What Would You Do?

[His_kitty]

Has there ever been a time when you knew - from personal experience- that someone was a player?

That they weren't up front and honest about who they were.

That they lied and deceived about their situation, whether it was if they are married or involved with someone seriously.

Or perhaps they were playing around with more than one person and all involved thought they were the only ones?

Do you keep quiet because you either don't wish to get involved in drama or you doubt that anyone would believe you?

Or do you tell everything you know and warn others that could possibly get hurt?

This is for real life as well as online.

 

[MissTaken]

I try to stay out of things, even if I know someone may get hurt. Perhaps that sounds like the easy way out, but we all are taking that risk everytime we get involved.

NOw, that response is in general terms. However, if the player is screwing around in a way that would hurt a true friend, I might gently point them in a direction where they could see what was happening, or bring it up as delicately as possible.

I don't know for sure.
I have never really been in this situation.

Then, another thought...if it were me that were being played the fool, I would want to know.

*Giggles* HOw is that for the least straight response you will see.

 

[lavender]

Tough question His_Kitty. There are times and circumstances that have made me keep my mouth completely shut.

But, there are other times when I have said something. Of course saying something got me in a helluva lot of trouble.

You see those who are playing blame everyone but themselves when they get caught.

I would want to know.

 

[Kitte]

It is often said that they shoot the messanger. So I have tried to avoid being the messanger but sometimes when you know someone you care is being played the risk of being shot is worth it to avoid them getting hurt.

I think this ESPECIALLY pertains to online where it is easy to hide if you are involved with multiple people.

And sometimes you just want to out them. Just so they have to either pickup their own mess or just be shown as the loser they actually are rather then the suave sweetheart they pretend to be.

 

[freakygirl]

I used to get involved.. then I lost a really good friend. Now I stay out of it.

 

[Wiggles]

If it was remotely personal I'd investigate, and then call them on it and tell the people getting played.

If it's none of my business I'd watch from the sidelines.

 

[lavender]

It kinda depends on the circumstances.

 

[Debbie]

I agree with lavender.
Having been in the situation
of finding out someone was playing around
in real life and telling the friend and then having
everything blow up in my face?
I think seriously about saying anything.
It's not that I don't care, it just seems to me that sometimes
the partner of the player just doesn't want to believe.
And the messenger gets 'shot.'

If it was my partner playing around I would want to know.

 

[Nora]

Ahh... My favorite subject! Call them players, call them manwhores, call them scum-sucking toads of universe...whatever works.

I think they should all fry in public hell.

As to your question, in both real life and online, I weigh the damage/potential damage factor to the woman. I don't give a rat's ass about the "man", obviously. If I feel that it's early enough for her to be able to avoid further pain, embarrassment and heartache, I tell her as soon as possible what I know, how I know it and with whom she can verify what I've told her.

If she's in deep already, it's harder. You can try guilting the man, but that rarely works. They (players, manwhores, scum-sucking toads of the universe) have no conscience, afterall.

Put yourself in the woman's spiffy sling-backs. In her position, would you wanna know? If so, how would you wanna be told?

My only words of wisdom having been there, done that are: a) know that you're going to be hated by the woman afterwards. She'll be embarrassed and hurt and she'll transfer that to you. Hopefully eventually that will burn off. b) Do it privately to avoid hurting the women by making their embarrassment public. As good as it would feel to publicly out the scum-sucking toads, it never works out well to do so.

 

[J.B.]

I have a cousin who thinks he’s the best thing that ever happened to women. He knows how to sweet talk them and make them think that they’re his sun, moon and stars, and that there’s no one else but her. He’s full of shit is what he is. I let him lead his life and don’t get involved, but I refuse to introduce any of my female friends to him. I’m not getting involved with that mess.

 

[penguindance]

 

[His_kitty]

All sound advice and believe me I've thought of most of the things that were brought up.

I can't or maybe its that I don't want to get into much detail here, but I have very high suspiciouns about someone. Now I'm not one to jump the wrong conclusions about someone, I tend to actually go the other direction. I give people tons of chances, I reason away my instincts when they scream bloody murder.

But you know how you just feel as though something is off with someone? Things don't add up, you're told one thing then the next day its something completely different. I'm not a stupid woman, I observe way more than I think most realize. lol And I have a memory like an elephant.

I'll say this though, I wish someone had warned me.. because I'm sure that there are others that knew.

 

[scylis]

i would put my boot up his backside! and i wouldn't trust him as far as i can throw him, and throw him i shall!!

 

[cybergirly]

I've been in that situation a couple of times. It always gets ugly, but if she's my friend.... I have to tell her.

I look at it like this: If it were me I'd want to know, and although it might put some strain in my friendship with the person who told me, it would be no where near the hurt and anger I'd feel if I found out later that they knew and didn't tell me.

 

[Nora]

Then directly ask the people whom you think have information. Most people might decline to put themselves in the line of fire voluntarily, but if you ask them outright they'll likely help either confirm or deny your suspicions.

