not good, story quality, first rate).

 

[gunhilltrain]

Here’s the story (picture quality not good, story quality, first rate).

I love that line, "That's what I'm paying you for." All too true.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I feel a need to cheer up people. Supposedly, REM doesn't like this song - or maybe it's just Michael Stipe. What are they thinking? First of all, it's obviously ironic. Second, I love Kate Pierson.

 

[MetaBob]

And I even almost finished it.
My problem is: it feels...flat.
...
Gonna sleep on it. Kick it around. Try and figure out that special ingredient to give it a kick.
Just hoping it comes to me sooner than later lol.

Yes, sleep on it. But sooner is not better than later, and might be quite a bit worse. IMO.

If it were me, I would put it aside for at least two weeks and as much as two months (!) and let the story work its way through you. Take notes when some insight reveals itself. If you're committed to this piece, be careful not to let something else take front-and-center while this one is on your back burner.

Again using my own experience as a guide, when I come back to a piece, I think more in terms of subtraction than addition. Extra words, phrases, etc? Cut them. What remains will be tighter. Tenser. Integrate your new ideas. Then evaluate again.

I've never had to throw anything out (I hate throwing things out), but I do have a half-dozen unfinished projects, some of which have been set aside for as much as five years. I decided to finish one last year. It became my second published novel. I still hate my decision to let it get published too early, actually -- too many things felt unfinished afterward. But I went back earlier this year and sanded rough edges until I'm finally happy with it. 10 months after it got published. My post-publication edits might never see the light of day. But at least I'm happy, and can set it aside without it continuing to weigh on whatever else I might want to write.

Maybe your process is different. Probably it is. All I can do is offer what works for me.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Obviously NEBRASKA is arguably his most depressing album but I’d say the story he tells about therapy before a live version of that song is even more sombre…but f’kin awesome.

This version of State Trooper by Deana Carter is unconventional, but perhaps better then the original.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Yes, sleep on it. But sooner is not better than later, and might be quite a bit worse. IMO.

If it were me, I would put it aside for at least two weeks and as much as two months (!) and let the story work its way through you, taking notes when some insight reveals itself. If you're committed to this piece, be careful not to let something else take front-and-center while this one is on your back burner.

Again using my own experience as a guide, when I come back to a piece, I think more in terms of subtraction than addition. Extra words, phrases, etc? Cut them. What remains will be tighter. Tenser. Integrate your new ideas. Then evaluate again.

I've never had to throw anything out (I hate throwing things out), but I do have a half-dozen unfinished projects, some of which have been set aside for as much as five years. I decided to finish one last year. It became my second published novel. I still hate my decision to let it get published too early, actually -- too many things felt unfinished afterward. But I went back earlier this year and sanded rough edges until I'm finally happy with it. 10 months after it got published. My post-publication edits might never see the light of day. But at least I'm happy, and can set it aside without it continuing to weigh on whatever else I might want to write.

Maybe your process is different. Probably it is. All I can do is offer what works for me.

I should get back on topic already. All this is worth considering. It's hard to give advice because everybody's work is so idiosyncratic - now that's a big word. Don't throw it out, but five years - that's a long wait. Maybe by tomorrow I'll think of something worth saying here.

 

[MetaBob]

This version of State Trooper by Deana Carter is unconventional, but perhaps better then the original.

Pretty sure I saw Steve Earle play a version of this last year. Here's a version from when he was young:

Here's Drive-By Truckers ("State Trooper" starts 6:00 in):

Other versions in my library:

Cowboy Junkies

Ryan Adams, who covered the entire album even though he has plenty enough great songs of his own:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsvBrpuv_ewrfQ_xBb8-IRVtvE6U_b-FC

 

[MetaBob]

Don't throw it out, but five years - that's a long wait.

It's the sequel to Crossings, Book 4 of Real Amazons, Real Magic. Its first chapter was tough enough sledding that it ground to a halt, though I did manage to finish that chapter later. By then, though, the diversionary second piece that became my first published novel was in full swing, and I haven't really looked back. Being published on Literotica is wonderful, and honestly I think that some of what I posted here before I became a published writer is some of my best stuff, if sometimes maybe too playfully experimental, but being published and being able to hold the books I wrote in my hand, and getting paid for it, feels so much more like full circle. I intend that one of the six unfinished pieces I have in hand will be published here, plus maybe a Halloween story I've been noodling with this year, but yeah, I like being published.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Going into a dark house and not knowing what a light switch is, works much better.

It's okay, it's just the cat.

There's a hilarious American TV commercial where a bunch of young people are being chased by a serial killer, and instead of opting for the car with its engine running they decide to hide in the shed full of chain saws. It pretty much sums up the way things happen in those movies.

Is that really the wrong choice, though? Several young people armed with chainsaws > several young people counting on the car engine not to cut out at the worst moment. At least if the chainsaw dies you still have a bludgeoning weapon.

 

[Bramblethorn]

My problem is: it feels...flat.

It's not really a stroker, so not a ton of sex.

And that's due to the intentional choice i made.

It has a conflict. But I feel I just kinda jumped straight to resolving it.

I still like the concept. I even like what I've written.

I just don't LOVE it.

I still have time, can think it over, maybe find a way to spruce it up.

What do you do when a story feels incomplete, or just not right?

Mostly give it time to stew, maybe try rewriting it. It often takes a few false starts for me to figure out how I want to tell the story. If there's a very specific problem with it that I can articulate, I might throw that to a friend to see if they have ideas, but if it's just "this feels flat" it's probably not ready for that yet.

 

[MrPixel]

OK, this thread (and the goofy solutions we presented) inspired an unexpected ND story. Lots of inappropriate nudity, and a healthy amount of sex. 4K words in an afternoon and evening. I'm having fun with it.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Okay, dj, the problem with these threads is that people often tell you what they do, which may or may not work for another person. It's like those threads, "I've never written before. How do I do it?" Sounds simple enough, and I'll jump in, but then I'm not sure if I can explain it.

All right, I'll mention a couple of things anyway. I will usually write at least a little about six days out of seven. It may just be to make a list of notes, thoughts I've had, so I won't forget them. Often I start writing the story below the notes in the same file. That helps me get a clue as to where I'm going with it.

At the moment, I have two active submissions in progress. (One of them is an essay.) Two documents is about the most I can handle at the same time.

The last two times I remember feeling that a story was not working out, I tried for a while to fix them and finally I decided to just leave them. One of those was an essay too. That one I may or may not get back to.

That's what I've got for you right now.

 

[Djmac1031]

So, update:

I've read all replies, although haven't had time to respond to all.

But I've gotten some good advice and a little inspiration.

So I've been working on it, off and on. Tweaking some things. Editing some things. Adding others.

Walking away from it, coming back to it later.

I still have time before the contest deadline, I'm feeling confident I'll finish it by then.

And that it will be better. I'm already happy with some changes. And have more ideas in store.

 

[gunhilltrain]

So, update:

I've read all replies, although haven't had time to respond to all.

But I've gotten some good advice and a little inspiration.

So I've been working on it, off and on. Tweaking some things. Editing some things. Adding others.

Walking away from it, coming back to it later.

I still have time before the contest deadline, I'm feeling confident I'll finish it by then.

And that it will be better. I'm already happy with some changes. And have more ideas in store.

I must have missed something (too much posting!); which contest is this?

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I must have missed something (too much posting!); which contest is this?

It’s the haunted house, Bruce Springsteen, hitchhiker, pit, whip and the pendulum contest.

It’s me favourite.

 

[onehitwanda]

It’s the haunted house, Bruce Springsteen, hitchhiker, pit, whip and the pendulum contest.

It’s me favourite.

Nun in the crotchless wetsuit!

 

[Djmac1031]

I must have missed something (too much posting!); which contest is this?

Nude Day Contest. Starts in June I think.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Nude Day Contest. Starts in June I think.

Thank you. I didn't even attempt to get involved with that one.

 

[gunhilltrain]

It’s the haunted house, Bruce Springsteen, hitchhiker, pit, whip and the pendulum contest.

It’s me favourite.

You've got all that in one story? You must be tongue-in-cheek. So the haunted house is in Freehold, NJ? Despite what some people believe, Springsteen did not grow up in Asbury Park.

Looks quite a bit better than where I grew up.

https://www.architecturaldigest.com...reehold-new-jersey-just-sold-for-dollar225000

 

[MrPixel]

You've got all that in one story? You must be tongue-in-cheek.

You have to browse the first two pages of the thread to get the joke.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Pretty sure I saw Steve Earle play a version of this last year. Here's a version from when he was young:

Here's Drive-By Truckers ("State Trooper" starts 6:00 in):

Other versions in my library:

Cowboy Junkies

Ryan Adams, who covered the entire album even though he has plenty enough great songs of his own:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsvBrpuv_ewrfQ_xBb8-IRVtvE6U_b-FC

I guess I should comment on some of these, and continue to hijack the thread. So there is someone else who likes the Drive-By-Truckers. I knew about The Cowboy Junkies, but I don't think I've heard them before. That's Margot Timmins? Still think that Deana Carter did it better.

A Drive-By Truckers video where the visuals consist entirely of aerial photographs. Yeah, pretty clever.

 

[gunhilltrain]

You have to browse the first two pages of the thread to get the joke.

Maybe I will, later. There are only ninety-nine posts here, so far, when probably half that number would be sufficient.

 

[Djmac1031]

Maybe I will, later. There are only ninety-nine posts here, so far, when probably half that number would be sufficient.

A quick browse is all you'd need, it's pretty easy to identify where it starts to go off the rails, and who the culprits are