 

[J.B.]

I know someone who basically did the same to me. He was sweet, made me fell gorgeous, talked as if I were it. Then I come to find out it’s his staple everywhere. Meh forget his ass.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Hillbilly_Honey]

If it involves someone that I care about, I can't help but get involved. Thats just my personality. I tend to try to gently "suggest" things to people if I know they're being played or if the possibility of that is there. I would expect close friends to do the same for me. Otherwise, I don't get involved.

 

[fgarvb1]

I see it all the time.

Most of the time i can tell only by talking to someone if their a player or not.

I keep my mouth shut.

 

[Agent99]

This is a great topic. I waffle on this issue nowadays because I once told a very good friend about her at-the-time boyfriend who became her husband. He was all lovey dovey and sweet and charming to her and her friends. Too much so.

I discovered his fondness for female attention on a few occasions. I debated about telling her. Finally, when he actually hit on me, I no longer had any reservations. I shot him down and informed him that I was going to tell her. He laughed.

I waited to calm down, but I did tell my friend and being the bearer of bad tidings, I was the one to bear the brunt of her anger. She went on to marry the scumbag and began distancing herself from me. No doubt, with encouragement from him.

He began cheating on her before the ink on the marriage certificate was dry. She didn't find out until she caught him in flagrante delicto. I am sure that if she hadn't seen for herself, she would never have believed any of us.

I am not sorry I told her. However, I am sorry that I couldn't think of a better way to open her eyes and help spare her the pain he caused later. I don't hold any grudge against her for blaming me and kicking some of her friends to the curb. We still hang out, but the friendship has been harmed and altered somewhat.

It has served to make me more cautious. So much so, that if anything similar should occur, I don't know what I would do.

 

[His_kitty]

Well I think it would take me eons to tell all the women, and yes this is something online that I'm talking about. lol

I'm not someone who likes confrontations, I'd rather just walk away and not look back..

I think for the most part that people are pretty much who they say they are here. But there are those bad apples that can taint everything.

I had a conversation with someone today and I thought to myself, should I say something? Should I warn her?

Admittedly I was naive.. I didn't follow my gut instincts. I didn't watch and learn more before I extended my friendship. I have only myself to blame for that.

It isn't so much about me, because I'm out of that situation. But I think about what if I had actually honest to goodness started to really care for this individual. How hurt I'd be. What if the next girl/s do?




Nora I considered doing that, but the only person I know of for certain that had involvement wiht this person no longer posts here.

 

[Nora]

Always go with your gut. If you see a guy with the online version of a lipstick smear on his collar, there's probably a reason.

Even if the one you *know* had information is gone, there's probably others whom you suspect have information. There's nothing wrong with PM'ing/emailing them, explaining that you're not sure, that you have these suspicions, what they're based on, and would they please help you figure out if what you're thinking is true or not. Assure them that whatever they say will be held in confidence and KEEP TO THAT PROMISE!

On the other hand, if you're already sure, PM me the info and I'll start the ball rolling on blackening the fucktard's name with all the girlies behind the scenes.

 

[Hillbilly_Honey]

I think if you were talkin to someone who was potentially interested in this person, and she was asking your opinion, then it would definitely be ok to give a friendly lil "warning". Then let her make up her own mind.

 

[His_kitty]

Always go with your gut. If you see a guy with the online version of a lipstick smear on his collar, there's probably a reason.

Even if the one you *know* had information is gone, there's probably others whom you suspect have information. There's nothing wrong with PM'ing/emailing them, explaining that you're not sure, that you have these suspicions, what they're based on, and would they please help you figure out if what you're thinking is true or not. Assure them that whatever they say will be held in confidence and KEEP TO THAT PROMISE!

On the other hand, if you're already sure, PM me the info and I'll start the ball rolling on blackening the fucktard's name with all the girlies behind the scenes.

Well when I was involved in this situation I had considered doing that. But I don't really know very many people here, and figured that they wouldn't give me the time of day. Also I took into consideration that I was just wrong, what if these horrible suspiciouns I had were in error? I'd very possibly lose a good friend because I was being silly.

One of my new promises to myself is to always listen to my instincts. To stop worrying that I might be unfair to someone for no reason. Not to be rude or anything, but to be more on guard and alert.

I don't plan on embracing everyone I talk to and think they are just being honest with me, that their words are honest and true. I realize that not everyone is open like I tend to be, I don't see the point in lying. I have to much going on in my life to try and keep up with fibs.

 

[Rambrat]

Unfortunately, your experience of being played may be an isolated case in how this individual treated you. It's not fair and shows a lack of character on his/her part. But generally, it appears that people will try to get away with whatever they can.

You can give your opinion to a friend that may be involved...but they may not believe you if you accuse this person outright of being a player. Your friend may see it as sour grapes.

Remember...she may be romantically involved.